Up All Night Long: From Lust to Love (Romance Anthology) (16 page)

"Thanks again for your help with the swing yesterday." She looked over at him, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him. Just a brush of her fingers on his arm or to hold his hand would be blissful.

"No problem at all. Did your brother mow or you need me to come do it?"

"He will do it, but thanks." She wished like hell he didn't so she would have a reason to ask Jake back over. They stopped by his truck and he leaned in to get the lens. She moved up next to the open door, her confidence beckoning her to move the nothingness between then into at least a working friendship.

He turned and almost bumped into her, his body jolting as he stepped back and bumped into the truck. "Oh sorry. I didn't know you were right there."

She felt silly all of a sudden and moved back. "I was wondering if, well, if you might want to grab lunch or dinner or something. I'd love to just talk and find out more about you."

His expression changed and with the loss of warmth, her heart quivered. She'd made a mistake. He stood there for a few minutes, his smile gone and a look of concern covering his handsome features.

"I'd love to, but maybe another time. My day’s pretty busy and um..." He touched his chest and looked over at the field where the kids started running out to play.

She interrupted him, horrified at the rejection that sat heavy between them. She smiled, swallowing down the hot ball of tears that rolled up her throat. "No. No worries at all. We can do it whenever you have time. Thanks for the um, cap."

She turned and pulled her keys from her pocket as her eyes welled up, her shoulders straight and her demeanor as if nothing happened.

"Kari... Kari..." he yelled after her, but she just lifted her hand and waved, never turning around. How stupid she was. What did she think would happen?

Frank hadn't wanted her and Jake didn't either.

She slipped into the car as tears rolled down her face. Pulling the small mirror down, she stared at herself for a minute before starting the car, her movements angry and jerking. "How stupid are you? No one wants you... quick fucking trying."

She righted the mirror as a small sob left her lips. "Done."

Chapter 18

Jake watched her walk away, her reaction to his hesitation stabbing him in the chest. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. He was interested. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to learn every inch of her body, steal her heart, hear her call out his name in need or pleasure or love... He sighed and brushed his hands across his face.

Fear shut him down and he had stumbled.

"Fuck," he muttered and walked toward the kids, looking over as she sped off much too fast from the small school parking lot. She was hurt. It had looked like rejection, but it wasn't - was it? Hell if he knew. He wanted her to move back, to leave him alone until he could heal, and yet life didn't work like that. His heart and mind wanted two different things, and yet every time he'd listened to his heart, he'd ended up emotionally jacked for months, not sleeping for weeks, not wanting to eat.

Love sucked so badly, and even still, he ached to get in his truck and go after her. He looked up as several boys jogged over to him.

"Hey, coach. Ready to get whooped?" They threw a football at him and he caught it, stopping to look over his shoulder once more. She was gone and he knew without a doubt she was crying - and he'd caused it. He felt horrible and wanted to clock out and go drink himself into nothingness, but the kids in front of him didn't deserve his rejection too.

"You asking me or your friends that? You guys are going down... I mean like down town." He smirked and threw the ball with all his might, his chest burning with anger for his reaction. The kids laughed, the large boy in front of him rolling his eyes.

"Coach, you're weird when you try to be cool."

Jake nodded and breathed in deeply. "I'm anything but cool, but nobody asked you. Now get out there and let me teach you what losing feels like."

The kids moved around him, beckoning for his attention. He played their game, but his thoughts were far from the field or the need to mentor his students. He needed to get to Kari, to apologize, to explain. He would have to open some old wounds to let her see the reasoning behind his reserve.

Or... he needed to leave her alone. Let her heal from the silly encounter that would momentarily hurt her and then she'd find someone worth her time. He figured time would tell which reaction he choose. At the moment he wanted to drive far away - somewhere he could just disappear.

*

She sat outside of the old dock, the shipyard dilapidated and torn down. She needed to take pictures all over town and was grateful in the moment that her day would be spent with nothing but her camera. Angrily wiping at her tears, she flung them onto the wheel and dashboard in front of her. She didn't even know Jake. Why would his rejection hurt her so badly?

"Because you were just rejected a few weeks ago. Shut up about it and move on." She wasn't supposed to be looking for love anyway. She'd promised herself she'd wait at least six months before even thinking about dating, and yet here she was, two weeks later and only a few days of being in Bar Harbor, and vying for the hottest guy in town. She leaned her head back and bit at her lip, pain ripping through her chest.

Looking over at her phone as it buzzed, she saw that her brother had in fact mowed the lawn and was going to work on the hedges.

"Good." One less thing to consider calling Jake over for. She would let Lisa or Sicily deal with him as their landlord, just making herself scarce any of the times he came over. She thanked her brother and dropped her phone in her purse, tucking it under the front seat of her car and getting out with her camera. Fog rolled over the bay, the wind strong in the small tunnel of large, old shipyard buildings around her.

Kari walked aimlessly for a little while, stopping to take a picture here and there. Her heart wasn't in it, and having two weeks until the actual story pieces were due to Martha, she packed up her stuff and slipped her shoes off, walking to sit on the edge of the pier for a while. Her thoughts took her everywhere, but mostly to Frank. His rejection hadn't yet festered in her heart, but she could feel the pain of it asking permission to darken her spirit.

She pushed it back and sighed heavily, tears rolling down her face as the wind picked up again. She didn't want to be bitter. Didn't want to turn into a hateful bitch who only picked men apart, slept with them for pleasure, or pulled at the fabric of their hearts for sport. She would push back the pain only because it wasn't her to let it consume her. She would leave Jake alone. If he wanted anything to do with her, then it was his job to make things right. If not - she would let herself heal and get back on the horse after a few months.

Sadness tugged at her and she simply released herself to it, her afternoon spent hosting a pity party for the loss of a great guy that she never really had anyway.

