(Un)wise

(Un)wise

By Melissa Haag

(Un)wise

Copyright: Melissa Haag

Published: November 27, 2013

ISBN: 978-0-9888523-3-4

Cover Design: Indie-Spired Designs

All rights reserved.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without express written permission from the author.

Titles by Melissa Haag

Judgement of the Six series

Hope(less)

(Mis)fortune

(Un)wise

Standalone titles

Touch

I woke with a start, the terror of the dream still gripping me.  Sweat coated my face and my soaked shirt clung to my skin.  I looked around the room.  My room. Safe.
 
I let out a shaky breath and tried to convince myself that the dream had only been a product of my imagination.  Nothing more.

The alarm clock next to my bed showed just after five a.m., but it felt like I hadn’t slept at all.

Kicking off the covers, I got out of bed.  Clothes lay scattered on the floor, shadowy lumps that I stepped over on my way to the bathroom.  I turned on the light and scrunched my eyes against its bright glare for a moment.

Scrubbing my hands over my face, I leaned against the sink trying to shake the dream.  It just wouldn’t fade.  I dropped my hands to study myself in the mirror.  Dark strands of hair stuck to my glistening pale face, an unnatural flush on my cheeks the only splash of color.  Even my lips, usually a warm full pink, matched the surrounding colorless skin.  Glassy bloodshot eyes, too wide and filled with lingering panic, stared back at me.

I took a deep, unsteady breath. It wasn’t real.  I’m still me.
 
I let my breath out slowly with a self-depreciating laugh.
 
I looked like crap and needed a shower.  Great way to start my senior year.

The details of the dream continued to swirl in my head as I stepped into the shower.  The lingering sensation of fur hides brushing against my legs scared me.  It made it all seem more like a memory than a dream.  A memory from an era long past, seen through the eyes of a woman who wasn’t me...yet she was.

She wore animal skins and stood outside her mud and grass hut.  Other huts surrounded hers.  The heavily clouded sky cast a grey gloom on the primitive village.  Fear swelled within her.  Her fear filled me as if it were my own.  I saw what she saw. I was
her...
yet not.

People ran past her, sprinting between huts, terror in their eyes.  Her stomach turned sour with panic.  Her vision suddenly changed.  The world disappeared, replaced by nothing but tiny sparks floating in a vast darkness.  The sparks moved, flying past her in time with the sound of running feet.  After a moment, I understood what she saw.

She had an amazing ability that enabled her to see the location of people.  The sparks shrank in size as the view expanded.  Not just the location of those around her, but anywhere in the world.  She focused on the immediate area worried about her family, using her gift to try to find them.  She ran to check each spark.  The tang of smoke drifted in the air.  Her despair grew, and she ran faster.

All of the tiny sparks looked the same, making it difficult to find the right ones. Too soon an orange glow illuminated the dark sky.  Smoke burned her eyes and nose.

Close by, a different color appeared in her mind.  Panic flared within her when she spotted the blue-grey sparks.  She stopped running and stood still for a few seconds, terror squeezing the acrid air from her lungs.  One heartbeat.  Two.  She hesitated.  Despairing over her family, she spun away from the unique sparks.  Her heart clenched, and tears clogged her throat.  She left behind those she loved, hearing their dying screams as she ran.

The smoke masked her direction until the yawning abyss of open air loomed before her.  Skidding to a halt at the edge of the cliff near her village, she watched dirt tumble over the ledge.  She leaned forward, peering over at the broken rocks below.  Hopelessness and despair filled her.  There was no escape.  Her thoughts filled me.  Die as they had or die her own way?  She continued to stare at the rocks below as she made up her mind.

I struggled to separate myself from her, to scream at her to stop; but inside her own mind, she couldn’t hear me.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw a huge beast running at her.  A strange calm filled her.

I finally understood the fear and stopped struggling.

It looked like a wolf on steroids and had blood covering its muzzle.  As she watched, it changed midstride from beast to man, never pausing.

She turned and flung herself from the cliff.  As she fell, she twisted midair to look back at the fate she’d escaped.  The man stood naked at the cliff’s edge, blood smeared across his face.  He yelled in a language I couldn’t understand, but she did.  He cursed her, saying they would never give up.  They would wait as many cycles as it took until we were
all
theirs.

