Up Close and Personal (14 page)

‘About that badger watch,’ she said when he answered. ‘I’m free on Thursday night after all.’ And now here she was, standing at the entrance to the old fruit farm, keeping watch while Bear attempted to break and enter. She hadn’t told Connor where she was going. He would only worry about her; he might even be jealous – although, as Nicole kept telling herself, her relationship with Bear was entirely platonic.

A few more snips with the wire cutters and Bear had created a gap big enough for an adult to squeeze through. ‘Okay, we’re in,’ he said, folding back the section of fence. ‘You first.’

After a quick look left and right to check they were still unobserved, Nicole dropped to her knees. As she lowered her head and started crawling under the fence, her movements somewhat restricted by the pencil skirt and high-heeled boots she was wearing, she couldn’t help thinking that jeans and trainers would’ve been a more sensible option. Unfortunately, vanity had got the better of her. It wasn’t that she was hoping to impress Bear, she reassured herself as she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, applying smoky grey shadow to her eyelids, it was simply that she wanted to show him she had another look beside ‘mumsy’.

Suddenly, Nicole’s progress under the fence was halted by a sharp tugging sensation in her scalp. ‘Aaargh!’ she cried, putting her hand to the back of her head. In an instant, Bear was on his knees beside her. ‘Your hair’s got caught on the fence,’ he said. ‘Stay still a minute.’ Leaning forward, so that he was almost on top of her, he set about unsnagging the curl of hair. He was so close Nicole could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck.

‘Sorry if I’m hurting you,’ he said. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’

‘Don’t worry,’ replied Nicole, who was enjoying the fleeting moment of intimacy. It was a long time since anyone had touched her so tenderly. She got lots of affection from Tilly, of course, but her hands were rough and greedy. As for Connor, he was too absorbed in his precious work to pay her much attention – physically
or
emotionally. All too soon the curl was free and Bear was following her under the fence. ‘We’d better get a move on,’ he said, looking up at the sky. ‘It’ll be dark soon.’ He pointed to a patch of
woodland in the distance. ‘The Badger Protection League sent me a copy of the last survey that was carried out on the site and by my reckoning the sett should be situated just over there, on the outskirts of that copse.’

Nicole rubbed her hands together in anticipation. ‘Lead the way.’

As they walked, they fell into easy conversation. Bear was an engaging companion and there was a refreshing simplicity about him – a simplicity that was reflected not only in his lifestyle, which seemed to Nicole to be blissfully free of responsibilities, but also in the open way he talked about himself and the things he was passionate about.

‘I’m glad you changed your mind about coming,’ he said as they made their way across an abandoned strawberry field. ‘Badger-watching’s twice as much fun when you’ve got company.’

‘I’m really looking forward to it,’ Nicole said. ‘The most excitement I get these days is taking Tilly to baby yoga.’ She sighed in irritation as she felt her heels sinking in the soft earth. ‘I just wish I’d dressed a bit more appropriately.’

Bear gave her a shy sideways glance. ‘I think you look lovely. I hope your husband knows how lucky he is.’

Nicole blushed. ‘I shouldn’t think Connor would notice if I were wearing sackcloth, quite honestly. He’s been very distracted recently.’ Then, not wanting to sound disloyal, she added quickly. ‘But then again he does have an awful lot on his plate at work.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Are
you
attached, Bear?’

‘Not any more. I split up with my girlfriend at Christmas.’

‘Was she a journalist too?’

‘No, a human-rights lawyer.’

‘Oh,’ Nicole said, feeling rather deflated. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t help wishing Bear’s girlfriend had been something less high-flying. A secretary, for example – or a shop assistant. ‘Had you been together long?’

‘Two and a half years. In the end, she got fed up of me being away from home so much. She wanted us to get married and start a family.’

‘But you didn’t want to settle down?’

‘I would – if I met the right person – but
she
wasn’t the one. I think I always knew that in my heart.’ He stopped and studied the copse, shielding his eyes against the setting sun. ‘Okay, we’re nearly there now, so we should move quietly from here on in. Keep your voice low and try to avoid stepping on any twigs. If there are badgers around already, we don’t want to frighten them off.’ He smiled at her. ‘They’re beautiful animals. I really hope we get lucky tonight.’

