Unholy Nights: A Twisted Christmas Anthology (48 page)

It was a silver pocket watch engraved with a soaring eagle on the front. I let out a surprised gasp at the sight and clapped my hands over my mouth. "Omigod," I screamed into them. "No freaking way!"

"Ah, so you do like the baubles." He peeked over my shoulder. "Great taste."

I ran my fingers over the lines of the eagles wings. "My husband Spencer has been looking for a watch like this for years. His grandfather gave him one that was almost identical and it just stopped working one day. We took it to a jeweler and he said there was nothing that we could do. He still has the chain, which cost a pretty penny more than the watch itself. This would be perfect for him. He can never make it anywhere on time."

I pressed a hand to my rebellious stomach. How I wished I wasn't such a twit and could afford to get him this watch. Watching him open it would be more satisfying than a thousand gifts of my own any year. Once again I cursed myself for my irresponsibility and rotten luck.

"Should I ring it up for you?" asked the shopkeeper.

I sighed. I wished. "No thank you, sir. I can't afford this."

"Call me Ulrich. Ulrich Kloss. Are you sure, girl?" The watch glinted in the overhead light. "The perfect gift is beyond price."

"Don't I know it," I replied. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Kloss. I better get back to my husband before he sends out the cavalry."

He smiled at me and nodded.

The feeling of dread doubled by the time I reached the exit to the store. What was I going to do?

"If you think you can afford it, the Mrs. and I are always welcome to trades. We only ask that you offer something as precious as the gift you seek in return."

I offered a smile and a thank you over my shoulder. There wasn't anything I could think of that was as meaningful to me as that watch would be to Spencer.

Spencer was waiting for me outside the store, playing on his phone and glancing up and down the walkway. Not good. When he saw me coming towards him his jaw tightened and he shoved his phone in his pocket.

"You sure took your sweet time. It's been almost three hours." He turned without waiting for an answer. Never mind the fact that it was me who was shopping for him. You think he'd be grateful.

"I told you that you could go home, Spencer. And it hasn't been three hours. It couldn't have been more than one."

"Check your phone, Sera. I've been texting you. The mall is about to close." I check it and my eyes widened as I realized he was right. But...there was no way I was gone that long.

He looked away. "I should have just gone home."

I couldn't help it. The shame, disappointment and anger bubbled up in my chest and burst through my mouth. I stopped in the middle of the walkway and yelled, "Hey, you know what? I should have too. With the way you've been treating me I shouldn't have even bought you a present." In my rage, I conveniently forgot that I hadn't actually gotten him one.

People had begun to funnel around us, some shooting me furtive glances. The men were give Spencer pitying looks.

"Whatever, Sera. It's just a present. It's not the end of the world. What you should get is a job so that we can finally get some money coming in instead of spending it on shit we don't need."

With that he began to walk back towards the exit, not stopping when I was detained by a horde of holiday shoppers. Fuming, I half-ran to our parked car. I skidded to a halt by the half rusted Honda and slapped my hands on its roof to get his attention, flakes of rust floating up and mixing with the snow that had begun to fall.

"It's not the end of the world, Spencer, but you and I both know that if things don't change between us that it may be the end of this marriage. So when I work my ass off trying to find something that will make you happy, the least you could do is show some gratitude. But that's it, isn't it? Nothing I do makes you happy."

With that I jerked the door open and plunked down into the passenger's seat.

Nothing good ever comes to those who wait to go shopping two days before Christmas I decided on the long, silent ride home.

Three

Dinner that night, needless to say, was a quiet affair. Silent treatments over Chinese takeout was
not
the romantic Christmas vacation that I'd had planned for us. Spencer hadn't said anything since we left the mall aside from asking what I wanted for dinner. For the first time, I couldn't taste the Kung Pao chicken nor could I enjoy it. It fell like lead into my stomach. I spent the quiet dreaming of what life would be like when we were financially stable.

