Unison (The Spheral) (54 page)

“How many incarnations can you recall?”

“Twelve…since I began counting.”

I lifted both my brows for that one. “That technically makes you older than me.”

“Uncle Vivek says the same thing, but he still treats me like a child. I hate when he does it, but I wouldn’t care if everyone else here treated me that way."

“Why?

“It’s hard to make friends when everyone believes you’re a prophet.” Sutara walked towards a large rock and sat. “I only had one friend—Ajeet. He didn’t fear me.”

“You have to introduce me—”

“He died three winters ago.” Sutara wiped her eyes with her coat sleeve. “When he got sick, Vivek would not let me see him. He was afraid I would get sick too. Three nights later I woke up after I heard purring and when I opened my eyes, I saw a snow leopard sitting at the foot of my cot. He sat quietly and stared at me. I wasn’t afraid, so I petted him. ‘Remember,’ he told me. He then jumped off my bed and ran off.” Sutara looked at me. “What do you think that meant?”

“You were obviously very sad because you missed Ajeet. The mind finds ways to help us cope with—”

“It was not a dream!” Sutara glared at me. “When I woke up I found everyone awake. It was too early in the morning to plow the field. That’s when I knew Ajeet died. He came to me as the snow leopard in my dream. From that morning on, I remembered, like he told me I would.” She jumped off the rock, and we headed back inside. “When did you first remember?”

“It always happens the same way. I find Flora lying unconscious at the bottom of the ridge by my cabin.”

“Where is she now?”

“She died.”

Sutara stopped and looked at me with eyes that appeared to belong to an old soul. “She’s the other Six?”

“She is,” I said.

Sutara took my hand and peered at me as she had in my visions. “Do not give up, Damon. With each life comes a new way of seeing things.”

Shisa barked, and Sutara picked up a rock and tossed it. Shisa ran after it and Sutara giggled, reminding me she was a child. It was heartening to know her twelve incarnations failed to steal her innocence.

Vivek taught me to meditate to help alleviate my anxiety. During each meditation my focus improved. I was more at peace as Vivek had promised, but my nights were still plagued by dreams. Most of them were now focused around Kai, in both familiar and unfamiliar situations.

“You may be experiencing a bardo.” Vivek said during our morning tea. “You must suspend the needless jabbering in your head and observe, so that you may understand the meaning behind your visions. In the
Adhyatma Upanishad
, it is written, ‘of detachment the fruit is knowledge, of knowledge the fruit is withdrawal. Experience of Self as bliss leads to peace; peace is the fruit of withdrawal.’”

“I thought a bardo only happened after death,” I said.

“From our experience, does death even exist?” Tyrus asked as he entered the room.

“That’s why reality makes no sense to this objective observer.” Vivek laughed loudly. “Everyone has a counter opinion, which further proves no one has the answer to anything.”

“What’s your opinion?” I asked.

“As one of the objective observers, I am smart enough to know an opinion is a myth in disguise, so I do not invest much energy in forming one.”

“Then why are you trying to sell me your bardo?” I laughed.

“I am not
selling
anything
. 
I view the concept of a bardo as a clever method to induce clarity in thinking. If you are truly experiencing memories of past incarnations, it would be beneficial to take a step back and watch events as they unfold. You would then have a clearer perspective in your next incarnation.” Vivek paused to have a sip of his tea. “You would make far fewer mistakes.”

“That would make all my actions predetermined, and I’ve never seen any evidence of that,” I said.

“Perhaps you are a slow learner.” Vivek smiled.

“I’m a slow learner as well.” Tyrus poured some hot water into his cup. “I think it’s because I can’t make sense of this reality, which seems to get more confusing with each lifetime.”

“You sound like Wade.” I poured some sugar in my tea and stirred. “With six incarnations worth of data to ponder over, I’m convinced this reality is a fabrication we all planned and agreed upon. No supernatural intelligence would create something as flawed as us.” I laughed.

“It would also explain why we are in the midst of a collective psychotic breakdown,” Vivek said.

“I’d say we already had one and are now locked up in an asylum.” Tyrus had a sip of his tea.

“I knew you two would get along.” I laughed along. “I better give up now because neither of you will hear me any—”

“Every place I visited, the craziest ideas are presented as normal, and all who dare disagree are looked upon as the insane ones,” Vivek said to Tyrus.

“Exactly,” Tyrus replied. “Which is why I stay far away from any group that discusses politics or religion.”

I shrugged my shoulders and sipped my tea.

Tyrus rubbed his head. “I really will go insane if this pain in my head doesn’t cease.”

I instinctively stood and placed my hands over Tyrus’s head, not consciously aware of why I had done so. My palms heated up along with the rest of my body.

Vivek’s eyes widened. “I…see your aura. It’s whiter than the snow outside.”

The sensation I felt was similar to the one I experienced during my childhood vision when I touched the incubation tank. I had this awareness that I was the conduit for this energy that surged through me, and that I had to remain connected to Tyrus to heal him. When my body temperature dropped, I collapsed onto the chair.

Tyrus gawked. “What did you do to me? My headache…it’s gone.”

Vivek poured some water into a cup and handed it to me. His hand was shaking.

“I haven’t felt this good since before I got sick,” Tyrus said.

“He healed you.” Sutara walked inside and smiled. She turned to Vivek. “Are you a believer now?”

