Unforgiven (Wanderers #3) (23 page)

My Dearest Ella,

By the time you read this, I will already be gone.
Don’t look for me. It will just be a waste of your time. I lied to
you. I knew you survived that night when you thought I died. I
faked my death because it was the only way I knew you could move
on. We would never have worked. You were always better off without
me. If I have to disappear again to make you understand that then
that’s what I have to do. I’m sorry to do this to you, but it’s the
only way you can live your life the way that you deserve to. You
deserve to be happy. You deserve a happiness that I cannot provide
for you the way you desire. I am not the guy you make me out to be.
I won’t change. I can’t. It’s not in me to do the right thing. I
don’t know how. But I will try by starting with letting you go. For
me this is the right thing to do and soon you will see it too.
Understand that I never lied when I said I loved you, that much is
true, but I can’t give you what you really need. I can’t be that
guy you want me to be. I’m sorry Ella, but this is my goodbye to
you. I hope you find the true love you deserve.

Tristan

I dropped the letter and watch it float to the plush
carpeted floor in slow motion. My whole body was numb. I slid off
the bed and crashed to the floor, staring at the still paper that
just sucked all the air out of my lungs. I felt like that one piece
of paper had left paper cuts on my heart causing me to bleed out
and suffocate my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I
couldn’t even focus on anything in front of me. My tears had come
so fast and sharp my vision was blurred. The pain in my chest was
so overbearing I wanted to rip at my skin and tear my own heart
out. I let out an ear piercing scream and threw my body on the
floor and pounded my arms until I heard the floor crack beneath
me.

“
Ella! Ella!” a
familiar voice called.
The voice sounded so far off in the
distance even though the person was right next to me. “Ella.” I
felt tense arms wrap around me and hold me still. “What happened?”
I recognized the voice. It was Dean. He was asking me what was
going on.

“He left…he just left,” I blubbered.

Dean fell back on his heel and pulled me closer to
him. “Ella, I’m sorry.” Was all he said while I fell to pieces.

I didn’t remember getting on the plane nor did I
remember much after I read Tristan’s letter. My movements were
robotic and forced. I was also pretty sure Dean slipped something
in the water he forced me to drink so I would calm down. I didn’t
care. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to forget everything
that happened over the past month. I wanted to forget Tristan and
all the time we spent together, because it was nothing but a lie. I
wanted to forget Ireland and leave it all behind. My hurt and
sadness turned to anger. I was angry at him for being too much of a
coward to say goodbye to my face. I was angry at him for telling me
he loved me and that he would never hurt me, when that’s exactly
what he did. He hurt me. He hurt me to the point that I felt my
heart has now turned to black. My anger stirred making me
agitated.

I leaned forward and looked for some more sleeping
pills in my bag, but what I found instead was a card. I was afraid
to open it until I saw the handwriting. I flipped up the lip of the
envelope and pulled out the card inside. On the front cover there
was a picture of two little girls eating ice cream while sitting on
a bench and two older women doing the same thing and sitting on the
other side of the bench. I smiled softly and opened the card. The
inside read:

Here’s to growing old together. Happy Birthday!

Dear Ella, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you on
your birthday. I promise I will find a way to make it up to you.
Hope all your wishes come true.

Happy Birthday Bestie!

Love, Josie.

I’d been so out of it I couldn’t believe I actually
forgot it was my birthday. It didn’t really matter anyways. I
wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. I sighed and stuffed the card back
in my bag and reached for the sleeping pills. I no longer wanted to
think anymore. I just wanted to shut off my brain and sleep for as
long as possible. I knew as soon as I got home I would have a lot
more challenges ahead of me and at the moment I could only handle
one disappointment at a time.

When the pills wore off and I finally woke up, Dean
was sitting next to me. We upgraded to first class. Dean said there
was no way he was flying coach and sitting in those tiny seats and
I didn’t blame him. “Hey,” he said. “How are you feeling?” I let
him know with just a look how I felt – broken. He frowned not
liking my expression. “Well, I have something for you that make you
feel better.”

