Authors: Annalisa Nicole
She loosens the knot in my tie and slowly pulls it through. She wraps the ends around her hands and pulls me close, kissing my lips. Letting go of one end, she slowly runs the silk fabric across the back of my neck then tosses it to the floor. Her lips come to mine again; her fingers go to the top button of my dress shirt, she unbuttons one button, then another, each slow and torturous. She untucks my shirt from my pants one side at a time, grinding her ass in my lap. She runs her hands up my chest, under my shirt, up and over my shoulders pushing my shirt behind my body. She sits up on her knees and watches as she pulls it down the back of my arms. I bring my wrists between us; unhook my cuff links and the buttons, removing my shirt completely. I reach for the button on her pants, unbutton and unzip them, exposing the top of her lacy neon orange panties. I run my finger just under the delicate fabric and she exhales a sigh. She grabs the bottom of my t-shirt and pulls it over my head. Slightly bending, her lips come to the center of my chest. She kisses up and over to my collar bone. Her tongue trails on the top of my shoulder, up my neck, then over to my jaw and into my mouth. Lying down, I take her with me, never breaking our kiss. My hands trail down the exposed skin of her back, under her panties, then down her legs. Her hips grind into mine, her hand comes to my face, her hair cascades down the side of her head.
She trails short kisses down my jaw, down my throat, then down the mid line of my chest. When she reaches my pants, her hands come to my belt and zipper. I lift my hips as she pulls down my pants and boxers. She comes back to my face, and kisses my lips.
I turn her over and remove her pants and panties completely. There she is, lying in my bed, open and beautiful, just for me. I kiss her as she writhes and grabs at my back. Her hands go to the back of my neck, massaging, running through my hair. I nose her chin up and kiss down the side of her neck.
“Aiden,” she whispers.
I take a nipple in my mouth and she sighs. I knead her breast and suck hard, then lick her smooth skin. I run my hand down her stomach, splaying it flat, then around her waist, down her ass and down her thigh. She’s so on fire, she can’t keep still. She’s panting in desperate anticipation. Coming up the front of her thigh, I find her wet. I rub her sweet little nub in small circles.
“Oh, Aiden,” she whispers.
I position myself over her and rub my tip on her entrance.
“Yes,” she whispers, pushing her hips up to meet me.
“You’re so beautiful,” I tell her. She whimpers. Slowly I push inside an inch, then back out half an inch.
“Uh,” she sighs in protest, pushing her hips up again. I push halfway inside her. God, she feels so perfect. I pull half way out; her lips come to my ear, her hot breath exhales in my ear wanting more. “Please, Alden,” she begs. Quickly I enter her, rooting myself deep inside her. “Yes!” she screams, meeting me thrust for thrust. Her hand slaps on the mattress, then she pulls my hips in with every inward thrust, harder and harder. Her finger tips dig in my ass cheeks.
“You feel so damn good,” I tell her.
Her fingernails rake up my back. I bury my face in her neck and lick up her jaw. I lift my chest off hers so I can see her. I need to see her. I need to see what I do to her, because I know what she’s doing to me. Her face is filled with pleasure, mouth slightly open, panting. She grabs her breasts, massaging them hard as she raises her hips to meet mine. Her panting starts to get quicker as she builds and comes closer to her release.
“Aiden,” she moans, removing her hands, fisting them in the sheets.
I take a nipple in my mouth and gently roll it between my teeth, then lick softly. I go to the other nipple as her insides convulse and she moans with an explosive orgasm.
I remove myself all the way to the tip, then thrust back inside, once . . . twice . . . the third I root myself all the way and come, whispering her name. She pulls me in tight as I throb inside her. She gently places a kiss on the top of my shoulder. I look in her eyes, then kiss her on the lips.
“I better get cleaned up,” she says. I roll to the side and let her up, but grab her hand before she leaves. She turns and looks at me with a smile. She leans back down and kisses me on the lips, then I watch her perfect, sexy ass walk to the bathroom and close the door.
Savvy
What did I just do? I can’t let this happen. How can something that feels so right be something that I can’t have? I’m no good for Aiden. I’m trash. It’s fun to pretend, but that just crossed over the line. ‘
I can dream, can’t I?’
