Urban Fantasy Collection - Vampires (75 page)

The cabinet door creaks open to reveal shelves full of supplies. Score. It's like shopping without paying.

As I paw through empty boxes, my enthusiasm dims. Now it's like shopping in Soviet Russia.

Footsteps trudge up the stairs behind me. “You can have any color pen,” says a languid voice, “as long as it's black.”

I swing the cabinet door aside to see a pale, pudgy blond man approach the other desk. He tears off the top page of the Oscar Wilde calendar and reads today's quote. “Hmph.” Apparently not one of Oscar's funnier bon mots.

“You must be Frank.” I walk over to him as businesslike as I can, considering the sandal-slapping, and extend my hand.

The corners of his mouth turn down, which looks like their natural configuration. “It's Franklin, actually.” He sets down the calendar. “Everyone calls me Frank, even though I don't want them to.”

“I have the same problem.”

He looks at me directly for the first time. “Everyone calls you Frank?”

His delivery is so deadpan, the joke thuds through the floor and into the basement before I remember to laugh.

“I mean, they say my name wrong.”

Frank(lin) scans my resume, which David must have left on the desk. “What's so confusing about ‘Ciara'?”

He says it right:
keer
-ah. We're going to be great friends.

Franklin finally shakes my hand. He's taller and younger than I first thought; the slump threw off my perception. He's about six feet, in his midthirties at most. His clothes are sharp enough—a business-standard dress shirt and gray jacket with a blue-and-black tie—but they lie listlessly on his form, as if he came to inhabit them by accident. Maybe he just needs caffeine.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Sit down.” He gestures to the chair in which I was interviewed last night, then sinks into the seat behind his desk.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Fine, don't sit.” He looks up at me with gray eyes that combine a basic benevolence with a soul-deep ennui. “Ciara, you're here to learn about marketing and sales, and help this station avoid oblivion. You're not here to serve anyone.” His slight drawl pegs him as a local. “You fetch coffee for no one but yourself, you make copies and send faxes for no one but yourself. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“If one of those disc jockeys—” He points to the floor as if they live under the building. “—asks you to so much as loan them a pen, let me know. After you tell them to fuck off, of course.”

I sit in the chair and scoot it closer to Franklin's desk. “So what's their deal? Do they dress like that all the time?”

He leans forward to reply, then clamps his mouth shut. “Did you read the books David gave you?”

“No, I just got them last night.”

Franklin studies my face for a few moments, drumming his fingers slowly on the arm of his chair.

“Hang on.” He gets up, then shuffles down the stairs, managing to look both perturbed and apathetic.

I barely have time to snicker at today's Oscar Wilde quote (
To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable
) before David bounces up the stairs.

“Ciara.” He nearly turns my name into three syllables before covering his mistake with a quick chin scratch. “Have you at least skimmed the materials?”

Right now the books are lying in my hallway where I dumped them last night. “Why is it so important?”

He crosses his arms and shifts his feet. “You need to understand what we are—I mean, who we are, and the challenges we face in today's, er, business climate.” He rubs the side of his neck. “So you can be one of us.”

I'm not one of them. I'm an intern. But I'll agree to anything to make him stop twitching.

“Which book, which page? I'll look it up when I get home tonight.”

“Now.” He nods at my empty desk. “Your computer won't get here until Monday, so go home and start reading. Call me when you find out—when you finish.”

I picture the three-foot stack of text. “Finish all of them?”

“You'll know when.”

Even David's cryptic comments won't make me turn down a paid day at the pool.

I'm halfway out the door when I remember something I wanted to ask him. “David, who does that song, ‘I'll Never Get Out of These Blues Alive'?”

He turns a proud-papa smile on me. “John Lee Hooker. Monroe plays it last thing every night. You like it?”

I shrug. “It's all right.”

David's smirk says he sees through my understatement. “You'll love your job.”