I woke before she hit the ground; but the fear, the feeling of freefalling, the willingness to die rather than to fall into the hands of that
thing
...it all stayed with me.

I needed a fix and I needed it bad.  Standing in the mall, I reviewed my options while nervously tugging the long sleeves of my shirt over my wrists to hide the scars there.  Since it was a Sunday afternoon, nicely dressed kids trailed behind their equally neat parents in the packed mall.  In my worn, dirty clothes from the day before, I stood out.  The clerk in the drug store would certainly remember me from yesterday.  I’d almost tipped over while waiting in line.  When my turn came at the register, he’d looked me over and asked for my ID.  His doubtful, long gaze at it had made my palms sweat.  When he’d finally glanced up at me, he’d asked, “Are you sure you want these?”

I couldn’t go back to the same clerk.  My ID was okay at a glance, but it wasn’t a great fake ID.  And he’d wonder why I was back for more pills when what I purchased yesterday should have lasted at least three days.

Shifting from one foot to the other, I chewed on my nail knowing what I needed to do but hating it.

Dani and her friend, Cadence, loitered near the food court, talking.  Dani stood six inches taller than me, had multicolored hair (pink and red today), and a cheek piercing to enhance her classic features.  She’d get what I needed if I asked. I knew she had a soft spot for me despite her slightly tough appearance.  She wouldn’t even ask for money though I did have it crumpled in my pocket.  No, she was interested in something else as payment.

Everyone knew Dani swung the other way.  Just like she knew I didn’t.  But it didn’t stop her from asking for a kiss anyway.  She didn’t demand a kiss from anyone else.  The first time I asked for her help, I thought she was doing it to test me.  To see if I was really serious about what I wanted her to buy.  I’d been desperate.  Yeah, I kissed a girl...and I didn’t like it.

If I was careful about when I bought, I didn’t need to ask her. I’d learned to be careful. I tried to wash up, change my clothes if there were any to change into; and I tried to close my eyes.  Not to sleep.  No, not that.  I just tried to relax so I wouldn’t look like a troubled kid strung out on drugs.  And I wasn’t.  Strung out on drugs that is.  I was definitely troubled.  More troubled than anyone around me would ever guess.

I realized my train of thought had drifted and reined it back in.  I needed caffeine, stimulants...whatever I could get my hands on over the counter to stay awake.  Not forever.  No.  I tried to take thirty-minute naps throughout the day and night.  If I did that, I could still function.  Sort of.  Not really.  But it was better than the dreams.

Last night I’d finally succumbed.  I’d slept twelve hours.  I felt like crap today.  I’d died again.  Several times actually.  I hated dying.  The last one had been violent.  Dogs that looked very human had torn me apart.  They’d talked.  Well, yelled really.  They’d wanted me to choose.  I didn’t know what.

A shiver ran through me.  Just thinking about the dream made me tired.  I ran my fingers through my oily, dark hair to comb it out, hoping it looked decent.  I couldn’t remember my last shower and cringed at the thought of my mom seeing me like this.  Thankfully, she worked.  A lot.  We communicated via notes left on the fridge.  Mostly she told me to clean my room.  I kept it strategically messy to help hide whatever it was I bought that week, day, hour, whatever...  I sighed and rubbed my head.  It ached constantly.

My wandering eyes shifted back to Dani. She watched me with a slight smile.  She knew.  I didn’t know how she could stand kissing me.  I looked and felt like crap.  At least I’d brushed my teeth before leaving the house.  Stuffing my hands into the pockets of my faded, ripped jeans, I started making my way to Dani and the next torturous kiss.

“Bethi Pederson,” Dani said flashing her straight white teeth at me.  A smile.  Friendly, but the sight reminded me of the snarling gleam from my dream.  I fought not to cringe.

“I didn’t think I’d see you any time soon.”  Her eyes roved my face, and she angled her head.  “You don’t look so good, hun.  What’s up?”

“Same clerk as yesterday.  Can you—”

She didn’t let me finish.

“Bethi, maybe you’d be better off coming home with me and sleeping for a few hours.”

