Unfamiliar (17 page)

“Yeah, everything’s great,” he said unconvincingly. I spent the rest of the ride trying to decipher what could possibly be going on without much luck.
 

He had made reservations at a nice restaurant--an expensive one on The Plaza. As we walked in, I immediately wished I would’ve dressed up a little more. I felt very plain in my sweater dress and knee-high leather boots.

When Braxton gave the hostess our name, she greeted us with a little too much enthusiasm and her eyes lit up expectantly. I thought it was a little strange but remembered the type clientele she was used to dealing with; most wealthy people came to expect the extra attention. She led us to a private table in the back that had a beautiful centerpiece made out of red roses and white baby’s breath. Braxton always got me roses for special occasions--I never had the heart to tell him that I hated roses. Sure, they are pretty and smell nice but they are just so cliché. Daisies were my favorite.

Soft classical music played in the background and the dim lighting of the room made it all quite romantic, but despite the romantic nature of our surroundings the butterflies were noticeably absent.

The waiter came over almost immediately, another overly enthusiastic smiler, to take our drink orders. I nibbled on a breadstick as I browsed the menu.

“Did you see that William C. Lancaster has a concert in the city next week?” Braxton asked conversationally. I gulped down some water. What if he wanted to go to make up for last time?
  

“Um, yeah. Actually Tessa and I and a couple friends from school are going.” I hoped he couldn't hear how nervous I was. I was a terrible liar. I wasn't even sure why I was lying to him. Okay, so maybe I knew exactly why I was lying to him—and for that reason alone I knew I
should
tell him the truth, but I still didn't say anything about Chase.

“Oh.” I couldn't tell if he was more disappointed or relieved.

“I mean, I didn't think to ask you because I knew how miserable you were at the last concert.”

“It wasn't that bad.”

“Braxton, I think I remember you snoring through most of it,” I teased him.

“Okay, so it's not exactly my scene but I know how much you like the guy so I would suffer through it again for you.” He smiled.

“Well, there's no need for that.” I tried to keep my tone light. “No reason to torture yourself for my benefit.”

The waiter brought out our salads and we started to eat in silence. I could feel the table shaking and knew that Braxton was bouncing his knee like he did when he was nervous or impatient. He didn’t say anything, but I knew something was up.

“Braxton?” I asked. “Seriously, what's going on?”

He smiled an adorably nervous smile that I was familiar with. “I was going to wait until dessert but I’m too excited.” He stood up, pushing his chair back ever so slightly.

“You’re freaking me out.”

“Hailey Jean, I have loved you for over half of my life. I cannot tell you how happy you have made me. I know that we are young, but I also know that we are supposed to be together and I don't want to wait any longer to start my life with you. Will you marry me?”

There was he, kneeling before me with a glittering, round-cut diamond ring. Now, even I knew that when someone proposed to you, you were supposed to feel excited, elated, happy--butterflies should have been gleefully fluttering around in my stomach. But in reality, all I felt was numb-and a little sick to my stomach.

“Oh God,” I gasped. I had to tell him, but I wasn't really sure how to say it. All I knew was that I owed it to him—he deserved to know the truth. “I don't know what to say.”

“Hailey, you're kinda freaking me out now.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked.

“Well I asked didn't I? I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't sure.”

“I know, but we're so young. There's no reason to rush into this.”

“It's not like we weren't already planning to spend the rest of our lives together anyway. I just wanted to make it official.”

My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I might throw up because last night I was making out with another guy and today my boyfriend is asking me to promise to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't deserve him at all.

“I kissed Chase. Or I guess Chase kissed me. It's all sort of a blur,” I blurted out, and I heard Braxton's sharp intake of breath. That was definitely not was he was expecting to hear at this moment, and I know he never imagined that I would do something so awful. “And it doesn't matter who kissed who—all I know is that we kissed and now I'm just so confused.”

“Confused about what?”

“About everything. About you—about him. About who I am and who I want to be.”

“All that from just one little kiss?” He laughed humorlessly.

“Don't joke.”

“I'm sorry. I just don't understand what's happening here,” he said softly. “Do you have feelings for him?”

“I don't know.” I paused, realizing that I couldn’t admit the truth to Braxton. I already felt bad enough as it was. “But I don't think I can say yes to you. You deserve better than me.”

“God, Hailey. I don't—I can't—“ He blew out a gush of air, closed his eyes and tilted his head up toward the sky for a minute. When he looked back down at me, there was nothing but love and understanding in his eyes. “Do you need some time? Is that it?”

“I don't know.” It was the truth but I hated that it was.

“Okay then. Take all the time you need to think about it. Do whatever you need to do because I know that eventually you will come back to me and be my wife.”

We didn't talk much after that. To say things were awkward would be an understatement. I wasn't sure what was supposed to happen after you tell your boyfriend of nearly five years that you aren't sure if you're ready to get engaged. He seemed to take my reluctance to accept better than I would have guessed. He must be pretty confident that I'd come around to the idea of being someone's fiancé at eighteen-years-old.

“Aren't you mad at me?” I asked him as he pulled into the front of my dorm.

“I'm not mad. I'm disappointed, Hay. Okay so I'm a little pissed you kissed another guy but it was one time thing—a mistake. It's okay, I can forgive you for that. I know that you're it for me so it's upsetting that you're having doubts.”

“It's not that I doubt it—“

“I know that. Do you think we're too young to get married? Is that it then?”