I love my job. I've never been able to say that before, but now, lounging by the pool at my best friend Lori's apartment complex and sipping a peach iced tea, I love my job.

My timer beeps, and I flip onto my stomach and reset it with an extra ten minutes, since my back always tans
more slowly than my front. At least I don't turn red and freckly like most Gaelic girls. My dad once said I have Gypsy blood, but there's no reason why that one statement out of all his others would have been true.

I slide the next book in my stack across the concrete. “The
Encyclopedia of Rock and Roll
?”

“How are you supposed to read an encyclopedia?” Lori asks from the next lounge chair.

“He said to skim.” I thumb the pages as fast as a flip book. “I'm skimming.”

“Ow.” Lori sits up and rubs the back of her neck. “I think I'm getting burned.”

“Slop on more of that SPF 40. You keep forgetting you're Nordic.”

“Finnish.”

“But I've barely started.”

She groans and squirts her squeeze bottle at me. I jerk a corner of my towel to protect the
Encyclopedia
from flying iced tea. “Hey, watch out.”

“Puns make you a legally justifiable target.”

I turn back to the book, but the sun's glare against the white page tightens the corners of my eyes. I lower my face into the darkness of my crossed hands.

To keep myself awake, I ask Lori, “How's the ghost tracking?”

“SPIT's going to help raise funds for the Battle of Sherwood monument. The town officially thinks we're nuts, but they're happy to take our money. Besides, if we find out that Sherwood is haunted, it'll bring in more tourists. Everybody wins.”

“Except the ghosts. Maybe they'd rather be left alone.”

She laughs. “Don't patronize me, Skeptical Girl.” She says it like it's the name of a supervillain.

Despite the constant urge to roll my eyes, I support Lori's obsession with Civil War ghosts—after all, she has to do something with that history degree. Besides, it's kept my best friend in town two years after graduation, here with me and SPIT, the Sherwood Paranormal Investigation Team, who really need a new name.

I remember my encounter in the parking lot last night. It feels silly in the bright afternoon light, but I have to ask. “Let's say there really are ghosts in Sherwood.”

“There really are ghosts in Sherwood.”

“Okay. But what would one feel like?”

Lori shades her eyes at me. “Is this a joke?”

As I tell her about the cold presence, her mouth falls open like her jaw has lost all muscle tone.

“I am so jealous.” She picks up her iced tea as if to fire it at me again. “You don't even believe, and you get an apparitional experience. The most I've ever felt is a tingly elbow, and that turned out to be nerve damage.”

“Come on. There must be an explanation. If you were investigating, what other causes would you rule out?”

She taps the tip of her squeeze bottle against her chin. “With the trees around it, the parking lot might have natural temperature fluctuations, which would explain the cold spot. That whisper could have been the wind in the leaves. And everyone knows radio towers are massive electromagnetic sources. Sounds like a perfect recipe for false creepiness.”

“Good.”

“I could get SPIT to check it out for you.”

“No no. I don't want my boss
to think I'm crazy
.”
I don't want
myself to
think I'm crazy
.

Lori picks up her watch and whimpers. “Time for work.” She stands and folds her towel. It's good she's getting out of the sun—her face is the red of a marathoner who just crossed the finish line. “Stop by the bar later?”

“Definitely. Thanks for the ghostly insights.”

“You
will
belieeeeve.” She hums the
XFiles
theme music as she flip-flops away.

I skim the mega-lopedia's highlighted entries. No unusual facts yet, nothing that clues me in to the grand purpose of Wimp-FM.

My beach bag bulges with unread volumes—two books on the history of radio, one on women in rock 'n' roll, and a battered coffee-table book on American roots music.

The last one has a lump, something stuck inside the front cover, something almost big enough to be a book of its own.

I pull it out, a thick pamphlet. The back is yellowed and contains nothing but the copyright date of 1954. I flip it over.

“Oh, that's cute.”

