Until the Sun Burns Out (14 page)

Darkness blanketed his features. “Is that what you think?” He swallowed hard. “Mina, I’ve never been as close to any girl as I am to you. That’s why I don’t want to ask you to put your life on hold for me.”

“And I’m telling you I don’t mind doing that, so what’s the real issue here?” I wanted to stay angry, but I couldn’t. I knew Austin. He wasn’t using me. Deep down, I was sure of that. But there was more to this, and I needed to hear what it was.

“The real issue is that in two years you’re going to go away to college, and I’m probably not. I don’t get good grades, I’m not a soccer star. I’m a screw up. I can give you my summers, Mina, but that’s all. At least for now.”

“And what if that’s not enough for me?” I asked quietly.

He frowned. “Then I’ll have to be okay with that.”

“Will you be?”

“No,” he whispered, his lips hovering mine. “I meant it when I said I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” I was more than ready when his lips touched mine. In fact, I was eager. I kissed him with everything I had. I hoped that in my kiss I could convince him how much he meant to me. That I could show him I wanted to be with him always. Not just in the summer. But as his lips moved over mine, I thought about what he’d said. About his future plans. And I realized he was right. I couldn’t commit to him. Who knew what the next year would bring. I was entering my junior year of high school. If he didn’t have college plans or solid goals for his future, where did that leave us? In his touch, in his caress, I felt how much he cared about me. His love for me wasn’t in question. Austin loved me. There was no doubt in my mind.

But I wasn’t sure he could be my forever boy.

So maybe a summer boy was enough.

He looked like a man now.

Gone was every single trace of boy. His muscles were rock hard, his face chiseled, his jaw lined with stubble. But even though he had changed, I wasn’t as surprised as I was when I first saw him last summer. In fact, I wasn’t surprised at all. I had known exactly what he looked like. Rarely had a day gone by in our months apart when we didn’t text or speak. And we’d Facetimed at least once a week. Therefore, his appearance wasn’t shocking.

However, seeing it in a tiny cell phone screen hadn’t done it justice.

He was gorgeous.

After stepping from Dad’s car, I took off running and landed right in his arms. When his chest pressed to mine, his fingers splaying against my back, I let out a contented sigh. Only Austin’s touch could make me feel this way, and it was something I’d been craving for months.

“You were waiting for me,” I spoke into his chest, inhaling his familiar scent.

“I raced over here the minute I got your text.”

“I texted when we stepped off the plane. You must’ve been here awhile.”

He shrugged, his fingers climbing up my back to reach my hair. “It was worth it.”

Dad and Luca spoke to each other from over my shoulder. I heard the click of the trunk, the thunk of luggage against the driveway.

Austin’s gaze slid past me. “Hi, Mr. Kincaid,” he said.

“Welcome back, Austin,” Dad said cheerily. We’d spoken about Austin several times this year. I told him about the conversation Austin and I had at the end of last summer. I still wasn’t sure if he was completely sold on me dating Austin, but he wasn’t fighting me on it anymore.

“Hey, man.” Austin released me, and moved toward Luca. They exchanged an enthusiastic fist bump. Luca had aged a lot this year too, but it wasn’t something I often noticed since I was with him daily. However, seeing him face to face with Austin really drove it home.

“Mina,” Dad called out from the trunk as he began unloading my luggage.

“I’ll get it.” Austin stopped me before I could head over to Dad.

“Think you brought enough?” Austin laughed as he tried to drag both suitcases behind him.

Dad chuckled under his breath as he followed Luca up to the house.

“I’ll get one,” I offered, reaching behind Austin’s back.

“Don’t even think about it.” He shook his head, holding steady to the handles. As Dad and Luca headed into the house, Austin’s gaze lowered down to my lips. I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening. I’d been imagining Austin’s lips on mine for months now. It had been killing me to wait this long. Letting go of the suitcases, he stepped forward, and promptly pressed his lips to mine. Reaching up, I fisted his shirt in between my fingers, clutching tightly for fear I might fall over. The kiss was intense. More intense than any kiss I’d ever had. His lips were so firm they stole my breath. His hands were needy as they slid up my back, tangled in my hair. When our lips reluctantly parted, we both exhaled loudly.

He didn’t make a quip about my skills improving the way he had last year, but I didn’t think he would. Nothing had been funny about that kiss. A fire burned deep in my belly as he took a calculated step back, his chest rising and falling with each labored breath. Yanking his arms back, he cleared his throat and grabbed my suitcases.

