“And, who will that be for her?”
“No one, but me.”
I’m confident in my answer, because as God is my witness, it’s what I’ll do for her. If God gifts us with a child, that’s what I’ll do for both of them. Jake stands and pulls me up as we hug it out. A silent promise from me to him that I’ll stand by his sister even through the darkness.
Someone clearing their throat breaks us as we both turn toward the sound. The man I want to talk to is standing right before me. The man whose heart my precious is about to break to make mine whole. Gunny steps outside, hugs Jake without glancing my way. Before walking into the house, Jake faces me once again, and does the sign of the cross as he points to his dad.
Before I make my way toward Jack, I look at my watch. I have exactly forty minutes until Tami comes. Hopefully, our heart to heart won’t last that long, but since this is Jack, my future father-in-law, I’m thinking it’ll be longer than that. He sits directly across from me, looking straight at me.
“You need to ask me something?”
“I’m asking permission to marry your daughter.”
“Don’t you think that’s her decision?”
“Yes, sir. But out of respect as her father, and you loved her first . . .”
“That doesn’t mean you’ll be the last one to love her. Love doesn’t have an expiration date. Nor, does it worry itself about the whys, hows, and what ifs of life. All it knows, and all it feels is that double thump in your chest that speaks to your partner’s heart, or your daughter’s heart ,or your mother’s, or to anyone that’s willing to love another. So yes, I loved her first, still do until I’m six feet under but sadly, the love I have for her isn’t what she’s looking for. My love for her and hers to me is our own, but our special kind of love couldn’t over power the kind you both share. So, ask me again.”
I’m stumped. I don’t know what he wants me to say. Without looking away, I ask my brain what I should do, but really I should be asking my heart. That’s when it hits me. I don’t need to ask . . . I need to tell him I’m worthy of his daughter’s love, and with confidence, her heart will be taken care of by me, and only me from here on out.
“I’m marrying your daughter. I’m confident in my love for her and hers for me. I’ll treasure her more than anyone could or ever has. She comes first in anything, and in everything she’s my first. I won’t forget how blessed I am to have her love, neither will I take it for granted, sir. She’s safe with me, that I promise you.”
“My only request is to put each other first. If you do that, you won’t have to worry about yourself, because she’s already thinking of you as you are her. It’s a connection you both share, and don’t let the hardships of life severe that. Don’t work against each other, but rather together. When she pushes, stand firm. When she falls, pick her up. When she cries, dry her tears, and trust me when I tell you, she’ll do the same for you. Thank you for loving her. I’m giving her to you, not for you to own, but for you to love and cherish.”
“Thank you for trusting her to me.”
“Couldn’t have picked a better guy for my girl. Right here . . .” he pats his chest. “ . . . she’s my girl. And, right there . . .” he pats mine. “ . . . she’s your woman. When you’re hit with the hardships of life, go through them. . . . always through them never under, or over, or even around them. Always push through together, as a unit. Cherish her faithfully each day, fiercely each time, and eternally until the end of time.”
“Thank you again, sir.”
“Call me Dad. You’ve earned it, Son.”
He pulls me into his arms, and that’s when I know everything in my life has finally come to rest in its perfect spot. I hear people gathering in the kitchen, especially Neil. I’m trying to enjoy the peace outside before going in to meet the chaos. A few deep breaths in, and the excitement in me is beyond controllable.
I walk toward the front yard, just in time to meet her walking my way. Nothing but calmness greets me. How can I even think of trading this for anything? I’d be stupid if I did.
“Hey.”
“Hey, to you too,” she says as she smiles my way.
“Ready for our chaotic, but very tasteful dinner?”
“Thanks for organizing it.”
“It’s our coming out party.”
Giggling she answers, “Coming out? Neil is very out and about.”
“I mean us being together, again. That’s what I mean.”
“We were just on time out.”
I’m trying so hard not to kiss her, because I want to save it for later. As we make our way into the house, she hears one of the quads wailing. She runs and leaves me which is fine by me. It only solidifies my decision to try again for her, knowing my child will be loved completely and fiercely.
After dinner, I take her out on the deck while the rest stay inside, preparing our dessert. This is my go time, where the rubber meets the road; my only hope is I won’t suffer any road rash through it.
“Why are we out here?”
“This place is where everything started for us. You saw everything you probably hate about me in this place. You’ve witnessed a lot of stupid things I’ve done on this very spot. And, while this place may remind you of how I was back then, I hope you’ll see how
you
have changed me. How
your
love changed everything about me.”
I pull her toward the tree she loves to sit under when she reads. Hanging on the branches are mason jars with water and tea lights floating inside them. Then, I hand her one of the tree slices she’ll get throughout this journey.
“Read it when I leave. I want you to pick a path for yourself without me hovering over you. I want you to finish our story the way you want it to unfold. I hope we see each other at that fork in the road, because there’s no one . . . no one I’d walk this road with but you.”
I leave her alone with my heart in her hands.
TAMI
I FLIP OVER THE TREE
slice as soon as he walks into the house. What’s etched on it is a question my heart already know the answer to.
If you truly accept my fears, would you still be with me even if I didn’t want to try again? If it’s a yes, go find my mom; if not, send her to me because I’ll need her to comfort me.
