“Of course it matters what I've done. I'm a thief. I'm a terrible person. How many times and in how many ways can you have it pointed out to you before you understand, Breck?” Her jaw jutted stubbornly. “I lie, I cheat, I manipulate. I do whatever is necessary to make people do what I want. Mostly men.”
“What other choice did you have? Become a jade? Stay on those docks, marry too young to a man who beat you, spend the rest of your life popping out babies, and then dope yourself up on bliss to forget the hellhole of your existence? Does that sound so much fucking better?” He stepped forward until he was in her space, urging her to hear him. Just this once, really hear him. “You did what you had to to survive. To thrive. Don't you
ever
apologize for that.”
Tears sheened her dark eyes, but she blinked fast to keep them from falling. Her chin notched higher. “So I shouldn't have to live with the consequences of my actions? Because my other options were worse? No. That's not how it works. I broke the law, and one way or another I'm going to pay for it. I just don't want Sophie to pay for it. Or you.”
“You're not a bad person, Tam. Everyone's success comes at the expense of someone else. Rich people's fortunes are built on the backs of poor people. It's a fact of life.” He reached out to grab her shoulders, squeezing tight. “I try not to abuse that system too much, but the bottom line is, my lowest paid employee in my smallest company makes just enough to get by. I've destroyed people in some of my business deals. That's how it works. I'm not better than you are just because I was born rich.”
“But what you did was
legal.
That's the difference between you and me.” Resignation reflected in her dark eyes, and he hated that.
“Don't do this, Tam. Please. It's not too late.” The words were desperate, a plea ripped straight from his soul. “I can help you change your life, I can help you keep Sophie. Be with me, my mate.”
She tried to jerk from his grasp, but he held fast, too afraid to let her go lest she disappear again. Giving up her struggle, she glared at him. “And what are you going to do when what happened to Sophie happens to you? When some rich business associate of yours comes up to me, says I stole a priceless Picasso from him, and calls me Dayna or Kate or Lori or one of the many other aliases I've used?”
“Why
did
you use your real name with me?” It was something he'd always wanted to know. And hell, he'd rather talk about anything other than her leaving. Again.
“I don't know. I've asked myself the same thing, but I don't have a good reason. I hadn't planned to.” She shrugged, her gaze hitting his chest. “That's beside the point.”
“Okay, fine.” He sighed. “If and when that happens, it'll be a little embarrassing, but we'll work it out.”
Shame flooded her gaze, her face flushing. “I don't want to be an
embarrassment
to you, Breck.”
“You wouldn't be.” He shook her again, harder this time. “Deus, Tam. Quit twisting things around.”
“I'm not the one with a warped idea of reality here. It's a fantasy, Breck. I don't belong in your world. I'll never belong in your world. You deserve better than me. Sophie deserves better than me.” She shoved herself backward, so he'd have to hurt her to keep her close, and he let her go.
He had no choice.
It hit him then, the final, ugly truth. He couldn't win this one. He couldn't fight her demons for her. Even if he beat Stefan, even if he saved Sophie, even if he threw every cred he had at solving all of Tam's problems, he'd still lose her. Because she thought he deserved better than her.
He laughed, the crack of sound echoing in the wash closet. Pressure built behind his eyes, and the band of emotion around his chest cinched so tight he wasn't sure how he was still breathing. “You know what the real difference between us is, Tam?”
Her lips pressed together. “What's that?”
“
I
don't judge you,” he stated flatly, knowing it wouldn't matter, but he had to say it while he had the chance. “You keep acting as if I'm going to look at you and tell you what a morally bankrupt individual you are. That you're trash because of where you grew up and what you did to make your life better. But that's what you think about you. That's not what I think. I don't judge you,
you do.
”
“That's notâ”
“Yes, it is. Why won't you fight to keep Sophie? Why send her away? Because you don't think you're worthy of happiness.” He grasped her chin and forced her to look him in the eyes. He wanted that connection in these final moments. “Deep down, you think you deserve whatever Stefan has in store for you. All you can see is what he made you. A criminal. You don't see all the other things you are. A sister. A friend. A lover. My mate.”
“I know what I am.” But her lips shook, and he could see the lie in her eyes, could see the denial and rejection of what he said. Of him. It hurt as nothing in his life ever had before.
“I love you.”
She flinched away from his words, but he saw the desperate hunger in her gaze. She wanted his love, she just didn't want to believe she'd earned it. “No, you don't. Not really. It's just the mating instinct.”
