Unraveled (19 page)

So why had I
sought him out? Noah had asked me if I remembered our conversation from
earlier, did that mean I might have left work upset? My lack of memory has
irritation sweeping through me. If only I could remember! None of this was
making any sense to me.

The door to
my room opens and I look up to see Noah step inside, his eyes scanning the
room—looking for my brother.

“He can't
stand to look at me right now,” I say bitterly when his eyes rest on me.

Noah sighs
and pulls up the chair to sit near my hospital bed. “It's just fear talking,
Blayre. He was on duty when the call came over the radio asking for medical
assistance because you collapsed at the scene. By the time I got here, he still
hadn't calmed down. He's not thinking rationally.”

“I don't
remember any of it,” I say miserably as my fists tighten on the hospital sheets
as I gaze at him.

“And that
makes it worse because you can't explain to us where your head was tonight.”
His eyes search mine. “I thought you were done with Cole. You pretty much said
that yourself the other night.”

“I am! Or I
was. I don't know!” I say with exasperation. “You say we spoke during my break.
Were we fighting?”

He shakes
his head. “No. It was just mediocre stuff. We talked about the restaurant and
you were joking around that Eddie was going to swipe you a burger and fries and
a bottle of beer on your way out if you got Becky to ask him for a ride rather
than taking the bus. Just stupid shit.”

“So I wasn't
upset or anything?” I ask slowly.

“No. If you
were, you didn't show it.”

I can't help
but groan again as my head drops back onto the pillow and I gaze up at the
ceiling. “Is this memory loss temporary or permanent?”

“Probably
permanent.”

“Great,” I
say with a sigh as I look back at him again.

“There has
to be a reason you went to him tonight. Did he call you?” Noah asks as he
watches me intently.

“I don't
know. Where's my phone?”

“Hold on.”
Noah rises to his feet and goes to a small cupboard closet. He pulls out my
purse and comes back over, handing it to me.

I dig
through it and pull out my phone. I glance at the last incoming number and
frown. I don't recognize it.

“What?” Noah
asks.

“It doesn't
matter, he didn't call,” I say as I shove the phone back in my purse and set it
aside.

“You should
call him.”

I stare at
him. “Seriously?”

“Ask him
what went down tonight,” Noah says steadily. “Get him to admit he sold you the
drugs and Tate can haul him in.”

That would
be bad. Really bad. Like it or not, I have to protect Cole or our secret will
come out. “I must have gone to him but I can't point the finger at him because
I have no memory of any of it. It is what it is,” I say with resignation.

This causes
Noah to frown. “Something just seems off to me.”

It seems off
to me too but I'd have to figure it out later. Right now, I have to do damage
control. “I had a slip up tonight. It won't happen again.”

“Tate's
going to be watching you like a hawk for now on, you know that, don't you?”

“Yeah, and I
deserve it.” I look at him sadly. “I'm sorry. I don't know where my head was
tonight when I went to him.”

Noah falls
silent, his eyes turning resigned. “Somewhere inside you, you still crave him
and what he can offer,” he says softly.

“It's not
like that, Noah.”

He gives me
a look that clearly states he doesn't believe me. “I wish I was enough to make
you forget him.”

“You are!”

“Then why
run to him tonight?” he presses.

“It was a
moment of weakness, I guess,” I say lamely.

He looks
away briefly before he looks at me with disappointment clear in his eyes.

“I told you
I'm no good for you.”

“Don't say
that,” he says tightly. “I think right now you are very confused. Do you even
know what you want, Blayre? What you
really
want?”

“No,” I say
truthfully.

Noah doesn't
say anything, he simply looks at me with brooding defeat.

“How much
trouble am I in?” It's pointless to continue the conversation so I switch the
topic.

“Your
alcohol level was way below the legal limit. You would have had a lot to answer
to about the LSD if it weren't for the fact that Vince was one of the officers
on the scene and Marley's good friends with the doctor who tended to you. As
far as anyone's concerned, you mistakenly took the Rozerem in place of
something else. You need to come up with an explanation before Vince drops in
to get your statement.”

Relief
sweeps over me. “I don't deserve any of you.”

“People care
about you whether you want them to or not.”

