United State of Love (17 page)

She jumped to her feet, brushed her jeans down unnecessarily, her eyes locking with his.

‘Can we talk?’ she said at last.

Normally those three words would set alarm bells ringing in Tex’s mind. It was never good when a woman wanted ‘to talk’. It usually meant they were after commitment, that the light-hearted days were coming to a close and more serious ones lay ahead. Tex was good at anticipating this point and bringing things to a close beforehand, but today he noted those feelings couldn’t be further away.

‘You’d better come in.’ He tapped in the passcode and swung the door open, letting her walk through first, the scent of her perfume drifting under his nose and triggering a whole host of involuntary reactions; his body tensing. It didn’t help that the lift was tiny, just big enough for the two of them. Being in such a confined space with her was sending serious adrenalin rushes to every extremity of his body. Finally, they were in Tex’s apartment and he could put a bit of physical space between them.

‘Do you wanna cup of tea?’ She shook her head and went to speak, but Tex cut in. ‘I need to take a shower first. Then we can talk.’

The shower was good, cold, but it did the trick. It also gave him the thinking time he needed. He didn’t want things to end with Anna, he wasn’t ready for that yet. The idea of not seeing her again gnarled at his insides. He didn’t know what to make of himself or how one woman could have this effect on him. Then he realised that he hadn’t even thought about Estelle once in the past three days. The realisation stilled him. Rooted him to the spot. He mulled over his feelings and was even more surprised when he could find no guilt, not even if he tried to force it out of him. No, it just wasn’t there.

All he felt was a need. It had been plaguing him all week and now he finally acknowledged, finally realised, that this need was for Anna. He needed her for his mind, body and soul. He also realised that just thinking about her meant he needed another shower. Another cold one.

When he came out of the bedroom in his jeans and white t-shirt, bare feet and damp hair, Anna thought for one moment that the fizz of excitement would cause her to spontaneously combust. He looked so handsome. All she could do was stare at him while he stared back as he stood in the doorway. She heard herself swallow as her heart tried to throw in an extra beat. It sounded so loud, she was sure he could hear it too.

She gathered her thoughts. Thoughts that had done nothing but circulate her mind since Sunday like a never-ending merry-go-round. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about him but she was sure that she had missed him and that she wanted to be with him. However, she didn’t want to need him. She had needed Mark for many, many years. Far too many. Now she didn’t want to have to need anyone again.

She knew she had baggage, otherwise known as Mark, and to a certain extent Luke – the latter she couldn’t do anything about nor wanted to. She could make this work though. She could keep her relationship with Tex separate and avoid confrontations like that again.

All she needed now was to know how Tex felt. Did he want her? He had problems of his own. He had never said outright, but she guessed his wife’s memory was never too far from his mind. She would just have to deal with that, as he would have to deal with Mark.

Collecting her thoughts, she spoke. ‘I just wanted to know, well, to check, how things stand with us. I understand if you want to call things off. I mean, what with Mark and Luke, I know it’s not easy.’ She twiddled the rings on her fingers, still unable to draw her eyes from his.

‘Is it too difficult for you?’ he asked gently.

She shook her head slightly. ‘No.’

He took a few steps closer to her. Slowly. ‘Then if you can bear it, so can I.’ A few more steps nearer. ‘I’m sorry for walking out on you the other day. I’m afraid I’m not used to teenage boys who are protective of their mother. And their father. But I understand that now.’

‘I’m not asking anything of you, Tex. I know you have never…’ She paused, this was harder than she imagined, but it needed saying. ‘I know you have never got over the death of your wife. I’m not expecting commitment or anything like that. All I want is honesty.’

He took the last few steps, closing the gap between them. Taking her hand in his, he kissed her palm, never looking away from her face. ‘That I can give you.’ He could just as easily have kissed her very soul, the sensation went to places inside her she never knew even existed, the soft resonance of his voice caressing her when he said, ‘And I can honestly say that I want you.’

She thought she heard him say ‘forever’ at the end, but she wasn’t sure and didn’t have time to consider it further, as she was engulfed in his arms, his mouth urgently seeking hers. She had her answer and she welcomed him in a way she had never dreamt she was capable of. Intense. Raw. Must-have.

During the following weeks, while Mark was away in the States, Anna found herself happier than she had been for a long time.

Although Tex was extremely busy organising the refurbishment of the new restaurant, interviewing staff and deciding on menus etc, together with keeping an eye on the Guildford restaurant, he seemed more than happy to make time for her. He had phoned her every day, sometimes two or three times on the odd days he hadn’t been able to see her. These phone calls made the days when she didn’t see him bearable.