*

Kari stepped out of the car, her brother turning from the bushes he was messing with and smiling. His face dropped as he moved toward her. She didn't have the energy to pretend everything was okay. He reached out and pulled her into a hug, the musky smell of him mixed with grass wrapping around her. Her eyes burned with hot tears again and she sighed heavily.

"What happened? You okay?" he asked and rubbed his chin along the top of her head.

"No," she mumbled between soft sobs as all the emotion from earlier came crashing in around her. She hated being weak, hated the need to be loved and desired that plagued her. She wasn't so different from everyone else in that way, she knew it, but it didn't make things much easier.

"Was it the landlord guy?" Marc growled and moved back, still holding her shoulders.

She looked down, not wanting to bring her brother and his anger into the mix. Knowing him he would get in the car and go beat Jake for honestly doing nothing.

"I just wish I didn't want to be with someone. I wish I was okay just being alone."

"You are okay with that, sis. You just had your heart ripped out. It's going to take some time, okay? But you have to give it that time."

She nodded, biting at her lip as she reached between them and wiped her face, sniffling once more before pulling back.

"You're right. It is about him, but nothing he did. I just thought maybe there was something starting between us, but there isn't. I think the rejection of that is what's hurting me." She shrugged and pulled away, readjusting her bag and walking toward the house.

"He didn't hurt you, did he? He wasn't a dick about it, right?"

"No." She looked over her shoulder and smiled before walking in to the smell of chocolate something. She breathed in deeply and made a beeline for her room, wanting to pull herself together before talking to her friends. Jake would be in their lives for a long time, so she needed to play her cards right in front of everyone that night at dinner or she would be setting him up for a tongue lashing – and not the kind she'd planned on him having.

"Not meant to be," she whispered and shut her door behind her.

*

She hadn't meant to sleep through dinner and the rest of the night, but she had. Kari woke up still in her work clothes from the day before, her covers never even being pulled back. She sat up and groaned, her phone buzzing that it was a few minutes past eight. Grabbing at towel, she walked to the shower, pulling off clothes like she lived alone and enjoying the moments of warm silence the small room provided.

She dressed in a pair jeans and a cream-colored sweater, pulling her hair into a ponytail and putting on boots. With very little make-up, she felt presentable and yet didn't look her best, which was just fine. Gaining the attention of a male anytime during the coming day was out, and she wanted to make sure of it.

Kari considered calling in sick and realized how dumb that might be. She needed to swing by the hospital anyway and see Cliff. They might be new associates, but building a relationship with him and with his family was important to her. Chances are she'd be working at the paper with him and Martha until the time came to move back home. She checked herself in the mirror and walked out of the bathroom, grabbing her things from her room and laying them on the couch before joining her friends and her brother in the kitchen.

"You all packed up?" Kari asked, walking in and stopping by her brother, ruffling his hair as he looked up at her.

"Yep. I hate to leave you guys, but it’s back to the grind of life for me." He pushed out his lip and Lisa patted his thigh.

"I'm sure you'll make do. You always do, right?"

He winked at her and reached for another scone, Kari leaning over to grab one, too.

"These look great." Kari looked over at Sicily. "What kind are they?"

"Cinnamon Vanilla Pecan. Trying something new today." She shrugged.

"Oh, speaking of new. I have to go out of town this weekend, but I'll be back by Sunday to help paint. I should be driving in early that morning." Kari found an empty chair and plopped down in it.

"Where are you going?" Lisa turned her attention toward her as someone knocked at the door.

"I'll get it." Sicily stood and walked to the front of the house as Kari turned her attention back to Lisa, her stomach tightening at the thought of it possibly being Jake.

"There is a boys’ high school basketball tournament that is happening a few hours north of here and we've been asked by the school to have a local reporter go up and cover the event."

"You're brand new in town. Is there no one else who can go?" Marc licked at his fingers as he complained.

"No. The other guy who works with me just had a baby. Well, his wife had a baby, so it's just me and Martha and I don't think she would be willing to walk to the mailbox if someone asked her." Kari and Lisa laughed as Marc rolled his eyes.

"I don't like it. You're horrible with directions."

"I'll be fine." Kari took a bite of her scone as Sicily came back, Jake behind her. Kari almost choked on the biscuit, her brother turning to pat her back.

"Hey... no choking please." He turned and looked at Jake, his eyes narrowing a little. Kari stood up and lifted the scone in the air.

"This is awesome. I'm late, so I'll take it with me." She winked at Sicily and walked around to her brother. "Stand up and hug me. I'll miss you."

Marc leaned down and pulled her into a tight hug, her chest aching at the fact that Jake was just behind her and yet emotionally so far away. She had to get out of there, and fast. Her emotional stability was wavering at best. She kissed Marc's cheek and moved back.

"Call me when you get back to New York."

"It will all be good. Lisa is taking me to the rent-a-car place. I'll call you for sure. I'll hug mom for you too." He reached out and touched her shoulder. "I love you. Take care of yourself and don't sell yourself short over some punk ass, okay?"

She cringed internally. She had always been the older sister, the one to take up for Marc anytime he needed protection from the time he was born until now. His words were meant for Jake, and from his flinching, Kari guessed they hit home. She nodded and waved to her friends with a fake smile on her lips.

"You guys have an amazing day. Jake, nice to see you." She smiled sweetly and walked to get her things, her teeth sinking into her lip as she beat back the violent truth of her situation. She wanted him. She wanted him to be in her today and her tomorrow. She wanted to know what it felt like to wrap up in his arms, to hear him whisper her name, to feel the pressure of his strong body against hers. She swallowed hard and walked languidly to the door, slipping out into the morning before letting a sound of sadness leave her lips.