There was no Micah to fill the void that had grown between us. The sounds of the utensils scraping the plates, the occasional swallow of food, and the hum from the distant refrigerator felt louder, so much so that they filled the room.

I hated that he looked so comfortable and unruffled, like he didn't even care that we'd morphed into a sick version of our former selves. And even more than that I hated that I still cared so much because that made the pain that much worse.

Disgusted, with myself and the situation, I pushed my chair out and brought my unfinished dinner to the trash. I rinsed and put the dirty plate in the dishwasher. That finished, I rested my hands on the countertop and stared into the distance outside the kitchen window.

I felt him enter the room before he spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Turning, I noticed that he was perched awkwardly in the doorway, his arms crossed over his immense chest and his full lips — lips I used to spend hours kissing — in an angry line. I hugged my arms around myself in protection. Why did every conversation feel like a battle now?

"What is it that you want to talk about Spencer?" I queried.

He licked his lips, then bit the bottom one and released it slowly, rubbed a hand across his neck. Classic Spencer evasive techniques.

"I just thought that we should talk about what happened this afternoon," he replied.

"What is there left to say, really? I'll complain that we aren't doing anything together, you'll say that you'll change and I agree to give it more time and nothing ever changes. I'll admit you're not the only one at fault here. Maybe it's not us as people. Maybe it's just the fact that we don't work together as a couple anymore." The silence following that statement was deafening. Saying those words out loud made them feel alive, visceral. It solidified all of the worries that I'd been having about our marriage aired their vulnerabilities for scrutiny.

"You did not just say that." His face reddened. His arms had dropped to his side, fists clenched until the knuckles were white. He took a step forward and his body was so tense I could feel the strain from across the room.

"Come on, Spencer. Ignoring the problems isn't going to make them go away. We don't talk anymore and if we do it's about Micah or our schedules. We haven't had sex in months. You barely even touch me anymore. Any time I try to get close to you, you push me away. It's like we're two ghosts circling around each other waiting for the other pin to drop."

"I'm not ignoring any problems, Sera. You don't think I know exactly what's going on? You don't think I'm faced with your disappointment every day? I come home and you look at me like I'm a failure." He stepped towards me, so close that his anger and frustration wrapped around me like a dark cloud. "How do you think it feels to struggle because you aren't enough to support your family? So I'm sorry if I've been too focused keeping our heads above water while you flit around spending money like it grows on fucking trees."

I smoothed my hair and fiddled with the ragged edge of the countertop behind me. Soapy water dampened my shirt, but I pressed myself against it if only to disappear from his disappointment.

"Ughhh." He ran a frustrated his hand through his short-cropped hair. "I don't know why I try so hard if this is how you really feel about us."

I jerked backwards. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I don't work every day to come home to a wife who isn't going to be able to fight through it when things get a little rough."

"Excuse me. I've been here every day of this relationship. I give you everything I have! Just because I don't bow to your every whim or because I expect us to have, I don't know, an
actual relationship
doesn't mean that I'm not working through this with you. I just think that maybe we've changed and that's why it's gotten to be so hard." I paused, then whispered, "It didn't used to be this hard, Spencer."

"Life isn't easy. Love isn't easy. Marriage sure as fuck ain't easy. There's never going to be a point where everything is perfect, Sera. I can't do this alone." He took a step forward then stopped. "I need you to be in this with me one hundred percent or there is no point in trying to make it work."

"What do you think I've been doing?"

His eyes locked onto mine. "You've been clinging to the hope that this isn't all there is. That you'll have the life you had with your parents. But, baby, they're never going to be that way. When we decided to get married before you even finished college and Micah happened, we thought we could still live wild like we were back then. The truth is we can't and you need to accept that. We can't blow money on everything we see. We can't go out every other night or make plans on a dime. It's not always going to be parties and trips to Europe whenever we want. And that's
okay
. What we have is better than that. We have family. Love. A home. We have each other and our son. If that's not enough to make you happy, then maybe we are two different people and this isn't going to work."