When they arrived at the copse, Bear slipped off the backpack he was wearing and dropped it at Nicole’s feet. ‘I’m going to do a quick recce. You’d better wait here; the fewer scent trails we leave, the better.’

‘What are you looking for?’ Nicole whispered.

‘Tracks, spoil heaps, claw marks on trees. Anything to indicate badgers have been here.’

Bear began pacing the area, squatting down every now and then to examine a rock or a patch of earth more closely. It wasn’t long before his eye was drawn to a large bramble bush. Nicole watched him bend over and pull something from one of the bush’s thorny stems, before walking back over to her. ‘Look,’ he said, opening his palm to reveal a
clump of whitish hairs. ‘This is definitely from a badger. There’s a scratching post over there too and some fresh droppings. There’s an active sett in this area, no doubt about it.’

‘So what do we do now?’ Nicole asked eagerly.

‘From here on in, it’s a waiting game.’ Bear reached down and picked up a handful of dead leaves. He held them aloft, then let them go, watching carefully as the wind carried them away from the copse. ‘Badgers have a very keen sense of smell,’ he explained. ‘We don’t want the wind blowing directly from us to them.’ He looked around, his gaze finally settling on a grassy bank about ten feet away. ‘I think we should set up camp over there. That way, if and when the badgers appear, we’ll have a grandstand view.’

Hooking the backpack over his shoulder, he took Nicole by the hand – an intimate gesture that, strangely, felt perfectly natural to her. Together, they walked to the top of the bank, where Bear instantly took charge. Reaching into the backpack, he produced a picnic blanket with a waterproof backing, as well as a large torch, a pair of binoculars, a digital camera, a Thermos flask and two plastic cups.

‘It looks like you’ve come well prepared,’ Nicole remarked as she settled on the blanket.

‘We might be in for a long wait. I just hope you’re not easily bored.’

Nicole looked up at the sky, which was glowing mauve and orange as the last shimmer of the sun’s corona slipped behind the treetops. ‘How could I be bored on a beautiful night like this?’

*

Less than half a mile away, Nicole’s husband was embarking on an illicit mission of his own. A scout-group demonstration wasn’t planned for that evening and never had been. In reality, Connor was meeting his lover. Zoe had been frustratingly coy about the arrangements, telling him simply to meet her in a secluded lay-by on the outskirts of the town.

Her Mercedes was already there when he arrived. As Connor parked up, Zoe emerged from the car and walked over to him, looking hot in a pair of well-cut jeans and a tight pink T-shirt.

‘Hi, gorgeous,’ he said, grabbing her curvaceous rump through the open window of his Audi. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘Mmm, me too,’ she said, bending down to kiss him. ‘We’re going to have a lot of fun tonight. I can’t wait.’

Connor looked around the deserted lay-by. ‘So where’s the action?’

‘Five minutes’ drive away.’

The doctor frowned. ‘So what are we doing here?’

‘We need to change into our costumes first.’

‘
Costumes?
What are you talking about?’

Zoe put her hands on her hips. ‘I gave you my word that no one would recognize you, remember?’

‘Yeah, but fancy dress … What sort of event
is
this?’

‘You’ll see soon enough,’ Zoe said mysteriously. ‘But for the time being you’re just going to have to trust me. Come on.’

Connor got out of his car and followed her to the Mercedes. She opened the boot to reveal two large zip-up garment carriers.

‘Here you go,’ she said, handing one to him. ‘I hope you
approve. I chose the one I thought fitted your character the best.’

Connor draped the garment carrier over his arm. Its contents were soft and unexpectedly heavy. ‘Are you sure this is really necessary?’

‘Absolutely,’ Zoe said firmly. ‘We won’t get in otherwise. Oh, and you’ll need this too.’ She opened the car door and removed a bulging black bin bag from the passenger seat.

‘What the fuck’s this?’

Zoe just smiled. ‘Patience, Dr Swift.’

‘So where am I supposed to get changed?’

‘Over there.’ She nodded to a dour concrete structure, which housed some public toilets. A light shining through the grimy window revealed that, despite the lateness of the hour, they were still in service. She picked up her own costume, which, like Connor’s, was accompanied by a knotted bin bag. ‘Meet you back here in five minutes.’

