Unwritten Rules (12 page)

“Oh, Jonah, some of these look deep. You might even need a few stitches.”

“No. No, I won’t,” he shot back sternly, hissing as I began to cleanse the cuts.

“Tel me what happened. Please?”

I discarded a bloody cotton bal and dipped a

fresh one into the peroxide. I felt him exhale against my fingertips when I pressed it against his ribs. He was silent for so long, I thought he was going to deny me again. However, he didn’t.

“I have anxiety issues. I’ve learned to deal with them though. I haven’t had an attack in a while.”

“So,
I
caused this?”

“No, El e, not you...never you.”

I stil ed. “What does that even mean?”

I pul ed up a stool next to him, reaching out and taking his hands in mine. It encouraged me when he didn’t flinch or pul away.

“It means this is me. This is why I live alone. This is why I should never have had sex with you,” he replied honestly.

“I don’t understand.”

“And it’s better that you don’t.”

“For who?” I snapped back. “You? Me? Us? I

don’t see how.”

He shook his head, final y tugging his hands away from mine and walking across the room. He groaned in frustration before turning back to me.

“I didn’t lie to you when I told you the medication was mine. It isn’t il egal. I real y hate that you even considered that-”

“I tried not to,” I interrupted.

“You didn’t. Anyway, I can’t tel you why I don’t use that name any longer. Even if I could it’s better that you don’t know.”

“I’m sick of this cryptic shit! You keep saying it’s better this way, but how can it be if I know you’re up here having another attack with no one to care for you during them? I’m asking for friendship and an explanation. Maybe you’re right about the sex; we dived right in and gave it very little thought, but I’m never going to regret it, because I can’t. Jonah, I real y can’t.”

He slumped to the floor, leaning back against the kitchen cabinets.

“The problem is I can’t either,” he whispered. “But that doesn’t mean this can be any more than friendship.”

“And would that be so bad?”

“It’s a mess, Red. A real fucking mess.”

He sounded incredibly sad, so I moved to where he sat on the floor. His eyes conveyed his caution, but he slumped in defeat.

“We can’t do this...” he warned. “I don’t have the control.”

“I don’t get it. The meds, the attacks, or why it’s best that we stay away from each other. I could be a good friend; I
am
a good friend.”

He snorted, “And you stil want to be this close to me after my little breakdown?”

I nodded solemnly, ignoring his try at humor. I placed my hand on his forearm, and refusing to acknowledge the sparks that shot through my body. I had to stop this attraction to him, because right now, it seemed like he needed me to be his friend, not
would be lover.
I rested my head on his shoulder. He reciprocated moving his head on top of mine.

“Your guitar is a lost cause I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured, though I regretted tossing it the second it slipped from my fingers. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Why did you do it? What were you thinking?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light as I stroked his forearm.

“I can’t talk about it. I told you that. I’m not being evasive on purpose-”

“Okay, but can I say something?”

I felt him move his head and took it as

confirmation.

“One day you’re going to want to confide in

someone. I’m just letting you know that I’d like that person to be me.” He grumbled slightly, but I carried on. “You’re a friend. I’m not giving up on you.”

“Why?” He murmured.

“I told you why. Friends don’t give up on friends. I’m not going to stop trying.”

“You’re wasting your time on me, El e.”

I pul ed away, staring at him and taking in his sul en expression. “I don’t believe that.”

I reached out, trying to touch his face, but he batted at my hand and turned away from me. Sympathy clawed at my heart, but he’d made up his mind to reject me. Jonah confirmed that thought when he said, “Can you leave now? I need to be alone.”

“Wil you be al right?”

I didn’t want to leave, but I understood he must feel embarrassed and exhausted after what had happened. I reasoned that I’d done everything I could right now. If I stayed any longer I’d just irritate him.

“Your window?” I responded, pointing over to it as I stood up.

The wind was making the drapes float eerily in the air, and there were stil shards of glass stuck in the wood frame.

“Not your concern. Red, I won’t be sleeping now anyway. I’l cal the super later.”

“He’l go postal when he sees that.”

“I’l think of something, that’s if someone hasn’t already cal ed him. Maybe that old woman across from you did the job for me?”

“Mrs. Kindle is sweet. She wouldn’t do that.”

“So stop fussing over me, then. I can take care of myself.”

I opened my mouth, closing it almost right

afterward. I needed to pick my battles, and this was one that could ride for the time being. I’d go back to my apartment, but I would be back tomorrow.

I just couldn’t leave him now. I couldn’t forget what we’d shared. My body stil buzzed with desire whenever he was near, but if friendship was al we could have, then I would accept it. I couldn’t imagine going back to the awkward conversations next to the mailboxes.

We were beyond that, weren’t we?

“I’l give you my cel number,” I said, diverting over to the smal whiteboard on the wal next to his drawing station, scribbling my number on it. “Wil you cal me if you need someone?”

“El e...” he warned, herding me toward the door.

“Okay, I get it, but I’m not leaving it here, you know that right? I’l be back later.”

“El e...” he repeated, but I cut him off. I stepped close to him, cupping his cheek with my hand and looking directly into his blue eyes.

“I
will
work out the enigma that is Jonah Quinn. You can’t hide forever.”

I didn’t listen to his protests, simply kissed him on his lips and left his apartment. I didn’t want to see the denial as it contorted his features and tried as best I could to focus. I needed a plan, a way in, because I was not about to let him get away. Something inside was screaming at me to save him, and it couldn’t be overlooked. I could see for myself that he needed someone; I would be that person. So with my mind made up, I went back to my apartment, knowing I wouldn’t sleep.

I had a name and a medication or two to Google.