“We should…um…get inside,” he stammered. It was rare to see Austin flustered, and I felt a strange sense of satisfaction. It was nice to know the kiss had affected him as much as it had me.

“Yeah,” I spoke softly.

He had only taken two steps forward when he stopped abruptly, his eyes lowering to my neck. “Hey, you’re wearing the necklace I gave you for Christmas.” His eyes sparkled with satisfaction.

“I never take it off.”

“Really?” His brows lifted.

“Really.” I held his gaze, hoping he understood the meaning.

The large smile he flashed betrayed that he did. At least, I hoped he did.

I opened my mouth wanting to say more. To tell him more. But then Luca’s voice rang out. “Hey, you guys get lost out there?”

Shaking his head, Austin chuckled. “Nah, your sister was just having trouble walking in those heels of hers.”

I threw him a glare as Luca erupted in laughter.

As we walked forward, Austin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Just kidding. Those shoes are sexy…actually, everything about you is.”

My cheeks flushed, and I prayed that Dad and Luca wouldn’t notice when I stepped inside. They didn’t. The two of them were too busy making a snack. I should’ve figured. Luca had been complaining about being starving the entire plane ride. Then again, he was always starving. Mom said he was going through a growth spurt. Judging by how tall he’d gotten, I was inclined to believe her.

“You guys wanna snack?” Luca asked.

Austin threw me a wink that caused a flutter in my belly before responding, “Nah, I’m good, bud.”

“Me too.” There was no way I could eat now. My insides were a ball of nerves. Austin didn’t usually make me nervous. Well, not since that first summer. But something felt different between us now; more charged, more passionate. Maybe it was our ages. Or maybe it was simply that I knew how much he meant to me now. I thought I had last year, but what I’d felt then was only the tip of the iceberg.

Things had changed for me.

And I could tell they had for him too.

“Um…Austin and I are going to go to my room,” I said, my voice wavering a little. “To unpack,” I clarified in response to my dad’s stricken face. Boys had never been allowed in my room previously. I had no idea why I thought it would be all right now.

Dad studied me a minute, his eyes narrowed. “Okay.” Then his gaze bounced to Austin. “But the door stays open.”

I nodded, unable to respond with words. Legs trembling, I walked forward, Austin trailing me. The wheels from my suitcases buzzed along the hardwood floors. After we entered my room, Austin rolled the suitcases to my dresser. Then he crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze sweeping the room.

“So this is where you sleep, huh?” There was that wink again, and it caused my cheeks to heat up.

“Yep.” I smiled, attempting to appear nonchalant.

He stayed where he was, but I felt his eyes from across the room like hands touching me. “I’ve missed you,” he said.

“Me too.”

His smile deepened. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to get any prettier, but you have.”

“You saw me yesterday,” I joked, remembering our Facetime session.

“The screen’s all blurry,” he explained. “You’re much prettier in person.”

Biting my lip, my heart leapt in my chest. It seemed surreal that we were in the same room. Even more surreal that we were in my bedroom. For countless nights I laid in bed and fantasized about this very moment.

“Why are you standing way over there?” I asked, a slight laugh under my words. He was acting so strange, all skittish and unsure. So unlike him.

His gaze shifted to the doorway. “I think it’s best if I stay where I am.”

Understanding dawned on me, and I nodded. “We can go back out there with them. I guess I just wanted a moment alone with you.”

A steady stream of air pushed past his lips. “I want a lot more than a moment alone with you, summer girl.”

“And we’ll have them.”

“Yes, we definitely will,” he promised.

I wasn’t expecting the necklace. Actually, I wasn’t expecting a gift at all. Even when Austin asked me for my address, I assumed he would send a Christmas card. I knew his family had posed for one. He had complained to me about it a few weeks prior. About how the four of them had dressed in matching clothing. And how they spent an afternoon smiling and pretending to be the perfect, happy family. He told me it had made him sick.

But a few days before Christmas, a package arrived addressed to me. Inside was a card and a tiny wrapped box. The note instructed me not to open the present until Christmas morning. I obeyed, and that was why I’d ended up opening the gift in front of Luca and Mom. It was clear right away that the necklace with the heart charm was real gold. I knew Austin had a part-time job, and I was certain his parents hadn’t shelled out the money for it.

When I held the beautiful, simple necklace in between my fingers, my eyes filled with moisture. He had told me I could only be his summer girl, but this gift said otherwise. His behavior since we’d returned home had been confusing. Sometimes he pulled away. During those times he called sporadically, and seemed distracted when we did communicate. But then he would do things like this. Unexpected things.