I look down
at my clasped hands.

“You were
lucky tonight. You could have seriously been hurt.”

“I could have
hurt someone,” I say as I reluctantly look at him again.

“That too.”

“Noah, I
swear I am done with Cole,” I insist. “I give you my word.”

Regret
flickers in his gaze. “I wish I could believe you.”

“I get that
you don't. I messed up tonight.” And somehow, in some way, Cole had a hand in
it. On Monday I am tracking him down and getting to the bottom of it all.

It's a while
before Tate comes back and his expression still hasn't changed. He still looks
mad and disappointed. Noah excuses himself to give us privacy and Tate sits
down in the seat Noah had just vacated. “You scared the hell out of me
tonight,” he says.

“I'm sorry.
I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I am.”

“You should
be sorry. You could have killed someone tonight because you refuse to take the
initiative to pull yourself together.” His words have me flinching but he
doesn't seem to notice or he doesn't care. “What other 'accidents' have to
happen before you wake the fuck up and do what needs to be done?” he asks
quietly, his eyes on mine.

“Don't. Don't
use this as an excuse to shove rehab down my throat.”

“I can and I
will! You're destroying yourself and those around you!”

“Tate,
please—”

“No! I'm
done playing Mr. Nice Guy with you. Marley and Dr. Heberts put their jobs on
the line for you tonight. I put myself at risk for you tonight as well. Show
some damn gratitude and look into rehab. Get the help you know you need.”

My eyes burn
with tears and I look away.

“I love you,
Blayre, but I'm done watching you do this to yourself. When you want to talk rehab,
you come to me. Until then, I am watching your every move and I am no longer
turning a blind eye to all your shit,” he says simply before he stands up and
walks away without a backward glance.

Life sucks.

It's
Saturday afternoon and after a full morning of solitude in my room, I move out
to the patio to stare at the pool. Tate's avoiding me, not that I blame him. He
is still quite angry with me and even more pissed I'd lost my memory and can't
pin anything on Cole. And Noah...he wasn't avoiding me but his eyes have lost
the playful glint that's usually swirling around somewhere in their depths. Now
he just looks sad.

I draw my
knees up to my chest and drop my cheek down to rest on my knee. I am stuck
between a rock and a hard place. The only way to salvage my relationship with
my brother is to face my biggest fear and seriously consider rehab.

I don't know
if I can, though.

Tate's the
only family I have but I don't think I can take one step inside a
rehabilitation center. This in turn leaves me frustrated that I would allow my
fear to override my relationship with my brother. And as for Noah...things have
changed. He's starting to pull away from me and it bothers me much more than I
ever thought it would. It's selfish because I am fine as long as I'm the one
keeping him at arm’s length—it's what I do.

But turn the
tables...

I know the
best thing I can do for him is to let him go. I still haven't figured out why
he sticks around after all the times I've rejected him and I know I haven't
exactly been fair to him. I've made a mess out of every aspect of my life. I'm
fully aware a lot of it is my own fault. My decision making lately has been
absolutely terrible. But last night...

I need
answers.

What the
hell had gone down last night because clearly I'd met up with Cole. Had we
partied? Had sex? I'm so angry at the entire situation that I want to scream
over the fact that I didn't remember a damn thing. There's not a single thing I
can say to my brother to make any of this better. I don't even have a crappy
excuse. There's just a blank night where I'd obviously done something stupid
and now the two most important people in my life are disappointed in me. I'm
not even sure where that leaves me with Tate. He's stubborn and he made it
clear he wouldn't be happy until I sought the help he felt I needed.

My initial
reaction today after coming home from the hospital was to call Cole, but
something was holding me back. I couldn't really put my finger on it. I want
answers but I need to figure out how to go about getting them. Cole has a
reason behind everything he does, that I know. Just because I ask doesn't mean
he's going to be upfront with me. Last night had more likely been another one
of his stupid games and I'd paid the price for it.

As I stare
moodily at the water I wonder what to do next. The pool has no answers for me
and eventually I make my way inside.

Noah's in
the kitchen and he looks up from the salad he is making. His eyes run over my
pale, drawn features. “What can I do?” he asks simply, his eyes on mine.

