Undertow (27 page)

By the time they finally reached the beach, the weight of the past year had lifted. Marissa ran ahead of Jim to the beach, stretching her arms out and spinning around in triumph. “I beat you, you stupid beach. I’m here!”

Jim threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah! You rock!” He ran to her side and lifted her up by her hips. When her feet touched ground again, he tilted her chin up and kissed her.

That kiss was reward enough for coming back to Ecola, she decided.

They walked along the water’s edge for a long while without either of them speaking. She loved that about Jim, how he gave her space to think. Drake always filled all the empty spaces in their lives; like her mother, he couldn’t stand silence. It was weird to imagine being with Drake now. How could she have ever been so despondent over him that she would be driven out here to nearly drown? Then driven out of her mind to nearly lose herself completely?

Drake. Just a guy. A guy she didn’t love anymore, didn’t give a rip about, in fact. Let Kelly have him, she decided, and hoped he’d treat her friend better than he had her. Kelly deserved someone who treated her well.

Her stomach grumbled loudly enough to be heard over the soft lapping of the waves. Jim turned to her and grinned.

“Lunchtime?” 

They walked up the beach toward the base of the cliff. From his backpack, Jim produced a blanket and the picnic they bought at the deli back in town. He spread the blanket out beside a log and beckoned her to join him after he plopped down, crossing his legs casually and leaning back against the log.

Handing her a Gatorade, Jim raised his in a toast: “To victory!” They tapped their bottles together and he leaned over to kiss her before unpacking the rest of their lunch.

Marissa was barely aware of his body beside her as she chewed pieces of her sandwich. She regarded the sea, transfixed by the waves and the memories of the last time she sat on this beach and looked out at the water, seeking her merman. Could a girl really lose her grip on reality so easily? A bewildering mix of shame and longing swirled in her head. The image was so vivid; perhaps dreaming the same scene night after night carved it deep into her brain. But there was a visceral quality to the memory; she could
feel
the cold water pressing in on her and her impending death. Then, inexplicably rescued. By a mythical creature of incredible beauty
,
no less. How humiliating to have so completely lost her mind in a romantic fantasy.

“Babe, where’d you go?” Jim nudged her arm. “Lost you again.” He smiled when she met his eyes.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “Just thinking.”

“Yeah. That’s what I guessed.” His voice was gentle. “I know this is hard for you. It’s okay.”

“See, that’s the problem, Jim.” She sat upright against the log and pivoted toward him, intently searching his face. “You
do
know. You know . . .
everything
. Everything about my crazy, messed up life.” She studied her hands. “I can’t understand  how you’d ever want to stick around.”

“Hmm. Yeah, that’s a hard one.” Jim stuffed the wrapper from his sandwich into the backpack. He scooted over until their legs touched and wrapped his lanky arm around her shoulders. “Cause I love you, sugar. That’s why I want to be with you. Always. Wish it wasn’t so hard for you to get that.”

Marissa felt tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “I—”

“Shh.” Jim stood up and reached down for her hands. He pulled Marissa to her feet and kissed her. “I love you.”

Without warning, he dropped to his knees. Kissing each knuckle, he stared up at her. The playfulness in his eyes made her heart lurch, and she gazed down on his sandy curls, spellbound. He was even more beautiful than the creature in the sea.

 “Marissa.” His voice deepened, all the playfulness stripped from it. “There’s something I want to ask you.” He took a deep breath and met her eyes. “Will you marry me?”

The tears finally spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. With them, the joy she’d locked away for so long was released. Joy, and hope. “But Jim—”

Alarm spread across his face. “Say yes, Marissa. Please. I’ll make you happy, you know I will.”

She thought about this a lot lately, how she couldn’t inflict her problems on him. It wouldn’t be fair. “Jim, I love you. I do. But I can’t marry you. I’m . . . sick. You know that.”

He tugged on her, pulling her down so they are eye to eye. Grabbing her head in his hands, he said, “No, Marissa. Don’t say that. Yeah, you have some problems. So do I. Everybody has issues.”

“But—”

“And I want you to be my wife, after we’re done with college. I don’t ever want to be without you.” Jim kissed her again. “Say yes. Please?”

Marissa contemplated the new current beckoning to take her someplace new, a place even more mysterious and frightening than the sea. Pausing for a moment, she looked into Jim’s eyes and gathered strength from the love she saw there. She surrendered.

“Yes!”

They lay together on the beach for the rest of the afternoon, watching the waves until the sky assumed a subtle tinge of orange that warned of sunset. While Jim gathered up their blanket and water bottles and shoved them into his backpack, Marissa surveyed the ocean with one long last look, the sea that had nearly consumed her all those months ago and had haunted her since. It led her through the undertow into an abyss in her mind she never knew existed, one that lay in wait, always threatening.
How ironic
, she thought. Her real rescue came months later, on land. In the arms of a real man, not some insane fantasy she made up
.

As Marissa began to turn away, she caught a glimpse of something in the water, out near the breakers. She squinted. Gone. Then, there it was again, unmistakable: a torso, a head. Translucent skin, shimmering in the water. A hand, reaching up.
Waving?

She blinked hard.

Still there.

A smile spread across her lips and she began to laugh. Jim turned his head to look at her. “Hey. What’s the joke, sugar?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged and slipped on her jacket. “Thought I saw something in the water.”

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Yeah? What kind of something?”

She shook her head. “Probably just a sea lion.”

Marissa laughed and waved at the ocean, then turned her back to the water and took Jim’s hand. They walked together toward the trailhead, leaving the sun to set alone over the waves and the deep gray world beneath them.

To all those who dream of magical creatures,

true love, and

the

possibility

of a life well lived.

Acknowledgments

Much gratitude to the countless individuals who contributed to the completion of this novel. First and foremost, my patient and loving husband and children, who endured months of my obsessive writing and revising. After my longsuffering family, those who buoyed my creative efforts include the many wonderful writers and friends who offered their advice and encouragement. Love to all who toil to bring stories to life. Lastly, a special thanks to my mother, for kindling the dormant spark. Thank you for teaching me compassion and forgiveness.