“Maybe at first, but not anymore. I know you now. I've seen the shithole you grew up in; I've met your warped asshole of a stepfather. I've seen behind the mask, Tam, and I
know
you. I know you're a stronger, better person than you give yourself credit for. I love you. But I want you to love you, too. I want
you
to think you're worthy of happiness.” Pain spread like a bruise inside of him, and he didn't even know why he kept talking. It was useless. Pointless. “What would make you happy is being close to Sophie, making sure she's safe and growing up well. But you don't think you're worthy of the life you want for her, do you? That's why you're sending her away, and that's why you're determined to push me away. You could have
everything
you really want, and instead you're running scared. You're not fighting to keep it. You love me, Tam. I know it. You love Sophie. You want us near so bad you can taste it, but you're so certain you'll ruin us by being yourself that you're not even willing to try.”
Her breathing hitched in a sob, and a tear slid down her cheek. “You don't know what you're talking about.”
He stepped toward the door and opened it, knowing when he closed it behind him, he'd be walking away from his mate forever. “I give up, Tam. It doesn't matter what I say or do, I can't convince you to believe in yourself enough to make any relationship work. Not with your sister, and not with me.”
Love and relationships took work. And he couldn't do it alone. Both of them had to believe enough to show up, and she didn't. She never would. He had to accept that. Finally. He loved her too much to stand aside and watch her destroy herself.
“Does this mean you won't help me with Sophie?” Her question stopped him before he slipped through the door.
He closed his eyes. It felt like she'd shredded his heart with her claws, left him bleeding and broken. “I'll save Sophie. She deserves better than what Stefan has planned for her. She deserves someone who'll love her enough to stick around. Which, apparently, isn't her sister.”
9
“
Y
our driver is about to drop me off at the Abernathy manor. I'll go inside and make sure Stefan really is here, then leave a message in your cache to let you know to call the police.” Though Tam could see Breck's face clearly on the screen of her palmtop, she glanced away often. It hurt to look at him now. They hadn't spoken in the days since the party at his penthouse. She'd uplinked the encrypted information he would need about the couple who'd take Sophie.
“If you insist.” The look he gave her was blank and removed, not at all the warm, animated lover she'd known.
She swallowed, squeezing words past her suddenly tight throat. “Thank you for doing this, Breck. I know it wouldn't be what you'd choose.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw, and he reached toward his screen to cut the call. “Good-bye, Tam.”
Agony seared her chest, but a broken heart would do that, wouldn't it? She'd lost Breck, and she was soon to lose Sophie, too. That was for the best. But what was best sometimes hurt. She pressed together lips that quivered, tucking her palmtop into her handbag. Breck's words rang through her mind on an endless loop, and they had for days.
You want us near so bad you can taste it, but you're so certain you'll ruin us by being yourself that you're not even willing to try.
Staying in their lives would ruin them, but he'd made it sound so ugly. She was trying to do the right thing, to be
good
for the first time since she was ten years old, and he'd slapped her in the face with it. Righteous anger flooded her, and she welcomed it. Better than the depression that had swamped her since she'd last seen him. She'd done her best to hide it from Sophie, but losing them was a wound that would never heal.
The transport rocked to a gentle stop, and the door swished open. An Abernathy footman gave her a hand out, and she smoothed her long gown, lifted her chin, and walked into the manor as if she belonged there. The place was posh, the decorations tasteful, but clearly priceless. While standing in the receiving line, she greeted a few people who'd been at Breck's party or the Duke's post-race celebration. She made her curtsy to the Abernathys, wished Drusilla a happy birthday, and gave them Breck's excuses for not coming with her. A holo chandelier floated above the ballroom, casting light on the polyglass ceiling that lit the enormous room in an amber glow. That had set the Abernathys back a load of creds.
She smelled him as soon as she entered the room. Stefan. Her stomach clenched, but she kept her expression pleasant as she smiled at passing guests. She plucked out her palmtop and keyed in the message to Breck that would be the beginning of the end of this thing.
Stefan is here.
And there he was, standing across the room, decked out in the kind of fancy tuxedo that disguised the villain he really was. She snorted. Not long ago, she'd thought the same thing about her fancy dresses disguising what she really was underneath.
That hit her right between the eyes. Deus, is that what she really thought? That she was the same as someone like Stefan? Someone who'd murdered people for fun, kidnapped and threatened his own child, abused Tam when
she
was a child. Someone who wanted Sophie and Tam dead because they happened to look like their mother. That was how she saw herself, deep down?
She rocked back on her heels, felt the blood rush out of her face. Deus, Breck was right. About her. About everything. All these years, this picture she had of herself in her mind had been building, insidious and ugly. She was what Stefan had made her. No better than him. Criminal. Immoral. Degenerate. A pathetic excuse for a human being.
Not worth anything. Not worthy of raising a child she loved. Certainly not worthy of a good man for a mate.
The realization slammed into her with the subtle force of a biobomb. Deus, what was she doing? Did she really hate herself so much that she was willing to let Stefan kill her or get her thrown in jail for the rest of her life? She'd told herself she was being noble, sacrificing herself so Sophie and Breck could have good lives without her, but who was she fooling? This was a suicide mission. She couldn't beat Stefan alone.
