Unravel Me (14 page)

I try to read Warner’s expression as he studies them, but he’s careful to keep himself
completely neutral. He doesn’t do more than blink as he stands perfectly still, a
statue in the wind.

A stray dog is heading straight toward him.

I’m suddenly petrified. I’m worried for this scrappy creature, this weak, frozen little
animal probably seeking out small bits of food, something to keep it from starving
for the next few hours. My heart starts racing in my chest, the blood pumping too
fast and too hard and

I don’t know why I feel like something terrible is about to happen.

The dog bolts right into the backs of Warner’s legs, as if it’s half blind and can’t
see where it’s going. It’s panting hard, tongue lolling to the side like it doesn’t
know how to get it back in. It whines and whimpers a little, slobbering all over Warner’s
very exquisite pants and I’m holding my breath as the golden boy turns around. I half
expect him to take out his gun and shoot the dog right in the head.

I’ve already seen him do it to a human being.

But Warner’s face breaks apart at the sight of the small dog, cracks forming in the
perfect cast of his features, surprise lifting his eyebrows and widening his gaze
for just a moment. Long enough for me to notice.

He looks around, his eyes swift as they survey his surroundings before he scoops the
animal into his arms and disappears around a low fence—one of the short, squat fences
that are used to section off squares of land for each compound. I’m suddenly desperate
to see what he’s going to do and I’m feeling anxious, so anxious, still unable to
breathe.

I’ve seen what Warner can do to a person. I’ve seen his callous heart and his unfeeling
eyes and his complete indifference, his cool, collected demeanor unshaken after killing
a man in cold blood. I can only imagine what he has planned for an innocent dog.

I have to see it for myself.

I have to get his face out of my head and this is exactly what I need. It’s proof
that he’s sick, twisted, that he’s wrong, and will always be wrong.

If only I could stand up, I could see him. I could see what he’s doing to that poor
animal and maybe I could find a way to stop him before it’s too late but I hear Castle’s
voice, a loud whisper calling us. Telling us the coast is clear to move forward now
that Warner is out of sight. “We all move, and we move separately,” he says. “Stick
to the plan! No one trails anyone else. We all meet at the drop-off. If you don’t
make it, we will leave you behind. You have thirty minutes.”

Kenji is tugging on my arm, telling me to get to my feet, to focus, to look in the
right direction. I look up long enough to see that the rest of the group has already
dispersed; Kenji, however, refuses to budge. He curses under his breath until finally
I stand up. I nod. I tell him I understand the plan and motion for him to move on
without me. I remind him that we can’t be seen together. That we cannot walk in groups
or pairs. We cannot be conspicuous.

Finally, finally, he turns to go.

I watch Kenji leave. Then I take a few steps forward only to spin around and dart
back to the corner of the compound, sliding my back up against the wall, hidden from
view.

My eyes scan the area until I spot the fence where I last saw Warner; I tip up on
my toes to peer over.

I have to cover my mouth to keep from gasping out loud.

Warner is crouched on the ground, feeding something to the dog with his good hand.
The animal’s quivering, bony body is huddled inside of Warner’s open coat, shivering
as its stubby limbs try to find warmth after being frozen for so long. The dog wags
its tail hard, pulling back to look Warner in the eye only to plow into the warmth
of his jacket again. I hear Warner laugh.

I see him smile.

It’s the kind of smile that transforms him into someone else entirely, the kind of
smile that puts stars in his eyes and a dazzle on his lips and I realize I’ve never
seen him like this before. I’ve never even seen his teeth—so straight, so white, nothing
less than perfect. A flawless, flawless exterior for a boy with a black, black heart.
It’s hard to believe there’s blood on the hands of the person I’m staring at. He looks
soft and vulnerable—so human. His eyes are squinting from all his grinning and his
cheeks are pink from the cold.

He has
dimples
.

He’s easily the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

And I wish I’d never seen it.

Because something inside of my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes
like panic and anxiety and desperation and I don’t know how to understand the image
in front of me. I don’t want to see Warner like this. I don’t want to think of him
as anything other than a monster.

