Unsound: A Horizons Book (13 page)

“My dad is a marine. I grew up without having him around a lot and moving around a lot. I guess when I was younger, I figured out that acting up got his attention. And it also helped me make some friends when I rolled into a new school. My dad was sick of getting the upset mom calls and the angry principal calls.

“He kind of thought this was a punishment. And I hate to say, I don’t really see it that way, especially due to present company,” Chris gave me a suggestive look, causing me to blush. I think it was the most flattering compliment that he chose to share the truth with me.

“I just… can’t help feeling like I’m missing out on a normal teenage experience. I’m not a drug addict, just want to have some fun,” Chris finished with a shrug.

“Ok… I’ll consider going with you. If we even get the opportunity,” I said, secretly hoping that we would never have the opportunity.

“How did they agree to let you enroll here anyway without needing rehab for… normal rehab… issues,” I finished lamely and blushed deeper.

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” Chris said with a wink before shrugging, “I’ve been deemed an at-risk teen. Also my father found a bong in my closet, which I’m sure he thought was a mortal sin. That plus the school attitude and here I am—at-risk-teen enrolled in a therapeutic boarding school. Regardless, I just want to have a little fun.”

“I could do with some fun,” I decided leaning back against the tree. I wasn’t sure if that was an invitation, but Chris leaned in to kiss me anyway. In terms of fun, I was a very fun girl to hang around with.

I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to brush my body against his. It
was
a fun way to pass the time.

JON

“Hey,” Marie greeted me slowly. The flush in her cheeks gave away her embarrassment. 

She hadn’t been alone with me since she started her secret relationship with Anthony. She definitely hadn’t expected to find me hiding out in the tool shed.

She walked over to me as I stood up. Maybe it was out of habit, but she came close, tilting her head upwards to kiss me. I pulled away.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Marie asked, concerned.

“What would Anthony think about that?” I asked, catching her off guard.

Tears sprung to her eyes, “Um… wh-what are… you talking about?” Marie quietly asked.

“Come on Mah,” I said, my accent coming in thick from anger. I pushed a hand threw my hair in exasperation, “don’t treat me like I’m an idiot.”

Truth was that I did feel like an idiot, which only caused the anger to build faster. Not only did this girl ditch me, but I wasn’t the first to know. It was a blow to my ego, and I wasn’t exactly an egotistical guy. I just didn’t like looking like a fool. Okay, so maybe I was an egotistical guy. But still, the epiphany hit me, I didn’t care about Marie, I cared about my ego.
Was I always such a selfish jerk?
This question made me angrier.

“I’m not—I didn’t mean—I’m sorry,” Marie finished lamely. She didn’t know what else to say. She dug herself into a hole.

“Mah,” I started again, holding her shoulders and making Marie look me in the eye, “if you had just told me the truth, this wouldn’t have bothered me as much. But you lied and that’s not okay with me. You tried to sneak behind my back and expected me to not find out? That’s shady.”

I saw the tears well up in her eyes and pulled her into a quick embrace—just so I didn’t have to see her cry.
I really am a dick
. The guilt almost stopped me from walking away from her. 

Almost being the operative word.

“Bye Marie,” I said with finality in my voice. I hoped she got the hint that she was free to fool around with Tony and make him a happy guy. I quickly walked to the door and left the shed without another look back.

I felt lighter.

As I walked back to the cabin, I saw a flash of blonde in the trees. I walked towards her, smelling cigarette smoke as I got closer.

“You know, you should hide a little further out if you don’t want to get caught,” I said, sneaking up behind her.

Julie jumped and spit out a few choice curse words, “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry, but you’re cute when you’re scared,” I told her, a smile playing across my lips. I don’t know where the good mood came from, or the uncharacteristic flirting.

Julie rolled her eyes, but I saw her cheeks flush with color at my unexpected compliment, “what’s up?”

