Under the Cornerstone (12 page)

“He’s not mine!” I scream louder than I need to over the music.

“Since when?” he gets down in my face.

I push him away from me. Scratch that, I attempt to push his big ass away to no avail.

“Putting your dick in someone doesn’t mean shit!” I yell at him on the verge of tears.

“It is when a man looks at you like that,” Sabrina jumps into the mix.

I throw my hands up. I’m confused and… fucking angry. I admit it. I hated seeing him with someone else. I don’t know why. I’ve seen him with probably hundreds of women over the course of fifteen years. It never really bothered me before.

Fuck.

Listen to yourself, Noely. It never really bothered me before.

“Fuck!” I scream out to no one.

Jimmy takes a step back and stares me down. I stare back into his eyes.

“He’s not mine!” a tear slips down my face.

“Yeah? Who was turning on a fan and an air conditioner for you this morning? Who got out of bed to wet a towel for you? Who made you comfortable? Who brought you water? Who made you okay? Who was awake watching you while you slept? Who did you fall back asleep wrapped around?”

“It doesn’t mean anything!” I tell him.

“Then why are you crying, Noely baby?”

“Because I guess I thought it did. Because I don’t know why I thought it did. I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t know anything!” I finish.

Jimmy looks on at me with pity in his eyes, “She’s your fucking substitute. She’ll never be you. If he wasn’t hung up on you, then why didn’t he tell you about her? He’s been putting that shit off for over two months, Noe.”

Chapter Thirteen

Roxy grabs me by the arm, slings me around to face her, and looks me over.

She looks over at Jimmy, brings her mouth to his ear to speak, and then we’re following him away from the bar. Away from the alcohol I want to drown my little soul in.

I’m led out the front door, around the alleyway again, and behind the RV the guys have been touring in. Jimmy hands Roxy a key. Sabrina unlocks the door, and waves us both in leaving Jimmy to apparently guard the door.

Roxy and Sabrina assess me, and then Roxy puts her ridiculously long manicured fingernail in the air, parts her mouth to speak… but doesn’t. She drops her hand, closes her mouth, and looks over at Sabrina.

“Fuck it!” Roxy says. “Thing is… you’re in love with Johnny. You may not completely get that yet. I get that. But you are. He’s in love with
you
. You may not get that yet either, but there it is. Tonight is not a night for acceptance. We didn’t have enough information to accurately form a plan of attack, but now we do. We have a limited amount of time to plan, but goddammit, we’re planning!” She throws her hands in the air dramatically, and adds, “Get Crawford in here for interrogation!”

Sabrina quickly fetches Jimmy from the other side of the door. He walks in and takes a seat on a small couch.

“Spill it, Crawford,” she points her finger at him.

“I’ll answer anything I can,” he says.

“What’s her name?” Sabrina asks.

“Anna Belle,” he answers.

I snort and roll my eyes, “That sounds like a cow’s name.”

“Agreed,” Roxy says. “Is Johnny dating her or fucking her?”

“They’ve been dating for a little over two months,” Jimmy answers.

“And why hasn’t he told Noely?” Sabrina asks with anger.

“Why the fuck do you think?” he asks.

“He’s in love with her, too,” Sabrina answers.

“Bingo!” Jimmy lifts his hands above his head as he shouts it.

“Bullshit,” I retort.

“Think what you want, Noely baby, but I’ve never lied to you before,” Jimmy tells me.

“Enough of this love shit. I can’t work with love right now,” Roxy says. “I’m working on Noely. So, here’s what we’re going to do…” She pauses, “Do you want to feel the way you do right now, Noe?”

“No,” I pout.

“But you do.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want that man-thieving cunt to know she got to you?” she asks.

“She didn’t steal him,” I correct her.

She looks over at Jimmy, “Did that cow steal Noely’s man?”

“Fuckin’ A she did,” he answers with a grin.

I roll my eyes again.

Roxy continues, “Thing is, I’m not letting you walk in there looking like a fucking chump. We’re on Team Noely tonight. Johnny fucked up. Got me?” she asks Jimmy.

Jimmy looks confused.

Roxy sighs, “We’re going back inside to hang out with the band before the show as planned. Noely is going to go in there like the bad ass bitch she is. She will not show that whore an ounce of distress. Where’s this bitch from?”

