Unforgiven (Wanderers #3) (8 page)

I’m fine. Promise, talk soon don’t contact me I’ll
contact u.

I couldn’t call her because I knew if she picked up I
wouldn’t be able to lie to her. I also knew Roman would attack her
with questions if he found out she heard from me and I couldn’t let
her go through that. The best was to keep it short and sweet. The
waiter delivered my food and I suddenly didn’t think eating was
such a good idea anymore. I pushed the plate away and let out a
breath before I listened to my next message.

It was Roman.

Ella
,
hey…I don’t
know where you are or what’s going on? I’m sorry if I did anything.
Ugh!

He cried
.
I could hear the frustration in his
voice.

Ella
,
everyone is
worried about you. Riley, Sienna, Dixon, Gabe, well Gabe doesn’t
really say much, but I know he’s worried. We just need you back…I
need you. So please whatever is going on. Whatever it is…I’ll help
you. Just call me
please…I love you.

I could no longer eat. The sight of my food made me
want to throw up. I left the café and headed back up to my room. I
didn’t even bother listening to the rest of the messages knowing I
wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Both Josie and Cameron were gone. Well, one of them
was. I could hear the shower running, but wasn’t sure who was in
there until I heard Josie bust out the chorus to
‘Baby got
back’
. I smiled weakly as I crawled back into bed and pulled
the covers up over my head. Five minutes later I heard the shower
turn off and Josie step out of the bathroom. She walked straight
over to the bed and pulled the covers back. “Good morning sleeping
beauty,” she smiled, then took a second look at me. “What’s the
matter?”

“I listened to the voicemails from Riley and Roman,”
I said softly.

“Oh honey, why would you torture yourself like
that?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged.

She sat down next to me. “Don’t worry. I’m sure once
Riley knows the real reason you left she’ll understand and as far
as Roman, well. We’ll figure that out later. No need to worry about
it now.”

“I guess.”

“Why don’t you go take a nice long bath? Josef called
while you were away and he said he’d stop by around noon.” I took
Josie’s advice and took a very long, very needed, bath.

After my soak, I got dressed, and joined everyone in
what was now the boy’s room, where they had already ordered lunch.
I realized skipping breakfast wasn’t such a good idea because now I
was starving. Josef showed up sometime after we had finished
eating. “Hey Ella, I wanna help.”

I looked at Josef confused. “With the search. I still
want to help you guys if you don’t mind?”

“Um yeah, that would be great,” I said, giving him a
small smile.

After lunch I was ready to get back into the swing of
things, but both Billy and Dean thought it would be better if we
went in small groups instead one big one to help cover more area
and seem less intimidating to the locals.

Over the next few days Billy and Dean took turns with
Josie, Cameron, Josef, and me and continued to search for Tristan.
My mom and Roman called almost every day and I avoided their calls
every day.

Each night when we came back my hopes were shot down.
We were coming up empty. We got a few clues but nothing
substantial. The stress was getting to me so Josie suggested, more
like demanded, I take the night off. She promised they would still
go out and look, but I had to stay in. I knew I was driving her
nuts so I allowed her this reprieve. I would be lying if I said I
didn’t need a break.

I stayed in the room while everyone went out and
continued to look. I flipped endlessly through the channels not
able to relax. My phone rang and I jumped up to grab it. My heart
stopped when I saw it was Roman calling. This time I didn’t ignore
it. “Hi,” I breathed.

“Ella, oh thank God. Are you okay? What’s going on?
Where are you?”

“I’m fine,” I said.

I heard him breathe a sigh of relief. “I’ve been
trying to get a hold of you for days.”

“I know,” I admitted.

“You knew?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, but I just needed some time.”

“Okay,” he paused. “I get that, but I just wish you
would have said something to me. You were gone and I thought…I
thought the worst.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, not knowing what else to
say.

“You already said that.”

“Roman, I don’t know what I can tell you except that
I am fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I promise. I just
needed to get away for a little.”

“Where are you?”