Things that made me believe he wanted more, the same way I did.

Luca thought the necklace was cool, but Mom was concerned. She came into my room a few nights after Christmas and confronted me about my feelings for Austin.

“That’s sure a nice gift Austin sent you.” Mom sat on the edge of my bed, eyeing the necklace fastened securely around my neck. Even though I was getting ready for bed, I had no desire to take it off.

“Yeah,” I responded, wondering where she was going with this.

“So what’s the deal with you two?” She scooted a little further up onto the bed, and it creaked beneath her.

I sat up, straightening my spine. “What do you mean?” My fingers played nervously with the edge of my blanket which was secured around my waist.

“When you spoke about Austin in the past, you made it clear that he was just a boy you hung out with during the summer. But this year things seem different. More serious.”

I shrugged, not sure what to say.

“Mina,” Mom pressed in her no-nonsense tone. “Is Austin your boyfriend?”

“No,” I answered.

An expression of disbelief passed over her features, and she shook her head.

“What?” My stomach tightened.

“You’ve always been honest with me.”

“And I’m being honest with you now.”

“Are you?” She pinned me with a challenging stare.

“Yes.” I swallowed hard. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because you and Austin talk and text every single day. And you don’t date or even look at other guys for that matter.” Her gaze flickered to the necklace. “And now he sent you this. It really sounds like you two are boyfriend/girlfriend.”

Mom was acting like this was a bad thing, but her words were giving me hope. Being Austin’s girlfriend was the thing I wanted more than anything else. And she was right. Things were different this year. But I knew better than to broach the subject with Austin. Whenever I did, it distanced us further. I liked the way things were going.

“I know,” I finally said. “But I’m telling the truth. Austin and I decided that we didn’t want a long-distance relationship.” Actually, he was the one who decided it, but I didn’t bother clarifying that. Let her think the decision was partly mine.

She pursed her lips. “But it seems like you
are
in a long-distance relationship.”

“Technically, we’re not,” I said, before realizing how lame it sounded.

“Okay.” Mom shrugged. “Then go out on a date.”

Whoa. Where was this coming from?
Mom had never encouraged dating prior to now. In fact, she’d always discouraged it.

“I overheard you and Grace talking recently. I know a couple of guys have asked you out, so take them up on their offer,” she continued.

“I don’t wanna go out with them,” I replied.

“Why not?”

I sighed. “Because I’m in love with Austin.”

Her shoulders fell. “I see. And does he feel the same way?”

I nodded.

Blowing out a breath, her gaze lowered to her hands. “I don’t know if this is a good idea, Mina.”

My insides knotted. “You don’t even know Austin.”

“But your dad does.”

Recoiling, my head hit the bedframe. “You’ve been talking to Dad about Austin?”

“He’s concerned about you.”

“Dad likes Austin.”

She nodded, but it was in a placating way. “He does,” she spoke slowly as if trying to gather her thoughts. “He’s just not sure he’s the right guy for you.”

“Because of Penny,” I answered, anger simmering in my veins. “You know the only reason he’s unsure of Austin is because his girlfriend is sharing gossip with him. Gossip that isn’t even true. I know Austin. He’s a great guy. The greatest guy I know.” My lips trembled, and I bit down on them.

Mom’s face softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come in here and upset you.” She paused, studying my face. “I can’t make a judgment call about Austin because I don’t know him. All I know are the things you and Luca have told me, and you’ve both made him sound wonderful. Even your dad has told me some nice things about him. But you’re only seventeen, and I don’t want to see you get tied down to someone right now. Especially someone so far away.”

In that moment, I knew what was really going on. She was worried that I was going to end up like her. Leaning forward, I placed my hand over Mom’s. “Okay. I promise I won’t get tied down.”

That seemed to appease her. After stamping a quick kiss on my forehead, she left the room.

***

He kissed like a dying man fighting for his last breath. Like I was the oxygen he desperately needed, and he was drawing it from me with all the strength that he had.

It was different than before, but not in a bad way.

No, it was different in a good way.

A very good way.

When Austin asked me to go to the beach with him this morning, he’d joked about showing off his bodysurfing skills. The entire walk down to the sand, he’d teased me to pay attention to the wave and not to his body. I assumed today would be like so many other days with Austin. We’d compete and banter, give each other a hard time. It was what we did.

But things took a different turn the minute I got out my sunblock. I flipped open the top with the intention of squirting some on, but Austin reached out and gently took it from my hand.

