Unwilling (Book One of the Compelled Trilogy 1) (33 page)

“I would rather die with my freedom then be someone’s prisoner again.” Rowan said. Her voice shook as a picture of Coop flung into her mind. She had killed him. There was a person lying dead in a pool of their own blood because of her.

“Alright then,” the voice agreed and Rowan started, ready to argue
. Will it really be that easy? Can I really just walk away?
“Though that Jace of yours will be awful pissed at me again if I just let you go?”

“Jace?” Rowan questioned weakly. Her knees wobbled and she felt drained all the sudden.

“Oh yea, that boy’s a wreck. I save your life and still every word from his mouth is ‘I’ll kill you this, and ‘I am going to strangle you that’, not very gracious if I say so myself, bit of an anger problem, he has. I honestly don’t know what you see in him. Someone like you deserves better, stronger.”

Rowan felt weak, her head was dizzy and everything seemed to tilt slightly. “Someone like me?” She asked, though she really just wanted to lie down and go back to sleep.

“You’re a Tal, Rowan. Someone like you deserves the world.” The voice responded, for once the humor gone from it.

”I’m not a Tal, I’m just, I’m just Row-” Rowan tried to tell him. The dream she had just had came rushing back to her. The Angel had said almost those exact words to her. “I’m just Rowan.” She finished, her voice barely a whisper.

Rowan felt herself going down. She knew she was going to hit the ground, and hard. Her body had reached its capacity and was failing her. Right before her body struck the hard rock’s under her a hand darted out, catching her and sweeping her from her feet. She was crushed to his body, their heart pounded steadily under her head.

“You can never be just Rowan, my Tal.” The voice said. Rowan looked up at him; the full moon directly behind his head made a halo of light in his hair.

“Carter the Angel?” Rowan asked, more so to herself than to him.

“If you insist.” The laughter was back, filling her until nothing else existed.

Rowan slipped unwillingly back into sleep, her head resting on Carter’s shoulder.

                                                        ҉              ҉              ҉

Rowan thought she might have been dreaming. She wasn’t sure, but her head throbbed, and her body felt sluggish when she blinked open her eyes, sunlight assaulting her vison and she blinked to clear the red dots that danced behind her eyelids. She tried to sit up, but she felt a searing pain in her side and she grimaced.

“Easy, Rowan,” A voice said, gently touching her elbow and easing her into a sitting position.

”Hmmmmm.” Rowan replied, trying to force her eyes open.

“You’re okay now Rowan.” The familiar voice said, and they sounded so relived, so exultant, and the hand was still touching her arm, making her shiver despite the warm sun beating down on her. Rowan had never felt a more perfect happiness than she did in that moment.

“Jace?” Rowan asked, thinking she might still be dreaming, not daring to breath as she looked at him, his rumpled dirty clothes, his piercing green eyes, his disheveled hair and the bags under his eyes, no other person had ever looked more beautiful to her.

“It’s me Rowan. I’m here.” Jace breathed, his voice filled with so much happiness Rowan couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

Jace swept her into a hug. He was gentle with her, careful not to squeeze too hard, though Rowan could tell that he wanted to crush her to him. She threw her arms around him, grasping at the back of his shirt as though he might float off if she didn’t hold him tightly enough.

Rowan pulled back first and looked into his eyes, she could see her future in those ocean eyes, laid out before her and she wanted it desperately, needed it with everything in her, a house in the woods and quiet days listening to birds and falling asleep in his arms. Everything in him screamed that he loved her. From the way his eyes shone as he looked at her, to the hand he had placed on hers. Even the way he leaned slightly closer to her.

Rowan burst into tears, her heart swelling inside her chest at the sight of him. She pressed her hands to his chest as if to assure herself he was still there. Rowans heart hammered at the nearness of him. Even after months apart, her soul still reached out to his in recognition, she was a vital piece of him, as he was her.

“I’m so sorry Jace.” Rowan cried, feeling beat down and worn out, allowing herself to succumb to the terror she had felt in the caves in the safety of his embrace.

