Wide-eyed, Julie gazed at her. “I love you, Mommy.”
Tears blurred Lucky’s vision for the second time in a matter of minutes. Obviously, she’d yelled at this child enough times that Julie anticipated her mother’s rage. Yet the little girl still loved her.
“
I love you, Julie. Please believe me. I’m not going to scream at you.”
A strange look crossed Brad’s face, “I’m going to put Julie down for a short nap. Then we’ll talk.”
“Mommy, will you be here when I wake up?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t go bye-bye anymore, Mommy.”
Brad whisked Julie out of the room before Lucky could respond. What would she have said? She was so confused. She loved her daughter; she loved Greg. She longed to assure Julie that they would never be separated again.
But was it true? She didn’t want to turn her back on the man she loved, yet she couldn’t imagine leaving Julie, either. Surely there was a solution to this mess.
Staring out at the beach and the setting sun, Lucky thought about all the times she had felt her temper flare. But she had managed to control it. What kind of person had she been not to control herself around a child?
The woman in the mirror.
All this time she’d held out hope that the hard, mean-spirited woman in the mirror wasn’t her. She’d told herself she’d been trying a new hairstyle. She looked mean because she was afraid. But none of those excuses were true. She was the woman in the mirror. A bitch.
I hate myself.
I
hate myself. I hate myself.
“
I’m leaving for Honolulu tonight on the ten o’clock plane.” Brad had come up beside her. “It’ll be less disruptive to Julie if she can go to school tomorrow as usual.”
“What about me?” Lucky whispered, stricken with guilt. Brad cleared his throat, then shrugged awkwardly. This was difficult for him, she realized. Not only had she been mean to her child, but she had caused this man unimaginable heartache.
“What about you? I don’t know what you want. I have to do what’s best for Julie.”
“I want what’s best for her, too,” Lucky said, on the verge of tears again. “I don’t want her hurt.”
Brad reached into his pocket and pulled out a stunning ring with a diamond the size of her thumb, the kind of gaudy bauble she associated with tourists.
“If you put on this ring and come home again, I want it to be for good. I can’t allow you to tear Julie apart again. When you walked out, she cried for days. You’re hot-tempered and yell at her too often, but you’re her mother. She adores you.”
In his voice she heard anguish, not just for his daughter, but for himself. She’d hurt this man terribly, yet he was willing to take her back and give their marriage another chance. On his own, he might not have done it. But he truly loved his daughter.
Could she go back to him when she loved someone else? For Julie’s sake, she wanted to. But Greg was a wonderful man. He deserved more than this.
“What happened, Brad? Why did I leave you?”
Again he shrugged, and she realized this was a habit of his. “I wish I knew, Kelly. You married me for my money. I accepted that. You wanted a child in the worst way. But once
Julie was bo
rn
, you hadn’t a clue about how to be a good mother. One day you packed a few things, took off your ring and left.”
His hazel eyes were earnest and filled with emotion. Another sharp pain beneath her breastbone caused her to inhale sharply. Yes, she loved Greg with all her heart and owed him so much. Her very life. But this man was her husband, a good man who loved their daughter.
“Don’t you think you owe it to Julie to give
our marriage another chance?”
he asked.
For a long moment Lucky thought about Greg and the love she’d found. Then her daughter’s adorable voice echoed in her brain:
I love you, Mommy. Don’t go bye-bye anymore, Mommy.
She’d done so many things in this life that were wrong. Adding to the list would be reprehensible.
Her only alternative was to get a divorce and share custody. What would that do to Julie? The child would be ping-ponged between two different homes at a time when the solidarity of
a family was all-
important. Lucky remembered how Sarah had sacrificed, suffering the humiliation of Cody’s betrayal to keep her family together. It had worked out for them.
Good mothers did what was best for the family. Obviously, she’d spent much of her life doing what she pleased. Julie’s happiness hadn’t been important. But she wasn’t that selfish woman anymore. Before she could change her mind, she put out her hand. Brad smiled, a delighted boyish grin. He slipped the ring on her finger.
A perfect fit.
28
G
reg sat in the terrace bar, a fourth Stoli in his hand, listening to Sarah chatter. He knew she was trying to distract him, but it wasn’t working. Neither was the booze. He was slowly sinking into a black pit from which there would be no escape. A child. The one thing that could take Lucky away from him.
He stared into his drink, trying to think of some way to keep Lucky with him. He told himself there had been problems in the marriage. She’d left Brad Wagner once. Lucky couldn’t possibly love that man the way she loved him. But he kept seeing the look on Lucky’s fa
ce when she had learned about
her daughter.
“There they are,” Cody said, standing up.
Greg saw the young girl in Lucky’s arms. Thumb in her
m
outh, her eyelids at half-mast, partially co
ncealing her green
eyes. Even from a distance, Julie
was the image of her mother.
She should be our daughter, Greg thought, a heart-wrenching longing tearing at him.
Until this moment, he hadn’t realized how much he wanted
children. Lucky’s children. That was their destiny, he had told himself, but reality was another man’s child in her arms.
He noticed the ring on Lucky’s finger, shining like a beacon on a moonless night. Aw, hell. He felt as if someone had planted a knockout punch squarely in his gut.