When Connor emerged from the Gents, he felt like a prize idiot. The costume was not what he was expecting and consisted of an orange plush jumpsuit with a contrasting white chest, accessorized with orange fur gloves and a large bushy tail. The bin bag turned out to contain the head of his costume. It was eye-catching to say the least, with a long snout, trimmed with leatherette nostrils, and a pair of pointed ears.

Outside, a giant rabbit was waiting beside the car. Connor recognized it as Zoe only by the two large humps straining against its white fur chest. When she saw him, she lifted a paw and waved. ‘Looking good, Mr Fox.’

Connor was not amused. Pulling off his animal head, he marched over to her. ‘Is this your idea of a joke?’

‘Not at all; I think you look great.’ Zoe pressed the full length of her fur-covered body against him and ran her hand over his right buttock. ‘Who says hairy arses are a turn-off?’

‘I look like a complete knob,’ Connor wailed. ‘I thought we were supposed to be having some adult fun, not going to a flaming football mascots’ convention. Either you tell me what’s going on, or I’m going straight home.’

At that moment, a passing car caught them in its headlights. Connor just had time to catch the shocked face of the driver before it sped away. ‘You do realize that if anyone sees me dressed like this I’ll never be able to hold my head up in public again,’ he bleated.

Zoe shook her bunny head incredulously. ‘And here was I thinking you were the adventurous sort.’ She opened the car door. ‘Get in and I’ll put you out of your misery.’

‘Now I know this is going to sound a bit freaky, but I want you to reserve judgement until I’ve finished explaining,’ Zoe began.

Connor put his hand on her arm. ‘Do you mind taking your head off? Only it’s really disconcerting trying to have a conversation with a giant rabbit.’

‘Sure.’ Zoe pulled off her furry head and shook out her shoulder-length hair. ‘Happy now?’

Connor nodded. ‘Go on.’

‘We’re going furring,’ Zoe said, tossing her rabbit head onto the back seat.

The word meant nothing to Connor. ‘We’re going
what
?’

‘You’ve heard of dogging, right?’

‘Um, yeah. That’s when a bunch of strangers meet up in a car park and shag each other.’

‘Well, it’s like that,’ Zoe continued. ‘Except with animal costumes. And instead of car parks, all the action takes place in woodland.’ She smiled. ‘It’s more natural that way.’

Connor’s mouth gaped open. ‘
Natural?
Are you having a laugh? What sort of pervert gets turned on by shagging a giant rabbit?’

‘Actually, we call ourselves
fur
-verts,’ Zoe said disdainfully. She ran her paws over her fur-covered breasts. ‘Don’t you think I look sexy in this outfit?’

Connor looked her up and down. ‘Well, yeah, in a weird kind of way, I suppose you do,’ he conceded.

‘In any case, it’s not just about the costumes. It’s about being completely anonymous and having the freedom to satisfy a sexual urge in the most basic way imaginable.’ Zoe gave a little shudder. ‘There’s something deliciously thrilling about being on all fours in the woods and getting a good hard seeing to from a complete stranger.’

Connor raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll take your word for it.’

‘So you’ll give it a go, then?’

Connor rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. ‘So let me get this straight: a whole pile of people in animal suits turn up at some prearranged location and, even though they haven’t got the faintest idea what anybody else looks like, they have sex with each other.’

‘Exactly, except furverts call it
yiffing
.’

Connor smirked. ‘Do they now?’

‘Of course you don’t have to have full sex. Some people are happy just
skritching
.’

‘Which is?’

‘Scratching and rubbing each other – the sort of stuff you might do with a pet dog or cat.’

Connor tried to imagine what it would be like having his tummy tickled, and decided it might be rather pleasant. ‘Anything else I need to know?’

‘Some furverts like to make the noises their chosen animal would make when they’re having sex. It can be a little off-putting the first time round, but you soon get used to it.’

‘And they’re all strictly hetero, right? I don’t want some bloody geezer in a gorilla suit trying to mount me.’

‘Absolutely. And tonight’s event is couples only. That way, the organizers can guarantee equal numbers of men and women. Oh, and you won’t see any gorillas; it’s woodland creatures only. The guys will be dressed as foxes, wolves or stags, and the girls are rabbits, mice or squirrels. That way you’ll be able to tell what sex they are.’

‘So where does this animal orgy take place?’

‘On private land. After all, we don’t want to risk giving any late-night dog walkers a coronary.’

‘And you won’t be jealous if I make a move on someone else?’