This isn’t right.

I shift too fast and too far in the wrong direction, suddenly too stupid to find my
footing and hating myself for wasting time I could’ve used to escape. I know Castle
and Kenji would be ready to kill me for taking such a risk but they don’t understand
what it’s like in my head right now, they don’t understand what I’m—

“Hey!” he barks. “You there—”

I look up without intending to, without realizing that I’ve responded to Warner’s
voice until it’s too late. He’s up, frozen in place, staring straight into my eyes,
his good hand paused midmovement until it falls limp at his side, his jaw slack; stunned,
temporarily stupefied.

I watch as the words die in his throat.

I’m paralyzed, caught in his gaze as he stands there, his chest heaving so hard and
his lips ready to form the words that will surely sentence me to my death, all because
of my stupid, senseless, idiotic—

“Whatever you do, don’t scream.”

Someone closes a hand over my mouth.

I don’t move.

“I’m going to let go of you, okay? I want you to take my hand.”

I reach out without looking down and feel our gloved hands fit together. Kenji lets
go of my face.

“You are such an
idiot
,” he says to me, but I’m still staring at Warner. Warner who’s now looking around
like he’s just seen a ghost, blinking and rubbing his eyes like he’s confused, glancing
at the dog like maybe the little animal managed to bewitch him. He grabs a tight hold
of his blond hair, mussing it out of its perfect state, and stalks off so fast my
eyes don’t know how to follow him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Kenji is saying to me. “Are you even listening
to me? Are you
insane
?”

“What did you just do? Why didn’t he—oh my God,” I gasp, sparing a look at my own
body.

I’m completely invisible.

“You’re welcome,” Kenji snaps, dragging me away from the compound. “And keep your
voice down. Being invisible doesn’t mean the world can’t hear you.”

“You can
do
that?” I try to find his face but I might as well be speaking to the air.

“Yeah—it’s called projecting, remember? Didn’t Castle explain this to you already?”
he asks, eager to rush through the explanation so he can get back to yelling at me.
“Not everyone can do it—not all abilities are the same—but maybe if you manage to
stop being a
dumbass
long enough not to
die
, I might be able to teach you one day.”

“You came back for me,” I say to him, struggling to keep up with his brisk pace and
not at all offended by his anger. “Why’d you come back for me?”

“Because you’re a
dumbass
,” he says again.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

“Well, help it,” he says, his voice gruff as he yanks me by the arm. “We’re going
to have to run to recover all the time you just wasted.”

“Why’d you come back, Kenji?” I ask again, undeterred. “How’d you know I was still
here?”

“I was watching you,” he says.

“What? What do you—”

“I watch you,” he says, his words rushing out again, impatient. “It’s part of what
I do. It’s what I’ve been doing since day one. I enlisted in Warner’s army for you
and only you. It’s what Castle sent me for. You were my job.” His voice is clipped,
fast, unfeeling. “I already told you this.”

“Wait, what do you mean, you
watch
me?” I hesitate, tugging on his invisible arm to slow him down a little. “You follow
me around everywhere? Even now? Even at Omega Point?”

He doesn’t answer right away. When he does, his words are reluctant. “Sort of.”

“But why? I’m here. Your job is done, isn’t it?”

“We’ve already had this conversation,” he says. “Remember? Castle wanted me to make
sure you were okay. He told me to keep an eye on you—nothing serious—just, you know,
make sure you weren’t having any psychotic breakdowns or anything.” I hear him sigh.
“You’ve been through a lot. He’s a little worried about you. Especially now—after
what just happened? You don’t look okay. You look like you want to throw yourself
in front of a tank.”

“I would never do something like that,” I say to him.

“Yeah,” he says. “Fine. Whatever. I’m just pointing out the obvious. You only function
on two settings: you’re either moping or you’re making out with Adam—and I have to
say, I kind of prefer the moping—”

“Kenji!” I nearly yank my hand out of his. His grip tightens around my fingers.