“Mississippi,” Jimmy answers with a smile.

Roxy turns to me, “Is she from fucking Brooklyn?”

I frown, “No?”

She continues on her rant, “No. She. Is. Not. We’re going to show her what Brooklyn bitches are made of. No bullshit. Zero fucks. You smile, pretend like you’ve heard all sorts of amazing shit about her and her stupid fucking name, and then we’re going to get you shitfaced and we’re going to party like fucking rock stars. In the meantime, Jimmy and the guys will run interference whenever needed. Right?” She asks Jimmy.

“Right?” He answers hesitantly.

I mean, she is a little bit scary right now. He’s probably getting a hard on, which is why he can’t answer correctly, but I’m not aroused. She’s got balls I’d like to remove and attach to myself right this minute.

“You text the rest of those rock stars and let them know what’s up. There should be minimal interaction between Johnny and Noely. Team Noely,” she repeats.

“Team Noely,” Jimmy seconds.

“Team mother fucking Noely!” Sabrina thirds.

“I want to go home,” I say.

“Bitch, this is a motivational speech. You can’t end it with ‘I want to go home’,” Roxy informs.

“But your balls are bigger than mine,” I tell her through a tequila buzz.

Jimmy laughs like hell, “The things you never think will come out of a woman’s mouth.”

“My balls are big? Who has been on her own since she was twelve? Who lived on the streets in Brooklyn at twelve and survived in the dead of winter? Who took her orphaned ass to college and graduated with honors? Was it Annie Belle?!!” She screams at me.

“Anna Belle,” Jimmy corrects her.

“What-the-fuck-ever,” Roxy rolls her eyes and waves her pointy fingernails in the air. “She do all that shit, Noe?”

“I’m guessing not?”

“No. She. Did. Not. Who has balls?” She asks me.

“Me?” I answer.

“Do not question whether your balls are bigger than hers. Ever!” she raises her voice.

“This is getting weird,” Jimmy comments.

“You wore a mask for twenty-six long years, Noles. Tonight, you put it back on when you need to,” Sabrina steps in and speaks my language.

“I can do that,” I tell her.

“With big cajones,” Roxy adds.

“Right,” I reply.

“Let’s go see this inbred hick,” Roxy turns on her heel.

“That’s not nice,” I say. “I’m sure not all southern people are inbred.”

I’m half-buzzed and a little overwhelmed, so thinking back I probably should not have taken up for Annie Belle.

“I’m sure 99% of Mississippi is not inbred, but she stole your fucking man. Only some low-down, inbred, skank, disrespectful, illiterate, Confederate-flag toting, moonshine-making, alligator-hunting, cracked-out, trailer park pass-around-pussy steals a man who is in love with another woman,” Roxy says and then takes a deep, audible breath.

Well, that was motivational.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Jimmy looks up at her with awe.

She looks back down at him with a glare and speaks between clenched teeth, “Team Noely.”

Jimmy smiles even though I think he should be scared.

“Team Noely,” he says.

“Woot! Woot!” Sabrina adds.

Roxy tells Jimmy to lead us back into the building while my two girlfriends flank my sides. I walk down the hallway of doom to the band and Annie Belle. I should purposely fall on these heels and twist my ankle so I can go home.

Avoidance is completely healthy in certain situations, right?

Jimmy opens the door to the room the band hangs in until the show.

“Where the fuck you been?” Ryan asks him.

“I found three beautiful women,” Jimmy says.

“Noely baby!” Ryan greets and jumps up from the couch to greet me.

I bury my face in his chest so I don’t have to look around the room just yet.

“I got you, Noles,” he whispers in my ear.

I nod so he knows I hear him.

Rich greets me next.

“Noely,” I hear
him
call out to me.

With my smile firmly in place, I turn to face him, “Hey, you.”

His steps falter until he stops, “I…”

I interrupt Johnny by looking around him with this stupid smile on my face, “You must be Annie Belle.”

I walk to greet her and her smile lights up, “It’s Anna Belle. It’s so nice to finally meet you! The guys talk about you all the time.”

They don’t talk about you. Isn’t that funny?

“I’ve heard a lot of great things about you as well. It’s nice to finally meet you,” I speak formally and shake her hand.

She’s pretty. Long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a body a little smaller than mine.

“I’m glad we get to party together tonight,” she replies.

