He shrugged. “What do you want me to say, Lucy? That I’d put conditions and boundaries on how I’d love you? I’m sorry if others did, but in my world, love is different. You take the good with the bad, you embrace it all and if you always burn the bacon, I don’t care because I’m perfectly capable of making enough to share with you. It doesn’t bother me that you haven’t been with a man in a while, just like it doesn’t bother me that you were married—okay, that bothers me a little. I wish I could be coming to you without a past. I wish you were coming to me that way too, but I’ll take it all if you’ll let me.”
She looked unconvinced. He hoped she was starting to at least get a picture of what mating and family meant to him. Her grandmother sounded like an amazing woman and it sounded like she’d done a lot of good in her years. Unfortunately, her upbringing had left Lucy with a few family scars. She didn’t get terribly close, she’d give, yet never expected reciprocation. In her marriage, she’d probably been able to keep a measure of distance, especially if her husband had been away. Those were things she’d learn to change with him.
“And I’d take you on just the way you are? With twins on the edge of puberty and an inquisitive little girl? Your long hours, your whole wolf thing?”
“And don’t forget after I work a double, my feet smell horrible,” he added, putting a cheerful note at the end. “I’ll hit the showers with my shoes on so it doesn’t bother you. Just like you see things as flaws on you, I’m not perfect. I’ll never pretend to be, but I know having you love me will make me better.”
Her breath caught a little at the confession and he wasn’t sure but he thought she might have said ‘love’. He forgot sometimes how human she was and that she couldn’t smell and see emotion on him like shewolves could. He’d learned with the kids how much words mattered, since the little ones needed to be taught what love and affection—the good kinds—looked like. He’d foolishly set that wisdom aside with Lucy.
“Love is important,” he said quietly, crouching slightly so he was eye to eye with her, looking as deeply into her soul as he could. “And I know you might think it’s too soon, but I’ll let you in on a secret. Even if your mind is still deciding, the rest of you already shows you love me. The way you look at me, the way you respond and turn into me when we’re together, those things already give you away. I’ve been trying to show you how much I care in my ways. When you’re ready for the words, I’ve got them, Lucy. I’m trying to respect your human nature and not overwhelm you.”
He thought he was fast, but Lucy surprised him, launching into his arms with no warning. She didn’t kiss him, just held him tight, but it was enough. If she’d been pissed at the announcement, she would have walked away. Instead, she was trying to burrow herself under his skin and if it were within his power, he’d have had a special pocket made for her. She was little—he could spend the rest of his life carrying her without complaint.
“I’m not ready to be a mate or whatever, but I guess I don’t mind that I smell like you.”
He bit back a chuckle. The admission would be absurd to anyone else. To him it was wonderful. “That works for me.”
Chapter 12
She had to stay busy. Her apartment was impossibly clean and now she was tackling Scott’s place while he and the kids were out. Lucy set aside her scrub brush and sat on her butt on the already swept and mopped floor. Cleaning wasn’t something she usually enjoyed. In fact, she hired someone else to do it for her every chance she got, but with the shop a complete mess and nothing she could do about it, the urge to clean other things had bombarded her.
Scott had told her not to go overboard—unfortunately ‘overboard’ had long passed. She figured when she’d scrubbed and disinfected the ceiling fans she’d lost it. The floor was another testimony of her impulse. The scrub brush was within reach but she had to stop before she wore holes in Scott’s linoleum.
Inactivity was killing her. She rested her head against her arms. Her apartment had been shockingly short of yarn and knitting projects, most of her best tools and supplies lost in the shop, so she’d gone the day before to a craft store to restock a few of her personal things. The trip had been a nightmare and a half. The yarns hadn’t been right, the tools compared to hers had been all wrong and she’d ended up running out like a crazy woman after only a few minutes. That’s when the cleaning spree had started.
The locks on the main door turned, followed by the sounds of the door opening. A long, low whistled emerged. “Lucy, where are you? You didn’t do all of this, did you?”
Busted. She sighed, lifted her hand high and waved it, exhaustion settling in. Scott rounded the kitchen’s short island and stood above her, shaking his head. He’d been at work since before dawn. She liked helping out with the kids, so she’d driven them all to their activities so he could start early and finish early as well.
Maybe if she’d gone and picked up the kids and taken them to the park or something, she could have looked less crazy. As it was, there were three empty bottles of cleansers on the counter and, well, she’d taken down all the curtains to wash so there was no denying the changes.
“It looks good in here,” he said slowly, like he was trying to find a nice way to address her bizarre behavior. “I certainly didn’t expect this kind of cleaning, sweetie. The kids and I would have been happy to help with this big of a project.”
She looked up and couldn’t stop her lips from kicking up in a tiny smile. He looked so darn handsome in the dark slacks and dress shirt he wore for work. There was a certain amount of mob-thug aura about him, but she thought that was probably his strength and confidence showing through the fussy clothes. He filled them out well and she hoped he didn’t mind extra starch in his shirts, because she’d spent an hour ironing earlier in the day.
He squatted before her, putting them face to face like he knew she might not be up to standing for a while. “Having a little breakdown, beautiful?”
She sighed. She’d tried very hard not to indulge her crazy impulses. His former mate had succumbed to mental illness and she didn’t want him to worry. It was stress making her a little off. She wished she’d been stronger.
