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'You’re okay now,’ said Tay. It was a statement, not a question.

‘Yes, I’m okay now, thanks.’ Katriona replied. She looked about her. Tania and Eden, freshly bathed and in pyjamas, were arguing about their books, and Jordan, clean and incredibly angelic, was in his mother’s arms.

‘Put him to bed, please, Tay.’ Amber transferred him to his father.

Katriona watched the big fair man kiss Jordan and walk from the room. No one in the family seemed to think it very unusual that Tay should have held her in his arms while she cried all over him. They had just gone on preparing for bed.

Amber laughed at her wan look. ‘Think nothing of it. Tay’s good to cry on. It’s his one talent. He’s had years of practice with me. I think that’s why I married him. He instinctively knows when the dam is going to burst, and he just holds you and lets you get on with it. I love him for it. Most guys would run a mile, or tell you to buck up, but not my Tay, he’s a natural.’

‘He is indeed,’ Katriona said gratefully. ‘And so are you, Amber. You’re both beautiful.’

Amber laughed. 'Not all the time, we’re not. Sometimes we’re horrible. You’ve just seen us at our best, trying to make a good impression. You may live to regret the day you made friends with us.’

‘Oh, no, I won’t.
Never!’
Katriona declared with conviction.

She said goodnight to Tania and Eden, promising to come down to their school house and see them doing their correspondence lessons soon. As they left she knew she had to return to the homestead that night. These children had been born on Evangeline and she could not live with herself if they had to leave because of her.

Tay returned. ‘Whew! I’d rather handle an angry stag than put Jordan to bed against his inclination! ’

Katriona still had her second question. ‘Tay, I still need another answer. My mother was driving the car when Ross was injured. Who else got hurt?’

Tay looked at her carefully as if trying to estimate her capacity to take punishment, then sighed. ‘You’ve got to know, I guess, but I wish it wasn’t tonight, and I wish it wasn’t me having to tell you. Morgan’s parents were in that car, and they were both killed.’

‘How old was he?’ Katriona asked harshly.

‘Six years old.’

‘Dear God, how terrible!’ There was real anguish in her voice, and that instant she felt the agony of a little boy not even Eden’s age having his parents torn from him, and understood Morgan’s rage this afternoon. It must have brought it back so vividly to him. That would account for his almost uncontrollable anger.

‘Were there any other children?’ she asked.

‘No. He was an only child.’

‘That makes it so much worse. He’d be left all alone in the world. Were they happy, his parents, I mean?’

‘From what I was told, yes.’

‘May God forgive her, because I can’t,’ Katriona shouted, as she grabbed up her jacket and went to the door. ‘I’m going back to the homestead, Tay. Don’t involve yourself with me. Say goodnight to Amber, please. And thank you ... I... Goodnight.’

She ran down the path and was struggling to unlatch the gate in the dark when Tay caught up with her and pushed her aside and opened it for her. ‘I’ll walk with you.’

'You’re not trying to stop me?’

‘No, I won’t try and stop you.’ He shut the gate. ‘I’ll walk you the long way home around the deer park. It will give you a little time to get things into perspective before you face Morgan. Don’t forget that Carla is still there. I won’t talk to you if you don’t want me to, I’ll just accompany you. Come this way. It’s a beautiful walk in the moonlight with all the stars out. I often wander around here at night ... especially if I’ve got a problem. It helps me. It will help you.’

In spite of herself Katriona found herself moving with him. ‘It won’t help me. Nothing can help me.’

‘It’s very new and fresh and painful to you, but remember that it’s very old to Morgan and your father. I doubt if anyone else on the station knows much except Nivvy and myself. You mustn’t blame yourself, you weren’t even born. Your mother did it.’

‘He said I was just like my mother. He
blames
me.’ The words were torn from her.

‘He didn’t know what he was saying. It was sort of a reflex action. He doesn’t know you yet, Katriona, but he will. If you’ll only give him a chance.’

‘Me give him a chance? I couldn’t speak to him again, never. I just couldn’t.’

‘You will,’ Tay reassured her quietly. ‘You will.’

Katriona walked, hardly seeing where she was going although the moon was bright, making the roadway white, and the sky was brilliant with stars. All she knew was that she was filled with pain, hurt beyond healing, and only barely aware of Tay walking two or three feet away from her, keeping pace with her ... not speaking.

