Unplugged (8 page)

I bloody hope so.
“She’s a friend.”

“
That’s fine. You don’t need to justify yourself to me. It’s your life.”

Cerys returns with her purchase and I hastily excuse myself, telling Sky to say hello to Dylan. I can
’t get out of the situation fast enough.

I head down the street toward the car park, striding ahead of Cerys.

“Liam! Wait up!” she calls, “I can’t walk so fast with Ella!”

I halt and turn to her.
“I have to get home.”

“
Is this because of Sky? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“
No. But it feels like I am, I’m stupid. What if the press gets hold of this?”

“
Of what?”

I guide Cerys by the arm so we
’re out of the flow of people. “I am... was engaged to Honey, and now I’m in Wales with a woman and a little girl. What do you think will be said about who the little girl is?”

Her brow creases with confusion and I watch the realisation hit.
“You’re not Ella’s dad, that’s ridiculous!”

I snort.
“We’re talking about the media here, Cerys. What if you get pulled into this? Shit!”

“
Liam, language around Ella!” she hisses.

“
Sorry, I’m just stressed. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I rub my neck. “Let’s go home.”

“
I’m tired!” Ella says to her mum. “Can you carry me?”

“
You shouldn’t have got up so early,” says Cerys. “You’ll have to walk, it’s not far.”

I catch sight of a couple of teenage girls across the street who have stopped and are staring at me. Each minute that passes, the harder I want to smack myself. I
’m not Dylan or Jem, but I’m the bassist in the biggest rock band in the world. What the fuck am I doing pretending I’m some average guy visiting his hometown for Christmas?

“
I can put her on my shoulders if that’s okay? Seriously, I want out of here as soon as possible.” I incline my head toward the girls. Another minute and one of them will have their phone out taking pictures.

Cerys nods and I lean down to Ella.
“You okay to sit on my shoulders?”

Ella beams.
“Please!”

We head down the street at a pace Cerys struggles to keep up with, the giggling child clinging to my head.

“Look!” Ella tugs my hair and I wince and stop.

Her favourite pigs are on display in the window and we pause to look. I roll my eyes at Cerys. The soft look Cerys gave me a couple of days ago when I gave in to Ella over the TV is back. To my surprise
, she reaches out and squeezes my hand.

“
You’re a good guy, Liam, thank you.”

Women are confusing.

And I need to get home.

CHAPTER 8

CERYS

Ella scrawls circles on the paper with her crayons, drawing her third Santa of the day as I wash up the dishes and gaze out the window. Liam was right
. Snowflakes drift slowly onto the hedges bordering his parents’ garden. He’s out now, Linda and Jim are home with Lou, and I’m trying to keep a low profile in the kitchen. Even though I’ve been here a week, I still feel awkward and intrusive. Nobody treats me any differently than family members, but even though I’ve been a family friend for years, staying here with my four-year-old daughter is a big ask.

When my parents told me there was no room for us,
that was a kick in the teeth. Even bigger, the fact they’re flying to Florida for Christmas and leaving an empty house I could stay in. After almost five years, their whore of a daughter who got pregnant at seventeen and lived in sin with the baby’s father is still ostracised. I gave up caring about what they think of me years ago, but how they reject Ella too hurts.

I wipe my soapy hands on a tea towel and pick up my phone. No messages from Craig. Ella is desperate to talk to her Daddy but the only calls I
’ve had are when he’s drunk and she’s in bed. Craig won’t explain to me what’s happening or why he won’t let us move back home. I understand telling him I had doubts about our relationship pissed him off, but forcing us to leave was wrong. I’m disgusted he’d do this to his own daughter, but Craig never had much to do with her anyway. Always working or out with his mates, he never accepted the changes to lifestyle that go hand in hand with teen parenthood. We’re not teens anymore, but the majority of our friends are carefree and still get to act like they are. Craig refuses to accept he’s not the same.

Now I
’m stuck. No home, no job, no money. Nowhere to live. I’m grateful to Lou’s parents for taking me in so I don’t spend Christmas with Ella in a motel room; but after Christmas, I have a huge battle ahead. I’ve made calls to find out what benefits I’m entitled to until I can get myself a job, and begun to look into my options; keeping focused on this, stops me dwelling on the heartbreak.

Is heartbreak the right word? My relationship with Craig would
’ve ended years ago if it weren’t for Ella, or more correctly, the fact I couldn’t manage on my own financially. Now that decision has been made for me. Maybe he’s having an affair. Or whatever you call an affair if you’re not married.

I
’ll fight him for everything he owes us. He can’t do this to Ella; she deserves more, and that’s why the anger rips into me further, each time Ella asks where he is.

Louise appears next to me and takes the towel from my hands. She looks down at the phone too.
“Shit-for-brains hasn’t called yet then?” she asks.

“
Craig? No.”

Louise makes a humph noise and picks up a saucepan to dry.
“Do you know where Liam went?”

“
No.” Liam,
God
that’s another problem. I inhale against the butterfly queasiness I get when I think about him.

“
Liam came to the shops,” pipes up Ella. “I saw Santa.”

“
Really? Liam went to see Santa?” Louise’s brow creases.

“
No, he just took us down there to save us getting the bus.” I concentrate hard on the washing up, knowing my best friend will read any betraying sign of what I’m thinking.

“
I like Liam,” says Ella, “he’s nice.”