“For what, Rowan?” Jace asked softly, cradling her in his arms.

Rowan wanted to tell him everything she had endured, everything she had done, but didn’t want to mar the moment with something so horrific. She didn’t want to tell him about Kastor, she didn’t want to tell his about Coop. She didn’t want to tell him about the Beast, what it had felt like to truly wield it’s power, that she had loved it, that she missed it, that she thought she was an irredeemable monster. She didn’t want to tell him about Cecily, about her flaming red hair, and the pictures she drew in the sand, and her bouncing steps, and eyes green like his, and her sad, dying, green eyes like his, her soft hand reaching out for her, dying alone. Thinking of the young girl sent an agonizing jolt through her heart.

She wondered how many hits it could take before it stopped beating altogether.

“How did you find me?” Rowan asked, changing the subject, looking deep into his vibrant, life-filled, green eyes and thinking they were the most amazing thing she had ever seen. Jace brushed her cheek with his thumb, wiping the tears that had fallen onto her face.

“I’ll always find you Rowan.” He said, his words heavy, full of meaning, promises that he never intended to break. Rowan breathed deeply, her heart stuttering at the perfectness of his words, she started to respond but Jace leaned down and kissed her, catching her reply in his lips.

His lips were as soft as she remembered and her heart thumped wildly in her chest at the contact. She wound her fingers through his unruly hair and the world melted away. They could be the last two people in Varisin for all Rowan cared. Jace was here, and at that moment, he was the only thing that had ever mattered.

“Well this is nice and all, but...” A melodic voice said over them. Rowan broke her contact with Jace, a red flush creeping up her neck.

“Carter?” Rowan said surprised. Jace shot her a quizzical look, then returned to staring hostily at Carter.

“Not Carter the Angel today? I’m rather disappointed; I did like the sound of that.” Carter mused, a pout dangling from his lips. “Well we best get going. Elias is very impatient and I’ve kept him waiting for quite some time for the return of his sister.”

“Elias?” Rowan asked, shaking her head
. What has happened while I was imprisoned?
Rowan asked herself.

“Quite a lot Rowan, quite a lot.” Carter smiled at her, his eyes dancing with amusement.

TWENTY-EIGHT

“What?” Rowan asked, slowly getting to her feet with help from Jace, who looked at Carter with more hatred on his face than she thought anyone could look at another person with, Rowan looked at him shocked, taken back at the sudden volatile change in emotion from Jace.

“Quite a lot has happened, and I’d be happy to share, once we get going.” Carter said, trying to wave them along.

“I know, but I didn’t ask that…out loud.” Rowan hesitated
. They must think I am mad.

“No, not mad Rowan, well maybe a tad.” Carter smiled again, causing Rowan to furrow her brow deeper. “I’m reading your mind, my Tal.”

“Don’t call me that.” Rowan said automatically.

“Will you go bother someone else please, you’re upsetting her.” Jace said defensively, his body rigid.

“Yes please go away, I need some time to think.”
Without you listening,
Rowan said defensively. She took a step away from Carter, wincing in pain as she did so, hoping the few steps she took would put her out ‘hearing range’ so to speak.

“We don’t have all day; we need to be on our way.” Carter said. Rowan turned to glare at him, but that only made his smile grow wider, as if he enjoyed getting a rise out of her.

“Rowan can take all the time she needs, we will be along shortly.” Jace said, his voice underlined with a burning rage Rowan had never heard before from him.

Carter looked about to protest, but he turned and walked off, with a quick “Hurry along,” tossed over his shoulder.

“You hate him.” Rowan said to Jace.

“He’s just so…” Jace started, his hands balled into fists at his side. Rowan looked at Carter’s back as he walked off. His blonde hair catching the sunshine, once again making it looks as if he wore a crown of light. “He thinks you’re a God.” Jace told her, causing Rowans attention to swivel back to him.

Jace looked worried, though Rowan couldn’t pinpoint why. “So I’ve heard.” She replied. “Elias probably compelled him to think that.” She mused. Her side throbbed and her head was beginning to do the same.