“I think so,” she admitted. “I tried not to. I think once I’m actually able to get into the shop and have some real dates to plan around, I’ll be better. In the meantime, though, all the waiting was getting to me.”
He nodded. “When I was waiting to hear about if we’d been accepted into Chris’s pack or not, I baked fifteen dozen cookies. Most of them were chocolate chip.”
Laughing wasn’t appropriate, but picturing the big, tough Scott with an apron, surrounded by cookies, made her smile. “And then did you eat them?”
“Nope. I was too freaked out and on edge to actually consume any. I ended up sending most of them to the kids’ events. I’m not trying to make light of anything, but I do know what it’s like to feel the helpless way you do right now.”
She waved his words away. She’d lost her shop. Scott had lost his entire family. If she were thinking straight, she’d have seen the difference and been grateful for all the wonderful, positive things still left in her life.
“Don’t belittle your loss, Luce,” he said before she actually voiced her thoughts. “I know you’re a positive person and know the yarn and stuff can be replaced, but that was your space. It was violated and it won’t ever be the same again. No one’s going to tell you not to be sad over that—especially not me. Maybe we could find a better use for all this nervous energy.”
“I don’t want to go run around the trees in the park, Scott.”
He laughed, but she knew him. Exercise was fine and dandy, but she wasn’t a werewolf and what she needed was to be useful. Her grandma always said if there was too much in one life getting a person down, then it was time to help someone else. Maybe she’d volunteer somewhere for a while. Stocking at the food pantry or delivering meals was less crazy than re-washing an already disinfected floor.
“I don’t think running around the trees will do it for you. How about we put up the cleaning stuff for the time being and head to the grocery store? I’ve been putting off my big trip and I could use a hand pushing the second cart.”
She looked up at his earnest face. He really didn’t think she was crazy, and like he said, he understood what she needed. She’d never had such deep understanding between her and another person before. Her grandma had expected her to pull her weight and do good things. She’d needed her to be a good girl and because it was in her nature, Lucy never had a problem with those expectations. Brad, while they’d been dating and during their brief marriage, had attempted to take care of her on occasion. It had been hard for her to let him, but he’d tried and she’d thought it was incredible.
Scott, though, he seemed to recognize the line she walked when it came to helping others. She’d rather serve than be served, yet she needed a break and she needed help. He was giving her an out without making her feel like she was going against her nature.
“You can pick out the tea and stuff you like since I know you don’t like what I picked out last time.”
“What you chose is just fine.” She stopped herself when he raised his eyebrow. Darn werewolf nose, he could smell her fib. “Okay, maybe it’s not my favorite, but the thought in this case went a very long way.”
“So you’ll come with me and help me get the thought and action in line?”
Lucy looked around. She really didn’t want to finish scrubbing the clean floor and the curtains were already ironed and weren’t going anywhere.
“I’ll even throw in a milkshake,” he said.
She was sold and he must have known it because he smiled. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on his upturned lips. “Okay, handsome. I’ll help with the shopping and we can put the curtains up when we get back.”
He nodded. “Sounds great. Let’s go.”
* * * *
The clerks always gave him looks when he shopped, but Scott had stopped caring about those years ago. Lucy didn’t seem to mind either. She’d told him about her experience buying groceries in bulk with her grandmother, so carts filled to overflowing were nothing new to her. He didn’t have a list because they pretty much needed everything besides beef—that, he bought by the half-cow from the butcher. But in the last few weeks, with him being hurt first and then Lucy being over, they’d gone through a lot of food. He liked how she didn’t bat an eyelash when he asked her to grab five tubs of oats.
“Planning on making more cookies?” she asked, the teasing quality of her voice the stuff he’d hoped to hear with a change of location.
“Maybe some oatmeal raisin ones,” he said. “That actually sounds really good. Now, what kind of cereal do you like? I know corn flakes aren’t your favorite.”
“Oh, you don’t have to get anything special for me,” she replied. “I’m happy to eat whatever you and the kids eat.”
He hated when she did that. There was a lot to be said about being selfless, but there was no damn reason for her to feel like she couldn’t have a say. He wanted her to pick stuff out and make a mark on his home. It wouldn’t be easy for her, not with her ever-giving nature. He didn’t necessarily want to try to change her, but he was pretty sure he could help her see the difference between being giving and not ever choosing.
“How about the marshmallow things?” He plucked a box from the plethora of possibilities.
“Those are fine,” she replied with a bright smile.
“Do you like them?”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, Scott. I know you probably need to grab ten boxes to make it through the week, just pick what you like and I’ll nibble if I’m at the house.”
“But I want to have exactly what you want and how do I know if you don’t tell me?” he countered. “Unless I buy one of each kind and sit you down and have you try each and make notes, I could make the tea blunder again and that would be unacceptable. I’ll buy them all unless you speak up, Lucy.”
“You’re being silly.”
He shrugged and started grabbing boxes. “That’s part of being mates, sweetheart. You know that need you have to take care of every person you meet? Well, when it comes to wolves and their mates and pups, that feeling is quadrupled. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
“It’s cereal, you crazy man. It doesn’t matter what I like.”
“Everything you like matters.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment and Scott used the quiet to continue filling his cart with cereal. If she doubted his sincerity, she was soon going to learn that when it came to her, there was no limit on how far he was willing to go to make her everyday life good. Maybe if he and Tiffany had started their mating bending over backward for each other instead of bending each other over every flat surface they could find, he would have noticed the change in her and recognized her need for help.