Unknown Man No 89 (1977) (12 page)

"Not in the past three or four weeks anyway, huh?"

It went past her or she didn't hear him. She was looking at the people beginning to leave.

"I told Paul and some of the others I'd meet them for a bite," Denise said. "Would you like to join us?"

"Fine. I've got a car."

"I came with Irene. Why don't you follow us over, unless you know where it is."

"Where are we going?"

"I'm sorry, I thought all AAs went to Uncle Ben's after meetings. It's the pancake house on Huron."

"Maybe he sick," Tunafish said.

"Got sick all of a sudden," Virgil said. "Park his car and walk in the hospital, say he's sick."

"Then he visiting somebody."

"That's where we're at," Virgil said. "Who? Bobby's woman? Maybe so. She was in bad shape."

"Ask him," Tunafish said. "You know the man."

"The man ain't talking much. He don't call me back. But all of a sudden he got this interest in Pontiac, going to the bars, going home, come back out here. He know something he ain't telling."

They sat in Virgil's white Grand Prix in the visitors' parking lot, Saint Joseph Mercy Hospital. If Virgil were to pop on his headlights, the beam would show part of Ryan's light-blue Pontiac Catalina. Tunafish was cold. He held himself tightly with his hands in the pockets of his leather coat. He didn't know what he was doing here, keeping Virgil company. Virgil was smoking a joint, the new quiet Virgil. He had smoked hash all the time and was never this quiet before. He spoke so slow Tunafish wasn't sure he'd ever finish what he started to say, the joint putting spaces between his words. Virgil kept his window open a few inches. That's why Tunafish was cold, feeling the damp night air.

He wished he knew what he was doing here. He didn't like to ask, but he didn't like the way it had been going lately, Virgil calling him, getting him pulled into some shit going on about Bobby Lear and Bobby's wife. People asking about her, looking for her. He didn't like not knowing who this man Ryan was. The man seemed familiar, like he'd seen him someplace, and he kept thinking of the man as a cop, even though Virgil told him he wasn't. Tunafish wanted to know things, but he didn't want to know too much, in case anybody was to sit him down and ask him questions. He got a little excited and sat up straighter when he saw Ryan come out and get in his car.

They followed him through Pontiac, around Wide Track Boulevard and out Huron to Uncle Ben's Pancake House, the second time tonight.

"Man's ape shit about pancakes," Tunafish said.

Virgil didn't say anything. He watched Ryan wait in front of the place, by the door, until two women and a man walked up to him. They went inside. Some more people came and went in about the same time, everybody all of a sudden hungry for pancakes. Ryan had planned to meet some of them here, Virgil was sure of that. But who were they? When had Ryan talked to them? Uncle Ben's, another place to check on, though it didn't look as good as the hospital.

"What you're doing," Virgil said to Tunafish, "you're learning how to do it. How to sit and wait for the man. The other thing is to write down every place the man goes, and what time."

"I don't have no car," Tunafish said.

"We talk to Lavera, she let you use the car," Virgil said. "If we have to rent it from her."

"I follow him around, huh? Wait for him while he eats?"

"I'm going to the hospital tomorrow, see if Bobby's woman's staying there. If she is, you don't have to do nothing else. If she ain't, you follow the man where he goes."

Tunafish wanted to ask Virgil what Virgil would be doing, but he didn't. He worked down into his leather coat to keep warm and sat there most of a half hour.

Virgil watched Ryan come out with one of the women. Skinny little thing, blond hair-he couldn't see much else. Ryan helped her on with her raincoat and they stood talking, facing each other, neither of them moving. It looked to Virgil like the man had something going. But the other woman came out and the two of them walked off together. Ryan remained where he was, watching them. He watched them drive off and still he didn't move right away.

"Something's going on," Virgil said, spacing the words. "I'm looking at it. But I don't know what it is."

Chapter
15

Ryan got up to answer the phone Monday morning. It wasn't quite seven.

He had been lying in bed thinking. He should have called Mr. Perez Friday or Saturday. Sunday had been all right to let go by. But he had to tell Mr. Perez something today. Either say it was hopeless and he was quitting, or give Mr. Perez Denise's address and stop worrying about her. Those were his options. He had to make a decision and quit thinking.

But when Mr. Perez said, "How you this morning?" Ryan started thinking again, trying to talk and sound pleasant.

"I didn't get back to you last week."

"Yes, I know you didn't." Mr. Perez sounded patient, as though he didn't mind.

"I wanted to," Ryan said. "I was pretty much on the go all day."

There was a silence.

"What I think I hear," Mr. Perez said, "are words. What're you trying to tell me?"

"I'm saying there's only one way to find out if she's around, and that's to keep at it." Ryan managed a good straightforward sound.

There was a silence again. Ryan waited.

"I hope," Mr. Perez said, "you're not making plans of your own."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Feel you don't need me, can handle this yourself."

"Well, I don't see how I could do that."

"I don't either," Mr. Perez said, "but you still might be considering it, thinking maybe she knows about the stock, heard the name of it one time."

"She hasn't even claimed his body."

