Under the Hawthorn Tree (7 page)

‘During this time my father was being criticised in the provincial and metropolitan newspapers. The pages and pages of articles got steadily more offensive, saying his lifestyle was seedy, that he had seduced and raped nurses, secretaries and office workers. My mother struggled on, but she was defeated finally by what she believed was my father's betrayal. She took a white scarf, and with it, ended her life. She left us a note: “Though pure in essence, when of impure destiny, and when born at the wrong time, regret can come only after death.”'

Jingqiu asked quietly, ‘Did your father really do those things?'

‘I don't know. I think my father loved my mother, although he didn't know how to love her in the right way, in a way that satisfied her. But still, he loved her. It's been years since my mother died, and my father was reinstated at an early stage. Lots of people tried to set him up with other women but he has never remarried. My father is always saying that Chairman Mao understood life when he said, “Victory comes only after further struggle.” Sometimes when you feel you have reached an impasse, when you think there is no hope left, if you struggle on a bit more, and a bit more, you'll see the glimmer of success.'

Jingqiu was shocked that he'd experienced such sorrow. She wanted to comfort him, but didn't know what to say. They walked on in silence until he surprised her with a question: ‘Can I come with you to Yichang?'

‘Why do you want to come with me to Yichang? If my mother sees, or my teacher or classmates, they'll think . . .' She broke off.

‘What will they think?'

‘They'll think, they'll think . . . well it would create a bad impression.'

He laughed. ‘I've scared you so much you can't speak. Calm down. If you say I can't come with you I won't. Your words are my command.' He continued carefully, ‘Then can I wait for you in town when you come back? You'll be using this road on the way back, won't you? How can I relax knowing you're walking back this way alone?'

She was grateful to him for obliging her. She said he couldn't come with her to Yichang so he wasn't coming. ‘I'll be on the four o'clock bus tomorrow, so I'll arrive at five.'

‘I'll wait for you at the station.'

They carried on, happy in their silence, until Jingqiu said, ‘Tell me a story. You've read so many books, you've probably got lots of stories stored up. Tell me one.'

He told her a few stories, and after each one came to an end Jingqiu prompted, ‘Another one?' They continued in this way until finally he told her a story about a young man who, in order to further his father's career, had agreed to marry the daughter of his father's boss. But because the young man was not in love he was forever postponing the wedding. Then, one day, he met a girl that he really did fall for and wanted to marry. The only problem was that when the girl found out that he was engaged she told him she could not trust him.

At this point, he stopped.

‘And then what? Finish the story.'

‘I don't know the end of the story. If you were that girl – I mean, if you were the girl that the young man fell in love with – what would you do?'

Jingqiu pondered his question. ‘I think, if that young man could go back on a promise to another girl, then . . . if I were that second girl I wouldn't trust him either.' She had a moment of suspicion. ‘Is this your story? Are you talking about yourself?'

He shook his head. ‘No, I took it from books I've read. All love stories are much the same. Have you read
Romeo and Juliet
? Romeo really loves Juliet, right? But you mustn't forget, before meeting Juliet he liked another girl.'

‘Really?'

‘Have you forgotten? Romeo first meets Juliet at a party where he's gone to find another girl, but when he sees Juliet he falls in love. So, can you say that just because he let the first girl down, he was definitely going to do the same to Juliet?'

Jingqiu thought about it, then said, ‘But he didn't have time to let Juliet down because he died so soon after meeting her.'

‘I've just thought of the ending to my story: the young man goes crazy and tries looking for the girl everywhere but can't find her, and unable to live without her, he kills himself.'

‘You've definitely made that up.'

On Thursday afternoon Jingqiu ran to the long-distance bus station and crammed herself into the last bus headed for Yiling. But the plans she'd made with Old Third hadn't allowed for the possibility of the bus breaking down on an empty stretch of road far from any village, or for it being stuck there for over an hour before the bus rattled into action again. Jingqiu was extremely anxious, for it would be past seven before they got to the town, the station would be closed, and who knew if Old Third would still be waiting. If he's gone, I've got no way of getting back to West Village, she thought. I'll have to find somewhere to stay in town. But she had very little money. If absolutely necessary, I'll have to use the change left from what Auntie gave me for Lin's wool.