“Nothing,” I
say softly before I turn and walk away. When I reach my room, I lay down on the
bed and stare up at the ceiling. I spend most of the afternoon and evening
studying the ceiling and every single bump or tiny crack.

It's not
until late that night—or early morning that all the puzzle pieces begin to fall
into place.

My heart
pounds erratically in my chest as I wake up abruptly from the nightmare that
had me caught up in its frightening grip. The sound of gunfire still echoes in
my ears and I slowly sit up. My legs are tangled in my sheets from tossing and
turning and my shirt is sticking to my damp chest. With shaky fingers, I push
my hair away from my face and try to calm down.

There are
two nightmares that haunt me consistently. Either I am haunted by the fire or
the robbery. There seems to be no favoritism when it came to them. I dread both
when they creep up on me at night and just moments ago I'd been back at the
convenience store parking lot. As I draw in deep breaths of air and try to calm
myself, I realize my heart is still pounding anxiously.

I'm scared.
I feel it in my bones, in my very
being
.

Something is
incredibly wrong.

Then it all
clicks into place and my mouth falls open with dawning horror as I stare into
the darkness of my room with stunned disbelief.

Cole is
trying to
kill
me.

He had to be
and now last night was beginning to make more sense. Cole was methodical and
calculating—he's completely ruthless. There's no way the drugs would have
gotten mixed up because he was smarter than that. Which means he'd deliberately
given me both and sent me on my way...in my damn car. He had known that
combining both drugs would mess me up too much to drive or even think
coherently.

There's a
part of me that wants to deny my suspicions but I can't. Blake had started
pulling away from Cole and now he's dead. How convenient was it that Cole was
out of town the weekend Blake died? And what about having that car instead of
his motorcycle? Had he used the car to run Blake off the road? How had I not
seen any of this earlier?

I broke up
with Cole and now that he doesn't have me where he wants me, he doesn't trust
me. I'm the last one who knows his secret and last night he'd doped me up in
hopes that I'd crash my car and die. It all makes sense. He must have slipped
the drugs in my pocket somehow so that there would be evidence on me when they
found my body. I would have been written off as a teen junkie doing drugs who
had done herself in with the sheer stupidity of driving while high. Somehow,
I'd fallen into his trap last night.

Oh shit.

There is a
very real possibility he’ll come after me again. When he finds out I didn't die
in the crash—he's probably already figured it out by now—he's going to come
after me because even a moron could figure out what he's up to. He'll know I've
figured it out and I'll become even more of a target until he can silence me.

After a long
minute, I begin to calm down as I accept the inevitable. All my actions have
led me here to this point. It's imperative I figure out my next step now that I
know Cole is after me, but right now I just want to feel safe. Something is
going to go down soon, which means my time here with Tate and Noah now has an
expiration date.

Before I
even realize what I am doing, I am creeping out of my room and entering Noah's
dark bedroom. The only hint of light comes from the moonlight streaking in
through his window and I gaze down at him. He's sprawled on his back, bare
chested and clearly in a deep sleep.

After a
moment’s hesitation, I carefully climb onto the bed and lay down near him. I
don't want him waking up and asking questions so I am careful not to touch him.
I just want to feel close to him. He makes me feel safe, like nothing in the
world can hurt me when he's near. I'll have to try to wake up early tomorrow so
I can sneak back out before he knows I was ever here.

After I
slowly pull the blanket up over myself, I lay there and stare at his dark
ceiling as I try to sort out what to do next. Tate and Noah no longer trust me
and I can't say I blame them. One of them is always around, always watching. A
few weeks ago it would have driven me insane but now it's going to be a
comfort. I feel safe, though I know this is only temporary.

Cole is out
to get me and my life is at stake. I probably deserve to forfeit my life for
all my past mistakes that have cost others their lives.

However, I
am not a quitter. I've come too far to hide from the inevitable. Three months
ago I might have done nothing to save myself but now I am a different person.
I'm still damaged, but now I am determined to see this through.

I'm beginning
to realize that the only way to beat Cole at his own game is to confess and go
to the police. It's the only way to give Blake his justice. I think of
Sean—Tate's friend—the one who'd lost his life that fateful night I hadn't
chosen to stand up to Cole. His family deserves answers and justice. Tate
deserves to know who had taken his friend's life.