"I mean, if you were to bring it up, poke at her memory a little bit. If you've got something like that in mind," Mr. Perez said, "I'd suggest you forget it. After all the work and effort I go to compiling a list, it wouldn't be fair of you to steal one of my names, would it?"

"No, it wouldn't," Ryan said. He hadn't even thought of the possibility before.

"It not only wouldn't be fair, it would be poor judgment on your part. If you understand me."

"I'm working for you," Ryan said. "I'm not interested in your business. I don't know anything about stock, I wouldn't know how to go about anything like this."

"It is tricky," Mr. Perez said. "You'd be much happier in what you're doing."

"No, I'm not for getting into anything over my head," Ryan said. But why hadn't he at least thought of it? "You don't have to worry about that."

"I'm not going to," Mr. Perez said. "I'm not going to worry one bit."

"You want to give me a few more days, then? See if I can find her?"

"Yeah, you may as well. I've dug up the names of a couple more lost souls that might live in the area, so you keep at what you're doing," Mr. Perez said. "I'll be here waiting."

And watching. He didn't say it, but that's what Ryan felt. Mr. Perez on one side. Virgil Royal somewhere on the other. While he stood in the middle with Denise Leary, playing games.

Monday evening Ryan drove to Rochester to pick up Denise. She was living in a colonial complex of red-brick apartment buildings. He didn't go in. She came out when he buzzed, and they went to a meeting at Saint Andrew's Episcopal in Drayton Plains.

At the table Denise told about a new experience she'd discovered and was enjoying. Eating breakfast in the morning. Cereal, eggs, toast, the whole thing. Unbelievable. Instead of throwing up and having a few glasses of wine and trying to remember what had happened the night before. She told them today was her first day on a new job, check-out girl at a supermarket. She was amazed how friendly and willing to talk most people were. She said she had a strange feeling, as though four or five years had been taken out of her life and she was starting over. Each day was new and interesting, whether anything interesting happened or not. She said, "God, I sound like Little Mary Sunshine, don't I? But I can't help it, it's how I feel. I hope I don't get used to it or find out it's a phase you go through." She looked at Ryan across the table from her. "I like feeling good. I like being excited again about little things and wondering what's going to happen next, without being afraid."

Outside, after the meeting, Ryan said, "Aren't you a little tired of Uncle Ben's? It's so bright in there."

"I'm tired of drinking coffee more than anything," Denise said. "Is that all right to say?"

"What we should do, go to a nice dim lounge with a cocktail piano. Order Shirley Temples on the rocks."

"Or go back to my house," Denise said. "If you like red pop or tea."

"I'd even drink coffee at your place," Ryan said.

Tunafish wished he knew what the fuck the man was doing. One night he goes to the hospital. Look at this, Virgil. Next two nights he goes to church, different churches. Saturday night, nothing. He doesn't even go out. Then on Sunday he doesn't go to church, he goes to a building says LOCAL 614. Monday night he goes to church again.

Tunafish wrote it down in the notebook he'd show to Virgil. Time to move. He gave the man a good lead and followed his taillights east toward Rochester.

There were killer whales in Puget Sound and a sperm chasing a school of salmon in the Strait of Juan de Fuca.

Ryan could make out the shapes, dark shadows in the misty blue. The specks of silver and yellow must be the salmon.

"They're both oils," Denise said, "from memory. Not very good, either. I mean the technique or the memory. I've got to loosen up more, I'm stiff."

"You like whales, huh?"

"I love whales."

Ryan hadn't thought much about whales, but he said, "I can see where they'd be good to paint."

"During one summer I trailed a herd of gray whales from Vancouver Island down the coast to Ensenada, in Baja. I must've made a hundred and fifty sketches."

"You still have them?"

"No. Some are at home, if my mother kept them. The rest were lost, thrown away." She was staring at the two unframed canvases propped against the wall. "These are the first things I've done in about three years."

She moved away now, going into the kitchen that was separated from the living room by a bar-high counter with two stools. She called it part of the hot-setup contemporary decor. The place, she'd found out, was full of young swingies who turned their hi-fis up in the evening and invited each other in for cocktails and Sangria at their Studio bars. She had gone to one party and sipped coffee and the swingies had lost interest. It had been fun watching, though, she said. Like amateur night.

Ryan looked around the room again before going over to the counter. The place was freshly painted white and didn't feel lived in. There wasn't any worn-out furniture, things that had been handed down or bought at garage sales. There was beige carpeting and an Indian-looking rug. There were no curtains: a limp plant hung in the window. What dominated the room was a drawing board tilted up, with a straight chair, and a table littered with tubes of paint and brushes, a few ceramic pots, coffee mugs, and a full ashtray. There was an aluminum floor lamp that looked new, and a pair of director's chairs with bright-yellow canvas. Most of the wall area was bare and stark white except for a number of black-and-white sketches of whales above the drawing board, stuck to the wall with pieces of masking tape. There were the two blue-looking finished canvases and a word, Kujira, painted on the wall in thin, flowing black letters that seemed more a delicate design than a word. Ryan didn't know what to say when they came in and Denise turned on the floor lamp and he stood looking around. He said, "Did you do all this?" He studied the oils, not knowing what they were until she told him whales. The design on the wall, Kujira, was the Japanese word for whale, and the technique, the flowing, stiff-armed brushstrokes of ink, was called sumi. Denise said she was thinking about doing No More Bullshit in sumi. Ryan said it was a nice place. Clean. Denise said it was funny, she never thought of a place that way, being clean or dirty.