“That, I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” he asked a little perturbed.

“I just can’t,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek
to keep from crying. I hated lying to Roman, but this is a
conversation I didn’t want to have over the phone.

“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?” His voice was
measured. It was hard to tell if he was pissed or not. I looked up
at the ceiling to keep from losing it. “Ella, please don’t lie to
me.”

“I don’t know what you what me to say?”

“The truth.”

I bit my lip. “Roman, I love you. You know that,
right?” When he didn’t say anything right away I felt a pinching
pain in my chest.

“Yeah,” he replied, unconvincingly.

I put my head in my hands trying to find the best way
to explain it so he would understand, but to be honest, if I were
him I wouldn’t want to listen to anything I had to say. “Roman,
I…He’s alive and I just have to confirm it for myself, that’s it. I
just need to see that he’s okay.”

There was a long pause before he said, “I
understand.”

“You do?”

“Yes and no. I get why you have to know. If it was me
I would have done the same thing.”

“So…you’re not mad at me?”

He didn’t answer me. Instead he just said, “I have to
go. Someone’s coming.”

“Wait, Roman, I love you,” I spit out quickly.

“Goodbye Ella,” were his final words before I heard a
click on the phone. Those two words felt like a crushing wave. I
had a feeling this was the end of our relationship. My heart hurt
so badly. I felt like someone had squeezed it until there was
nothing left. I could no longer hold in my tears. No reason to hold
back any longer I let them fall. I didn’t blame him for being mad
at me. I brought this on myself. I didn’t deserve him. I tried to
convince myself he was better off, but the pain I felt inside was
too much. I crawled into bed and covered myself with the blankets
and balled my eyes out.

“Hey Ella,” Josie said, coming into the room. “Ella?”
She pulled back the blanket. She took one look at my tear streaked
face and that was enough. She climbed into the bed with me without
another word and wrapped her arms around me while I cried. “You
wanna talk about it?”

“Roman called,” I blubbered.

“Doesn’t he always?”

“I answered this time,” I said, wiping hastily at my
tears. “It’s over Josie. It’s really over. I screwed up.”

“Ella, you did nothing wrong,” she said, trying to
comfort me.

I heard the door open and turned my head slightly to
see who it was. Cameron stopped, not sure if she should proceed. I
sat up knowing I’d have to tell her. “Roman knows. He hates me,” I
said as I started to cry hysterically again.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Cameron replied, joining us on
the bed. “He’s just upset. I’m sure once he calms down and lets the
information sink in he will be fine.”

“No he won’t and who could blame him? I left him to
search for an ex-love. No word, no explanation. I wouldn’t want to
forgive me either.”

“Ella, you can’t beat yourself up over this,” Josie
said.

“Can we just not talk about it anymore?” I asked,
desperate to make the pain stop. Cameron and Josie wrapped their
arms around me in a silent comfort as I cried.

We spent the next week continuing our search for
Tristan.

On Friday, after hours of searching and not coming
any closer than we were before, Josie suggested we quit for the
day. I wanted to keep looking but Josie had reminded me we had
plenty of time to look tomorrow. Feeling defeated, I agreed and
headed back to the hotel. We said goodbye to Josef and headed up to
our room.

April 28

It has been a month since we’ve
been in Ireland and still nothing. Every time we come close it just
ends up being another dead end. Even with the help of Tristan’s
family we weren’t any closer than we were before. I can tell
everyone is slowly starting to lose faith, but I refuse to give up.
I know
in my heart Tristan is alive. A
part of me always knew, but it just seemed too crazy of an idea to
accept. Mom called several times after dad left, but I refused to
talk to him. She begged me to come home and talk to my father
saying he didn’t really mean what he said, but I don’t care. I’m
done living under my father’s rule. I can tell Dean and Cameron are
getting tired of this little adventure and would rather go back to
their normal lives. I told them they didn’t have to help anymore
and could go home, but they insisted on staying. I think they’re
hoping I’ll eventually give up and go home with them, but obviously
they don’t know me very well. Josie told me she’d stick with me for
as long as it took, but I knew even she was losing hope…

“Hey, whacha doin?” Josie asked, plopping down on the
bed beside me.

