Authors: Jaimie Roberts
“I can’t,” was all I said, my body so breathless, I thought I would pass out. “I can’t do this.” I pushed him off me and ran. It was forbidden to leave a client alone in a property, but I couldn’t stay. I had to get away—I have to get away.
I could suddenly hear the sound of “Angels” coming from my bag. Over and over I could hear Robbie Williams’ voice telling me he was loving angels instead. That damn phone. I was supposed to give it back to him ages ago.
The sound stopped after a while followed by a message. I took it out and read it. It was only one word—one single, solitary word that is used a thousand times a day to let people know they regret what they did.
Sorry.
I walked into the office, breathless and tired. My feet ached and my body wasn’t far behind. I saw Hyacinth screw up her face when she saw me. It was almost as if she had seen the most disgusting thing in the world. “What you looking at?” I snapped. I didn’t care anymore. Her face was a picture of shock. She didn’t say anything—I think she knew I meant business—she just stared blankly back at me.
I looked over at Victor Meldrew and saw him shaking his head. “And you can shove your attitude up your arse an all.” I marched over to my desk to three sets of smiling eyes. Shelly, Anthony, and Brad could hardly contain their excitement at my outburst.
Shelly leaned over her desk with a whisper. “I don’t know what’s gotten in to you, but you go girl.”
I quickly remembered her attitude lately, and as swiftly as I was in my seat, I was out of it. “Come on, Shelly—you’re coming with me.” Pulling her out of her chair, I headed for the door. She looked stunned.
“Where are we going?”
I let go of her arm and she hurried along beside me like a child about to receive a present. I took her to a coffee house and bought her a latte.
“I have a client in thirty minutes, Angelina.”
“This won’t take long.” I took a deep breath and continued. “What happened between you and Brad?” Her eyes immediately fell to the floor like she was ashamed. I touched her hand to let her know it was okay. “You can tell me you know. I won’t say anything.”
She looked back up, but bit her lip. “I know. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. I like him as a friend, but nothing more than that. Now it’s just too weird between us. We hardly talk—we can’t even look at each other in the eyes, it’s so awkward.”
Sipping my coffee, I regarded her for a moment. “You had sex.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. “No, we just kissed. We were both really intoxicated and on the way back in the taxi he put his arm around me—and the next thing I knew—we were full on snogging in the back of the cab. God, it’s so embarrassing.”
I nudged her with my arm a little. “Come on, Shelly, it’ll be okay. It was only a kiss.” The moment I said it, I knew how wrong I was. For me, what Seth and I just did wasn’t just a kiss. It felt so much more than that. I could still feel his body pressed against mine. Still feel his hot breath sucking up my own like he was trying to entice my soul into him. That kiss could never be just a kiss. It was that one moment in a lifetime that I knew I would never forget. I have kissed guys before and it has been just that. I can’t even remember any of my first kisses—but I’ll always remember his.
“I know we’ll have to talk at some point, I think we’ve just been trying to avoid that awkward moment where one doesn’t know what the other wants.” Her anxiety pulled me out of my own situation as I let her words sink in.
“So you don’t like him like that?”
Shelly shook her head. “Well, no. We have been friends for so long. I don’t want to lose that. Plus he’s my colleague, so it’s not a good idea anyway.”
“I hear ya.” I took another sip of my coffee and placed it back down. “Why don’t you ask him out for a drink tonight and tell him how you feel? If it’s that bad that you can’t talk to one another, then text—or even email. I understand that it’s hard for you to ask in the office. Too many ears and all that, but no one will know if you send him a message. It’s got to be done, Shelly. I’ve noticed there’s tension, and if I have, others will do, too.”
She sipped her coffee and nodded her head. “You’re right. I have to do something.”
“Good,” I answered. I thought that was going to be the end of it, but I was wrong.
“What happened at the viewing?”
“What?” I snapped, a little too noticeably.
“You seem stressed out. I assume you had a bad viewing.”
I saw her genuine worry, so I gave her a gentle smile. “Yes, sorry. I had a viewing with a Mr Hare, but guess who it was instead?”
She squealed a little. “Oh, was it STD?”
“The one and only.” I couldn’t help shaking my head with surprise.
She started laughing loudly. “He called himself Mr Hare, how funny. What did he do? He must have said, or done something because you’ve never once snapped at the evil twins before. You’ve always been so good at just ignoring them. They deserve it of course, but what’s changed?”
“He kissed me.” Now it was my turn to lower my eyes in shame.
“Really, what was it like? I bet it was hot—was it hot?”
I looked back up at her and nodded. “Yes, a bit too fucking hot. I hate myself for it.”
“But why?” Her face was a picture of concern. Her little crinkles at the top of her forehead were perfectly formed as she stared at me with worry.
“Because he’s all wrong for me, Shelly. You’ve seen how he is—hell, you even heard of his reputation before you met the guy.”
Shelly looked a little confused. “I know, but I thought you didn’t date anyway. He’s perfect for you, isn’t he? Well, I don’t mean literally, I just meant that you’re both not looking for anything serious.”
I didn’t know how to explain myself to her. What she said was right, but this situation was different. She seemed to see something in me as her eyes sparkled in a smile.
“Hold on a minute, you like him don’t you? I mean
really
like him?”
I wanted to argue. I wanted to shout and scream for her to shut up—that what she was saying was wrong—but I couldn’t.
“Yes.” I said the word before my brain engaged. I had been trying to deny it to myself for too long. Now it was time to finally admit it.
“I’m sorry, Angelina.” She grabbed my arm and squeezed it. “Now I can understand why you’re like this around him. You don’t want to get hurt.”
