Unhappenings (49 page)

At some point after I tried to serve Helen a meal she would not touch, Athena returned. I had been expecting her to walk through the front door at some point, so I was quite startled when she flashed into the living room.

“I thought you were going for a walk,” I said.

“It was a long walk. I decided to get some work done.”

I debated whether to tell her about our meeting with Carlton, and Helen’s abject refusal to do anything that would jeopardize Athena’s existence, but she didn’t ask, so I didn’t press the point.

“What kind of work?”

“I found him,” she said. “2155.”

It took me a moment to reconcile that statement with the events of my very busy day, and to realize it was completely unrelated. Athena had been on her own quest recently.

“Future Me?” I asked. “The one who recruited me?”

“That’s right.”

I looked at Helen, who was obviously still rattled.

“Go,” she said.

“I can’t leave you alone here,” I said. “Not if you don’t feel safe.”

“Are you going to learn anything from this psycho version of you that will put us closer to fixing our problem?”

I looked at Athena. She made an ambiguous head-rocking gesture.

“Possibly,” I said.

“Then that’s my feeling of safety. Besides, you’ll both be back here in five seconds anyway, right?”

“She makes good points,” said Athena.

I kissed my fiancée and took my daughter’s hand.

“She always does.”

My world flashed.

The version of me we sought was the original. He had no module implant in his forearm, so we had to track him the old-fashioned way. He still held a position at the university, but he had been on sabbatical for months and had apparently been incommunicado. He lived in a simple, one-bedroom apartment that we were able to find with little difficulty, but he wasn’t there. Athena was able to decrypt the lock in seconds, and we entered to search for clues. The state of his home was disgraceful, and I found myself repeatedly apologizing to Athena for unsavory discoveries she made. Despite her repeated reminders that this person was not me, not really, I was unable to shake off the shame of what I had the potential to become.

We finally found him four blocks away from his apartment, in a bar. He was sitting alone at a table, an untouched drink in front of him, with a tablet that had his undivided attention. Athena and I pulled up seats without asking. He barely looked up.

“Did you figure it out yet?” he asked me.

“Do you mean did I figure out how to perfect your modules, or did I figure out this was always just about Helen?”

It was impossible to tell if my response surprised him.

“Either would be interesting, I guess,” he said. “But I meant the second one.”

“Yes,” I said evenly. “I’ve also made some progress on the first one, believe it or not.”

“Does the world keep changing around you?” he asked abruptly. “You notice things that weren’t there before or things missing that were? And no one else does?”

“Yes,” I said, thrown off by the question. “You should know that better than anyone. Why are you asking me that?”

“Happens to me all the time now. Some days I have no idea where I live, or who I know.”

I looked at Athena for clarification, but she wouldn’t make eye contact.

“I call it ‘unhappening,’” he went on. “Doesn’t seem to affect anyone but me.”

“How long has this been going on?” I asked.

“Ever since I strapped that damn machine to my wrist,” he said, and finally seemed to discover he had ordered a drink.

The most personal aspect of my quest for answers had somehow flown under my radar this entire time. Sitting before me was the original Nigel Walden, who grew up, had a reasonably long life, and then made one horrible mistake that damned every version of himself across space-time. This was me as I should have been, untainted by perpetual rearrangements of fact.

Setting aside my revulsion at the fact that given a blank slate, this would be my result, I suddenly understood that this man could tell me everything about what should have been. The true fate of Carrie Wolfe was stored in this man’s consciousness, along with every accomplishment and setback I should have had over the course of almost ninety years. I barely knew how to word the first question.

“Did you…?”

I felt Athena’s hand on my leg, and met her eyes. They were sad, and serious.

“That’s not why we’re here,” she said.

“Of course.” Whatever he knew about me, I was just going to have to do without it. As always.

“Why Helen?” I heard myself ask. Of all the many issues before us, that one always stood out as the only one that mattered.

“I met Helen six years ago,” he said. “At a conference. Her husband was a bit of science buff, with far too much money and free time. Dilettante. Managed to get himself invited to an international hyperphysics symposium. Virtually everyone there had some secret time travel project in the works, although ironically, the only topic not being discussed the entire weekend was manned time travel. This guy, West, had his own private team of hyperphysicists working on the problem, and he had singled me out as the person best qualified to answer his questions.” He paused here, and pointed at me. “Which, by the way, I did not.” Whether his gesture was a defensive one or an accusatory one, I never learned.