I tried to sleep, but having been awake for more than twenty-four hours, I was now beyond tired. I tossed and turned, pushing and tugging my duvet every which way, al in the hope of getting comfy enough to soothe myself to sleep.

It didn’t work.

It was obvious comfort wasn’t my problem.

Eventual y, I gave up and climbed out of bed with a huge groan. I pul ed on a large, slashed neck sweatshirt and some shorts, before meandering into the kitchen to brew some coffee. It was days like this that I was glad my job wasn’t your typical nine to five. Today would have been a sick day. Meow fol owed, jumping up onto the kitchen counter and purring. He glared at me, waiting until I paid attention to him.

“Feeling left out, Puss?”

His tail flicked in answer as he nudged my hand with his head.

“You’l have to wait. Coffee comes first.”

He continued to purr and rub himself along my

arm as I poured the ground beans into the coffeemaker. I grabbed a mug from the shelf and placed it onto the counter, flicking through a magazine while I waited for my coffee to brew. The world would seem a much better place when I was caffeinated. When I heard the spluttering of the machine, I sighed, thankful it was done. As I began to pouring it, my phone rang. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, but answered it anyway.

“Where the hel have you been?”

“Good afternoon to you too, J.J.”

I moved into the living room, slumping onto the couch, after placing my hot coffee onto the smal table.

“I’ve been worried!” I rol ed my eyes, pleased that she couldn’t see me. “Eli and I came back into the bar, but some friend of Jonah’s said you’d both gone. I’ve been trying to cal you since midnight.”

“Wel , now you have me. Calm down. I’m fine.”

“So how did it go? Did you guys make up?”

I exhaled deeply into the receiver, then I told her about the roof, the rain, and the amazing time I’d had with him up there. She’d wanted to know everything, but I grew quiet, not sure if I wanted to share the events of his breakdown with her. My need for reassurance outweighed anything else, and I began to tel her the truth of the aftermath.

“El e, he doesn’t seem too stable. You should

real y leave him alone.”

“Thanks for the concern,” I replied drol y.

“However, I thought you liked a good mystery.”

“On TV, sure, but the reality is rather different. What do you know about this guy, other than the fact that he knows how to get you off? Oh, and that he’s rather temperamental.”

“J.J...”

“No, El e,” she interrupted. “It worries me that this guy wrecked his apartment while high, on Lord knows what, and then gets you to care for him while he’s coming down. I think you need to tel him to leave you alone.”

“I can’t,” I said, my voice quiet as I hugged my knees to my chest.

“Figures. You always loved a good sob story. Can you at least promise me one thing?”

“Yes?”

“That you’l be careful? And I’m not just talking condoms, okay?”

There was a slight lift to her pitch, and I knew she was backing down. She was a good friend. She was only concerned. I’d feel the same about her if the roles were reversed. J.J. was just somewhat more assertive with her opinions than I was.

“I wil . I’l cal you later. I want to check out a couple of those meds that Jonah had in the medicine cabinet.”

“You do realize that he could have just involved you in his scam, right?”

I frowned even though she couldn’t see me. I
had
considered that, but then, I hadn’t told her about the possibility that Jonah wasn’t actual y Jonah. If I’d confessed that piece of information, she would have been relentless in her search for the truth.

“I’m positive it’s not like that, J.J. The pil s were prescription. I’m sure he’l tel me in time.”

“So his impression of a wrecking bal didn’t put you off?”

“Maybe I’l wish it did, but right now I think he needs a friend,” I answered.

“Friends don’t have sex, El e.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” I sneered. “And on that note, I’m hanging up.”

“I’m on a job tomorrow, some new designer.

Catwalk, blah, blah, but cal me of you need me.”

I settled for a short goodbye and ended the cal . I rested my chin on top of my knees and gazed around the room. I’d never real y felt lonely here, but right now every bone in my body ached with it. I didn’t understand It. Maybe it was the longing for a connection; a connection like I thought Jonah and I had, or maybe I was final y homesick. I’d become complacent after the months passed and homesickness never hit me. Perhaps now I was paying the price.

I moved to pick my cel back up, intending to cal my Mom. I just wanted to hear her voice, but the noises coming from Jonah’s apartment stopped me. My heart reacted to the sounds, giving a double beat in recognition. I listened to the creaking and heavy footfal , anticipating another rampage, but the sounds never grew any louder. It seemed as if furniture was being pushed around. I wondered what he was moving. I turned al the furniture upright before I’d left, moving them into the spaces I could remember them being in before, but it appeared I’d gotten it wrong. I tried to convince myself that he was just placing his belongings back in their correct places. Regardless, I couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling I had about his current state of mind.

Meow pounced, jumping onto the couch next to

me and glared in my direction.

“I’m not going,” I denied as if he’d spoken.

He continued to stare at me.

“No.”

When he nudged my hand with his nose, I picked him up, feeling his purr rumbled through his lithe body. I lifted him, his face in front of mine, his body sagging like a rag dol .

“I won’t. Jonah needs to be left alone.”

He meowed. It was the cat equivalent of “Go!” Or at least that was what I was tel ing myself as I pushed my feet into a pair of flip flops and grabbed my keys. I closed the door and walked to the stairwel . I was up the first flight when I realized I stil had Meow tucked against my side.

“What am I doing, Puss?” I asked, mocking myself for talking to my cat, and yet continuing to climb the stairs to Jonah’s floor.

I exited the stairwel and walked up to his front door. My heart was beating so fiercely that I could feel my pulse throbbing at my wrists and neck. My mouth was dry, and my hand trembled as I reached up to knock on the wood.

A curse came from inside, before the door inched open. His blue eyes pierced mine, aggressive for a fleeting second, and then softening once he recognized it was me. The sides of his mouth lifted in a smal smile, easing my anxiety a little.