As the bus approached the station she was relieved to see Old Third standing in the yellow light of dusk, underneath a street lamp, waiting for her. As soon as the bus stopped he bounded up and eagerly squeezed along the middle of the bus towards her.

‘I thought you weren't coming or that the bus had crashed. Hungry? Let's find somewhere to eat.' He took her bags, smiling. ‘So much stuff? Are you carrying things for other people?' Without waiting for an explanation, he grabbed her hand and led her off the bus to find a restaurant. She tried to tug back her hand but he was holding it tight, and as it was evening, she figured no one could see anyway, so she let herself be led.

The town was small and most of the restaurants had closed for the evening. ‘If you've eaten, we don't need to find somewhere,' Jingqiu said. ‘I can eat back at West Village.'

Old Third pulled her by the hand. ‘Come with me, I've got an idea.' He took her to an area of farmland on the outskirts of town. As long as you had money there was always food to be found. After walking a while he saw a house. ‘This one. The house is big, and so is the pigsty, so they'll have some leftover pork. Let's eat here.'

They knocked on the door and a middle-aged woman opened it. On hearing that they were looking for food, and seeing coins gleaming in Old Third's hand, she led them into the house. Old Third gave her some money, and the woman started to prepare the meal. Old Third went to help to light the fire, first sitting on a pile of hay in front of the stove. Like a seasoned expert, he stacked the firewood and lit it, and then pulled Jingqiu to sit beside him. The heap of hay was small so they had to squeeze together to fit, but despite having to almost lean against him, she wasn't scared or nervous. After all, the people in this house didn't know them.

The light of the flames from the stove flickered on Old Third's face and he looked particularly handsome. Jingqiu kept stealing glances at him, as did he at her. When their eyes met he asked, ‘Are you having fun?'

‘Yes.'

Jingqiu had rarely had such a sumptuous meal. The rice was fresh, simply boiled and delicious, and the dishes were flavourful and fragrant: one bowl of pan-fried tofu, one of bottle-green oily spinach, some pickles, and two handmade sausages. Old Third gave them both to her. ‘I know how much you like sausages, so I asked especially, saying if she didn't have any we'd go elsewhere.'

‘How do you know I like sausages?' She couldn't eat both, he had to have one.

‘I don't like them that much, honestly. I like pickled vegetables, we don't get them at the camp.'

She knew he was just saying that so she would take them both. Who doesn't love sausages? She insisted that he eat one, and that if he didn't she wouldn't eat any either. They squabbled until the woman, looking on, laughed. ‘You two are so funny. Do you want me to cook another two?'

Old Third quickly pulled out some more money. ‘Cook two more, yes, we can eat them on the road.'

After they had finished he asked Jingqiu, ‘Do you still want to go back today?'

‘Of course, where else would we go?' she said, startled.

‘We could find somewhere to stay.' He smiled, then said, ‘Let's go back, otherwise you'll worry yourself sick about what people will say.'

When they got outside he took her hand saying it was dark and that he didn't want her to fall. ‘You're not scared of me holding your hand like this, are you?'

‘Uh-uh.'

‘Has anyone ever held your hand before?'

‘No. Have you ever held someone else's hand?'

It took some time for him to reply. Eventually he said, ‘If I had, would you think me a villain?'

‘Then you definitely have.'

‘Holding hands and
holding hands
are two different things. Sometimes you do it because of responsibility, because you don't have a choice, and sometimes you do it . . . out of love.'

People usually used other words, not love. Something caught in her throat as he said this. She fell silent, unsure of what he would say next.

‘There's the hawthorn tree. Do you want to go over and sit for a while?'

‘No. Lots of soldiers were killed there, and in the dark, it'd be scary.'

‘You believe in Communism and ghosts?' he joked.

