"Do you want to dance?" Viola's voice shocked Nate into stillness.
"What?" Nate asked, thrown off balance.
"Do you want to dance? You dummy." Viola put her hand out.
Nate held it and pulled her towards him. They moved in a circle together, swaying to the music. They laughed and grooved together, Viola's purple cape swinging around them as she moved.
"You were always my favorite nephew."
"I'm your only nephew," Nate replied, trying to keep up with the sprightly Viola.
"Yeah, but even if I had one hundred more, you would still be my favorite! Oh, I love this song." Viola's buoyant voice rose in the crisp air. Nate felt Viola pull him towards her. "I want you know that you're doing a good job. I haven't seen you in a long time, but you still have that special light that you always had. And it's even brighter now. You mom told me what happened, and you should know that you are plowing through this whole thing amazingly. I love you."
Captain, My Captain
Nate pulled Bailey's boots onto his feet and zipped up the little jacket that matched them. "Dad, what is being on a boat like?"
"It's fun. It's kind of like being on a car, but on the water. It's hard to explain," Nate replied, trying to hide his nervousness for the upcoming non-date. Somehow, the idea of having Bailey around made Nate feel like everything was changing.
They both turned around as they heard Abel's SUV turn into the driveway. The sound was like a klaxon blaring through the hallway, cementing Nate's feelings of apprehension and excitement. He steadied his hand as he wrapped a scarf around Bailey's neck and picked him up. Nate heard Abel knock gently on the front door and swung it open a little too enthusiastically.
Nate could hardly speak. Abel was dressed in a snug shirt and tight black jeans. His face was sprinkled with not-yet-five o'clock shadow, which was peppered with a little bit of gray. His blue eyes sparkled vibrantly and his dark hair curled slightly under his trademark cap. He looked like a Hollywood actor and fitness model rolled together. The material of his shirt strained a little at the seams around his bulging biceps. Nate looked down at his shabby boating clothes and wanted to disappear into the ground.
"Are you guys ready to captain the boat?" Abel asked excitedly.
"Yes!" Bailey screamed as he wriggled around inside of Nate's grip and motioned for Abel to hold him. "Let's go, Abel. Go to the boat!"
They bundled themselves into Abel's car and were at the docks in a few minutes. They drove up to Abel's house, a quirky log cabin that sat on the edge of the lake, a few potted plants on the porch.
"Ready to sail the seas?" Abel asked as he unstrapped Bailey from his seat and passed him to Nate. They made their way down to the rowboat and settled in after Nate managed to put a life jacket around a fidgeting Bailey.
The water was still and warm; Nate put his hand into the lake and felt it caress his skin as Abel rowed gently with Bailey doing his best attempt to help. The rhythm was smooth and the ripples on the surface made almost perfect concentric circles. Trees bloomed with pale pink buds, carpeting the edges of the lake with petals. The sun was mostly hidden behind clouds but warming up in the light blue sky. Nate closed his eyes and let the sun kiss his face; it felt good and he felt connected to his surroundings. In the middle of the lake, he felt, at least a little bit, like he was home. The sound of Bailey and Abel giggling soothed Nate as it mixed with the gentle stirring of the water.
"Daddy! Can you believe that I can drive a boat?" Bailey's voice was giddy with excitement but a little shaky with concentration.
"No, I can't. You're amazing. You'll be driving me in the car soon," Nate replied, cupping his hand above his eyes so that they were shielded from the sun's glare.
"No. Silly, I'm not old enough!" Bailey laughed, shook his head, and turned to Abel to roll his eyes. "My dad is stupid."
"Bay. What have I told you about using the word stupid?" Nate asked sternly.
"That it's bad and it can hurt people's feelings even if I don't mean it like that?" Bailey replied cautiously as if he was answering a question in some sort of exam.
"Exactly. I know you forget, but please try to remember. It's a big deal to me. It's not a nice word. Silly is better and you can still only use that in a funny way—not in a mean way."
"Okay. I can use silly. Abel, don't you think Dad is silly?"
"He is silly. How come you're his son, but you're so sensible?" Abel asked as he elegantly pulled the oars. It was clear that he spent a lot of time on the lake testing the boats, thinking and dreaming. Nate liked to think about Abel creating a life here; it made him feel good to know that Abel had him own private sanctuary—a place where he could be himself and relax.