“Yes,” I said clinging to the excuse because it was far more reasonable than I had a crush on someone else.

“And you're right, we are young. I'm not saying we should get married tomorrow—but I also know that we belong together.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I knew he was being far more understanding than I deserved. Braxton had been the only constant in my life, the one thing I had always been able to depend on.

But with Chase--it was like there was this invisible elastic rubber band around us and as much as I tried to fight it, to pull against it, I couldn't help but be thrown back into him.

And the harder I fought, the stronger the whiplash.

“I'm sorry for ruining everything.”

“You didn't ruin everything. You'll make the right choice. We both know we belong together. I'll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.”

I brushed the tears out of my eyes. I wasn't even sure why I was crying. I'm the one who hurt him, yet he was being so understanding and hopeful that everything would work out. Unfortunately, I wasn't as hopeful. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.
  

I knew I needed to figure out what I wanted so as soon as I returned to my dorm room, I sent Chase a text.

If you still want to go with me, I want to go to the concert with you.

His response came a few minutes later.

Pick you up at 7

And with his response came the butterflies.

Chase

I’d never really cared what I looked like, but for some reason I’d spent close to an hour coordinating my outfit for tonight.

Eventually, I’d settled on a white button-up shirt, black dress pants, and a black tie. I’d wanted to look somewhat decent for my date with Hailey so I’d pulled out my best formal outfit.

Well, it wasn’t really a date. We’d agreed that it was an ‘almost-friends’ thing, but after that kiss, I wasn’t really sure where we stood. Were we still friends? Did this change at all how I should act around her? Was she serious when she’d said it couldn’t happen again? I knew I’d told her it was a mistake, but I didn’t really think that.

The lines of our relationship, friendship, whatever it was, were completely blurred. I wanted more but I didn’t want to put pressure on Hailey and send her running in the opposite direction. She was still in this precarious relationship with her boyfriend—or maybe it was ex-boyfriend now since she’d suddenly agreed to come with me tonight—and I didn’t want to make things more complicated for her.

I just didn’t know how the hell I was supposed to feel about Hailey. I was developing such strong feelings for her, but I wasn’t about to invest myself in a relationship that was set to fail from the beginning. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The way I acted around Hailey contradicted all my common sense.

Because, let’s face it, I was being pretty stupid about the whole thing.

Hailey had a boyfriend. She’d been with him for years. She wasn’t opening herself up to me completely. There wasn’t a whole lot I could do. Yet, here I was, going out of my way to take her out and get to know her when there didn’t seem to be a chance for us.

There was something seriously wrong with me.

“So what’s going on with you and Hailey?” Zach asked, as he and my other friends sat around on the couches drinking beer.

I glanced over to where he sat beside two of my closest friends from high school, Jason Wesley and Trey Roberts. They’d all come over to get a little drunk before the concert just so they could tolerate sitting through the show and listen to music they hated.

I shrugged, adjusting my tie for the twentieth time. “There’s not really anything going on with me and her. We’re just hanging out.”

“Are you banging her?” Jason asked.

“Is she hot?” Trey said at the exact same time.

“No, I’m not banging her, and yes, she’s hot.”

Jason looked confused. “Then why aren’t you banging her?”

“She has a boyfriend,” Jonathan explained as he joined us.

He’d also gone to some trouble to look nice; his blue Mohawk was flattened down with gel, and the tattoos on his arms were covered up with a long-sleeved shirt. A
button-up
shirt. He’d really gone all out.

There was no doubt in my mind that he’d gone to all this trouble to impress Tessa. I’d never seen him so into a girl before. Something about her made him pay more attention to the way he looked. Kinda like the way I’d gone to some trouble to impress Hailey. The only difference was that Jonathan and Tessa were actually dating—there was actually hope for them. I wasn’t too sure if I could say the same for Hailey and me.

“That’s heavy, man,” Trey said, chugging the rest of his beer.

I gave them another shrug as I grabbed my wallet and keys. “I gotta go pick up Hailey. She wants to get there early so she doesn’t miss anything.”

“No, we wouldn’t want her to miss anything, would we?” Jonathan flashed me a cheesy grin and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Wait, she
still
doesn’t know?” Zach stared at me in disbelief.

Jonathan had filled Zach in on a little of what was going on, but the look of surprise on his face made me nervous. Was I making a huge mistake by not telling her?

“Nope,” Jonathan said with a shake of his head.

I didn’t stick around to listen to them as they dissected my relationship with Hailey. Instead, I made my way to my beat up car so I could pick Hailey up on time. I kn
ew how punctual she liked to be.

When I pulled into a parking spot on campus and b
egan heading to Hailey’s dorm, the nerves grew. What if this was a bad idea? What if this completely backfired and made things worse?

Maybe I should’ve thought this whole thing through a little more.

All doubts vanished from my mind when Hailey answered the door.

Holy shit, did she look stunning!

She was wearing a red dress that fell just below her knees. It hugged her curves in a way that didn’t look skanky, but instead, very classy. And, I bet when she turned around, there would be that booty looking fine as ever.

“Whoa.”

Yeah, that was all I could say. I sounded sleazy as hell.

Hailey blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Um, thank you?”

I tried again. “Sorry, I meant to say that you look amazing. I’ve never, uh, seen anyone look so hot in a dress before.” Man, that had still sounded sleazy. I needed to work on my compliments.