unPHILtered: The Way I See It (7 page)

But after I repented and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, our boys lived in a family structure and a godly environment. From the time I repented, I tried to put the Bible into practice in our everyday lives. Even though my sons Jase and
Willie were still relatively young—Jep hadn’t even come along yet—I tried to teach them the difference between right and wrong, based on what I’d read in the Scripture. Second Timothy 3:16 says:
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”
The Bible was the blueprint for their upbringing.

More than anything, I wanted my boys to know that I loved their mother, loved them, and loved God, which I had not done during the first twenty-eight years of my life. Love for God, our spouses, and our children is a prerequisite to teaching our kids to choose the right path in life, training them to follow the path, and correcting them when they stray off the path. Nothing is more important than love. They must know we love God, our spouses, and them. They have to see it through our actions and not only hear us say it. It’s hard for them to see that we love them when we’re mean to their mother or father.

As a father, I didn’t believe I should exasperate my boys while trying to instill obedience in them. I got this message straight from the pages of the Bible. Ephesians 6:4 says,
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
You can’t put rule upon rule in front of them and expect them to follow every one of them. They’re children and they’re going to step out of line every once in a while.
That’s what kids do. When my boys were growing up, there were only three rules in our house: no disrespecting their mother, no physical fighting, and no tearing up good equipment. Any violation of the rules resulted in a punishment of three licks, no questions asked. I didn’t even have to tell my boys not to disrespect me; they knew it was unthinkable and realized the consequences of doing it. But they knew what the rules were, and they were easy to follow. They knew what I expected from them in terms of their behavior.

Any rebuking we do as a parent should come from our desire for their best and for their safety. When Jase was in diapers and crawling around the floor, I constantly had to tell him not to stick his fingers into electrical outlets. Every time he reached for a 110-volt electrical socket, I swatted his hand away and told him, “No!” Obviously, I didn’t want him to be electrocuted to death, and I wanted to teach him that there was imminent danger. There was always a lesson when I scolded them. We lived on a river and my boys knew that no one could go to the boat ramp until he learned to swim like a fish. My boys learned when they were very young that when the man said no, he was only looking out for them. When they were older, they didn’t question me when I told them they couldn’t ride motorcycles or do other dangerous things. They knew I had their best interests at heart.

Really, that was the system of discipline in the Robertson household. And you need to know this:
discipline
does not mean “punishment”; it means “teaching and training.”
My love for my boys’ mother, my love for them, and my love for God outweighed the punishment and taught them what they needed to know. God ran the entire household and then me. If you run your house from the top down, it goes pretty smoothly. I think it was easier for Miss Kay because she only had to say, “I’m telling your dad,” whenever a skirmish broke out or one of the boys talked back to her. Disciplining, correcting, and teaching your children requires consistency and good communication between the parents. It’s a cooperative effort, and it’s one of your most important roles on earth. Miss Kay never questioned me when I disciplined our sons. We had a united, strong front, and they knew Mom and Dad were undivided.

I think the fact that our boys weren’t covered up with rules allowed them to become independent and learn right from wrong on their own. I wasn’t very rough on my boys. I’ve seen some dads—even good Christian men—who are too tough on their children. They put too many rules in place, so the kids rebel because they feel their independence is being taken away. It takes good communication, and you can’t ask your kids to do anything you wouldn’t do. We didn’t have a curfew in our house, but my boys knew they were expected to be up, dressed, and ready for school by seven o’clock every morning. They had alarm clocks and got up on their own. They knew they were supposed to respect their teachers like they respected their parents, and many of their teachers and principals called Miss Kay and
me to tell us that our boys were some of the most well-behaved children they’d ever had in their schools.

We had a simple, biblical system of discipline in our home. We didn’t overdo it and didn’t have a long list of rules on the icebox. Miss Kay and I worked hard to ensure one thing—that our boys obeyed us. We started when they were young, and it didn’t take them long to adapt to our rules. I think the really critical time for child rearing is from the time kids are toddlers until about the ninth grade. If obedience and respect for you and other elders isn’t built into children by the time they reach the ninth grade, I’m afraid it’s probably too late. Unfortunately, rebellion and disobedience are probably going to run their course. If your children don’t respect you because of parental neglect, you’re going to suffer a lot of heartache.

I think the last time I licked one of my boys was when Alan was fifteen. He and three of his buddies went camping on our property one night, drank some beer, and then decided to tear up some of our neighbors’ mailboxes. When I learned about it the next morning, I went and got all of them and lined them up in front of my truck. I gave each of the four boys three licks each, even though I didn’t even know one of them. All four of the boys are now godly men; it didn’t ruin their self-esteem. I think you have to discipline your children if you want them to be obedient to God and you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My boys weren’t perfect. There will be glitches; it’s part of life. Alan left home for two years and
moved to New Orleans because we didn’t approve of his lifestyle. He eventually came back and asked for forgiveness. When Alan came home, he told me, “Dad, I blew it.” I hugged him and told him that I loved him. “Come on, let’s eat us a big steak,” I told him. “I’m glad you’re back.”

My youngest son, Jep, also had some problems after high school. He was using alcohol and prescription pills and we had a family intervention to confront his problems. When we were finished, Jep asked us why it took us so long to intervene and thanked us for saving his life. We had our problems, but each of my boys returned to the right path. The bottom line is they knew we were there and loved them. It’s not like we’ll never have any issues with our children, but we deal with them in a godly manner. Eventually, all of the early discipline pays off. Now that my boys are parents and grandparents, they’re pulling from what they learned from us.