Her work was ticking over nicely. Jamie had a regular supply of clients for her and, encouraged by this, she had handed in her notice at the tea rooms. Brian had been disappointed to see her go but said he understood. It was sad saying goodbye to the staff there, but no doubt she would still see them in and around Arundel. Anna still kept her translation work going, it was a handy extra which she was mindful would help to support herself when the house was sold.

Working for Jamie also had the benefit of seeing Tex on official business too. Today she had to attend a meeting with Tex and his restaurant manager. Apparently, Tex had told Jamie he needed her to help with the translation of the various CVs that had come in. As it turned out, Anna hadn’t actually been needed much, and after the manager had gone, Tex admitted to her that he had just used it as an excuse to see her.

‘I'm not sure whether to be flattered or not.’ Anna laughed. ‘You're paying Jamie for my services. It's like he's my pimp!’

‘Well then, I had better get my money’s worth.’ A mischievous glint flickered in Tex’s eyes as, nose to nose, he walked her backwards against the wall of his office, his hands now against the wall, either side of her head, barring her escape. Not that she had any intention of escaping. When he paused from kissing her, he nuzzled her neck, his hands cupping her face.

‘Come home with me,’ he whispered.

‘But I need to get back to work,’ she replied, but was making no attempt to move.

‘I don’t mean now. I don’t mean Arundel,’ he said evenly. ‘I mean Texas. Brenham. Moonshadow Meadows to be precise.’

She gulped. ‘That’s a long way.’

‘A little under five thousand miles.’ He kissed her again. ‘I would love to take you there. Meet everyone. See the ranch.’

Meet his family? Was that a good idea? She’d think about that later. ‘When?’

‘Soon. Before the restaurant opens. I could do with a break.’ He paused, waiting for her to respond.

‘I’d need time to clear it with Jamie.’

‘Jamie will be cool. I’ll tell him it’s for work.’

‘Paying for me again.’ Although she laughed, Anna wasn’t entirely comfortable with the concept. ‘I’ll speak to Jamie and arrange some time off. I’d prefer it that way.’

Tex was grinning like a schoolboy. He looked so gorgeous, Anna felt a small frisson zip through her.

‘Okay, whatever way you prefer,’ he said.

‘Then I’ll have to see if Luke can go to a friend’s, or to Nathan’s.’

‘You can’t leave him on his own?’ More kisses.

‘I don't know. I have visions of wild house parties. Mrs Meekham. Drunk teenagers throwing up and having sex everywhere. Gatecrashers. Police.’ Anna winced at the possibilities.

‘Mrs Meekham getting drunk and having wild sex?’ Tex chuckled.

Anna laughed too. ‘Oh, that's not a nice thought. Although it could put off potential purchasers.’

The words were out before she’d had time to check herself. It was a taboo subject that she had made clear to Tex she didn’t want to discuss, and to his credit he had honoured her wishes. She knew it would cause friction.

‘You’re still going ahead and letting him sell the house then?’ asked Tex, his face now serious.

‘Yes but…’

Tex cut her off. ‘I know, you really don’t wanna talk about it.’ He took a step back from her, no longer in contact.

‘So let’s not then,’ she said firmly.

‘Why have you never divorced him?’ He took her hand so she couldn't fiddle with her rings.

‘Never got round to it. I didn't want to become a statistic, to become an official failure. I didn't want Luke to think it was final.’ A well-rehearsed and often-spouted answer. Anna took a deep breath as she added, ‘And I suppose, initially, I didn't want it to be either.’

‘And now?’

‘It's different now.’ It was almost a mumble. She wanted to say it was different because of Tex but she couldn’t seem to form the words.

‘Do you still love him?’

‘No. Not at all. Not love,’ Anna said quickly. ‘Of course I did love him once but not now. We have a bond, that being Luke, but nothing more.’

‘Does Mark want a divorce?’

Anna couldn’t meet his gaze. She shrugged, unable to lie but unwilling to tell the truth.

‘Have you asked him? Anna, have you asked Mark for a divorce? What does he think about it?’

‘Tex, please.’

‘Well,
have
you asked him?’

Anna could hear the frustration in Tex’s voice. Looking at the floor, she nodded.

‘And what did he say? He doesn’t want one, does he?’ Tex paused.