“He can’t be compelled.” Jace said softly.

Rowan studied him. Jace looked at the ground, shuffling rocks under his shoes. “He can’t be…?” Rowan asked, her brain stuttering to process that information. “Why is that so concerning to you?” She asked him gently, stepping closer to him.

“Because he worships you, and you can’t compel him.” Jace reiterated, his eyes heavy when he looked back to her, as though he were stating the obvious. Rowan shook her head, not understanding. “You’ve always questioned whether or not I truly love you, with him you would never have to.” Jace told her, his voice vulnerable and his head hung in embarrassment.

“I don’t even know him, Jace, and even if I did, I choose you Jace.” Rowan said quietly, Jace’s words striking her as absurd. “I belong with you Jace, you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life, I’ll always choose you.” Rowan repeated, stepping even closer to him so her body almost pressed against his. The words felt right to Rowan and she knew, down to the very canter of her being that Jace was the one she wanted to be with, with his kind words, his compassionate eyes, his laughing nature, and generous spirit, she treasured his soul, his beautiful pure soul.

“Rowan.” Jace breathed. He cupped the back of her neck with his hand and her head fell back into it, her hair tumbling down her back. Their bodies pressed tightly together and Rowan yearned to close the distance between them-

“Hurry along!” Carter yelled in the distance, causing Jace to throw a murderous expression his way.

“We had best get going.” Rowan said reluctantly, Jace looked at her with a curious expression but nodded his head, and they headed back to where they could see the rest of the group had gathered twenty or so feet away

“I love you, Rowan.” Jace said softly after they had taken a few steps.

Rowan smiled. “You kept me going down there, you know? If I hadn’t known you were looking for me…” Rowan imagined the knife she had made to use on herself, but had ended up killing Coop with. “If I hadn’t known you were up here, I would have died down there.” She told him, her throat seizing with emotion.

“Rowan,” Jace said, his voice edged. He pulled up in front of her, causing her to stop. “I’ll always come for you. No matter what. There’s no place in Lamarina or anywhere else that I wouldn’t follow.” He replied. “You’re everything to me Rowan. When you didn’t come back…” His voice broke, Rowan could see the torment wrought onto his face, the agony he must have felt every day that he didn’t know where she was.

Rowan’s heart melted. She placed her hand over his heart and felt the wild drum beat pounding under her fingers. “It’s ok. I’m fine. You won’t lose me.” Rowan tried to reassure him but could not help but wonder if he had already lost her. She was not the same person who had gone into those caves. She wasn’t the same person he had fallen in love with.

As Rowan looked at Jace, she could not help but wonder if Jace would still love her if he knew what she had done to be free.

Jace looked as though he wanted to say something more but he held it back as two men approached them.

“I am glad you are okay.” Chev said with a small smile, stopping beside her with Pickard, who beamed at Rowan.

“I’m happy to see you too! Though I can’t say I’m surprised that you two came to my rescue also.” Rowan smiled at the men, noting that they had blood on their clothes and Pickards arm was strung up in a sling. Rowan knew she must not look much better than they must, she had lost a lot of weight in the caves and her face was probably bruised where Coop had hit her, and the last bath she had taken had been weeks ago.

“Well we said we would accompany you to the bitter end!” Pickard hooted. Deep lines creased near his mouth as he laughed, but the sound seemed to fall flat around them.

“What happened to your arm?” Rowan asked, indicating Pickards sling with an incline of her head.

Pickard sighed, his eyebrows making their way up his forehead. “Well when we first ran into Carter we were looking for the entrance to those caves, would have taken us forever and we might not have found them at all if Carter and his group of soldiers hadn’t came strolling up.”

“After some, uh, debating…” Jace picked up the story, his voice laced with discontent, Jace and Chev shared a secret look. “Well when Carter finally deduced we weren’t here to murder you, and us them, he told us that he could ‘sense’ you, and would be able to lead us right to you. Well we got into the caves and about half of Carter’s soldiers turned us; the ones who weren’t compelled to be here anyway.”