It’s mechanical, it’s mental, sometimes it’s physical, but it never means anything. Usually afterward I zip my pants, or theirs, and I go home. And definitely always with a condom! It’s never been emotional. What just happened out there was indescribable. It felt right and perfect and I want to go back out there and do it again. I need to go home. I need to get as far away from Aiden as I can. He deserves so much better than me. The zoo, the family, dinner, the movie, those are things that happen to other people. Every time I let myself think that those types of things can happen to me, I end up literally losing my shirt. It’s not even the clothes, or the things that I lose that gets me. This time it’s my heart that’s at stake. I’ve guarded my heart since I was ten. I can’t give that to anyone ever again. It died with my mother, that’s what I told myself. Slowly over the last few days I’ve felt it come alive. This can’t happen. It needs to stop.
I start to pace Aiden’s bathroom. I see my toothbrush in his holder and my things on his counter. All reminders that I’ve let this go too far. Shit, I don’t have any clothes in here. I look at the towel hanging on the rack, then at the window to my left. I could sneak out the window and just disappear. I can get a new place and a new job. That will protect Aiden from me.
I roll my eyes at myself. What good will that do? I still have school; my scholarship is only for that school. I’m not letting anything stand in the way of that. Besides that, Aiden knows where I go to school. I bite my thumbnail and try to come up with another plan. I turn around to pace back toward the door, when my heart jumps out of my chest.
“Is everything alright in there?” Aiden asks, gently knocking on the door.
“Uh, yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,” I tell him.
Now what do I do? I use the bathroom, then wash my hands. I crack the door open to look for Aiden. He’s lying in bed, the sheet covering him from the waist down. He has my side of the bed sheets pulled back; he smiles that killer smile at me that melts my reserve every time, then he pats the mattress next to him.
“Come to bed, baby,” he says in a husky voice
.
‘I can dream, can’t I?’
Those words roll through my thoughts pulling me so easily back into my fairytale. I find my feet taking one step in front of the other to his bed. I put one knee on the mattress, then the other, and lay down next to him. The heat from his chest on my back feels incredible. How can this be wrong? He covers me with the sheet, then pulls my hair to the side, tucking it between us. He places a soft, warm kiss on the center of my neck, leaving his lips lingering there. He trails down to my shoulder, then brushes them back and forth. He places one more soft kiss on the top of my shoulder, then lays his head down on his pillow.
I squeeze my eyes closed hard. I’m such an easy fool. Aiden squeezes me tight to his body, then wraps his arm around my chest. I kiss his wrist, and within five minutes his warm, even breath is steady on my neck. He has a slight snore with every inhale, but even that is comforting.
I lay for hours going over all the reasons I shouldn’t be in this bed with this amazing man. I can list a million reasons, all of them a reflection on me. I’m damaged, broken, tainted goods. There’s only one reason why I should be here, the one that keeps playing over and over in my brain. I’ve always been the dreamer, always thinking that my Prince Charming will show up one day and whisk me away to my happily ever after. I’m thirty-five years old, if it hasn’t happened yet, it never will. ‘
I can dream, can’t I?
’ It will always just be a dream.
As I count the million reasons why I’m just not good enough, still I find myself threading my fingers in Aiden’s hand as he sleeps.
I must have fallen asleep; there is soft, scratchy stubble around smooth, warm lips running up and down the top of my arm. I open my eyes and see my fingers still threaded in Aiden’s.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he says with a kiss.
It was as physical as any beating I’ve ever taken from a man. It was a compliment, but felt more like the most painful lie I could ever tell myself. It was so painful I couldn’t control the whimper that escaped my lips. I need to tell him now, before I lose my confidence and start listening to the delusional, whispering fantasy of my inner child.
“Aiden,” I start.
“Do you have class this morning?” he asks.
“No, but Aiden, I need to . . .”
“Good, I thought we could pick up a quick bite to eat, then head up to Mt. Rainier. Amelia and Kyle love it up there and go hiking all the time,” he says.
“I don’t have hiking stuff. Besides, I should . . .” I start to say.
“You don’t need hiking stuff. There are trails for everyone. Have you ever been to Mt. Rainier?” he asks, looking at me with a smile.
“No, but . . .”
“It’s settled then. Go get in the shower, we’ll make a whole day out of it,” he says, kissing me on the cheek. “I just need to call Asher and tell him I’m taking a personal day. Go on, shower. We’ll grab some coffee and breakfast on the way.”