I shrugged, “I told Marie I knew about her and Tony,” I heard myself say. I didn’t know why I told Julie. I hadn’t meant to, but it slipped out in my good mood. I felt more weight lift off my shoulders.

“Oh!” Julie said with surprise and a sidelong glance, “I’m… sorry?”

“No, it’s okay. After what you told me, I had to. Anyway, Anthony has been jonesing for that girl since he met her,” I turned and grasped a low hanging branch, pulling my body up for a pull-up, “Who am I to get in the way?”

“Sounds like you’re admitting that you don’t really care for her after all,” Julie replied, as I dropped back down to the forest floor.

I just shrugged. Marie didn’t deserve a cheap jab from me, and I didn’t want to admit that Julie was right, “I’m hungry, I’m gonna head over for dinner. You coming?”

Julie nodded, putting her cigarette out on the ground.

Julie

“Oh man, your face,” I said through non-stop giggles as I ran into the boys’ cabin with Chris on my heels. During dinner we found out Jeff was leaving the grounds for another date, so I followed through on my promise to Chris. After he pushed me up against the side of the building for a little kissing and groping, he lifted me through a window before pulling himself through.

Chris could tell I was nervous. Despite being enrolled in a rehabilitation school, I think it was obvious that I was actually a good girl not used to breaking the rules.

We managed to find a secret stash of booze and swiped a fifth of gin and some weed hidden behind the bottles. After a trick with an apple, Chris and I were laughing on the forest floor. Until a raccoon moved around in the brush scaring us both back to the safety of the cabins.

“You should have seen your face,” I gasped, sitting on his bed clutching my stomach.

After a minute, the laughter faded leaving us with a more mellow high. Chris sat next to me on his bed. My laughter faded to silence as I felt Chris’s eyes on me.

“You know, I’d feel more comfortable if I asked permission to kiss you this time,” he said quietly.

“I’ll make this easier on you then,” I responded, sliding over to Chris and putting my hand on his upper thigh. I looked at him as he lifted his hand to thread his fingers through my hair. He pulled my head to his and kissed me.

That’s when the rain started. I could hear the drops hit the windowpane.

Chris slipped his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I wanted to tune out the sound of the rain hitting the window. It sent shivers up my spine. I became mechanical and slipped into my old routine and show.

I pushed Chris back onto the bed and straddled him. I slowly and fluidly pulled my top over my head, wanting him to take me in, reveling in the fact that he was. I reached down pulling his t-shirt over his head, tracing my fingers down his chest to his jeans. I slowly unbuttoned the top button then slowly pulled the zipper down. Chris was breathing hard. He couldn’t take the teasing.

I got up and pulled his pants off, revealing a pair of boxer briefs that I could clearly see his excitement through. I shimmied my pants off, making sure he watched with lustful eyes. I got back on the bed in my bra and panties, straddling him again.

“God Julie, you’re driving me crazy,” Chris said, pulling my lips down to his again. He took a ragged breath and ran his tongue across my lips. He kissed down my neck, pulling my hips down against his. My concentration never left the sound of the rain pitter-pattering against the glass.

I turned the show up a notch. I flipped my hair as I gyrated on top of Chris. The rain continued to hit the windowpane. I moaned, I licked his neck; I had an order to my song and dance. I knew what guys liked, knew the moves, the touches and the sounds. I knew how to drive them crazy and I knew how to make it quick. I didn’t kiss him anymore; I didn’t want to look at him. I just wanted to concentrate on drowning out the rain. I continued to gyrate mechanically, not thinking. The louder I moaned, the less I could hear the rain on the window.

Every time Chris tried to kiss me, I pulled my head away and whipped my hair around, moaning.  He tried to look at my eyes, he wanted to kiss me, he wanted me to kiss him back….

“Julie, stop, what’s wrong?” Chris asked, looking at me.