I'm giving
myself this last week with my brother and Noah and then Friday night I am going
to the police with my confession.

I'm going to
go to prison for aiding and abetting a murder.

I'm scared.

But for once
in my life, I am going to do the
right
thing.

Now that I
know what needs to be done, I'm feeling the intense need to revisit the scene
of the crime that has thoroughly destroyed my life. I need to face it. All I've
done is try to avoid it but no more. My decisions led me to this point in my
life and I need to acknowledge it to myself before I go to the police on
Friday.

I'm now
expected home right after school each day, so on Tuesday I opt to spend my lunch
hour facing one of the demons that has sunk its claws into my gut since that
horrible night. Now that I know what Cole is up to, I deliberately wait until I
know for sure that he's left with his girlfriend before I make my way out to my
car in the school parking lot.

I climb in
and brace myself for the dreaded drive as I back the car out of the parking
lot. I'd woken up knowing what I felt I needed to do and I haven't been able to
eat since. I'm glad because I feel nausea welling up in the pit of my stomach
as I make my way closer to my destination. There is absolutely no way to
describe the feelings that have been sweeping through me the past few days. Now
there is this heavy weight that has settled over my chest, making it hard to
breathe at times as the end of the week draws near.

The minute I
turn onto that familiar street—the one that leads to the convenience store, my
stomach knots up in guilt. My palms break out into a sweat against the steering
wheel as I look straight ahead and keep my eyes fastened on the traffic before
me. At the end of the street, I turn into the furniture store directly across
from the convenience store and pull my car into a parking space. I can't bring
myself to actually go to the store across the street but at least from this
distance, I'll be able to see where a man had lost his life.

My eyes lift
and I look at the store, a shiver sweeping through me as I remember the sounds
of shouting and gunfire. They were sounds that I would never forget. Tears fill
my eyes as I realize that this could have easily been avoided if I'd just said
no that night.

The more I
think about it, the more I wonder if Cole would have really had someone else
drive that night if I'd bailed. We hadn't been dating very long and as cautious
as he is, I am betting I was a last resort. He had to have known there was a
chance I'd turn him in and in the end, he'd dragged me into it anyway.

He'd been
desperate. My guess is he'd been fearing he'd be losing more than a finger if
he didn't pay whoever was after him on time.

My lips
purse as I stare miserably at the store. One stupid decision has ultimately
ruined my life. I wish I could go back and change the outcome of that fateful
night.

But I can't.

And now Cole
wants to kill me.

A pang of
betrayal flickers through me because I really had thought that Cole cared about
me. I could have sworn he had. But for him to want to kill me...to actually
try
to kill me...

My eyes burn
but I keep the tears at bay. Paige had been right from the start. Cole was a user
and a manipulator. I should have listened.

Ironically
enough, I end up running into Cole's girlfriend that afternoon in school. It is
towards the end of the day and classes have already began and I am running late
as usual. Nature is calling and since I'm already late, I head for the nearest
restroom.

I step aside
for a girl hurrying out of the bathroom before I step inside the almost
deserted restroom.

That's when
I see her.

Jenna's
standing at the sinks, putting lipstick on as she peers in the mirror. My eyes
run over her and I barely recognize her anymore. Gone was the perky cheerleader
that I had once seen bouncing around in the hallways with her friends. In her
place is a pretty blonde with dark circles under her eyes from long nights
spent with Cole and his partying ways. Her once reserved outfits are a thing of
the past and today's outfit consists of a tight little mini skirt with a belly
baring shirt.

As I study
her, I realize I used to be her. The bottom drops out of my stomach as it dawns
on me that Cole really had controlled every aspect of my life, even to the
point of what I'd worn. I'd tried to keep him from bulldozing right over me but
in the end he'd always gotten what he'd wanted.

Jenna
glances up and her blue eyes narrow as she studies me in the reflection of the
mirror. She recognizes me as Cole's ex.

There's a
chance that he may not end up locked away—not if he gets his way. I have to at
least try to warn her. With that thought in mind, I walk over. “Hey,” I say.

“Are you
following me?” She turns and shoots me a hostile look.