‘Just like your mother. Just like your mother.’ The words pounded and pounded into her brain like a sledgehammer driving spikes. ‘A frivolous woman. A frivolous woman.’ Katriona shook her head, trying to loosen the steel bands which were squeezing her head. ‘A vain and stupid woman, who puts her own pleasure above the lives of others.’

The night was warm with the heat from the day still in it, but she was cold, so cold. It was as if her heart was made of ice, and instead of blood pumping through her veins it was chips of sharp-edged glass slicing and tearing at her. She clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering, and wrapped her arms across her slim body, trying to warm it.

Her mother had come here, and in her usual careless, selfish way had smashed people’s lives, then fled from what she had done. No wonder she had never talked of Evangeline to Katriona. To have come here married and crippled her husband, and orphaned a little boy, and not had the courage to stay and try to repair the damage, was beyond credibility.

She could have stayed and loved that grand man back to health, but she had left, not even knowing whether he lived or died ... not even caring. She could have stayed and given the child she was carrying to him, to give him something to live for, but she had run away ... not even wanting the child herself. She could have taken that little lost six-year-old boy and loved him ... Morgan, who would have been handsome, like Eden ... but she had run away.

Her mother was ugly, and selfish, and Morgan had judged Katriona to be the image of her mother. ‘You disgust me. God help Ross Carmichael.’ He had said that. Katriona moaned softly.

Tay touched her arm. ‘Sit down, Katriona. Here, on this seat I built myself. You’re in the picnic area now. Sit down. The seat is built strongly and will hold a great heavy weight like yourself.’

Katriona sat down, rather like a puppet which has had its strings released.

Tay kept talking. ‘Look up at the stars, Katriona. What a glorious sight! See, there’s the Southern Cross—no, a little this way, above that tall fir tree. See four stars in the form of a cross—concentrate. Then it has two leader stars —see them, Katriona? If you take a direct line through them, to that star on the cross, you have your bearings, whether on land or sea. Think about it, Katriona. When God made the world, he divided the light from the darkness, on the first day, and on the fourth day he made the sun, the moon and the stars. Look at them and marvel.’

Katriona looked up and found her pain easing as she took in the incredible beauty of the star-studded night, the soft wind soughing through the tall pines, and the moon spreading its light on the seats and tables, silvering the grass, and the deer by the fence, the flax bushes and small sycamore and oak trees. Slowly the chaos stilled.

‘You’re not alone, Katriona. You’re never alone. You know that and I know that. See, those stars were put up there from the beginning of time to guide men. Navigators have used them to cross oceans and deserts. Do you think those stars were put there by accident, just flung in to make the sky pretty? Of course not. They were put there for a purpose. Everything and everyone on this earth is here for a purpose. Hang on to that thought and travel with hope.’ Katriona stared upward, filling her heart and mind with the glory of the stars, the elegant moon above the firs and the dark mountains behind them. ‘Take me back to the homestead, Tay. I’m ready as I’ll ever be. You travel with hope, I have none. Because for me there’s nothing to hope for. If I’d grown up here my inheritance would have been the joy of being able to range free on this wonderful place, but my mother has let me inherit from her instead, just bitterness. I can understand why they’re suspicious of me, and wary, but I can’t understand why they wanted me here. Just to hurt me?’

‘No, that’s not true,’ Tay contradicted her. ‘Don’t judge them so harshly. Give them time.’

‘Morgan has judged me! ’ Her voice was harsh. ‘Judged me and found me wanting, found I was just my mother over again. I’ll stay here the month because I gave my word. I’ll try very hard not to cause any trouble while I’m here, and try not to hurt anyone. That’s my best offer.’

‘And it’s a good offer, Katriona. It won’t be all bad, that’s my word. Our house is your house, our family your family, you know that.’

‘Thank you, Tay.’ Katriona did not speak until they reached the wrought iron gate under the silver birches. ‘Goodnight, Tay.’

'I'll see you to the door.’ He opened the gate for her.

‘Carla knew everything ... about the car ... about my mother killing Morgan’s parents?’

‘Yes.’ Tay’s voice hardened. ‘She knew. She knew Morgan hates anyone to drive his car. She knew and timed your arrival at the yard at the exactly right time, because she watched from the mail box, and calculated it down to the last second.’