“She’s wearing her wedding ring,” Sarah whispered. “Lucky must be going home with him.”
Wearing her wedding ring.
The words cycloned through his brain until he could barely move, barely breathe.
Her wedding ring.
That fact became a throbbing, burning ache deep in his soul. As they came closer, Lucky’s gaze sought his, and Greg saw the light had vanished from her eyes, the animation replaced by a chilling seriousness.
He sensed her silently begging him to forgive her. Numb, yet aching with the desperate need to reclaim the woman he loved, Greg waited. He was standing now, although he couldn’t remember leaving his chair, his fist clenched so tight his fingers hurt.
Greg barely heard Lucky making introductions. His eyes were riveted on Brad Wagner. He was so ordinary looking that it was hard to imagine him with Lucky. What could she have seen in a wimp like him?
“I want to thank you all for helping Kelly,” Brad said with unquestionable sincerity. “She told me what special friends you are.”
“
We were glad to help,
”
Sarah spoke up, easing the awkward moment.
Brad turned to Greg. “You saved Kelly’s life. There are no words to express how I feel.”
There were words to express how Greg felt. He hated this bastard. He wanted to put his hands around the son of a bitch’s neck and squeeze until he dropped dead.
“I want to pay you back for the clothes and—”
“Forget it.” The words came out as if he were chewing tin foil.
“Brad is taking the ten o’clock flight home. Julie needs to
be in preschool tomorrow morning,” Lucky said, the words coming out very slowly. She paused and looked away. “I’m
…
going with them.”
Jesus H. Christ! She didn’t even look at him when she said it. Greg growled deep in his throat, a low sound of utter frustration and barely concealed rage that no one else could hear. Cody noticed, though, and shot a warning glance at him.
Julie piped up, saying, “My teacher is Mrs. Natku. I’m in pre-school.”
“You live in Honolulu.” Sarah again tried to ease the tension, speaking to Lucky. “That’s less than half an hour away by plane. We can still see each other.”
“Yeah, we won’t lose touch.” Cody’s words sounded uncharacteristically awkward. He didn’t look at Greg either.
“I want to get my things and say goodbye to a few people,” Lucky told Cody, “Could you get me to the ai
rport in time for the flight?”
“Sure. No prob—”
“Mommy, Mommy, don’t leave me,” Julie cried, throwing her little arms around Lucky’s neck.
“I’ll be back. I promise.” She hugged the child, kissing her cheek. “I’ll never leave you again.”
I’ll never leave you again.
Greg’s heart did a back flip. This wasn’t a nightmare; it was hell on earth. He marched out to the Bronco, Cody at his side. Greg wished he had the fortitude to once again fall back on his pride, the way he had after learning about Cody’s affair with Jessica. But this time the wound was too deep, the pain too sharp to pretend he didn’t give a damn.
Behind them walked Lucky and Sarah, speaking in voices too low to hear. Once they arrived at the car, Greg climbed in front with Cody. If he sat in back with Lucky, he’d beg her to change her mind. And it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good.
Dreams. That’s all he’d had. Nothing more. The logical side of his brain had anticipated this moment, dreaded it. But nothing
had prepared him for the agonizing reality of losing her. The feeling of utter hopelessness.
Lucky asked to go to the institute to say goodbye. They rode in gloomy silence, broken only by staccato bursts of chatter from the police radio. Even Sarah realized it was a lost cause and stopped talking.
Cody pulled to a stop in front of the institute. “Lucky, we’re going home now. Greg will drive you to the airport.”
“This is goodbye, then,” Lucky said. “Thank you, Cody.”
“We’ll see each other again,” Sarah promised. “You’re not very far away.”
“Please understand if you don’t hear from me,” Lucky responded, the threat of tears in her voice. “Brad wants me to concentrate on rebuilding our marriage. He believes I won’t be happy if I’m thinking about my time here.”
Shit! Not only was the son of a bitch taking her away, but they weren’t even going to hear from her. Obviously, Wagner realized Lucky’s heart was here, and the only way to really get her back was to cut all her ties.
“We understand.” Sarah told her softly. “We’re here if you need us.”
Greg climbed out of the car without saying a word to Cody. He knew his brother had deliberately left him alone with Lucky. He waited while Lucky and Sarah kissed goodbye, then they walked into the institute.
“Get outta here. Why are you two back?” Nomo asked as they entered the nursery, where he was giving Abbie a bottle.
The smile on the older man’s face vanished when Lucky whispered, “I’m leaving tonight. I’m going home.”
“Her husband’s come for her,” Greg explained, bitterness underscoring every word. “She has a young daughter who needs her.”
Nomo put Abbie down and hugged Lucky. Over her shoulder the older man gazed at Greg, his eyes revealing his surprise. “I’m gonna miss you,
loa.
You were perfect for this work.”
“My daughter needs me. Julie’s just four and—”
“Hey, I know you wouldn’t leave unless you thought it was the right thing to do. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna miss you.”
Miss her? An understatement. Greg’s entire being ached so much for Lucky that it hurt to look at her. What would the pain be like later, when she walked out of his life forever and he never saw her again?