I closed my eyes for a moment with a sigh. “I don’t get hurt, that’s the thing, Shelly. No one hurts Angelina Bradshaw. No one.” My resolve was weakening quickly. I thought about Brian and what I had done to him. Now I knew a little bit of how he felt. It sucked!
“Have you ever thought that maybe he likes you, too?”
I knew that wasn’t the case. I was just a challenge for him. “Don’t be silly, Shelly, he’s a player. You know that as well as I do.”
“Yes, but according to what you’re saying—so are you. Have you ever been in love before?”
I heaved out a sarcastic laugh. “No.”
“Have you ever really dated, like just gone out with someone who you really like that you thought could turn into something more?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then what makes you so different to him? I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m just saying that it’s not impossible to feel things. It just makes us human.”
I knew she was right, but I couldn’t shake off this huge need to protect myself from harm. “I think I need to go home for a few days. Clear my head.”
Shelly nodded her head. “That might be just what you need. Go home, see your parents—think about what you want to do with this situation. You can’t run and hide from it. He will still be here when you get back. Whether you like it or not, you can’t avoid him forever.”
I smiled at that. “Touché, my dearest Shelly.”
Once we got back, I tried my best at ignoring the evil twins so I didn’t end up saying something I regretted—or something I will be made to regret. Instead I knocked on Jonathan’s door.
I was starting to feel much better about my forthcoming trip back home. I have been here almost two months now, and I did promise I would visit as often as I could.
“Come in!” I heard Jonathan shout.
I did as instructed, entering his office and sitting down opposite his brightly lit face. “What can I do for you, Angelina? How did the viewing go.”
Shit, I didn’t know what to say. Do I say “I’m not sure because Mr Jacobs kissed me so I didn’t get a chance to find that out? Oh, and by the way, I left him behind in the flat that the vendors have trusted that you would take care of in their absence.”
“I think he’ll get back to me.” That was as good an answer as any. It leaves it open to anything.
Satisfied with my response, he nodded. “Is there something you want to ask?”
I could feel my heart beating suddenly. “Yes, actually. I wanted to know if I could go away until Monday? I don’t have many clients and any of the others, I’m sure Shelly, Anthony, or Brad won’t mind fitting them around for me.”
He frowned but smiled. “Of course. Is there something wrong?” He knew it was a bit sudden. Normally I would give plenty of notice if I wanted to take some leave, but this was an emergency. I had to distance myself away from Seth—and thoughts of Seth—before it consumed me.
“No, I just think I should go. It’s been a couple of months and I know that my mum and dad will be pleased to see me. You know how fussy they are over me.”
His face of concern soon turned into a broad smile. “Of course. Who am I to keep their daughter away from them? They would never forgive me if you wanted to go and I said no.” He laughed a little and it made me relax somewhat.
“I tell you what, go home now and pack. Your car is still parked outside my house. Go pack yourself a little bag and head on out. I’ll take care of Jerry for you so you don’t upset him with the journey.”
“Really?” I was the one behaving like an excitable child now. He soon spotted my expression and laughed. “Hell, I never thought I’d see the day that Angelina Bradshaw was actually excited about seeing her parents.”
I laughed at that, too. It was a little ridiculous that I was behaving this way. I couldn’t wait to get away from them when I left, and now I’m more eager than ever to run back to them.
Taking a deep breath, I felt calm. I could feel the stress easing away from my shoulders. I knew that once I got on the road and put some distance between me and Seth, all would be better.
“Can I ask you something?” I pulled Seth’s phone from out of my bag and switched it off. “Can you please give this back to Mr Jacobs? I believe he left it behind when he was finished with our viewing.” I hated lying, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Of course. I’ll get right on to it. I should imagine he’s not going to want to be without this for very long.”
I smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Jonathan. And thank you for offering to look after Jerry whilst I’m away.”
“No problems at all. Tell your mum and dad I said hi, won’t you?”
“Of course.” I got to my feet quickly and headed out towards Shelly and company. “I’m going to Cornwall for a few days. I’ll be back in the office on Monday morning.” Shelly smiled knowingly and the other two just nodded their heads and told me to have a lovely time.
“Call me!” Shelly shouted as I was heading out. “I will!” I bellowed back.
It was time to get away.
As I was only going for three days I packed one of those carry-on luggage cases that you take on the plane. I called my mum and dad, who were ecstatic that I was coming home to see them for a few days. My mother didn’t seem to care that it was such short notice. She just wanted to see me.
The four hour journey was long and tedious, but I felt better the further I got away from Seth. He clouded my thoughts, and my judgement. The more miles I put between us, the more focused I could become. It didn’t stop me thinking about him—which I hated him again for. The kiss was way too good to ignore and now that he has kissed me, there is no going back. His touch, his taste, the feel of his body on mine was filling me up so high, that it was almost jumping out of me. It wouldn’t stop—it kept going and going like an endless sky, and I knew it would never end.
The minute I pulled up outside my parent’s thatched cottage, I felt a huge sigh of relief leave me. It felt familiar, and that made me feel safe again. I pulled my bag out of the boot and barely had time to walk up the stairs before my mum opened the door and ran for a hug. Behind her I saw my dad, Julia, and Jack. I was glad they were here, too. We needed to catch up on a lot.
There were lots of stories to tell, which I was happy about. Julia and Jack’s honeymoon had gone really well. They both had a certain honeymoon—not long been back from a wonderful holiday—glow about them. They looked just as in love as ever and it was great to see. I saw the way they looked at each other, and the way Jack held my sister’s hand. For the first time I felt an uneasiness. For the first time I felt I wished I had that. It was an unwelcome shock and I put it down to Seth confusing the hell out of me.