Unfortunate Son (18 page)

“You’ve only ever been with Lucas, babe.” Jimmy had sat there in his boyfriend’s living room, talking like he made offers like that every day. “Trust me, you don’t wanna be on camera if you have a freak-out or anything halfway through. We can test it out in private, and I can give you some shooting tips at the same time, okay?”

Evan had still been stuck back on step one. “You want to fuck me.”

Jimmy had barked out a laugh. “Hell, man, you don’t have to make it sound like I’m sending you back into combat. Yeah, you’re hot as fuck, or Cory wouldn’t have suggested porn in the first place. And I’m not made of stone. But it’s just sex, and even if it’s bad, it’s pretty good. I know what I’m doing, though, so it won’t be bad.”

And it hadn’t been. In fact, it had been so damn good that Evan had ended up as a temporary third for Cory and Jimmy, the first time they’d tried that arrangement. It hadn’t lasted, but thankfully, the friendship had come out stronger in the end.

Now Jimmy fixed him with a glare. “Look, honey, it’s just a massage, okay? I do it all the time around here, you know that. No different from anyone else, ’cept you never took me up on it. But you need it bad, so you’re gonna get your fine ass up on the table and let me at it.”

Evan never had been able to tell Jimmy no.

T
WENTY
MINUTES
later, Evan shimmied out of his shorts and climbed onto Jimmy’s massage table, settling on his stomach with his face in the cushioned ring at the end. Jimmy had been a masseuse at public spas for several years before he bought the resort. He’d paid for his training with his porn earnings. But while Evan had gotten a few of his garden-variety massages before, Jimmy was right that he’d never taken the full treatment. He was also right that Evan was strung tight as a bow, and while a massage would help, that extra bit of relief couldn’t hurt.

The massage room sat at the end of the hall in the resort’s main building, farthest away from the office but closest to the walkway that led to Jimmy’s place. Painted a soothing medium blue, the room had low lighting, cherrywood cabinets along one wall, and a tiny bathroom with a shower for rinsing off afterward. A small stereo on the counter piped in soft, New Age-y music, and aromatherapy candles gave off the scents of vanilla and lavender. Built for relaxation. Evan tried to let it all seep in through his pores.

Jimmy started at Evan’s shoulders, working out the knots down his spine and under his shoulder blades with firm, patient hands. Evan told his brain to shut the hell up and tried harder to relax, though he flinched when Jimmy hit particularly sore spots. And boy, were there a lot of those.

“You are one giant knot, honey.”

Evan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He used a trick he’d read about years ago, mentally concentrating on each section of his body, starting from the toes up, and consciously clenching, then relaxing the muscles. By the time he reached his neck, he felt more relaxed, and an approving sound from Jimmy confirmed it.

“Much better.” Jimmy fell silent, and Evan worked on getting his mind to shut off by using the same method. He thought of Riley and then let the image go. He thought of his mother and let her go too. And then he thought of Lucas, and for the first time in years, he let the anger and the grief go and focused instead on the good.

E
VAN
’
S
FIRST
deployment had been uneventful. He got letters and a care package from home, things stayed pretty quiet, and if it hadn’t been for the unrelenting desert heat and the sand that found its way into every crevice, he’d almost say it was fun. He went home on two weeks of leave in the summer, and his reception there was nothing short of a hero’s welcome.

Still, he’d felt separate from it all. His parents smiled and hugged him, but they didn’t really see him. They didn’t know who he was. Hell, Evan had barely figured it out himself.

He’d felt much the same during his first night with Lucas, part of him staying off to the side, watching the rest of him give in to everything he was feeling. When it was over, when they’d cleaned up and packed their things in the morning, Lucas caught hold of Evan with a hand on his arm.

“Look, you know we gotta keep this quiet, yeah? You know what happens if anyone finds out.”

Evan nodded. “Not a word,” he vowed, and Lucas gave him a wide grin.

“Good deal. Now let’s get outta here before we get left behind. Germany’s a hell of a lot nicer than Afghanistan, but I don’t wanna have to explain AWOL to my CO.”

All the way from Germany to Kabul, Evan had to fight to keep all the emotions buried. He couldn’t keep from staring at Lucas. From replaying the night before, the way Lucas had touched him, wringing out every last bit of pleasure he could, even in the short amount of time they’d had. Evan wanted more. He wanted to explore Lucas’s beautiful skin slowly, find every spot that made him gasp and moan. He wanted Lucas’s hands holding his head and Lucas’s cock down his throat.

More than anything, though, he wanted Lucas back inside him, pounding into him, giving him everything he had. Just the thought of it blew his mind. Lucas had been so careful with him. How would it feel to get fucked hard instead? To have Lucas put all of his strength into sending Evan soaring? Evan’s whole body shuddered at the thought.

Arriving back in Afghanistan was like descending into the bowels of hell. Searing hot, dry air slapped Evan in the face as he stepped off the plane. The troop transport that would take them to the base waited nearby, and he watched as other Marines climbed on board to join the ones already there.

“C’mon,” Lucas said from beside him. “Back to the sandbox with us.”

For the first time dreading what awaited him, having had just a little taste of what he’d been missing, Evan trudged down the stairs and toward the vehicle that would take him back to work.

T
HE
END
had come suddenly.

Almost six months passed after that night in a generic hotel room in Germany. Six months in which Lucas had become Evan’s best friend, in addition to his sometime-lover. Finding time alone together had been a challenge, but they’d managed it at least once every couple of weeks, even wrangling a two-day R&R pass in Kabul for Evan’s birthday in January, hitching a ride in and back with a supply truck.

