Under My Skin (12 page)

Disgust at himself filled Sebastian. He was better than that. What Beck had done had hurt, yeah. It had torn him up and his last words in the letter he'd left had been the final blow, stealing the last remnants of Sebastian's pride. And wasn't that exactly what Beck had wanted to do? Of course it was. And he'd played right into it. Basically, he'd let Beck win.

He still had questions about Dylan, but he had a gut feeling the answers were going to be much less sinister than he'd imagined. But whatever the case might be, he'd damn well give the man a chance to answer them, even if afterward Dylan never wanted to see him again.

The knot in his gut gave a sickening lurch at that thought.

He hoped it wasn't too late. But if it was, just like with all the rest of his screw ups, he'd have no one to blame but himself.

Knowing what he had to do, he stood, shoved his feet into a pair of running shoes, and grabbed his car keys.

A half-hour later, as he drove down Dylan's street and pulled up to the curb in front of his house he was struck again at how comfortable Dylan's neighborhood was. Most of the trees had already fully leafed out, and their huge branches reached out over the yards and the street with welcome. Unlike the cold emptiness of Sebastian's townhome, which had never really been home again after Beck had gutted it, Dylan's house, yard, and neighborhood felt warm and inviting.

He climbed the few steps up the porch to the door and, seeing no door bell, knocked, not certain how Dylan would react to seeing him.

When Dylan didn't come to the door, Sebastian hesitated, not sure whether to knock again or not. Maybe Dylan hadn't heard him, but maybe he had and just didn't want to answer.

Or maybe he wasn't home at all.

He lifted his hand and rapped again, louder this time. But when he still got no response, his stomach churned with anxiety.

“Please don't shut me out,” he whispered.

He stepped off the porch, uncertain what to do. The garage door had no windows, so he had no way of knowing if Dylan's bike and SUV were in it. Then he spied the gate at the side of the house that led to the privacy-fenced backyard and saw it was unlatched and open halfway.

Again, though, he hesitated. If Dylan was inside and didn't want to see him, what would he think if he saw Sebastian boldly roaming his backyard uninvited?

It doesn't really matter, does it? He hates you already anyway after the way you treated him.

With a heavy sigh, he stepped through the gate and into the well-shaded backyard. The warm spring weather continued to hold, but it was cool in the shade. Sebastian was glad he'd taken the time to pull on a sweatshirt before he'd left home.

His heart lurched when he saw Dylan sitting on the top step of the low, redwood deck, his head resting on his folded arms atop his knees. The late afternoon sun shone down on him, capturing the burnished highlights in his hair.

He looked... exhausted.

He had every right to be. He'd driven to Poplar Bluff and back, which was a good two or three hours each way, he was worried about his mom, probably hadn't gotten a lot of rest while he was gone, and then he'd come to see Sebastian, who'd torn him a new asshole for something he hadn't ever done and accused him of being a world-class son of a bitch.

Sebastian grimaced, knowing Dylan had every right to kick his ass right back to the curb. Almost wanting to kick himself back.

Dylan didn't move as he approached, and it wasn't until Sebastian sank down on the step next to him that he realized Dylan's eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and even.
Asleep
.

But what tore at Sebastian's heart was the tear that had slid down the man's cheek and dried there.

In sleep, Dylan's face had a vulnerability to it that Sebastian had never seen on him awake. Under the sexy, outgoing, mischievous skin he usually wore in public, a gentle, tender man and lover dwelled. Sebastian had seen it, felt it in every fiber of his being, yet he'd been so damned quick to sweep that aside and assume the worst when he'd seen that stupid picture. Dylan was right... he probably had been desperate to find reasons why he couldn't be with Dylan. Because being with Dylan meant opening himself up again to trust. And that had scared the hell out of him.

He'd so fucked this up.

A stuttered sigh shook Dylan's shoulders, and everything in Sebastian wanted to reach out to him, smooth a hand over Dylan's hair, offer comfort. But he didn't. He didn't want to wake him, and he'd pretty much shot to hell his right to touch the man.

When Dylan's eyelids fluttered open and his gaze locked with Sebastian's, Sebastian's breathing stalled out. Hurt flared in the hazel orbs, but not the fury or disgust Sebastian had expected to see, that he deserved to see.