Dean pulled down the tray and placed a vanilla
cupcake with pink icing on top in front of me. “Happy Birthday,” he
smiled. “Sorry there’s no candles, but you know being on an
airplane and all.”

“Got it…and thanks, Dean,” I said, forcing a
smile.

He twisted his hands in his lap. I knew he was trying
to think of what to say without making me upset. “I’m sorry it
wasn’t a happier birthday. I know you’re really upset about Josie
and…” he trailed off; scared I might lose it if he mentioned his
name. “Look, he was a dick. It was a dick move and the coward’s way
out,” Dean growled. “He doesn’t deserve you and his ass better stay
hidden or I’ll –”

“Enough,” I said, putting my hand up. I didn’t want
to hear it.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, letting out a breath. I
reached over and squeezed his hand letting him know not to worry so
much. “Are you going to make a wish?” he asked, gesturing to the
cupcake.

“I guess I could be thankful that I survived long
enough to see another birthday.”

“That’s the spirit,” he said, nudging my
shoulder.

Cameron popped her head over the seat. “What you guys
doing? Hey, where’d you get that cupcake?”

“I managed to coax one off the stewardesses,” Dean
said, winking at me.

“I want one,” Cameron whined.

“Here, you can have mine,” I said, handing her the
cupcake.

“Ella,” Dean started, but I gave him a look to let it
go. Cameron looked between us wondering what was going on, but just
as quickly she shrugged it off and grabbed my cupcake.

“Dean, do you mind, but I kind of want to be
alone.”

“That’s kind of hard to do on an airplane full of
people,” he joked. I narrowed my eyes at him letting him know I was
not in the mood. He put up his hands and gave me my space, but not
before giving me a quick kiss to the forehead. “Happy Birthday
Ella,” he whispered. I managed a small smile and leaned back into
my seat.

When the plane finally arrived in California, my
stomach started to do flip flops. I was not looking forward to
seeing my dad. “Ella, why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
Cameron asked, meeting me at the luggage carousel.

“Because it’s not important,” I said, annoyed that
Dean told her.

“Like hell it isn’t. It’s your birthday and we need
to celebrate,” she gushed.

“I’m not in the mood to celebrate. I rather just skip
this one if you don’t mind.” My attitude was enough for her to drop
it. I grabbed my bag and turned around almost smacking into Dean. I
narrowed my eyes at him.

“
She’s your friend and she should know and you
should let her take you out. She’s just trying to help,”
Dean
projected. I glared at him and walked away. I didn’t want anyone’s
help and the last thing I wanted was to go out and be around
people, but I also didn’t want to hurt Cameron’s feelings so I told
her maybe we could do something later.

After we collected our luggage, we flagged down a
cab, and made our way to my house. I dreaded every minute of the
ride. I was not prepared at all and was slowly regretting it. I had
no idea what I was walking into, but as much as I hated to admit
it, Tristan was right. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t
work things out with my father.

The driver pulled up to the front of the house. I
took a breath before I got out of the car.
Well,
here
goes nothing
.

“Ella, you coming?” Dean asked, as he dragged his
suitcase behind him and up the brick pathway to the house.

I couldn’t seem to remember how to make my feet move.
It felt like they were glued to the ground where I stood. Dean
watched me for a few seconds before he turned around and walked
back to me. “Come on, we’ll do this together.” He took my hand and
pulled me toward the door.

“Do you want me to wait outside?” Cameron asked. Her
expression said she wasn’t looking forward to this anymore than I
was.

“Don’t be silly,” I said, grabbing her hand.
“Besides, we might need a witness,” I gulped.

Hands locked tight, the three of us stepped inside
the house. Everything was quiet. No sounds of a normal busy morning
with my mom running around and getting ready or Danni cleaning or
my dad racing out the door on his way to work. “Where is everyone?”
I asked. Dean shook his head as I walked into the kitchen.