Glancing in his direction again, she saw him staring at her. His lips twisted up in a cruel smile and he toasted her with his whiskey glass. He knew she was here, and he wasn't going to let her get out of here unharmed. But Breck was saving Sophie, so he wasn't going to rescue Tam. She was on her own.
Hoisted by her own petard.
No. She would not let the weasel win. She wouldn't let him hurt Sophie, but now she realized that
she
deserved better than that, too. She didn't deserve how he'd treated her. It wasn't her fault he'd become obsessed with her mother and killed her father, and it wasn't her fault that he'd thought her cheetah speed was useful.
It wasn't her fault.
And she would not lie down and take it from him anymore. She would
not
let her fear of him steal her life. Damn it,
no.
She would not be his victim anymore.
She stepped behind a large potted plant and lifted her palmtop, keying in the code to make a call she'd never have thought she'd make.
The connection picked up on the other end, and Tam made herself breathe normally when she wanted to hyperventilate. “How would you like to steal the Queen's Jewels? The real ones this time? That
is
what they paid you for, isn't it?”
On the small screen, Delilah's eyebrows arched, and a perfectly wicked grin curled her lips. “When and where?”
“Right now.” She smiled back, though the muscles in her face felt unnatural and stiff. “You'll want to accept that invitation to Lady Abernathy's birthday ball. And bring the fake jewels with you.”
The lynx-shifter tilted her head, her green eyes going narrow. “Why are
you
doing this?”
For once, Tam could answer in perfect honesty. “I want to make sure they end up exactly where they're supposed to.”
Delilah nodded slowly. “Is this the problem your sister got tangled up in? She's a little young, but . . . I started young, too.”
“So did I.” Understatement of the millennium, but since the lynx had grown up in the Vermilion, Tam figured Delilah would understand. Her circumstances would have been no better. Tam sighed. “She's not involved. Her safe return is my payment for services rendered on this job.”
Delilah leaned closer to the screen. “Who's holding her?”
“Her father,” Tam ground the words out. “A slimy little weasel of a man. My mother had terrible taste in men.”
“My mother was a whore. My sister and I can't even be certain who our fathers were.” The lynx snorted. “I can relate.”
“So you can.” Tam dipped her chin in a nod. “Breck is taking care of my sister. With your help, I can make certain her father doesn't get the Queen's Jewels.”
Delilah hummed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “And if anyone asks, I'll say you were working with me and not with him. Since I have a legitimate reason to be stealing them.”
“Exactly. I want my sister, Breck, and me to get out of this alive and
not
end up in jail.” More than anything else in the world, she wanted that. She didn't know how things would go with Breck, but if she had the chance to find out, she wouldn't waste it.
Delilah nodded. “All right, I'll help you. If for no other reason than I don't like it when men hurt little girls, and I don't like to see assholes win.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank
you.
” Delilah's grin was back in full force. “I have to admit it chapped my ass that they didn't let me swipe the real jewels. Getting my hands on them anyway is going to be fun. They're shiny and pretty and I want to try them all on before I give them back.” She rubbed her hands together. “I'll be there as soon as I throw on a ball gown and find my biggest handbag to carry my usual equipment.”
“Hurry.” Faster was better. She could do some mingling in the meantime, make sure she was seen as a regular guest before she disappeared into the bowels of the manor.
The view bobbled as if the lynx-shifter carried her palmtop as she was moving around. “You have a plan in place?”
“Of course.” She'd spent day and night trying to get a plan together since Stefan had let her know what the real job was. Something like this should have been months in the works, but it was one more obstacle Stefan had thrown in her path.
By now she knew the exact layout of the manor, the guard rotation, the type of security system they had in place, where each vidmonitor was located, and the backgrounds of every employee they had working for them. Every waking hour she'd had in the last couple of days had been spent preparing for the job. She'd downlinked every piece of information she could get her hands on about the Helax 1600 model of safe. She knew the specs, she knew when it had been installed in the Abernathy manor, she knew who'd done the installing. A few discreet inquiries to colleagues had turned up some valuable information on cracking it, but there were no guarantees there. Getting caught during a failed attempt was yet another reason to bring in Delilah, who'd be able to excuse herself as doing the job she'd been paid for.
Relief swam through Tam. There was a chance she might actually see the other side of this. Of course, she might not. It could still all go terribly wrong, and she could still wind up dead.
But for the first time in as long as she could remember, she had hope that there might be something better for her in life. She might actually have a chance at one of those fairy-tale endings. If she managed that, she'd spend the rest of her days proving that she'd gotten what she deserved.
A life that was of her own choosing.