He kisses me one more time, jumps out of bed, grabs a pair of basketball shorts, puts them on low around his waist and leaves the room. Well, that didn’t go very well. I slam my hands on the mattress and stare at the ceiling. Why is he making this so hard? I shower, then wrap a towel around myself. I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and I’m just about to start brushing my teeth, when Aiden comes in the bathroom and turns on the water in the shower. He slides his shorts down his legs and steps out of them. I swallow hard, and put the toothpaste down on the counter. Absent minded and distracted, I haven’t even put any toothpaste on my toothbrush. He turns around and steps in the shower gracing me with a shot of his beautiful ass. I put the toothbrush in my mouth and brush in small circles locked in the trance of Aiden’s glorious ass. He pours shampoo in his hand and lathers up his hair. He eyes me out of the corner of his eye and offers a sly smile. I pretend to still be brushing my teeth. His hands glide over his slick chest, down his stomach, then down his legs. He looks at me again, and I realize I’m not even moving my toothbrush anymore.
I start to brush my teeth again, but continue to watch in fascination. He rinses off and turns off the water. He grabs a towel from the hook on the wall and dries himself. He wraps it around his waist, then steps out of the shower. I lean over the sink and spit, then rinse my mouth. When I stand back up, Aiden is standing right behind me, no towel, just gloriously naked. The heat from his body is radiating through my towel, warming my skin. I look at his reflection in the mirror. His smoldering eyes are looking back at me. They’re hungry and I find myself wanting to feed his every desire. He rubs his hands down my arms, then back up and over to my towel. He grabs the end of the towel that’s tucked under and gently pulls it out, letting it fall to the floor.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, kissing the top of my shoulder.
My mouth hangs open like a fish out of water, so desperate to tell him he’s wrong. There must be something wrong with the mirror he’s looking into. The woman I see looking at Aiden is trash. The index finger of his right hand comes to the side of my neck and trails down my collar bone. I watch the reflection in the mirror as my need for him grows in my belly. His finger trails down the side of my breast, making my nipples rock hard. His finger continues ever so softly down my side, over my hip bone then down my thigh. I swallow hard again. He makes me feel so good. He makes me want to believe him, that I am beautiful. I follow his finger with my eyes. It disappears around the back of my thigh. His feather light touch crosses my butt cheek to the crack of my ass.
“Look at me,” he says in my ear. My eyes come up to the mirror and look back at his. “You’re beautiful, Savvy. Say it out loud, I want to hear you say it,” he says.
Never in a million years will he get me to say to myself that I’m beautiful. I stopped lying to myself about myself years ago, I know what I am.
His lips go high on the back of my neck, sending delicious shivers down my spine. “Say it, I want to hear you say the words,” he whispers.
I shake my head no, as a single tear falls down my cheek. He turns me around in his arms and thrusts his tongue in my mouth. I want to believe him. I want to believe that I’m beautiful, and that a man like Aiden wants me. He breaks the kiss and looks at me. He grabs my thighs and lifts me on the counter, leaving me open and vulnerable to him. I want him. I desperately need him right now. His hand comes to my throat. I turn my head to the side as his other hand goes to my inner thigh. He’s so close, I can feel myself swollen, wet and begging for his touch.
He doesn’t touch me where I need him to. Instead, he takes himself in his hand and grips firmly. I find myself panting wishing he were inside me. I need him inside me, like I need the air that I breathe. Girls like me don’t get the beautiful men like the one in front of me. “Say you’re beautiful,” he repeats again. He strokes himself. I grip the sides of the counter and shake my head no. I can’t say that, but I want him, I need him now.
“I’m . . .” I choke out in a loud exhale. I just can’t say it. Those words can never roll off my tongue.
“I want it all, I want to hear you say you’re beautiful, Savvy,” he says, stroking himself just an inch away from my entrance.
I pant and scream in my head. I’m not. I’m just not what he wants me to be.
“What are you to me?” he asks, differently this time. To him? What am I to Aiden? To him I can be beautiful. Through his eyes, I can. He moans as he strokes himself. My hips grind on the counter, I need him. “Say it out loud. What are you to me, Savvy?” The way he says my name, the way it rolls off his tongue, it resonates in the whispers of my thoughts, ‘
I can dream, can’t I?
’ “Oh, God, say it, Savvy,” he says, stroking himself again.