This is a no brainer for me. When you truly love someone, you love their faults and their issues come what may. As long as my faith is intact in the One Being who controls my destiny, everything will work out for good. Then, I ask myself,
if it were reversed
and I couldn’t give him a child,
would he still be with me?
I would like to think his answer will be the same as mine, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, it would be. So, I go in search of his mom.
I start laughing when I find her sitting next to the score board we used back in the day for the boys’ hook-up Barbies, then she says, “The choice you make now defines your future. When we lost our first, it took us a while to try again. At times, I thought we wouldn’t ever get the one thing we craved the most, but life has a weird way of telling you when. Allow it to happen with you together.” Then, she hands me the next tree slice.
I flip it over, nervous to find out what question waits me.
When is it time to stop for you? When it hurts too much for me, or for us? If it’s for me, go find my dad; if it’s for us, go find yours.
Another no brainer. I go in search of my dad, because in a relationship, there’s never an I, or a me, or a him, or you; but there’s always an
us,
just as how my dad taught us. I find him sitting in Brian’s spot in the living room—his favorite recliner. I kneel in front of him as he reaches for my hand.
“I want you to remember that in life, there are no guarantees. It can change on a dime, in the blink of an eye, but one thing holds true, you and Brian will always be an ‘us.’ When you fall, he’ll pick you up; and when he does, you’ll do the same. It’s a partnership of two, not one. Two halves make a whole, sweetheart. Now, go find your other half.”
He then hands me another tree slice, and of course, another question.
Do you want to meet me at the fork in the road? If yes, come find me.
Without telling me where to find him, I know where he’ll be waiting. I just have to go back to where we started. True enough, I find him standing on the deck, his back facing me waiting patiently.
BRIAN
“Is this the fork in the road?”
Even before she speaks, I feel her presence. I weave my fingers with hers, I turn to face her. “That’s right. I want you to be my wife, but first, let me finish the story of us. Life has a way of forcing acceptance in the most painful of ways, and the day we lost our baby, the pain tore me up worse than the first time. Not because I love my first baby any less, but because the life we lost, I made with you. I wanted that with you so badly, not because it’s what you’ve been wanting, but because I wanted it for us. I wanted to be the father of your children, but I was blinded by fear; I couldn’t see what was in front of me.” I gently cradle her face while my eyes are swimming in worry and pain.
She lays her palm against my chest, rubbing it gently, giving me comfort. “I understand, babe.”
Willing myself to talk through the pain, I force my own tears back. “I’ve witnessed so many deaths, yet losing two of my own is the worst ache I could ever imagine; but losing you is something I couldn’t survive, please don’t make me. I see our love story ending with you walking to me wearing a white dress, the smile on your face that lights up my world. I see us making love under the night sky; with me loving you and you holding me. I see us having kids, and I see you holding my hand through it all. I see a home filled with love because of you. Everything that spins in my world is because of you. I see all of this in my mind, and I need your help. . . . I desperately need your help to make it all come true. You’re my world, Tami. Make my world spin again, because it stopped the moment you let me go.”
“I’m yours, you know that.”
Swiftly, I kneel before her, not on one knee, but on both. My left hand is anchored securely on her hip as I look up at her with love radiating from her eyes, and her whole being enclosing the entirety of me.
“Marry me. Make it real for me—for us. Let’s put the ‘happily ever after’ on our story.”
“Are you sure?” Looking down at me, she asks a simple question; the answer also carries a lot of weight.
“As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, Tami. I know you’re thinking about my fears or my doubts, but they’ve got nothing compared to the fear of losing you. The thought alone puts me in a wicked tailspin that I couldn’t—wouldn’t survive. So, yes, I’m sure.”
She clasps my face with shaky hands while I allow her eyes to find comfort and strength in mine. “Then, yes. I’ll choose you every time over anything. Yes, I love you even with your fears. I’m not afraid of them, so you don’t need to be.”
I dig the ring in my pocket, and as soon as she says the magic word, I slip that sucker on her finger. Immediately, I stand and kiss her as though my life depends on it. All too soon, she ends it, but we have a lot of time later . . . much later.
“Why your mom and my dad? Why’d you pick them?”
“Because she’s the one I’m leaving for you, and your dad is the one you’re leaving for me. Also, my mom knows my fears, and your dad knows your strengths. Thank you for meeting me here.”
She brushes her nose against mine, then says, “Thank you for showing me how to get here.”
When she said yes, it was as though a load had been lifted off my chest. I never thought a single word could mean and do so much. A word that most times I ignore the meaning of, but now—now that she said
yes,
my life is complete. It’s close to perfection—however, perfection is in this world.
TAMI
I LOVE THIS MAN MORE
than anyone I’ve ever loved before. My everything is him and in that everything—the more he gives me, I’ve learned to be less. Less of myself to be more for us. I have to surrender my heart to Him to help overcome and understand Brian’s fears. I have to conform to His will, to survive the fear of what the future holds for us. I have to allow Him to transform my mind to accept Brian’s faults and shortcomings.
“You make me so happy. I want to take you to our room and forget about everyone here. Who cares if they hear how I can make you scream? We’ve been apart for far too long.”