After Rheul’s visit, we fell into a comfortable routine. Mostly, we made love, but we also shared time in the library, reading. Sometimes we read aloud, and other times we just enjoyed the quiet of reading to ourselves. I cherished my time with Bastian and hoped it would never end.
That dream came crashing down the next time his stepmother visited.
She brought a beautiful Vaaden woman with her, and I realized the woman hoped to be Bastian’s wife. She stared at me with disdain and I quickly excused myself.
Going to the bedroom seemed like a bad idea. Instead, I sat at the top of the stairs, hidden from view, so that I could listen.
When Bastian reluctantly welcomed them, I felt every muscle in my body tense.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked.
“I brought Danai with me.”
“So I see.”
“She wants to be your wife, Bastian, and I think it would be a good match. As you know, her father also sits on the council. It would be an excellent political move for you.”
I was sure Bastian would refuse, but the silence stretched for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally spoke, I realized that life for me was about to change drastically.
“It
would
be a good alliance.”
My breath froze in my lungs and I became lightheaded.
“Excellent. Shall I inform her family you’re interested?”
“I’d rather get to know her first. I don’t want to jump into anything,” Bastian answered.
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“That seems like a wise decision,” a female voice replied, and I knew it had to be Danai. Even her voice was pleasing, every bit as beautiful as she was.
Fighting back tears, I quietly slipped down the hall to the bedroom, unable to hear another word. My heart was breaking and I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I should have known better than to think he could ever love me. It would have been better if I truly had prepared myself for his marriage.
Once locked safely in the bedroom, I threw myself on the bed and cried. Sobbing until I thought I couldn’t shed one more tear, I finally stripped out of my clothes and got in the shower, hoping the warm water would soothe me. If nothing else, it would muffle the sound of my crying. The last thing I wanted was for Bastian to know how much his upcoming marriage affected me. It was like an arrow piercing my heart.
I realized in that moment that I couldn’t bear to share him. Knowing he was sleeping with both me and his wife would break me. When he came upstairs, I would request that he send me back to the slave quarters. At least then, I wouldn’t have to watch his courtship.
Getting out of the shower, I pulled out the slave garment I had packed, in the event I ever needed it. I slipped it over my head and went to sit on the bed to wait on Bastian.
It was a while later that he finally came to the bedroom. When he did, I could see that my choice of clothing surprised him.
“Enid, why are you wearing that?”
I took a breath to steady my nerves and give me strength. “I think it’s best if I move back to the slave quarters.”
He grew still and studied my face. “You heard.” I nodded and averted my eyes.
“You do realize why I have to consider this marriage, don’t you?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.” He stiffened and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re a slave, Enid. You don’t get to have an opinion on the matter. If I wish to marry, I will.”
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I blanched. He’d never spoken to me that way and I knew it was a sign of bad things to come. He’d just turned into his brother.
* * *
In the end, I won and moved back into the slave quarters. I missed him when he wasn’t around and knew he was with
her
, which made me angry with him when he
was
around.
His brother came to visit every now and then, and I started to welcome his visits.
He never made any advances toward me, just came and talked, and kept me company to keep me from being lonely. We’d formed an awkward friendship of sorts, and I never really understood why he came. I was thankful for his company regardless. Rheul couldn’t replace Bastian, but at least he took my mind off my problems.
“Enid, have you talked to Bastian about how you feel?” he asked one day.
“It won’t do any good. I tried to talk to him before I moved back here.”
“He said you requested the move.”
I looked away. “I couldn’t bear to see him with her. Besides, if he marries, I would have to move back here anyway.”
Rheul sighed and stood, ready to leave. “What if you had visitors?”
“I thought I did.
You’re
here, aren’t you?”
“That isn’t what I meant. What if Valen and Sorcha came to visit?” I looked at him in surprise. “Do you think Bastian would agree to that?”
“What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt any of us,” he mumbled and I realized he was going to defy his brother.
“Why would you do that?”
“I think it would be good for you. Besides, you’re depressed and you’re losing weight.”
I couldn’t deny what he said. Every time I looked in the mirror, I started to see the woman who had come here from the cell. It wasn’t a change I could stop. Only Bastian could make it stop, and it was becoming apparent that wouldn’t happen. I knew
50
it was only a matter of time before he came and gave me the news of his impending marriage.
“If you can bring Sorcha with you, I would appreciate it. Having another woman around would be nice.”
He nodded. “I’ll bring them tomorrow, if Bastian isn’t going to be here.” He walked to the door and was about to open it when I stopped him.
“Rheul…”
He paused and looked at me.
“Thank you.”