“Let me.” The way his gaze seared into mine as his hand folded around the tube of sunblock made my belly quiver. After pouring some into his palm, he reached out and slid his hand up my arm, working the sunblock into my skin. When his fingers trailed up my neck and over my collarbone, a shudder ran down my spine. “Turn around,” he commanded, but not in a harsh way.

I did as I was told, and his hands immediately landed on my back. It felt like a sensual massage as his palms kneaded into my flesh, rubbing until the sunblock had dissolved. Then his hands circled my waist, and his mouth connected with my neck. His lips were moist and warm as he peppered kisses along my sensitive skin. Turning my head, I hooked my arm around his neck as his lips fastened to mine. Our tongues found one another, melding together as if they longed to be one. Lips separating momentarily, Austin released me and I turned around. With my knees in the sand, my body hovered over his. Reaching out, he tugged on my waist, drawing me on top of him. My chest fell against his as his lips crashed into mine once again.

I found myself wondering how many girls he had kissed when we were apart. We had agreed not to ask each other about it, but that didn’t stop me from wondering. Any time it took him awhile to answer my texts or calls, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was out on a date; if he was with another girl.

After promising Mom that I wouldn’t get tied down, I went on a couple of dates. Mostly it was to appease Mom, but there was another part of me that did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. As much as I wanted to believe that Austin was at home pining for me, I didn’t know if that was true. And I suspected it wasn’t. It was him who had insisted on keeping our relationship strictly relegated to summertime, after all.

But, no matter how many dates I went on, my heart wasn’t in it.

Not that I was surprised. My heart belonged to Austin. It had for years.

“What are you thinking?” Austin asked after our lips had finally detached and we were lying in the sand. His fingers lazily played with my hair as we stared up at the sky. The sun beat down on us, hot and unrelenting. But I didn’t mind. The heat had never bothered me. Chatter and laughter swelled all around us. The beach was crowded, busy. But I had tunnel vision. The only person I noticed at all was Austin.

I couldn’t tell him what I’d really been thinking, so I said, “Just about how happy I am to be here with you.”

“Me too.” He propped himself up on one elbow and stared down at me. Reaching down, he softly touched my face. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. This kiss was faster than the others. When he drew back, he said, “Man, I missed those lips.”

My heart sank. He’d only said he missed me once, and even then he was ogling me and making suggestive statements. And he hadn’t told me he loved me again. Not since that first time. Everything between us had been physical. We’d spent every moment kissing or touching. It was different from last summer, and I was starting to wonder if he was different as well.

I shot up off the ground, frantically swiping sand from my body. Scooting away from him, I reached for my bathing suit cover up.

“Was it something I said?” Austin joked.

“Actually, yes,” I answered honestly, silencing his chuckle.

“Wait. Are you mad?”

Hurriedly pulling my cover up on, I said, “Nope. Not mad.”

“Then what’s going on?” His fingers circled my wrist.

I stared down at his hand and took a deep breath. “What do you want from me, Austin?’

“What do I want from you?” His brows furrowed. “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

I glanced around at the beach, at the people playing Frisbee or running in the sand. And beyond them my gaze landed on those swimming in the ocean. Usually that would’ve been Austin and me. Perhaps Luca would be with us. My heart pinched. It’s not that I wanted to go back in time. I liked kissing Austin. I liked when he touched me, and when he held me. But I didn’t want that to be all there was. I didn’t want that to be all
I
was.

“Last summer you told me you loved me,” I reminded him.

“I do love you,” he said.

My breath hitched in my throat. I had to fight to keep my brain focused on what to say next. “Or do you just love kissing me and fooling around?”

Austin’s eyebrows knitted together, and he shook his head. “I’m not following.”

“I know what happens to the girls back home that are easy. I see how guys promise them the moon and then dump them the minute they get what they want.” I frowned. “It even happened to Grace last year.”

“Hey.” Austin moved closer. “I’m not using you, summer girl.” He snatched up my hand, threading our fingers together. “Maybe I’ve been a little…overzealous…but that’s just because I missed you so much.” His gaze met mine. “And because I care about you so much. But this…” He looked at my lips. “This is not all it’s about for me.”

“It’s not?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I meant it when I said I love you.” Tucking his finger under my chin, he lifted my head. “You believe me, right?”

I wanted to say yes, but I wasn’t sure. There were so many unanswered questions. Could I really trust him when I didn’t know the facts? “Were you with any other girls while we were apart?”

His finger dropped from my chin, his eyes darkening.

I guess I had my answer.