I knew my face was blank. I felt guilt wash over me as I listened to the rain. It was so loud. The guilt and sadness were growing in the pit of my stomach. I started to shake my head back and forth as I felt my hands start to shake. I wanted it all to stop.

“Please talk to me, tell me what’s wrong. You’re not okay.”

“I’m fine,” I lied, “you just feel so good, baby,” I didn’t know why he was questioning me, this never happened. He was supposed to keep going. He was supposed to make me forget, make me stop thinking. Sex was unthinking.

Chris put his hands on my hips and started to lift me off him.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. I sounded frantic. It was raining harder now and I finally covered my ears to drown out the sound. I could see the door handle turning. That was what I remembered of my last moments of innocence. The sound of the rain and the door handle turning.

It didn’t completely register, but Chris looked panicked. I could feel him watching me, even as I covered my ears with my eyes slammed shut. If I kept it out, it couldn’t hurt me again. The memories had to go away.

“Julie,” he said quietly, “please talk to me. What are you thinking about? What’s wrong?”

“The rain,” I murmured, shaking my head more, “I just don’t like the sound of the rain hitting the window,” I told him lamely.

“Julie? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chris said, holding my face in his hands. At his touch, I dropped my hands and slowly opened my eyes. Tears started to drop and I looked at him with another blank stare. A different emotion flowed through me as I opened my mouth and started to talk.

“It was raining hard that night. I remember the wind outside and hearing the rain hit the windowpane. It was loud and I couldn’t sleep.”

Chris rubbed my tears away with his thumbs, but kept his hands on my face. He was so still, as if he didn’t want me to lose my train of thought.

“He slowly opened the door. He came in my room. Asked me if I was okay… if the storm scared me. He said he would lie down with me until I fell asleep. I think she was passed out drunk. She was usually passed out drunk back then.”

“Julie,” Chris started, “wha—who are you talking about?”

“He lay next to me, and then I felt him touch me. He ran his hand over my stomach; I was wearing a flannel nightgown. He reached up and… started touching my skin. After that, I started wearing pants to bed… thinking it would help, make it harder to…”

“God, Julie,” Chris whispered, torn by a desire to know more yet scared of hearing my answers, “please tell me, you aren’t talking about… your dad.“

I cut him off with a sob, “my father is dead.”

Chris wrapped his arms around me and let me sob. He slowly rocked me back and forth until my sobs stopped. He helped me put my clothes back on but then he pulled me against him and held me close again, rubbing my head.

I know that Chris didn’t know who I was talking about. Uncle? Family friend? The facts I offered scared him, but I think it scared him more seeing me so upset; so lost. It wasn’t a secret that I put up a front, kept people away, shut down and ignored the pain.

Without moving or looking at him, I started to talk again.

“My mom remarried, right after my dad passed away,” I said slowly, “he was nice enough, you know. He was there for us all during the grieving process. I was too young to understand.

“He was a junkie. My mom was loaded all the time. I was naïve. Didn’t know. And he—” I choked on my words as another unexpected sob shuddered through my body.

“Shh,” Chris whispered in my ear, “you don’t need to talk about it anymore. It’s over. It’s okay. You’re safe here; you’re away from him. It’s over.”

As Chris worked to calm me down, the boys hurried back to the dorm through the rain. I had stopped crying, but I knew my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. The door to the cabin flew open as the boys rushed in., breaking the safe bubble.

The jolt back to reality was too much. Now that the last of our high had officially worn off, I was ashamed of my break down. I couldn’t believe I had told Chris so much. I tried to block my face, which seared red-hot with embarrassment.

JON

I took in the scene: the bed was disheveled, Julie was dressed, but Chris only had on a t-shirt and a pair of Calvin’s. Chris and Julie all but jumped backwards away from each other when we ran in.

I felt like I’d been slapped. My heart sank into my stomach and it all turned to ice in my body unitl I recognized the signs of Julie crying. Jay was smirking and Anthony didn’t know where to look before he bolted for the bathroom.