He gave me a sad smile and nodded before leaving me alone once more.
The next day, Bastian returned. Unfortunately for him, I was sick. Since I was unable to welcome him into my bed, it wasn’t long before he left again. I had hoped he would stay with me, but I’d known that was unlikely.
Feeling weak and wretched, I wasn’t up for socializing when Rheul arrived with Valen and Sorcha. One look at me, and she shooed the men out of the bedroom and closed the door.
“What’s wrong, Enid?”
“Bastian will be getting married soon.”
“You care for him, don’t you?” she asked softly.
“Yes.”
“He told his brother you were sick. Is there anything I can do to help?” I gave her a tortured look. I’d rather die by my own hand than be executed, or passed on to the harem. Just one problem -- there wasn’t a way for me to do it. “Help me end it if he gets married.”
Her eyes went wide and she paled. “Enid, I can’t do that!”
“Please, Sorcha.” Tears gathered in my eyes. “I can’t stand to share him, and if he gets rid of me I’ll die anyway.”
She swallowed hard and looked away. “It isn’t an easy thing you ask of me.”
“I know, and I hate to put you in this position. I wouldn’t if I had another option.”
“Are you sure you can’t share him?”
“Could you share Valen?”
“No.”
Her answer was instant and I realized she loved him.
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“Then you understand. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him, Sorcha. Please help me.”
“What if he gave you to someone else? Someone gentle and caring?”
“You know I can’t stand to be touched. It took a while for me to get used to Bastian. No one else would be that patient with me.” She frowned. “If he was so patient and caring, why is he doing this now?”
“Politics. He’s part of the council and so is his wife-to-be’s father.” Sorcha shook her head and sighed. “Men!”
I gave her a half-hearted laugh.
“I don’t agree with what you’re going to do, but I’ll see if I can help you in some way.” She bit her lip. “Maybe Valen could claim you with the understanding that he would never touch you?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Are you sure about this, Enid? It’s irreversible.”
“I know, and yes, I’m sure.”
She stood and walked to the door. “I’ll come visit you again tomorrow.”
“Make sure Bastian isn’t here first. His brother will know.” She nodded and left the room. A moment later, I heard the door close to my quarters. I thought I was alone until I saw Rheul enter the room.
“Sorcha told me what you plan. Don’t do it, Enid.”
“I don’t have a choice. You know about my problem.” He shook his head. “I can’t stop you, but know that Bastian isn’t doing this to hurt you.”
“I know that,” I said softly. “But it doesn’t change the fact that he’ll marry.”
“He could still keep you.”
“I don’t want him to.”
He looked surprised and eventually left. Once more alone, I curled up on the bed and cried. I did a lot of that over the next few days. I don’t know why it took her so
53
long, but it was nearly a week later that Sorcha returned. I hadn’t seen Bastian in all that time.
* * *
“Here,” she said, handing me a bottle of pills.
“Where did you get these?” I asked, noting they were pain pills from somewhere in California.
“Valen has access to stuff from Earth. Somehow these were picked up.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Enid, I want you to reconsider. I talked to Valen and he said he would help in any way that he could.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it won’t change the facts, Sorcha.”
“I refuse to stand around and watch you do this to yourself.”
“Then you should leave.”
She reached out and touched my hand. I was thankful for what she’d done for me, but I would follow through with my decision.
After she and Valen left, I swallowed the whole bottle of pills and lay down on the bed. It wasn’t long before I felt myself drifting. I heard a door open and close, heard Bastian calling my name, but it sounded like he was far away. With my eyes closed, I prepared myself for the end.
I woke up and frowned. Why was I awake? Shouldn’t I be dead now? Had I failed at even that?
“You’re awake,” Bastian said in a relieved voice. “The physician wasn’t sure you would make it.”
“Why?”
“I should be asking you that question. Why did you do it, Enid? And how did you get the pills?” he asked holding the empty bottle in his hand.
I refused to answer. I wouldn’t get Sorcha in trouble for helping me, no matter what he said or did.
“Answer me, damn it!”
“I can’t live like this anymore, Bastian. I just wanted it to be over.”
“Live like what?”
“I can’t share you with a wife, and I can’t be passed off to someone else.
Eventually I would have died anyway. You should have let me end it now, on my own terms.”
He became angry with me. “Is being with me so horrible?”
“No,” I answered softly. “Being with you is wonderful. It’s the times you aren’t here that I can’t stand, knowing that you’re with Danai. And eventually you’ll be sleeping with both of us, and I can’t do that.”
“You sound jealous.”
“Not jealous. Broken.”