Bailey was silent for a second. "I don't know. Maybe I get it from Papa. I think he's sensible. You'll meet him when he comes. We don't know where he is at the moment, which is weird. But he'll come back—I know it. We could all go out on another boat. Maybe even a bigger one!" Bailey's voice cracked open with joy.
"Yeah, maybe," Abel said.
Nate stilled and focused his eyes on the blue of the sky. Bailey's voice replayed on a loop inside of Nate's head. He couldn't help but feel that Bailey was at least a little bit right—Joshua
was
the sensible one. Nate knew that thought belonged in the past, to a time before Joshua had betrayed his family so spectacularly and before Nate had been forced to test himself, but it was still painful. It wasn't devastating but the mention of Joshua still carried a bitterness—the ghost of something sad and exhausted. It was as if Joshua leaving had been a car accident and everything had been tidied up so that things were back to normal apart from a few skid marks that had been left behind as a painful reminder of what had happened. He reminded himself of the feeling he had the morning before, the sense of competence and strength.
"Daddy!" Bailey shouted, sounding exacerbated and frustrated. "Dad!"
Nate roused himself from his malaise, pulling himself towards Bailey's voice like it was a torch in the darkness. "What's up? I was just thinking; I was miles away. It's easy to get lost out here. It's, uh, so lovely."
"Abel told you to look in the basket under your head! He said it two times!" Bailey huffed, slightly out of breath as he helped pull one of the oars with Abel.
Nate stretched and sat upright before pulling a heavy picnic basket out from under the jackets he had been using as a pillow. Abel nodded and Nate opened the lid of the wicker basket. His eyes widened as he saw an elaborate array of salads, artisan breads, and dips. It all looked just shabby enough to be homemade, giving everything a pleasantly rustic feel, and underneath the food lay a chilled bottle of champagne.
The boat pulled up close to a pebble island at the side of the lake, and Bailey jumped out, eager to search for the biggest stone of the expanse. Nate and Abel sat together on the boat, watching as Bailey ran around examining a seemingly endless array of gravel. The boat rocked soothingly on the little ripples of the lake. Abel pulled out some plastic cups and plates from his rucksack and laid them out on the boat's floor.
"You know, whenever I spent time with you, I either drink or throw rocks off a cliff. That's literally the only things that I have done around you," Nate said, his voice shaky from the strange mix of anticipation and apprehension that Abel inspired in him. He looked down at his hand and saw that it was trembling slightly.
"I could talk you through some boat schematics if you'd prefer?" Abel grinned as he expertly popped the cork.
"No, please, anything but that. Ply me with as much alcohol as you like. Just not the boat chatter!" Nate sucked some of the champagne foam before it dribbled over the cup's edge.
"So, how are you feeling? Your dad said you were happy this afternoon. He said it seemed like you had changed somehow." Abel shifted so that he was closer to Nate.
"I think something has changed. I haven't really explored it yet. Can't you tell that I've had an awakening? Don't I look refreshed and energized?"
"No, you look like the boring old Nate to me," Abel laughed.
"You're just jealous because I've had a spiritual awakening, and you only have these ugly boats and my dad to talk to—which I can't imagine is very entertaining." Nate smiled and relaxed his tense body.
"How do you know that I'm not the modern-day Noah? Maybe one of my boats will save the animals. Then your spiritual awakening will look pretty insignificant. And I like talking to your dad. It makes me feel closer to you. You're quite similar, believe it or not," Abel said quietly. Nate didn't want to react, but the blushing of his pale cheeks revealed that he was flustered. He felt lightheaded and warm. "Try this. It's amazing," Abel added, passing over some bread.
Nate bit into it and was amazed at the richness of the flavor, salty and moreish. "You're right. It's gorgeous. Like, umm, really good."
Abel reached out his hand and Nate took it tentatively.