Anna shook her head. She looked up as he exhaled deeply and stomped across the room to the window. ‘He wants to get back together, doesn’t he? That’s why he’s back. He still loves you. Jeez! I knew things would get complicated.’ He dragged his hand over his face.

‘Huh! You knew about Mark from the start, I never tried to hide him from you. And don’t start making out as if I’ve chased you and forced you into some sort of relationship with me. If I remember rightly, it was me who said not to mix business with pleasure. I was the one who told
you
it would be complicated.’

‘You have grounds to divorce him. You’ve been separated for over a year. What’s stopping you?’ Tex turned round to face her. ‘There is nothing stopping you, only you.’

‘You wouldn’t understand.’ Anna could feel tears building up in her eyes. Of course if it was only divorce, she could deal with it, but it wasn’t just that. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Tex about the photos. The thought of them plastered all over the Internet and turning up on doormats up and down the country was enough to hold her tongue.

‘I might understand.’ Tex’s voice was softer now. He came over to her. ‘Please don’t cry Anna. I need to know. Whatever it is. Trust me. Tell me.’

‘Just be a bit more patient, Tex.’ Anna wiped an escaped tear away from her face. ‘I’m not very good at this relationship business, it’s been so long.’

‘I’m trying to be patient. I am trying very hard.’ He sighed heavily as he dropped a kiss on her head.

The Pilates class always finished half an hour before Emily’s time at the crèche was over, so Anna and Zoe went for a coffee and a chat in the club lounge, as had become their habit.

‘You know he had to go out one evening with a client?’ said Zoe as she sat herself down on the chair next to Anna.

Anna could have kicked herself for not even thinking that she might have to have this conversation with Zoe. Was this a test? Did Zoe know that Nathan had taken Christine to the same charity event that she had been to with Tex? Nathan did say that he had told Zoe. Oh what to say! Anna didn't want to drop Nathan in it, but at the same time she didn't want to lie to Zoe. Anna had hesitated too long to reply.

‘It's all right, I know all about it. Nathan did tell me.’

‘Well, I assumed he would,’ said Anna quickly. ‘Anyway, that was the other week.’

‘I know. I wasn't going to say anything but I heard him on the phone last night, talking all quiet and in that way a bloke does when he is so obviously speaking to a female.’

‘Did you ask him who it was?’

‘Said it was just a client rearranging an appointment.’ Zoe dropped a sugar lump into her coffee.

‘Well, there you are then.’

‘Hmm. Maybe.’ Zoe looked up at Anna. ‘I must admit, I thought you might have said something about him being at the charity do with someone else.’

‘There was nothing to say,’ replied Anna, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

‘Do you think he slept with her?’ Zoe could have been asking what time the swimming pool opened or if rain was forecast that day. ‘Well do you?’ Zoe’s expression cool and detached.

Anna took a moment or two before answering. ‘Do you?’ Throw the ball back in her court.

‘I've no idea, that's why I was asking you.’ Zoe turned her attention back to her coffee cup and plopped another sugar lump into the dark brown liquid. ‘I thought I'd get an honest answer from you. No point asking Nathan, he's bound to say no. Of all people, you know what it's like to be cheated on, more than once, so I thought you would be hardly likely to defend him.’

Anna winced at the bluntness of Zoe's comment. ‘As far as I know, and believe, Nathan hasn't cheated on you.’

‘I know he's your brother, but you would tell me wouldn't you, if he was having an affair?’

‘I honestly don't think he'd do that,’ said Anna reassuringly. ‘Nathan thinks the world of you.’

‘Really? Maybe he used to.’

‘When you've got a business to run and a family and home to look after, sometimes you forget to make time for each other. Maybe you two should try doing things together, just the two of you, without the children. I'll always babysit for you.’ Anna sipped her tea.

‘Is she pretty?’

‘Who?’

‘His client. The one he took to the charity ball.’

‘Don't wind yourself up about her. Anyway, he didn't take her, she took him because she didn't have anyone to go with.’ As Anna spoke, the scene where Christine had confronted her in the toilets replayed in her mind. Was Christine serious? Wasn’t it a tad drastic?

‘Mmm. He didn't have to accept though,’ grumbled Zoe, stirring her coffee swiftly, the spoon clinking against the china.

‘True. But I think he's trying to build up his client base and didn't want to … ’

Zoe cut her off. ‘You sound just like him! Did he give you a copy of his script?’

‘Sorry.’

‘Stop being such an apologist. You ought to work for the UN. You’re so diplomatic and passive at times, it’s infuriating.’