Dylan lifted his head and rubbed his eyes and face, then his gaze slid back to Sebastian. “Hey,” he said, his voice too quiet.

“Hey. I knocked, but then I saw the gate unlatched... ”

Dylan nodded.

Sebastian took a deep breath, trying to pull air into his tight lungs, knowing the time had come. “I'm such an ass.”

Dylan studied him for a few seconds, then nodded. “Yeah.”

Sebastian nodded, too, squeezing his eyes closed, knowing he deserved that and more. “I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. How's your mom?”

“She's doing okay. She has a weak heart. Always has. She's been on medication to control everything for years, so they're not sure what happened, but they're doing tests and working it out.”

“I'm sorry she's in the hospital.”

“So am I. I love that woman.” His voice cracked, and it sent a wave of tenderness through Sebastian. How could you not love a man who cared for his mother?

“You were right about everything you said earlier. I jumped to conclusions I never should have.”

“When you saw the drawing, why didn't you just wake me up and ask about it?”

“I don't know. I saw it and I thought the worst and then I just wanted to get out. And from there, several things came up that seemed to corroborate it, which made it even easier to believe.”

“What things?”

“You said you were doing some interviews to hire someone new. If you expanded, you'd need more tattooists.”

“I am hiring someone else. Because I just did expand... from the tiny house where I used to have my shop, to where I am next door to you. My schedule is booked weeks in advance now and my only options were to not take any new clients, give up my weekends and start working seven days a week, or find another artist to help me. Hiring someone was the only choice I could make. But I have plenty of room for him or her in my existing space.”

Sebastian gazed out at the hammock stretched between two trees in the yard.

“What else?” Dylan prodded.

“Ander told Joanie that you had some renovations scheduled, that a contractor was supposed come to this week.”

“That's right. There are parking spaces behind our building that aren't being used because no customers want to park back there and have to walk all the way around, especially in the winter. Those spaces are going to waste right now, while the front lot's congested. So I got approval from the building owner to have my back storeroom door converted into a second customer entrance. That way some of my customers can park in back and free up space in the front for the other stores.”

Sebastian stared at him, his heart thudding. “You noticed the parking issues?”

Dylan's dark brows drew together. “Of course I noticed.”

“I thought... ” Sebastian shook his head. Another check-mark in Sebastian's stupid assumptions column.

“You thought I hadn't,” Dylan said with a sigh. “That's part of what you've been so mad about at the store, isn't it?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian whispered. Could he sink any lower?

“Why didn't you say something? I could have told you about the door and the spaces in back two weeks ago. That's when I started working on getting approval for it.”

“I did try to talk to you about it. That's why I went to see you on Friday, but then with Babs and... everything, it wasn't the right time.” He lowered his face into his hands and dug his palms into his eyes.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dylan asked, his voice sending rippling jolts of energy through Sebastian without even trying.

“Anything. At this point, I've screwed up so much, the least I can do is be honest with you.”

“Who was he?”

Sebastian didn't have to ask what he meant. “His name was Beck. I dated him for a while, then we lived together for about a year.”

“Let me guess... tattooed, rode a motorcycle?”

“Yes. And he was a manipulative, lying thief. He basically used me to pay his bills and bail himself and his business out of trouble, then when he'd sucked me dry, he took off. Along with all the money in my bank account, my credit cards, and anything of value in the house.”

“Jesus.”

“And, yeah, before you say anything, I'm supposed to be this smart guy, right? Except if I'm so smart, why did I let him get away with the bullshit he pulled? Why didn't I see it coming and get the hell out? Why did he— ” He winced and swallowed back the hot lump of emotion that filled his throat.

Dylan's hand settled on the back of his neck, startling him. He'd never expected the man to touch him, to
want
to touch him again, and the feel of his fingers brushing at the fine hair at the nape of his neck humbled him. And turned him on. God, he was a mess.

“What else happened with him?”

Sebastian closed his eyes, fighting the ugly memory of that stupid letter.

“I came home from work fifteen months ago and found out what he'd done, that he was gone. He left me a letter.”