"I know that we're not doing this. And that it's not the right time and it's not the best thing and we owe it to ourselves to be sensible—even though you stripped me of the name Captain Sensible, may I remind you. But do you think that there's a Nate and Abel out there in one of the alternate universes who made things work in high school? Who are sitting on the alternate universe river happily together?" Abel inhaled deeply. "Maybe alternate universe Abel was really kind to alternate universe Nate from the very beginning and they fell in love right away. And their alternate universe friends told them that they wouldn't work, because high school relationships never work, but they knew that they were supposed to be together. So they defied all the odds," Abel said quietly, his voice shying away from the intensity of his questions. "Because I'd like to think they're out there somewhere."
"You think that?"
"I know that," Abel replied.
"No, you think that, but non-alternative universe Nate and Abel are more complicated than that. You feel like that because we're in a beautiful place and I'm not falling apart and Bailey's being adorable. But it's not always like this. Not even a small percentage of the time. Most of the time, I'm walking around like a ghost and it's raining and Bailey won't put on anything that isn't green." Nate rubbed circles with his thumb around a small patch of roughened skin at the bottom of Abel's little finger. For the hundredth time since meeting Abel, Nate was caught between wanting to cling to the things that Abel had to offer and run as far and as fast as he could.
"I understand all of that. I really do," Abel said, holding Nate's gaze. "I was just indulging myself. I want to be your friend. That is really important to me."
"You're a great friend. You really are, and one day, I won't be so self-absorbed, and I'll be a good friend too." Nate wrapped his hand around Abel's index finger.
"What? You're self-absorbed? No way!" Abel exclaimed sarcastically.
"Shut up, asshole. Or I'll push you off this boat." Nate gave a coy smile.
Abel punched Nate's shoulder and laughed. "I'm joking. I could listen to you talk about yourself all day. It's like listening to an audio version of one of your books. Only even more dramatic, because you're like one hundred percent more of a mess in real life."
"Well, it has come to my attention over the last twenty or so years that I can be a little dramatic. Or, you know, a lot dramatic."
A loud rumble of thunder burst through the sky just as a supernatural amount of rain hammered down from seemingly invisible clouds. The raindrops hit the surface of the lake like a steel drum, loud and jagged and aggressive. Before Nate could look up through the pelting rain, which clouded his vision like streams of silver confetti, Abel had launched from the boat and bundled Bailey up in his strong arms. Bailey laughed excitedly as Abel jumped back into the boat, making it rock unsteadily, and hid him under his coat.
Abel rowed quickly, his hands gripping tightly to the oars as he heaved his weight. His arms strained under his tight shirt, exaggerating their bulk, making Nate feel useless as he hunched over Bailey to shield him from the downpour.
"I feel like I'm in a Nicholas Sparks novel," Nate shouted over the sound of the thumping raindrops.
"Is that a good thing?" Abel replied, his breath rapid and ragged from the constant rowing. Bailey hid under the protection of his dad and his coat, laughing riotously at the ridiculousness of the situation.
"I don't know yet," Nate responded cryptically.
The little wooden boat raced to the edge of the lake and they all helped pull it to not-very-dry land. Nate picked Bailey up and held him close to his chest as Abel tied the boat to the lake's gangway with a tight and expertly crafted knot. They ran towards Abel's house, Nate's shoes sloshing in mud. When they got to the front door, they stood in silence for a second, catching their breath and listening to the rhythmic sound of the downpour on the metal roof above the porch. Bailey squirmed and begged to be put down, so Nate eased his grip and let him stand on his own. The rain rolled down the slope of the roof and fell to the ground in little streams, catching the light and sending off rays of refracted color. Abel opened the door, which swung forward with a surprising squeak, and they went into the small but comfortable home.
"Oh my God, I think you've been burgled!" Nate said in mock-horror. Newspaper covered the coffee table, there were boots in random places throughout the living area, and Abel's coat rack and shelving were overflowing to the point that all of the boating safety equipment had been forced into a pile on the floor.
"Have you been burgled? That is very bad," Bailey said, his eyes wide with horror and his voice quivering.
"No, Bay. Your dad is just being silly because the house is a mess." Abel smiled. "It's true; I'm not the tidiest person in the world."
"Don't sell yourself short. I don't think you're the tidiest person in a half a mile radius. There are raccoons around here that keep a better home." Nate nudged Abel gently and felt the familiar shiver run throughout his limbs.