Jingqiu was embarrassed. ‘I don't believe in ghosts, I just don't like the darkness of the forest, that's all.' Suddenly she remembered the first time she'd seen the hawthorn tree and asked him, ‘The day I came to West Village, I thought I saw someone standing underneath the tree, wearing a white shirt. Did you stop at this tree that day?'

‘Someone in a shirt on such a cold day?' Old Third said. ‘They'd have frozen to death. Maybe one of the Japanese soldiers' wronged spirit looks like me. Maybe that day he appeared, and you just happened to see him, so you thought it was me. Look! He's appeared again.'

Jingqiu didn't dare look around. Frightened, she started to run, but Old Third pulled her back into his arms, and holding her tight, he whispered, ‘I was joking, there's no such thing as wronged spirits. I only said it to scare you.' He held her for a while, and then joked again, ‘I wanted to scare you into my arms. I had no idea you would start running in the opposite direction. Obviously, you don't trust me.'

Jingqiu buried her head in his chest. She couldn't pull herself away – she really was scared – and so dug herself deeper into this body. He pulled tighter, until her cheek found itself up against his heart. She had no idea men's bodies smelt like this, so indescribably wonderful that it made her giddy. She thought, if I had someone to depend on and trust, I wouldn't be afraid of the dark, nor of ghosts. Only of other people seeing us.

‘But you're scared too.' She raised her head to look up at him. ‘Your heart is beating very fast.'

‘I'm really scared,' he said. ‘Listen to my heart beating, beating so hard it's going to jump out of my mouth.'

‘Can your heart jump out of your mouth?' Jingqiu laughed.

‘Why not? Haven't you ever read that in books?'

‘It says that in books?'

‘Of course. His heart was beating so fast it was almost in his mouth.'

Jingqiu felt her heart, and with a hint of suspicion asked, ‘It's not fast, certainly not as fast as yours, so how could it nearly be in my mouth?'

‘You can't feel it yourself? If you don't believe me, open your mouth and I'll see if it's in there.'

Before she had time to react he had already leant down to kiss her. Jingqiu tried to force him off. But he didn't pay any attention and continued kissing her, stretching his tongue so far into her mouth that she almost gagged. It's obscene, how can he do this? No one had ever said that kissing was like this. He can't be doing this for any honourable reason, she thought, so I'll have to try to stop him. She bit together so he could only slide his tongue between her lips and her teeth but his assault continued, and she continued to lock her jaw shut.

‘Don't . . . you like it?' he asked.

‘No.' That actually wasn't the truth. It wasn't that she didn't like it, it was just that the way it made her feel, the way she wanted to respond startled her. It made her feel wanton and depraved. She liked having his face close to hers, she liked discovering that a boy's face could be warm and soft; she had always thought them cold and hard like stone.

He laughed, and relaxed his hold a little. ‘You're certainly making me work hard.' He put her backpack back on. ‘Let's go.' For the rest of the way he didn't hold her hand, just walked beside her.

Jingqiu asked cautiously, ‘Are you angry?'

‘I'm not angry, I'm just concerned that you don't like holding my hand.'

‘I didn't say I didn't like it.'

He grabbed hold of it. ‘So you do like it?'

‘You know so why ask?'

‘I don't know, and you're teasing me. I want to hear you sayﾠit.'

Still she didn't answer and he persisted in squeezing her hand as they walked down the mountain.

The man who operated the small ferry had shut down for the day. ‘Let's not shout for the boat,' Old Third said. ‘There's a saying around here to describe unresponsive people, it goes, speaking to them is like calling for the ferry after hours. I'll carry you on my back instead.'

As he spoke he took off his shoes and socks, and after stuffing his socks into his shoes he tied them together with his laces and hung them around his neck. Next he fastened his bags around his neck in a similar fashion. He knelt down in front of her so she could climb on, but she refused. ‘I'll go myself.'

‘Don't be embarrassed. Come on, it's not good for girls to walk in cold water. It's dark, no one can see. Jump up.'