“He invited me to dinner to discuss his ideas, and I humored him, in exchange for the vague promise of a grant. He was actually a very entertaining man, for what that’s worth. We had a wonderful dinner discussion, and agreed to stay in touch. That was the day I met Helen. I have to say I didn’t think much of her at first. Very reserved. Made the occasional witty comment, but mostly stayed out of the conversation. She was obviously beautiful, and obviously intelligent, but really seemed like nothing more to him than a trophy.” He stopped here.

“Then what?” I prompted.

“Then we started corresponding. At first it was chance encounters when I tried to reach him, but she answered the vid instead. Small talk. Eventually we got to know each other. This was over several years, mind you, not something that happened overnight. Long after Carlton had moved on to other pursuits, I still stayed in touch with her. He was aware that I had a social connection to his wife, but it was just a friendship.”

“Been there,” I said. Athena kicked me.

“Eventually, it got to be too much. I don’t think she ever had the slightest idea the effect she had on me. Over time, I managed to convince myself that she was unhappy with her life. It really wasn’t much of a leap, after that.”

“So, that’s when you used the time machine?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, and took another sip of his drink. “It was as much a suicide attempt as anything else. Manned travel was on permanent hold at the Project, after our first and only volunteer never returned. Until we found the pilot, or the corpse, no one was going anywhen. But me? Well, I didn’t really have much to lose. Thought so, anyway. Dumb ass.”

“What happened?”

He laughed. “You know what happened. I pulled you out of time. First I had to replace you, but that was a cake walk. Went back to one day after I planned to hijack you, took that version of you back two days and dropped him off in California with nothing but a twenty-thousand dollar chip. Then I made you that offer. While one of you was working his way back across the country, I took the other one to 2144, five years before Helen had any idea who I was. Then it was just a matter of setting up that job interview, and manipulating you to be there that day. Figured whatever happened next would be up to you. How did it work out?”

“You don’t know?” I asked.

He shook his head, took another drink. “I did all of those jumps over less than a week. After that my world went straight to Hell. Lost the Time Travel Project first. That was the hardest. And the fact that it apparently happened five years before the day I found out was a bit of a disaster for me. The time machine I stole was still in my possession though, and no one ever asked about it. Then everything else started unhappening. I can’t even keep track of what I’m supposed to know anymore.”

“And Helen?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“You tell me. I never saw her again. I hear West is in France, but that’s such a shit storm right now I can’t get any information about his wife, if she even is his wife. Probably all shift again tomorrow anyway.” Then his eyes bored into mine. “So tell me, did it work?”

“Sort of,” I said.

He downed the rest of his drink. “Well run with whatever happiness that bought you, because it won’t last. Nothing does anymore.”

hen Athena and I got back to the house, it was already dark out. So much for back in a few seconds. Helen was sitting at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a teacup.

“Did you get what you needed?” she asked, barely looking up.

“A little clarity,” I said, “but no help with the technology. We are going to be on our own there.”

“You said you were going to be back in five seconds.”

I did not point out that it was in fact Helen who had said that. “It’s not always possible to hit the target that precisely,” I said, sitting down with her. “What happened?”

“He called.”

I could feel myself seething. “What did he say?”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t what he said. It was how he said it.”

Helen had used almost these same exact words to describe how she came to believe that Carlton would one day be the monster Athena warned me of. She stopped there. I did not have the heart to push the question. Whatever his intent, whatever his words, none of it would matter. Helen had already met the man at the end of the path Carlton was now walking. Behind her fear, I could also see the pain at the loss of who he used to be. Or the loss of her belief in his goodness.

“What can I do?” I asked.

She shrugged again. I tried to take her hand, but she wouldn’t let go of the cup. I kissed her on the forehead, then got up and gently took Athena into the next room.

“How long can you stay?” I asked quietly.

“I’m a time traveler,” she reminded me.

“Good. Please keep her safe.”

She gave me a troubled look.

“While you do what, exactly?”

“I’m not going to touch that baby, if that’s your worry,” I said. “That one is not on me. But I am going to find him before he has a chance to hurt her.”

“And then what?” she said. She had gripped my wrist.

“And then I’m going to unhappen the bastard.”

My world flashed.