“Nothing,” I replied, tucking my journal aside.
“Where’s everyone else?”

“Billy’s following some leads and Cameron and Dean
went to get some food.”

“Food for everyone or for themselves?”

“Everyone, I think Dean learned his lesson after last
time,” Josie laughed.

Of all people Dean should have known better. I get
very cranky when I’m hungry and when Dean showed up with food for
only himself, I chewed him out for being selfish. I think the
outburst had more to do with all the frustration and stress that
was building up and not to mention the major case of PMS I was
suffering from.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” Josie asked,
like there might be an actual change from what we have been doing
for the past month.

“I guess we wait until Billy gets back and go from
there. If he hasn’t found anything there’s a town about an hour
away I want to check out.”

“Okay,” she smiled and then lied back on the bed
swiping the remote from the nightstand and clicking on the TV. With
nothing else to do but wait, I joined Josie in her never ending
channel surfing while we waited for Cameron and Dean to come back
with the food.

Halfway through dinner, Dean put his plate aside, and
looked at me sincerely. “Ella, we need to talk.” I stopped. The
tone of his voice gave me a feeling I wasn’t going to like this.
“We’ve been here for a month and still found nothing.”

“I told you. You don’t have to stay. You are free to
leave whenever you want. There is nothing keeping you here.”

Dean gave Cameron a quick glance before he spoke and
I wondered what that was about. “I just think we need to get some
outside help.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think we should give Uncle Bobby a call.”

“Uncle Bobby,” I said skeptically. The only stories I
heard about him consisted of him being drunk most of the time.

“He knows the ins and outs of this town and let’s not
forget he’s a frequent flyer at the local pubs.”

“What about Josef though? He’s a townie and even he
hasn’t had any luck,” I said, not too open with the idea of calling
an uncle I’ve never met and who was a lush.

“Josef was helpful in the beginning, but he’s only
sixteen. Bobby’s been here for ages. He can go to these places and
get info from people who aren’t willing to talk to out-of-towners
and children.”

He just had to throw that last one in there. I let
out a sigh not seeing another choice. “I guess we could give him a
try,” I said, regretting every word. “Give him a call.”

“I don’t have his number, but I know where he
lives.”

“Shouldn’t we look him up then? I don’t want to show
up unannounced.”

“Trust me. Just showing up is better.”

I agreed to give Uncle Bobby a shot. I never met the
man and my curiosity was getting the best of me. We decided to go
over after dinner. Dean told us he lived in Belfast which was only
twenty minutes away from where we were at.

When we arrived at his house later that evening, I
thought maybe we were at the wrong address. His house looked like a
rundown shack. The garden, if you could call it that, was overrun
with weeds and I think I even saw a rat. The window shudders were
dilapidated and chipping paint. Except for the raccoons digging
through the garbage it didn’t look like there were any other signs
of life. “Are you sure this is the place?” I asked Dean,
sidestepping the overgrown vines.

“Yep, this is it.” He pounded on the door and more
paint chips fell off the paneling. “Bobby…hey Bobby, open up!”

I heard some bottles rattle and then a thud, followed
by some grumbling and locks clicking on the door. A middle aged man
with dark gray, shaggy hair and full beard answered the door. His
white tank top was covered in stains and his trousers had tears and
holes in them. He looked up at me with his gold eyes. “I didn’t
know hookers delivered,” he said, grabbing me.

I smacked his hand. “Eww gross, I am not a hooker,” I
said appalled.

“Uncle Bobby,” Dean jumped in. He shifted his
attention to Dean, squinting. “Uncle Bobby it’s me, Dean.”

“Dean my boy,” he cheered, giving him a hug. “I see
you brought me some lovely ladies.” He reached for Cameron but she
quickly jumped out of the way.