Cadence rolled her eyes at Dani’s comment but said nothing.  I could just image what would happen if I went home with Dani.  Though, looking into her soft brown eyes, the concern there made me hesitate.  Sure, she’d probably put a move on me, but I knew she’d also try to get me to rest.  To help me.  I really did like Dani, just not
that
way.  If only she knew, sleeping was the last thing I needed.  I needed peace.  Two totally different things.  The thought of someone helping me was tempting, but I knew I had to deal with this on my own.

“Thanks, Dani, but I can’t.”  I pulled my hand out of my pocket and tried giving her the money.

She didn’t move to take it.  “You know the price.”  Her smile was gone.

“Why?” I partially whined unable to keep the anxious uncertainty from my voice.  “You know I like guys, Dani.  Plus, I look like hell.  Probably smell bad too.”

She studied me for a moment.  I tried to look confident, but my arms wrapped around me so I hugged myself.

“It’s your eyes,” she said taking pity on me but shrugged away any further explanation.

I averted my deep blue eyes, which looked violet in certain light or on days when I got very little sleep.  Against my pale skin and dark hair, they startled people with their natural vivid coloring.

“As far as liking guys goes, I’m hoping you’ll change your mind.”  Her lips curved in a soft smile.

I was glad she didn’t mention my smell.  It would have hurt.  I wanted to shower, but the warm water put me to sleep, and standing tense under a jet of frigid water wasn’t worth the pounding headache afterward.

Exhaustion made the floor dip and crest under my feet.  Enough playing around.  We both knew I didn’t have a choice.  I closed the distance between us, fisted my hands in her hair, and pulled her down for a kiss.  Her lips were soft and warm against mine.  My stomach turned sour as memories swamped me.

This wasn’t the first life in which I’d kissed a girl.  There’d been so many dreams since the start of the school year.  In each dream, I starred as the leading lady, felt what she felt, saw what she saw—her, but not her.  After a while, I began to notice similarities.  The dreams themselves didn’t repeat, but it often felt like I dreamt of the same person even though their appearances changed from one dream to the next.  Each time I closed my eyes and dreamed, I had a unique ability.  In all the dreams so far, there had been six distinct abilities...six unique women.  Learning about them and what they could do was by far the most interesting portion of the dream.  If only the dreams ended there.  The appearance of the beasts and what they did made me shudder.  But worse still were all the deaths I experienced.

Dani misunderstood my shudder and lifted a hand to my cheek as she kissed me sweetly in return.  After counting to four in my head, I pulled back hoping it’d been enough.

The dream kiss had been just as chaste.  But it’d felt different.  I’d been saying goodbye to someone I loved dearly.  Maybe a sister or best friend.  The girl in my dream hadn’t spoken. She’d simply turned and calmly pushed through the fleeing crowd, people running from the beasts who screamed in their guttural voices for me to step forward.  In that dream, my life had been spared...for a while.  Hers had been taken.

“‘K.  I’ll get you what you need.”  She walked away leaving me standing with Cadence.

My hot, gritty eyes tracked her progress.  How could I feel this tired after sleeping twelve hours? My life hadn’t been like this for long.  After the first dream almost three months ago, I’d slept fine for several nights before figuring out the dreams were skipping nights here and there.  On the nights I had those dreams, I woke as tired as I’d been when I went to bed.  Too soon, I started having them every night.  Sometimes several dreams a night if I managed to fall back to sleep.  So many dreams.  But, I’d learned something.

Without a doubt, each dream played a scene from a past life, an echo of memory.  The surety that I was remembering, and not just dreaming made me doubt my sanity.  Some
thing
throughout history continued to hunt me...and others like me.  Yeah, I wasn’t alone.  Sometimes the women looked similar to how I appeared now.  Sometimes I wasn’t me, but a completely different person, one of the other five.  Often names repeated in different lifetimes, or we had family members with the same names.  But, it was the lingering details of the life after waking that convinced me they were surfacing memories and not just random dreams.

Usually I died young, unaware of the danger.  Sometimes, the dreams came and helped me to prepare.  To run.  Either way, I never lasted long.  They could track me by my scent.  Back then, though, there hadn’t been cars or other ways to travel fast.  I hoped this time would be different.  I had no doubt...they would come.  But maybe I could finally out run them.