Dylan's fingers continued to stroke his neck in a smooth, gentle motion that felt so good Sebastian wanted to curl up next to Dylan, with Dylan's arms around him, and sleep for a week. Well, maybe not only sleep.

“That's ballsy. What did it say?”

“Basically, thanks for being such a convenient sucker. And... ”

“And?”

He tried to breathe through it, not let it bother him, just like he'd tried to do so many times in the past. But he never managed it. “And... ‘Surely you didn't think I actually liked fucking you, did you? A geek like you? I had to... ‘” Sebastian swallowed hard and fought the sting of tears, hating himself for being so weak, for letting Beck get to him. “'I had to pretend every time I was with you. Then my friends and I... we'd laugh about it later.'”

A sob shook Sebastian's shoulders and in spite of his best intentions, the damned tears slipped free.

Dylan pulled him into his arms. “That fucking low-life
bastard
,” he growled against Sebastian's ear, holding him close.

Sebastian leaned into him, and Dylan pressed his lips to Sebastian's temple, then tilted his chin and lowered his mouth to his in a fierce, yet gentle kiss that turned Sebastian's heart inside out.

“You listen to me,” Dylan continued, the look on his face as fierce as his kiss had been. “He was an asshole working you to get a reaction. He wanted you to feel like shit because that's what people like him do. But it was all a lie.” He folded Sebastian back in his arms. “All a lie. Don't you dare believe anything he said.”

“I know. I finally figured that out, but... ”

Dylan was holding his face again, cradling it between his palms, brushing the dampness off his cheeks with gentle swipes of his thumbs. “No buts. The fucker's gone from your life now, right?”

“Long gone.”

“Good. So right here, right now today, we're going to take his filthy words and dump them. Forever. And then... ” Lines furrowed Dylan's forehead and his eyes filled with an emotion that turned everything inside Sebastian to liquid heat. “And then, if you're willing... maybe you can let me help you make new memories?”

“What are you saying?” Sebastian asked, hardly daring to breathe.

“I'm saying... I still want to be your right decision.”

“But... the way I've treated you. The things I said to you earlier today.”

“I didn't love it. But I do understand it now. And isn't that part of having a relationship? Talking it out? Forgiving?”

Sebastian's heart pounded. “You want a relationship? With me?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Dylan's voice was confident, and his expression... his expression made Sebastian's blood roar in his veins.

Dylan leaned closer, filling the space between them with his heady scent. “You're the only lover I've ever had who's ever made me want more, Sebastian. I'm willing to take it as slow as you want. But I promise, I'm not him. I would never intentionally hurt you.” His voice hitched and his eyes shimmered with a breath-stealing mixture of tenderness and raw desire. “God, how could I ever hurt you when all I ever want to do is this?”

His lips captured Sebastian's and, as the kiss deepened, the last of Sebastian's fears slid away into the balmy afternoon air. Relief and another warm, swirling emotion pooled in his belly, then worked their way up to his thudding heart.

“Take me to bed. Please.”

“Jesus, I thought you'd never ask.”

Dylan pulled him up and toward the house, through the French doors, and began stripping him the moment they were inside. Sebastian did the same with him until they were nude. And then they were pressed together, hands eager, mouths hungry.

Drunk with passion and... yes, damn it, with love, Sebastian wasn't sure how they made their way to the bedroom. But suddenly the bed was pressing against the back of his knees. Then Dylan was pushing him backward into the tangle of soft pillows and covers, spreading his legs, and leaning over him like some gorgeous, hazel-eyed Adonis.

With an appreciative smile, Sebastian admired Dylan's beautiful bobbing dick, and remembered all over again how damned good it felt thrusting deep inside him.

“I knew the moment I met you that you were going to get under my skin.”

Dylan's grin was pure sexual sunlight. “Oh, baby, you have no idea... ”

Award-winning and bestselling author M. L. Rhodes has been writing for a living for nearly thirteen years. Along with the erotic romance fiction she currently writes for Amber Quill Press, she's also published everything from poetry, to magazine articles, to traditional romance, to steamy romantic suspense novels. In her fiction works, her characterization and emotional storytelling have received high critical acclaim from such places as
Romantic Times Magazine, The Romance Studio,
and
JERR
and have garnered her numerous awards in the writing industry.