Katriona shuddered. She walked slowly to the pool of light streaming from the ranchslider doors. ‘How she must hate me! ’

Tay laughed. ‘Wrong, Katriona. Think. How frightened she must be of you.’ He knocked on the door and slid it open, startling Morgan and Carla who were deep in conversation on the couch. ‘One beautiful girl, signed, sealed and delivered in perfect order. All yours, Morgan. Goodnight, Katriona.'

He bent his head and kissed her cheek and whispered, ‘Don't give an inch. Remember your father owns Evangeline.’

Katriona watched him leave, then walked past the two, who stood up. ‘Don’t disturb yourselves. I’m going straight to bed.’

‘Your father rang. He was sorry to have missed you.’ Carla spoke a trifle nervously.

‘I’m sure you were able to explain my absence with a totally adequate and convincing lie, Carla.’

K
a
trion
a
woke while it was still dark and hurriedly slipped into her clothes and made her way to the small building by the lane gate behind the woolshed. As she seated herself the kea called its plaintive cry, echoing the sadness Katriona felt. A stag roared and roared again in the park, and far away up in the hills another stag answered the challenge.

The sky was starting to brighten as the sun slowly dimmed the stars and outlined the mountain ridges and peaks, silhouetting the line of poplars to the east, just their slender shapes at first, but as the light strengthened each leaf and branch became delicately etched against the golden glory of the dawn sky.

A shepherd’s dog barked, and a rooster crowed, then the pure crisp morning air was filled with the song of the tuis and bellbirds in the plantation behind her. Horseshoe Hill, the twin peaks and the grey fan crater at the top changed from night-shadowed purple to a pale delicate pink, then a deeper rose shade, until suddenly the whole mountain and plateau were aflame with crimson brilliance. Katriona sat enthralled trying to capture and hold the Incredible glory of the sunrise.

The big wonderful mountain had the sun to warm and colour it, while warming and lighting her was the secret knowledge she had, that she loved Morgan Grant. She had flown thousands of miles to get him out of her system, and now she knew he was a permanent fixture there. What had she lost yesterday? Nothing. What you never had, you cannot lose. The only difference between yesterday morning and this morning was knowing that she could never get close to him. Sure, it was easy to understand the hardness in him now. Her mother had done that “to him, but she, Katriona, would have to pay the price. He would never trust her again after yesterday. It had been a small thing to want. Just that he could like her a little and relax with her. If he had offered her his friendship that would have been a mighty gift and she would have treasured it all her life, and drawn on it in the empty years which stretched ahead. But even that was denied her. But she could still love him. In point of fact she could not stop loving him. As long as she lived she would love Morgan Grant.

‘How many sunrises left?’ Morgan was standing in front of her, the sun behind him hiding his expression.

Katriona glanced up automatically, not knowing that her small delicate face and shining eyes held all the awe and wonder of the morning dawn and her love for him naked and clear for him to read. But only for a second before her long lashes fanned her cheeks. She tried to control her wildly pounding heart, by staring fixedly at the majestic redwood tree by the gate as she answered in a carefully modulated voice, ‘Twenty-seven.’

‘And you hope they’ll all be as beautiful as this morning’s effort?’

‘Did you see the sunrise too?’ Katriona had to fight to sound casual. Her emotions threatened to choke her ... he was standing so close to her ... he was actually talking to her.

‘Yes, I shared it with you. I’d been for a walk round the deer park, and was standing over there by the silos. I hesitated to come over, because I spoiled it for you yesterday.’

Katriona stared rigidly at the huge tree and wished it would not spin round like that. He had been standing there all the time. She wanted to look at him, to see what he was feeling, but dared not. Was he uplifted like her? Did he feel pity for her? Sympathy for her? Hatred for her?

‘And you’ll be happy to get twenty-seven more as good as this one, followed by scorching hot days?’

‘Yes.’ Katriona closed her eyes. She must keep her answers short, and her feelings hidden from him.
She must not look at him.
She had shared a sunrise with him. She jumped to her feet, thrusting her hands into her pockets, and deliberately turned away from him, looking towards the silos where the barley harvest was stored, and to the orchard heavy laden with fruit.