“Nomo, thank you for teaching me Hawaiian
…
for showing me how to work with the animals. I’ve loved every minute of my time here
…
”
Lucky’s voice dropped lower and lower, until she was whispering the words.
“Don’t be sad,” Nomo told her, his voice cracking. “Treasure the memories. You can come visit us.”
“That won’t be for a long time. I have to straighten out my life first.”
“Wark! Wark!” cried Abbie.
Lucky picked up the pup, cradling her to her breast. Greg met Nomo’s eyes. This was as close to tears as he’d ever seen his friend.
“Abbie, sweetheart,
I
have to go,” Lucky said. “You know I wouldn’t leave you if I didn’t have to. I want you to be a good little girl—for me. Promise to mind Nomo. Let him teach you how to catch fish.”
Nomo wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
“I won’t be there to see it, but you’re going home again, like me,” Lucky continued. “They’ll take you back to Niihau, where your family is. I wish I could be there to see you swim off with the other seals.”
“I’ll take a picture and send it to you.” Nomo could hardly get the words out. The naked emotion in his voice echoed Greg’s. Christ! How was he going to live without her?
“Oh, yes, please take a picture.” She kissed Abbie’s soft head and the pup mewled contentedly. “I wish I could be there.”
“We’d better get going,” Greg said. He couldn’t take much more of this.
Lucky handed Nomo the pup, then stood on tiptoe and kissed the older man’s cheek. “Take care of her for me. Teach her all she needs to know to make it out there on her own. I’ll say a prayer for her every night.”
Tears in her eyes, Lucky left the nursery. Greg walked beside her, wishing there were something he could say or do to make her stay. The futility of the situation frustrated him. There was no stronger bond on earth than that of a mother and child. “Could Dodger come to the airport with us?”
“Sure, he’s around here somewhere.”
“Dodger! Dodger,” Lucky called, and the greyhound bounded out of the darkness.
L
ucky remained silent during the short drive to the airport. From the back of the car Dodger hung his head over the top of her seat, his muzzle resting on her shoulder almost as if he understood her agony. Did Greg? He had yet to say one word since they’d gotten in the car.
He pulled into the parking lot at the airport and turned off the engine. This was it, she thought, the moment she never imagined would come. It was over; time to say goodbye. But how do you thank someone who saved your life, then taught you how to love?
They all got out of the car and stood there. Lucky gulped in a deep breath of night air and gazed upward at the starry sky. Wobbling light came from a slice of the moon hidden off and on by wisps of clouds.
Lucky dropped to her knees, thinking it would be easier to say goodbye to Dodger first. His soulful eyes watched her as she stroked his silky head, pleading with her to stay.
“I want you to be a good boy, Dodger. Mind Greg, and look after Abbie for me. She’s going to need you now. You curl around her so she can fall asleep, but think of me. I’ll always be with you in spirit.”
Dodger licked her hand and gave a low whine.
“Be careful doing search and rescue. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
This time Dodger licked her cheek. Lucky was conscious of Greg watching her, but she wasn’t ready to deal with him yet.
“Thank you for finding me. You have such a great nose. I’d be dead now if it weren’t for you. I would never know I had a daughter. I want you to come visit her one day. I’m going to tell her all about you, understand?”
Dodger cocked his head to one side almost as if he comprehended what she was saying.
“I’ll miss you so much. I’ll think about you all the time.” She put her arms around him, hugging him the way she had that day in Kmart, needing his strength because her own was ebbing rapidly. How could she leave Greg?
You have no choice. Julie needs her mother. You promised never to leave her.
She slowly rose and turned to Greg. “You know I have to go, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t. You were having problems in your marriage. You don’t have to go back to him.” He swept her, weightless, into his arms. “I love you. Stay with me.”
“What would you think of me if I deserted my daughter?”
“You can share custody
…
or something. There are lots of children around these days with divorced parents.”
His words were low, suffused with pain and bitterness. Lucky touched his cheek with her hand, letting her fingertips trace the emerging stubble. This was the last time she’d marvel at the firmness of his jaw and the rapid growth of his dark beard. Her hand lingered on his cheek until she mustered the courage to speak.
“You, more than most people, know how important a mother’s love is. I can’t leave my child.”
“Maybe you could get custody—”
“No. Brad loves her, and Julie loves him. You should see them together.”
He put his hands on her shoulders, the tenderness in his gaze
heartrending. Lucky knew beyond a doubt that he loved her. And she would always love him. Her obligation was to Brad and her daughter, but her heart would always belong to this man.
“
Don’t you understand? I owe it to Julie to give the marriage another try,” she said, and he tightened his grip on her shoulders. “Remember me telling you about my greatest fear?”
“Yeah. You were worried that you were the woman in the mirror.”
“I
am
that woman. I asked Brad what had gone wrong. He said I married him for his money, didn’t take care of Julie—”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Darling, I wish it was a bald-faced lie, but it’s not. Julie spilled her milk, then began to cry because she expected me to yell at her. Oh, Lord, it broke my heart to find out the truth about myself. But I have to face it. I wasn’t a good mother.”