But the friendship had become even more important than the sex. Lucas understood Evan in a way that Evan didn’t think he even understood himself. Lucas could pull him out of a bad mood with just a few choice words, drag him away from thoughts of the family he’d left behind, the brother he’d enlisted to honor. With Lucas around, the desert seemed like a sandy beach, and the dangers of war far away, unable to touch them when they were together.

They were two weeks from heading back stateside when it all came apart at the seams.

T
HEY
WERE
headed northwest, riding in an armored transport along a narrow road that had been cleared just a few days before. Even so, the drivers and sentries were on guard, eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary….

E
VAN
SHOOK
,
but the tremors weren’t as bad as usual. For the first time he could remember, he’d managed to drag himself from the nightmare of his memories before the horrific ending.

A hand smoothed down his spine. “You back with me, babe?”

Evan nodded into the ring that still supported his head. “How long was I out?”

“Not long.” Jimmy’s hand moved away. “Maybe fifteen minutes or so? I can finish up if you want, unless you’d rather nap? You can stay here if you don’t want to go back to your room yet.”

Evan shook his head. “You can finish. I mean….” He shrugged. “I feel pretty okay, so you can skip the happy ending. But the rest of the massage would be nice.” He turned his head far enough to flash a small smile, and Jimmy laughed and laid his hands back on Evan’s skin.

“All right, if you insist. But feel free to change your mind
anytime you like.”

Evan nodded and relaxed back into the table, mind calm for once. He closed his eyes and saw Lucas’s smile, and maybe for the first time in five years, it didn’t hurt.

W
HEN
THEY
headed back to Atlanta on Friday, Evan thought maybe he could handle anything. Cory drove, at ten above the speed limit as usual, blasting a retro dance music station on satellite radio and singing along in full Coco Lamé voice. Evan joined in, though he kept collapsing into giggles whenever Cory would attempt a falsetto he hadn’t quite gotten the hang of yet. Maybe Evan would buy him a helium tank for his birthday.

Evan didn’t hear his phone ringing over the blasting music, but he felt it vibrate against his thigh. He dug it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. “Fuck.”

Cory reached to turn down the volume on Whitney. “What’s up, hon?”

“Mom.” Evan stared at the screen, torn, until Cory poked him in the leg.

“Answer it,” he said. “She’s being pretty persistent.”

Evan wavered but then swiped to answer and lifted the phone to his ear. “Hi, Mom.”

Gwen drew in air, as if surprised to hear him. “Evan,” she breathed. “Oh my God. I was afraid you’d never speak to me again.”

Evan blew out a breath and tipped his head back to rest against the seat. “I considered it,” he admitted. He tossed Cory a glance. “A friend talked me out of it.”

“Well, tell your friend I said thank you.” Gwen paused and then let out a small laugh. “I’m so discombobulated I don’t know what to say. I didn’t really expect you to answer.”

Despite himself, Evan smiled. “I didn’t really expect it either, but you’ve got me now. I….” He grasped for the right words. “Can we maybe… try again?”

“Yes!” Gwen’s response came immediately. “That’s exactly what I wanted to ask. Evan, honey, I miss you so much. I didn’t… I don’t have any excuses for the way I behaved, but I want to find a way to make up for it if I can.”

Jesus
. Evan squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the words he thought would never come. He had no idea if there was any way for his mother to make up for the past five years, but just the thought that she might be willing to try made his stomach clench and his heart pound.

“Okay,” he managed. He swallowed. “What about….” He couldn’t finish the question, couldn’t force the word out, but she knew.

“Your father has agreed to talk.” Gwen’s voice had steadied. “I can’t make any promises on his behalf beyond that. Just know that whatever decisions you and I make are between us. Your father and I don’t always see eye to eye on every subject, and I can only do so much. You know how stubborn he can be.”

Yeah, Evan knew. He’d grown up with the man, after all. His father had never been abusive or cruel, but he’d been distant, at least from Evan. He’d worked long hours to get his law firm off the ground, but in the time he’d been home, he’d always seemed to favor his firstborn son. After Charlie died, he’d turned his grief inward and spent even more time in the office. Evan hadn’t recognized that immediately, but he knew how hard losing Charlie had been on his parents. That had made their choice to turn their backs on Evan that much worse.

Evan needed to get off the phone before his anger got the best of him. “I’m on the road, Mom.”

“Can you come for dinner on Sunday?” The words came out in a rush, and rather than argue, Evan agreed.

“I’ll be back by then.”

“All right, dear.” Gwen sounded more her usual collected self. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you. Take care.”

“You too.” Evan ended the call and slid the phone back into his pocket. Mind a million miles away, he jumped when Cory poked him again.

“You okay over there?”

Evan nodded. A lie. “She wants to see me again. They both do, I guess. Well, she said that, but I think she’s the one pushing it.”

Cory was quiet for a few long moments, and then, “Yeah. I can see that. She was a lot more torn up than your father when we went to see them.”

God. Evan had nearly forgotten that visit. Repressed it would be more accurate. The memory came flooding back in vivid detail, and he flinched.

“I can’t believe you would do this.” Charles Day stood in the middle of his spotless living room, a shaft of sunlight cutting across the space between him and where Evan and Cory stood near the door. His wife sat in an armchair, half hidden behind her husband, ankles crossed demurely and a handkerchief twisted in her fingers. “You’ve dishonored your brother’s memory, behaving like this. What were you thinking, boy?”

“Hey!” Cory took a step forward. “Evan loved his brother, and Charlie loved him. Charlie would’ve done anything for Evan, and Evan felt the same way. Charlie only wanted Evan to be happy.”