I closed my eyes for a second to relieve the hot sting.  They stayed closed and wouldn’t open no matter how hard I tried.  My legs felt weak, and I knew I’d crumple to the ground any moment.  In a distant part of my mind, a dream gathered, an angry storm of memories, swirling and gaining speed.

Cadence’s voice and rough hold pulled me back from the brink of sleep.

“Geez, Bethi.  Get a grip.  People are staring.”

Paranoia fueled an adrenaline spike.  My eyes popped open.  My knees kept shaking, but no longer from sleep.  Flight or Fight mode.  I was ready to fly.  Controlling my breathing and relaxing my shoulders, I glanced around.  A security guard watched me.  My relief sprouted a genuine smile on my face.  The woman looked confused for a moment, then shook her head and turned away.  I could only imagine what she thought of my odd behavior.

“Thanks,” I mumbled to Cadence, thinking of the adrenaline rush.  Maybe that was the way to go.  I fingered the scars on my arms.  Pain, though effective, was a pointless method to stay awake.  After all, it was the pain in my dreams I wanted to avoid.

Adrenaline might be the answer.  I’d watched myself and others do amazing things in my dreams because of it.  Although, there were times it didn’t work.  The phrase “Flight or Fight” should really be “Flight, Fight, or Freeze.”  So many times the surrealism of the situation shuts down a person’s brain even though the body was pumped full of that magic juice.

Fingers waggled in front of my eyes, and I realized I’d been drifting in my own thoughts.  Dani stood in front of me with an amused smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes.

“I got you some caffeine pills and a Monster, but rent-a-cop over there is watching us.  So how about you tell us what’s got you so messed up.  And don’t say ‘no sleep’, we got that.”

Dani’s eyes pulled me in, encouraging me to let someone help.  I’d tried talking to my mom about the dreams, but her answer had been to try sleeping pills.  She didn’t really hear the problem within my dreams even though she listened to my whole explanation.  Since I already questioned my sanity, I hadn’t wanted her to start questioning it too so I let it drop.  Last thing I wanted was a padded room and an IV cocktail.  No, better keep my crazies to myself.

“Haunting memories.  Let’s leave it at that,” I said with a smile I didn’t feel.  We were getting too serious, and I needed to break the mood somehow or pretty soon Dani wouldn’t be so willing to help me.  Not even for a kiss.

Cadence cleared her throat.  “Hottie approaching.”

Before I could turn to look, I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

“Pardon, do you know where the loo is?”

Loo?  I turned to look over the owner of the clipped British accent.  Holy, hotness.  Shock and awe filled me.  My heart stuttered out a beat as my mind went blank.  It did that a lot lately.

The man stood well over six feet.  Lean and long, his shoulders filled out his worn, brown leather jacket.  The mall lights glinted off his bronzed, mussed hair and highlighted the amused twinkle in his hazel eyes.  Eyes a girl could lose herself in.  Why couldn’t I have kissed him instead of Dani?  The wayward thought bounced around in my head for a moment as I stared at his dark brown lashes and tried not to sigh.  Or drool.  I reined myself in not wanting to hurt Dani’s feelings.  She still had what I needed.  I blinked at him while trying to think.  His lips twitched as he waited for me.  His gaze skimmed me, not settling anywhere, just taking me in the same as I was doing to him.

A sense of familiarity settled over me, and my stomach did a weird little flip.  I tried to study him with indifference.  Was this someone I knew but my sleep deprived brain had forgotten?  Embarrassing
.

I closed my mouth, swallowed hard, hoped I wouldn’t blush, and tried for cool-sarcastic, “Oh my God, an accent.  Take me, I’m yours.”

Dani and Cadence sniggered.  I curved my lips in a smile as I waited for him to go away.  I just wanted to get my stuff and leave.

Something in the man’s expression changed.  He tilted his head and took a slow deep breath.  I thought for a moment he had a witty reply or would say something rude.  Instead, he leaned toward me, his eyes locked on mine, and murmured, “You smell amazing.”

My insides froze and, for the second time in five minutes, adrenaline spiked through my veins. He pulled back, his intense gaze never leaving mine. I struggled to contain my panic and to think clearly.  I did
not
smell amazing.