“
He is nice,” says Louise, walking over to Ella. “What are you drawing?”

“
Santa. Mummy likes Liam too.”

I watch the snow settle on the windowsill and brace myself for Louise
’s response. “Your mummy knows Liam from a long time ago.”

“
But Mummy held Liam’s hand,” continues Ella.

Heat creeps into my cheeks, Ella
’s words sound worse than they are. When Louise doesn’t respond, I place the mug I’m washing on the drainer and turn to her.

“
You’re holding hands with Liam now?” she asks.

I huff.
“He was being nice to Ella and I squeezed his hand to say thank you.”

My explanation sounds weirder than the truth and doesn
’t fool Louise. “Oh?”

“
And he let me sit on his shoulders! He’s really tall and I could see for miles!” says Ella.

“
Very cosy,” remarks Louise.

“
We saw someone in town he knew and he wanted...” I sigh, refusing to justify myself. “Never mind.”

Ella scribbles furiously with a red crayon. What misleading thing will she say next?
“Ella, why don’t you go and choose a story for bedtime?”

“
It’s not bed time yet!”

“
You can still choose one, off you go.” I smile and wave her toward the stairs.

“
Do you think Uncle Liam would read me a story?”

Louise mouths
‘Uncle Liam’ at me with a shocked look on her face.

“
I think Liam has done enough for you today, Ella. Anyway, he’s out.”

“
He told me he would.”

Louise giggles.
“Here I am, worrying about you and my big brother, but I can spot who the new girl in his life is.”

The surge of affection I have for Liam grows each time he does or says something kind to Ella. When he arrived here the other day, he was uptight and grumpy and I was sure I
’d be asked to leave. His understanding of the situation is strange and not what I expected of the man whose excesses I’ve seen and heard about over recent years.

Ella hops off the chair and heads out of the kitchen, leaving her colouring behind. Louise leans against the kitchen counter and crosses her arms.

“So...?”

“
So?”

“
What’s going on? I knew I saw something happening when you were drunk the other night! Cerys, this is a bad idea.”

“
This? There’s nothing happening!”

“
No, apart from the fact you two are acting weird. When he first arrived you made polite conversation, now you hardly speak or look at each other.”

I can
’t tell her we kissed because I won’t allow myself to replay the moment or the hidden fantasies about rock stars.

“
He’s engaged, Cerys! Okay, I don’t like her much, stuck up cow, but she’s who he wants.”

I cringe at the talk of Liam wanting Honey.
“They split up, that’s why he’s here.”

“
Oh, right. Did he tell you that before or after you got into his bed?”

“
Louise! I haven’t got into his bed! Give me some credit!”

Louise sighs and shakes her head.
“I know he’s my brother, but he’s also one quarter of Blue Phoenix. There’s a reason they have a reputation. If he’s dumped Honey, good; but I doubt he’s looking for someone new, more likely sex to make himself feel better. Sorry to say that, but it’s probably true. And you. What about Craig?”

Louise has this all wrong and her tone riles me. I can
’t argue with her because if we fall out, I have nowhere to go. I take a calming breath. “Louise, nothing is happening. I don’t want it to. You’re right, my life is complicated enough without getting involved with Liam. And yes, you’re probably right; sex is all that’s on his agenda.”

Louise
’s shoulders relax. “Okay. Good. I don’t want to sound horrible, but I’m worried about you. You’re in a bad place and however much I love my brother I don’t trust his motives.” She rubs my arm. “Is that true about Honey? Why hasn’t he told me?”

“
I don’t know. Maybe he’s hoping they get back together?”

“
God, I hope not. I can see right through her. She wants trophy wife status. Stupid Liam wants to settle down which is a contradiction to his lifestyle. One weird situation.”

And
that’s the problem at the core of this, Not only Honey, but also the fact rock stars don’t go back to their humble beginnings and whisk away the girl they kissed once. Especially, not a girl with a four year old, and an ‘it’s complicated’ relationship status.

CHAPTER 9

CERYS

Ella hops around the garden in her red boots, cheeks reddened by the cold. The snow stopped falling long enough to take advantage of the white playground so I swaddle Ella in coat, scarf
, and gloves and follow her out. If she sings ‘Do You Want to Build a Snowman?’ one more time I’m going to scream, so this has to be done and quickly. Ella saw the movie
Frozen
once and she’s obsessed. I pray the DVD won’t be available anytime soon.

I
’m midway through rolling a snowball into something large enough to make the snowman’s body when another sails over my head and hits the fence. I look round at a laughing Liam. Seeing him jolts my heart every time, as if he’s an apparition from my past returned to remind me of when I was younger. The Liam I knew years back was scrawny; he’s not a solid, muscular guy but has a wiry strength about him I find more attractive than beefy guys. I grit my teeth against my body’s flaring to life as his green eyes meet mine. His long red hair is pulled back into a ponytail and his full mouth tilts at one corner in response to my scrutiny. I know I shouldn’t engage with him, but it’s difficult.

Liam
’s attitude toward me is gentler than before he left too. Well, more than gentler if you count the kiss.
Kiss
. I look away before he recognises the desire I’ve tried to hide from him for the last couple of days.

“
Bad shot,” I say.

“
Oh, if I’d wanted to hit you, I would. I wasn’t sure how you’d react though.” Liam bends down and scoops more snow into his hand, then holds it as if about to throw the ball at me.