“How many times must I tell you, Suti, belief is the death of learning. No matter what wonders you see, there will always be more than one interpretation.”

“Like what?” Sutara crossed her arms.

Tyrus and Vivek looked at me, awaiting an answer. I had none, and I refused to be looked upon as a sage.

“The weather is nice today. Think I’ll go out for a walk.” I got Shisa and went outside where it had just started to snow. “What do you think? Should we go back inside?”

Shisa ran ahead, and I eagerly followed her, preferring the blistering cold to being looked upon as a leader.

SHAKY FOUNDATIONS

E
ager to observe my dreams as Vivek instructed, I turned in early. It took a while to relax as I couldn’t get my mind off how I healed Tyrus, or if I healed him at all. After I fell asleep, I was transported to the cabin moments after Kai shot Flora.

Kai aimed his plazer towards me. “You’re a nonessential,” he said.

“I agree.”

He shot me. The blast dissipated a few centimeters in front of my face.

“I said you’re a nonessential.” Kai shot me again, and the same thing happened.

“I agree.”

“Then why won’t you die?”

“I’m always here.”

“Where?”

“A place where you have no power over me.”

“You’re wrong. You’re as useless as the Unitians you tested Harmony on. Remember what you told me about the lower colors?”

“They don’t understand how to put our complex theories into practice, and we must steer them towards our desired goal of Unity.”

“That still sounds brilliant.” Kai smiled. “We’re so alike we might as well be one Unitian.”

“I’m more than a Unitian, and I’m nothing like you. I left when I realized you wanted to use Harmony to enslave everyone.”

“You may have escaped from Unity, but you can’t escape from actions you’ve already taken. You think I’m evil? If you truly believe that, you must reassess your opinion of yourself.” Kai pointed at me. “
You
invented Harmony.
You
believed you could harness the power of God inside an implant and fix everything.”

I shoved Kai’s back against the wall and choked him. He laughed. The harder I squeezed my hands around his neck, the louder he laughed.

“You should be dead, not her!”

“Stop yelling!”

I opened my eyes, and the moonlight revealed Sutara’s face.

“You were dreaming,” she said.

I sat up. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Sutara smiled. “I was right. Ajeet really did come to me in my dreams.”

“What makes you say that?”

“If you can call me, that means everything I figured out in my last few lifetimes is right.”

“I…called you?”

“We’re going home soon,” Sutara said, excited.

“You
are
home, Sutara.”

“Not this home. Our next home.”

“Which is where?”

“I don’t know where, but it’s beautiful. The sky is golden, and we live there always. You are going to take us there.”

I placed my hand under her chin. “You’re mistaken. I never called you, and I’m not here to lead you anywhere.”

Sutara cried. “I don’t believe you, and neither does Vivek.” She stepped back and crossed her arms. “He brought you here this time because he agrees with me.”

“This time?”

“I told him to find you—in your last lifetime, but he came back alone. He said you were a very strange man because you spent all day talking to ducks, fighting, and yelling at people.”

“No wonder he doesn’t take me seriously.”

“Stop trying, and maybe he will.” Sutara headed towards the door. “Come with me. I have something to show you.”

I followed her outside, and we turned to face the Crossings.

“The day the ground shook, almost everyone inside died,” she said.

Sutara took my hand. “See through my eyes.”

When I now looked at the Crossings, it was crushed by a rock slide.

“Did this happen?” I asked.

“Many times.”

“How did you all survive such devastation?”

“In my first lifetime, I died.” She rubbed her eyes. “In my second lifetime, my memory returned before it happened, and I tried to warn everyone. I woke them when the yaks, sheep, and mules cried out, but it turned out to be a snow leopard killing one of the sheep. No one took me seriously after that. They thought I was depressed over Ajeet’s death—which I still was.” Sutara cried. “But now I was also scared about losing everyone here and being left all alone.

“How did you convince them?”

“How do you know I did?”

“You’re here to tell me what happened, and the people of the Crossings are still alive.” I caressed the back of Sutara’s hand with my thumb.

“After a few more nights of standing outside in the cold, no one believed me. They thought I made up the memories of my past life. They all thought I was crazy…except Vivek.”

We walked towards the river’s edge, and Sutara stared out at the water. “I told them I wouldn’t warn them again. I was so mad, I didn’t care anymore. Vivek wanted me to keep waking him. Each time the animals cried at night, we would come outside together.”

Sutara was shivering, and I put my arm around her. “The more I talk about my memories with others, the more problems I seem to create. I’ve lost two people close to me, and I can’t save them. How did you do it?”

“In my sixth lifetime, Vivek and I stood outside on the night the ground shook. This time, I kept quiet, and I listened to the animals. Their cries sounded slightly higher in pitch. I never noticed that before. The air was very still, and I had a funny feeling here.” Sutara placed her hand over her chest. “Then it happened a few minutes later.” She cried. “I had to watch them all die again.”

“I know.” I hugged her. “My sadness doesn’t lessen with the passage of each incarnation either.”

“In my lifetime that followed, I didn’t say anything until I heard the same high-pitched cries of the animals. I yelled for everyone to go outside, and they listened. The ground shook and half the Crossings crumbled, but everyone survived and rebuilt.”

I thought for a moment. “Do nothing?”