Did our system of discipline work well? It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Children have to see a structure in place. In our house, there was a patriarch and a matriarch, a mom and a dad. God has to be at the top. You have to do what the Almighty said to do:
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it”
(Proverbs 22:6). Before Miss Kay and I realized it, we looked up and our boys had graduated from high school and college and were off starting their own families. Now they have their own children and grandchildren. Here’s the real beauty of the system:
my grandkids and great-grandkids are as well behaved as my boys were. Sometimes, when we’re eating in a restaurant, other patrons will come over and compliment us on their behavior.

I’ve been amazed at how disciplined my grandkids and great-grandkids are. You read and hear about the horror stories of children who are involved with TV shows and movies. Some of the most famous child actors are destroyed by fortune and fame. Our grandchildren and great-grandchildren have been blessed with a lot more than my boys ever had. We jumped into the teeth of the tiger with
Duck Dynasty
, but I couldn’t have asked for anything better. It’s a grind, and our grandchildren have accepted the responsibility with the utmost professionalism. They haven’t let the blessings and celebrity go to their heads. I know everyone thinks they have the best kids and grandkids, but I’ve been amazed by this bunch. Willie’s son John Luke is leading a teenage church group and has brought many kids to Jesus. Willie’s daughter, Sadie, is writing a book and has her own fashion line that produces appropriate clothing for teenage girls. Jase’s sons, Reed and Cole, are very involved in our church and are leaders at their school. I’m so proud of each of my grandchildren. I’m also very proud of my boys for the way they’ve raised their kids.

You really don’t realize how strong your family structure is until big money starts flowing in every direction and everybody
starts using their talents. None of us are envious of one another, and we realize how important each and every one of us is to the success of
Duck Dynasty.
You have to be a pretty tight bunch to step into something like this. I know this: a person had better know who they are and Whom they belong to before stepping into entertainment. If you don’t, you might come out on the other side and not even be recognizable. People tend to go nuts when they get involved with Hollywood. Your roots had better be pretty deep to keep things in the right perspective. You better know your identity, or Hollywood will corrupt you.

I really hope America can return to raising children in godly homes and environments. At some point during the last thirty or forty years, Americans stopped teaching, correcting, and disciplining (or training) their children, and now we’re seeing the results. They aren’t good. Many of our children are out of control and have no respect for authority. It’s almost like pulling teeth to get some American parents to correct their children. Hey, it has almost gotten to the point in this country where you can’t correct them. Some people claim it’s child abuse to spank their little behinds and make them behave. I’ve come to realize that human beings despise correction and discipline. We love to just let her rip with no restraint.

We have to remember that Jesus Christ died for us because of our sins. But when God tells us we have to live a life of restraint and self-control, we don’t want to do it. As a result, we’re not teaching, correcting, and disciplining our children to live lives of
obedience. For the last fifty years or so, we’ve been churning out a generation of nerds. The men in our country face some special challenges. With no discipline or restraint, look at the crop of men we’ve produced. Whatever happened to manhood? Some fathers teach their sons to shave. Others teach them how to be men. Teach your boys how to be men.

I think the most important values we can teach our children are a healthy fear of God and the importance of hard work. Too many of our children are no longer willing to work for what they want. They feel they’re entitled to every new gadget and toy because we’ve spoiled them and didn’t teach them that you have to work for what you want. I think that’s why America turned into a nation of entitlement. It’s the scourge of work. Our children want to live their lives but don’t want any pain from hard work—only the pleasure. Too many of our children never experience blood, sweat, and tears. We want everyone to feel like they’ve won no matter what. Our society tells us we can’t have winners and losers because it hurts our children’s self-esteem. We can no longer discipline our children or put them to work because it might hurt their feelings. Well, we’ve created a generation of fat, lazy children as a result. When they grow to become adults, they’re still looking for their mamas and daddies—or the government—to bail them out. We need to get back to teaching our children personal responsibility and the virtues of hard work.

If we’re going to save our children, we have to put God back into the equation. When I went to grade school, we prayed before
the start of every school day. Now you can’t even pray in schools or at school-sponsored events like football games. Since our schools no longer teach our children family values and godliness, it’s up to us to ensure it happens—it’s really been our responsibility all along. Our children’s brains are like computers. They’re going to be programmed by what we put into them. If we leave Jesus Christ and godly values out of what we’re teaching them, they’ll grow up to be adults whose brains are filled with filth.

It’s up to us as believers to help get American families back into churches and Sunday school classes. Those of us who do attend church don’t do enough outside of the church buildings. The American model of Christianity is to attend church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night—and only a small segment of the population goes to church that frequently. But we have to remember that we have no impact on people outside of Jesus when we’re inside the church building. Instead of the church being salt and light in our culture, too many of our church pews are sitting empty on Sundays. We Christians have to be that salt and light during our everyday lives.

We never forced Christianity on our boys. We prayed that they would make the decision to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, but we never told them it was expected of them. Miss Kay and I taught them, instructed them, counseled them, and answered any questions they had about our faith.
Most important, we lived our lives so our boys would see how Christians live. When the time came when one of my boys asked me about Jesus, I shared the Good News with him, and eventually I baptized every one of them. If your children are having doubts about their faith, liken it to when they were only young children. Ask them to remember the first time they jumped into the swimming pool. As we stood in the pool, encouraging them to jump into our arms, they had to have faith that we wouldn’t let them fall to the bottom. Then ask them to imagine the power that Jesus Christ has to prevent them from falling in life.