Everything was spotless. I half expected at least the
remnants of the smell of stale coffee, but nothing. I spotted the
clock on the stove that read eleven am. I forgot about the time
difference. “I checked the garage. All their cars are gone,” Dean
said, opening the fridge. When he closed the door he pulled a note
from the fridge that was addressed to Danni. “They’re at the club,”
he said, handing me the note.

“On a week day?” I asked confused.

“Ella, it’s Saturday,” Dean said, rolling his
eyes.

All the time spent in Ireland I never really paid
much attention to what day it was let alone the date. I guess that
would explain why I forgot my own birthday. I looked over the note
to Danni. It was in my mom’s hand writing. She had left a list of
instructions of things to do before arriving at the club for Xander
and Jasa’s engagement party tonight. “Engagement party?” I leaned
on the counter and looked at Dean. “How come we didn’t know about
this?” I asked a little perturbed.

“Well, you know, technically when you’re out of the
family you don’t get invited to family functions anymore.”

“Yeah but Xander would never do that to us,” I said,
staring at the note and wondering what else was going on that I
didn’t know about. I was also a little annoyed that they would plan
to do this on my birthday of all days. I put the note back on the
fridge and sat down on one of the stools by the counter. “So what
do we do now?”

“Eat,” Dean said, scouring the fridge again. “Where’s
Danni, I would really love some of her eggs right about now.”

“You are so spoiled.” I got up and took out the eggs,
milk, butter, and juice. I made us all breakfast and then we sat
down at the table to eat. When we were finished, I was just about
to clear my plate when I heard the garage door open. My stomach
dropped. I froze and looked at Dean. I had no idea who to expect
and was never so happy to see Danni walk through the door.

She stopped in her tracks when she saw us. “Well, you
two are the last people I expected to see here,” she smiled,
throwing her bags on the counter.

I jumped out of my chair and ran over to her throwing
my arms around her. “Oh Danni, I missed you so much.”

“Ella…can’t breathe,” she gasped. I loosened my grip
allowing her to retrieve the much needed air she desired. Dean
smiled and winked at her from where he sat. She just laughed and
rolled her eyes. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but, what are
you doing here?”

“We thought it was time to come home,” I said,
letting go and taking a step away.

Danni saw the disappointed look on my face and
embraced me in another hug. “Ella, I’m sorry you couldn’t find
him.”

“I found him,” I mumbled into her shoulder.

“That’s great!” She pulled back to look at me. “Why
do I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything?”

“It’s a very long story and I’m very tired,” I said,
not wanting to get into it. I was still angry at how things ended
and was afraid I might take that anger out on innocent people.

“Why don’t you go up to your room and rest? Your
parents will be gone all day. Your dad and Xander are dealing with
business stuff, as usual, and your mom is busy getting things ready
for the party tonight.”

I gave Danni an apologetic look. I wondered how she
was dealing with everything but knew I couldn’t ask her with
Cameron and Dean there. A small silence came over everyone and
Danni quickly spoke up changing the subject. “So who’s your
guest?”

“Sorry, got a little side tracked. Danni this is
Cameron, one of our friends from school.”

“Nice to meet you,” Danni said politely. “How long
will you be staying? Should I get the guest room ready?”

“Oh no, you don’t have to go to any trouble,” Cameron
said, waving her off.

“It’s my job and it’s no trouble,” Danni smiled.

“No need Danni. Cameron can stay in my room,” Dean
chirped, throwing Cameron a cocky smile. “So don’t bother making my
bed. The sheets are just going to get crumpled up anyways.” All
three of us glared at him and then took turns smacking him.

I laughed while Dean rubbed his arms and head.
“Please Dean, Cameron does have some standards.”

“Thanks, I think?” Cameron laughed.

“I see you guys are here less than an hour and
already making a mess,” Danni said, staring at the dirty dishes and
pans in the sink.

I looked away sheepishly. “Sorry.”

She automatically started to clean and I told her to
leave it and that I would clean up the mess. “Ella, it’s okay.
Besides, I rather be doing this. Trust me.”

“So where is our so called brother?” Dean asked,
leaning back casually in his chair.