“Finally!” I fake excitement.

Roxy and Sabrina join in and ease my discomfort by introducing themselves to Anna Belle. I spend all of ten minutes faking it when I’ve decided I’ve served my sentence.

“I’m going back out to the bar,” I announce to no one in particular.

“Noe…” Johnny begins as I walk towards the door.

Jimmy’s loud mouth drowns him out, “Fuck yeah! Noles is getting fucked tonight!”

Luckily, his big ass body blocks Johnny physically from me as he escorts me and my two friends out.

“Noely,” Johnny says from the door as we enter the hallway.

“He’s not going to stop,” Jimmy says as he looks down at me. “You’re going to have to say something to him.”

I know he’s right, and as Johnny calls out to me one more time I stop my exit and turn on my heel. I smile back at Johnny.

“Make beautiful music tonight, Johnny Love,” I tell him.

“Come ‘ere,” he looks on at me with a pained expression.

I hesitate.

“He’ll search you out until he gets what he wants. You know how he is with you,” Jimmy says quietly.

I know he’s right again, so I begin to move towards Johnny. I’ll throw my arms around his neck quickly, tell him good luck, and move on with my night on this side of the stage. Five steps before I reach him, Anna Belle exits the room and tucks her body into his like she’s been doing it her entire life. She smiles up at him like he hangs the fucking moon. The thing is, they look good together, but Johnny briefly closes his eyes when she settles into him.

When he opens them, I see something I can’t decipher, but it’s deep and it hurts.

“Good luck,” I plaster the smile back on that fell from my face. “Welcome home.”

I turn back to my friends and walk away from him while I die a little inside.

Blood Feather plays one hell of a show. They’re better than I remember. I guess they’ve gotten a lot of practice being on stage in the last six months. Normally, I’d stand on the side of the stage and get lost in the music with Jimmy. Tonight, I argue with Sabrina and Roxy until they leave me at the bar and stand in my place. I was prepared to throw a hair-pulling temper tantrum until they left me to myself, but one strategic look and they let me be. I don’t mind sitting here alone, taking shot after shot, drowning in my own pathetic misery as the man I might be in love with sings, and the girl he might be in love with is on the side of the stage… where I used to stand. God, his voice is so fucking raw and beautiful, but I’ve always known that.

Maybe it’s good that I’m on this side of the stage now. This is where I belong. I’m no longer in the inner folds of Blood Feather. I have no ties to the band itself, just the people in it. I need to know what it feels like on this side of the stage, what it feels like to be put in my place. A place I never really questioned until I saw him with Anna Belle.

God, her name is horrid. It makes me want to vomit.

“Hey beautiful,” Some guy calls out as he sits next to me.

I ignore him.

“What the hell are you doing by yourself, kitten?” he asks.

Kitten? Bleh. I take another chug of my beer.

“What’s she drinking?” he asks the bartender.

He’s a persistent one.

I look up to find my favorite bartender, Donnie, staring back at me. Then he turns his attention to the stranger, “She’s on the house tonight. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let it stay that way.”

“I can’t buy a beautiful woman a drink?” the stranger gets pissy.

Here we go. My dick is bigger than yours, blah, blah, blah. Eye rolling is commencing as I take yet another drink.

“Look, motherfucker, you’re in my bar. You can stay in it if you walk the fuck away, or I can remove you from it, if your ears aren’t working so well,” Donnie tells the asshole and I hear a glass slam down on the bar.

Uh oh.

“It’s cool, Donnie. No fights tonight,” I slur.

“You want another drink, sweetheart,” the little fucker pesters again.

Apparently when you’re going through an existential crisis like I am at this very moment… Am I in love with my best friend?... Does he love the girl with a cow’s name?... That crisis. When you’re in the midst of one of those nasty little fuckers, the fuse on your ticker must be shorter. Mine has never been this short in the past, but it is. Only I don’t realize it until all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean Blood Feather, Jimmy, Donnie, Saul, five bouncers, Sabrina, Roxy, and a bunch of other guys who are actually friends with the asshole.

At the word sweetheart, I slam my beer on the bar, turn to the decent looking guy and tell him, “Fuck off.”

“What in the fuck did you just say to me?” He seethes and grabs my arm so hard I know it’ll bruise.

I twist out of his grip and shove him with both of my hands in his chest.