Leaning on the counter, he watched her as she put a kettle on to boil and dropped tea bags into blue ceramic cups.

"You mentioned, I think it was at that Saint Joseph meeting, you almost went home. Where's that, your home?" He had to think before he spoke and not refer to anything about her he had learned on his own.

"Bad Axe," Denise said, "You know where it is?"

"Everybody knows where Bad Axe is. Why didn't you go there?" He was interested. He was also groping, looking for a way to ease into telling her what was going on. Relieve his own mind without disturbing hers. Maybe if they got talking about real feelings and were honest with each other . . .

"I almost did," Denise said, "I guess, wanting to feel protected. But when I'm home, I'm not ever really me, I'm somebody or whatever my mother expects me to be. You know what I mean? I have to pretend I'm still her little girl and, oh gee, is it nice to be home, it's so good to see you, Mom, and all that shit. I love her, I really do, but I can't be honest with her and tell her how I feel. She wouldn't understand. She's full of shoulds and shouldn'ts and she's not going to change now. So I thought, why get into all that? I've got enough of a problem getting myself straight without worrying about offending good old Mom. In her own way, she's as unreal and fucked-up as I am. But she doesn't know it and that makes a difference."

Denise looked at him as she turned and placed the mugs of tea on the counter. "That's a habit I'm going to have to break."

"What is?"

"Talking dirty. I always said 'fuck' a lot when I was drinking."

"It's okay as long as you smile."

"The past year, I don't remember having much to smile about." She looked at him again. "Does that sound like 'poor me'?"

"Maybe a little," Ryan said, "even if it's true." He wanted to lead her along, get her to talk about herself. "How come you didn't paint?"

"I was too busy drinking."

"I asked you one time," Ryan said and stopped. "No, I guess I didn't."

"What?"

"When you started drinking."

"At State, I guess. I went to East Lansing, did the wine and pot thing. I guess I drank quite a bit, but I didn't worry about it then. Everybody got high or stoned, one way or another."

"Then you went to-what, art school?"

"Detroit Arts and Crafts. Did I tell you that?"

"Yeah, I guess. Or else I just assumed you studied somewhere."

"It has a different name now," Denise said, "like the Creative Center or something, and a new building. I went there three years, got very involved in fine art, mostly oils and acrylics. Then, well, I was living in the art center area, you know? around Wayne and the art museum, the main library-"

Ryan nodded. About ten blocks from where he had found her in the Cass Avenue bar, the Good Times.

"-and I felt I was into real life, there was so much going on around there. Sort of a Left Bank atmosphere with the art and the freaky students at Wayne and the inner-city stuff, the hookers and pimps in their wild outfits, all sort of mixed together. At the time I thought, wow, beautiful. Or bizarro, if it was a little kinky. That was one of the words. Or something would berserk you out, like a wine and pot party in a sauna. You see, I was very arty and open-minded, I mean as a life-style, not just on weekends playing dress-up. I was going around with a couple of black guys most of the time. . .." She paused.

Ryan waited.

"Yeah? You trying to find out if I'm prejudiced?"

"No, I was thinking, if I'd ever told my mother, God. Maybe that's what I should do sometime, say, okay, here's your little girl, and unload everything I've done. If she survives, fine. If she doesn't. . ."

"What?"

"Well, it would be her problem, wouldn't it?"

"I don't think you'd be unloading," Ryan said. "I think you'd be dumping on her, paying her back. You don't have to do that."

"No, I guess not. I keep looking for reasons, how I got here."

"We can save guilt and resentment," Ryan said, "if you want to keep it light."

"And my Higher Power, God Honey," Denise said. "I'm having a little trouble with that, too. I've got a long way to go, but already I feel good. I say it at a meeting and try to describe it, the feeling, but I don't tell everything I feel. I don't want to name names and put anybody on the spot." She was looking directly at him now. Her eyes were brown. She was in there feeling good things about him, letting him know.

"I don't think anybody tells everything," Ryan said, "at a meeting."

"Can I tell you?"

"If you want to."

"Maybe I'd better wait," she said. "Everything's working out, then I begin to worry maybe it's a false high. I get up there and find out it isn't real but an induced feeling, or else something happens."

"Were you on drugs," Ryan asked her, "when you were doing the arty thing?"

"No, downers once in a while when my nerves were bad, but that was part of the drinking. I smoked, there was always grass, but I never cared much for the smell. What I liked to do best was drink."

"The two, you mentioned a couple of black guys, did they get you going?"

"No, I didn't need help, I sort of went that way naturally. They didn't care. Then-well, I started drinking more and more until I was at it most of the day. It was what I did in life."