The title reads, in poorly typeset block letters,
The Truth about Vampires
. It looks like a public service brochure, part of a government-sponsored scaremongering series including titles such as
Marihuana: Stepping-Stone to Despair
and
It's Not Just Big Dandruff: How to Spot Head Lice
.

It contains thirty pages of thin sheets, gathered into short chapters. I lean back on the lounge chair to read it. Not part of David's curriculum, I'm sure, but it'll take me ten minutes, tops.

Yeah yeah, feed on blood, okay, can't go out during the day, yada yada yada, super-seductive, whatever. Sounds like rehashed cliches to me, warmed-over Anne Rice, but hey, I scarf those trendy vampire novels like they were heroin-soaked potato chips, so I'll play along for entertainment's sake.

I page ahead, looking for the big bad “Truth about Vampires.” Given the period, the “truth” probably means Communist infiltration of blood banks. This thing reeks of McCarthyism.

One heading says, “Temporal Adhesions.” Hmm, that's a new phrase. I reach for my iced tea.

Which never gets to my mouth, because all my muscles have frozen. The words reverberate through my head in a documentary-style voiceover.

Vampires become “stuck” in the cultural period in which they died, what they refer to as their “Life Time.” To maintain cognitive comfort, a vampire will continue to dress and speak in the conventions of his or her Life Time. For example, a female vampire from the 1920s will often display “flappers-style clothing and claim that “makin' whoopee” with multiple partners is “copacetic.”

As modern life intrudes on a vampire's carefully constructed reality, he or she may rebel against these feelings of powerlessness. A benign response may take the form of obsessive-compulsive behaviors, which grant the illusion of control.

Every effort should be made to provide the law-abiding vampire with a means to connect simultaneously with the past and present, thus extending their
lives and preventing potentially disastrous unrest. Many vampires of a certain age utilize our network of protective custody homes, where they can “fade” without posing a threat to themselves or others.

Typed in red ink, on a sidebar:

NOTE: Vampires with certain characteristics— including mental instability as a human, extreme youth or old age at the time of “turning,” as well as several unknown factors—are likely to react to their changing world in a violent manner. Since an agent's primary duty is the protection of human life, he should take all precautions, including preemptive action (see Field Manual Chapter Sixteen, “Disposal”).

Huh?

This must be what David wanted me to read. He thinks the DJs are vampires.
They
think they're vampires.

No, nobody's that delusional outside a mental hospital. It must be an act. A joke. A joke without the funny.

I examine the pamphlet again. The paper doesn't just
look
old—it feels brittle and smells musty as an attic. So they used old paper—and a typewriter, since these sheets would disintegrate in a printer or copier.

Why so much trouble just to trick the new girl? Did they put on this farce for the other candidates?

My fist clenches, crumpling the booklet. Maybe there were no other candidates. David called
me
for the interview, not the other way around. Why? Because of my past, he said. But how much can he really know about my past?

And what the fuck does it all have to do with vampires?

Doesn't matter. If it smells like a fish, swims like a fish, quacks like a—well, it's just really damn fishy. We've skipped Code Orange and gone straight to stoplight Red.

I retrieve my cell phone and dial David, whose name and number are neatly printed inside the book's cover.

No answer. Easier that way.

“David, I'm sorry to leave this message on your voice mail, but I've found an employment opportunity elsewhere.” Here's where I should say something nice. “Thank you for your consideration.” Ugh. Try again. “I mean, thanks for the offer. I think it would've been fun.”

I slap the phone shut before my voice reveals my ambivalence. Time to check the want ads again.

On the way out of the pool area, I stuff
The Truth about Vampires
into the trash where it belongs.

The Smoking Pig is filled with the usual Friday night bar crowd—mostly college kids who stuck around town to take summer classes or avoid their parents. The Pig is made out of pieces of old mills, which apparently used to dot the local countryside like spots on a Dalmatian. To add ambience, rusty machinery parts lie wedged in the dark wooden ceiling beams.