“Don’t let go,” he snaps at me again. “You can’t let go or it breaks the connection.”
Kenji is dragging me through the middle of a clearing. We’re far enough from the compounds
now that we won’t be overheard, but we’re still too far from the drop-off to be considered
safe just yet. Luckily the snow isn’t sticking enough for us to leave tracks.

“I can’t believe you spied on us!”

“I was not
spying
on you, okay? Damn. Calm down. Hell, both of you need to calm down. Adam was already
all up in my face about it—”

“What?” I feel the pieces of this puzzle finally beginning to fit together. “Is that
why he was being mean to you at breakfast last week?”

Kenji slows our pace a little. He takes a deep, long breath. “He thought I was, like,
taking
advantage
of the situation.” He says
advantage
like it’s a strange, dirty word. “He thinks I get invisible just to see you naked
or something. Listen—I don’t even know, okay? He was being an idiot about it. I’m
just doing my job.”

“But—you’re not, right? You’re not trying to see me naked or anything?”

Kenji snorts, chokes on his laughter. “Listen, Juliette,” he says through another
laugh, “I’m not blind, okay? On a purely physical level? Yeah, you’re pretty sexy—and
that suit you have to wear all the time doesn’t hurt. But even if you didn’t have
that whole ‘I kill you if I touch you’ thing going on, you are
definitely
not my type. And more importantly, I’m not some perverted asshole,” he says. “I take
my job seriously. I get real shit done in this world, and I like to think people respect
me for it. But your boy Adam is a little too blinded by his pants to think straight.
Maybe you should do something about that.”

I drop my eyes. Say nothing for a moment. Then: “I don’t think you’ll have to worry
about that anymore.”

“Ah, shit.” Kenji sighs, like he can’t believe he got stuck listening to problems
about my love life. “I just walked right into that, didn’t I?”

“We can go, Kenji. We don’t have to talk about this.”

An irritated breath. “It’s not that I don’t
care
about what you’re going through,” he says. “It’s not like I want to see you all depressed
or whatever. It’s just that this life is messed up enough as it is,” he says. “And
I’m sick of you being so caught up in your own little world all the time. You act
like this whole thing—everything we do—is a joke. You don’t take any of it seriously—”

“What?” I cut him off. “That’s not true—I do take this seriously—”

“
Bullshit
.” He laughs a short, sharp, angry laugh. “All you do is sit around and think about
your
feelings
. You’ve got
problems
. Boo-freaking-hoo,” he says. “Your parents hate you and it’s so hard but you have
to wear gloves for the rest of your life because you kill people when you touch them.
Who
gives
a shit?” He’s breathing hard enough for me to hear him. “As far as I can tell, you’ve
got food in your mouth and clothes on your back and a place to pee in peace whenever
you feel like it. Those aren’t problems. That’s called living like a king. And I’d
really appreciate it if you’d grow the hell up and stop walking around like the world
crapped on your only roll of toilet paper. Because it’s stupid,” he says, barely reining
in his temper. “It’s stupid, and it’s ungrateful. You don’t have a clue what everyone
else in the world is going through right now. You don’t have a clue, Juliette. And
you don’t seem to give a damn, either.”

I swallow, so hard.

“Now I am
trying
,” he says, “to give you a chance to fix things. I keep giving you opportunities to
do things differently. To see past the sad little girl you used to be—the sad little
girl you keep clinging to—and stand up for yourself. Stop crying. Stop sitting in
the dark counting out all your individual feelings about how sad and lonely you are.
Wake up,” he says. “You’re not the only person in this world who doesn’t want to get
out of bed in the morning. You’re not the only one with daddy issues and severely
screwed-up DNA. You can be whoever the hell you want to be now. You’re not with your
shitty parents anymore. You’re not in that shitty asylum, and you’re no longer stuck
being Warner’s shitty little experiment. So make a choice,” he says. “Make a choice
and stop wasting everyone’s time. Stop wasting your own time. Okay?”

Shame is pooling in every inch of my body.

Heat has flamed its way up my core, singeing me from the inside out. I’m so horrified,
so terrified to hear the truth in his words.

“Let’s go,” he says, but his voice is just a tiny bit gentler. “We have to run.”

And I nod even though he can’t see me.