Any retort that I had instantly died in my throat. I opened my mouth to reply, but he didn't give me the chance.

He sent me one last killing glare and left.

*

T
he next morning while Spencer was getting ready for work I searched high and low for something that would be acceptable to trade to get his watch. With rest, I'd decided that I wouldn't give up. I couldn't. I still clung to the belief that the watch was our last hope. It had to be enough to bridge the gap. A peace offering of sorts. Then I would sit him down and hope we could have a conversation that didn't escalate into a fight.

I would have to find something fairly expensive to trade and we honestly didn't have much. Most of our things were second hand and he'd surely notice if I snuck the flat screen out of the house. Second to antiques the television was his baby and one of the only things of value we possessed.

As Spencer so aptly pointed out the night before, spending was mine. As I caressed the diamond and pearl clustered earrings set in silver that he gave me on our first wedding anniversary I hoped that it would be enough to trade for the watch.
If
that deal was even still available. I hid the earrings in my purse and prayed that my face wouldn't give anything away.

He was in the living room tying his boots when I came down the stairs. "Terry called, I may be a little late tonight. Some tourists broke down while they were in town and he needs me to haul them back to the garage and fix their van so they can get back on the road."

"That's okay." My hands twisted the material of my purse strap into knots. "I actually have to run back into town for another last minute gift. I'll take the bus."

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" he asked.

"No!" I shouted, then winced. "No. I don't mind. Besides it could be crazy busy again and I don't want to make you late for work. Also, I was thinking that we should maybe go out to dinner tonight? It's been a long time since we've had the opportunity to really reconnect and with Micah gone I thought it would give us the chance to be together."

His hands stilled on the bag he'd gotten up to pack. A few moments passed while I fidgeted with the contents of my purse. "I'd love to have dinner with you, Sera." He licked his lips. "Like I said though, I'll be a little late. Can you meet me at The Blue Room around seven? I should be done by then."

I smiled. "That would be perfect. We should exchange gifts then, too. What do you think?"

"Sounds fine to me. I have to go, but I'll see you tonight, okay?" He gave me an assessing look and for a moment I thought he'd caught on to my nervous fidgeting. But he didn't say anything else, just simply kissed my cheek and left.

The whole ride to the city I stole glances at my purse and had to steel myself from fleeing from the bus to go home and find something else. The earrings were a symbol of a time in our relationship when we were full to bursting with happiness. Giving them away almost felt like saying goodbye to that feeling.

The mall was somewhat less packed than the day before. As I made my way to the antique store the anticipation grew tenfold without the mindless droves of shoppers to distract me. I almost expected that the shop would be gone and it was all a figment of my imagination. But it was there, same sign, same music. Same overwhelming feeling of decadence.

I didn't see Ulrich anywhere, so I made a beeline towards the tables in the back where the watch had been. There were no other customers. In fact the store was oddly vacant.

I squealed when I found the watch exactly where I left it on the table. It looked even more exquisite than I'd remembered. I rolled it around in my hands, memorizing it's shape and texture. The joy such a little object would bring him was without bounds.

The Kloss's arrived then from a door at the back of the room. To its right was a selection of paintings, a landscape, a velvet portrait of a dove, a soft watercolor of a sunset. In front of them on a table was a magnificent bouquet of winter roses.

"Hey, Ulrich," I said. "You really do have everything here, don't you?"

Petra smiled. "Your heart's every desire." She was a stocky woman with a short cap of black hair in a severe angular cut. She was eyeing me with a shrewd look. "What can we help you with today, love?"

I gestured to the watch with shaky hands. "Ulrich mentioned to me yesterday that if I found something I could trade for it that I could get this watch."

Petra squinted her eyes at Ulrich and his jovial expression sobered. "So you've found something to trade, have you?"