“How can you be broken? You’d have to care for me for that to happen,” he retorted.
55
“I do.” My eyes met his and I realized I needed to tell him the truth. “I love you, Bastian. That’s why I can’t live this way any longer. I had hoped you would understand that.”
He moved away from me and I could tell I had surprised him with my words. “I don’t know what to say, Enid.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” I whispered, knowing he wouldn’t repeat the words to me.
“I need some time to think.”
He could take all the time he wanted, it wouldn’t change anything -- not unless he gave up the idea of marrying Danai. Only then would things be different between us. With his political aspirations, I knew that wasn’t likely.
As he walked out, I rolled over and curled up, completely miserable.
* * *
The next morning I was sick to my stomach and barely made it to the bathroom before I vomited. I figured it was the pills still working their way out of my system.
When my stomach had settled, I ate something small, hoping I could keep it down.
I took a shower, feeling horrible. My stomach still felt queasy so I lay down with a book, thinking that I would lose myself in someone else’s life for a little while. It worked, until Rheul came to visit.
I no longer shrank from him when he stood by the bed, now comfortable with his presence. He looked anxious about something so I put my book down. “What is it?”
“Bastian told me what happened.”
I bit my lip, waiting on a lecture. I’d discovered he was good at them.
“I won’t ask why you did it. It’s obvious you’re in love with him.” To say his comment surprised me was an understatement. “Is it that obvious?”
“To everyone but Bastian.”
“I told him. When he was here yesterday, I told him how I felt and why I’d tried to kill myself.”
“How did he take it?”
56
“He said he needed some time and he left.”
Rheul snorted. “The man’s an idiot.”
I found myself smiling, but a moment later the familiar rolling sensation of my stomach told me I’d better get out of bed, and quick. I rushed to the bathroom, and was sick again. It took too much effort to go back to the bedroom so I curled up on the floor for a minute. It was best if I made sure my stomach wouldn’t revolt again anyway.
“Enid, I came by because I had something I wanted to ask you.”
“What?” I said softly, still feeling nauseated.
“I want you to consider becoming my slave.” Was he kidding? “You have to be crazy. Were you hit on the head on your way over?” I asked in a half-hearted attempt at sarcasm. It had never been my forte, but it seemed to suit the current situation.
“I’m serious, Enid.”
“If I can’t share Bastian, do you honestly expect me to share someone else?
Besides, you know how I am with men.”
“But you seem to be okay with me.”
“You don’t touch me, and I know you aren’t trying to crawl between the sheets with me.”
“What if we tried it?”
Now I knew he was crazy. I would have laughed, but my stomach chose that moment to rebel again. When I was done, Rheul cleaned my face with a cool cloth and lifted me into his arms. I stiffened for a minute, but forced myself to relax. Too worn out to protest, I let him carry me to the bed and lay me down. He was gentle and I was surprised.
“Enid, are you pregnant?”
My eyes widened and I stared at him in shock. Is that why I was so sick? I remembered being sick before swallowing the pills and my hand went to my stomach.
If I was pregnant, had I hurt the baby? And would it change things with Bastian? I did a mental calculation and realized I’d missed my period by two weeks.
57
“You are, aren’t you?”
“I think I might be.”
“Bastian won’t like this.”
I looked up at him. “Why not?”
“Because it will complicate things with Danai.”
“What will he do?” I wasn’t sure I really wanted to hear the answer, but I needed to.
“I don’t know, Enid, but I think you need to seriously consider my offer.”
“It won’t matter if he won’t let me go.”
He brushed my hair back from my face. “I promise I won’t touch you intimately until you’re ready, if that makes a difference.”
“I appreciate that, Rheul, but I need to think it over. Bastian needs to know about the baby. I have to give him a chance to make things right.” He sighed. “Enid, you’re a slave. Do you know what that means?”
“That I have no rights,” I whispered.
“Exactly.” He looked down at me with compassion. “Let me talk to Bastian.”
“All right.” I didn’t really want to concede to him, but I had no choice. I had to do what was right for my baby, and for me. I had someone else to think about now.
* * *
Bastian came to my quarters a few hours later, a thunderous look on his face.
“Why is my brother asking to claim you? Have you done something I need to know about, Enid?”
“No. We haven’t been intimate if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Why else would he ask to have you?”
It hurt that he thought I was only good for sex. “Because he wants to protect me.
Just like you once did.”
He flinched and looked away. “I still want to protect you, which is why I think you should stay with me instead of going to Rheul. He’ll end up hurting you.”
“You already have,” I replied softly, my voice almost a whisper.
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He turned to look at me again and seemed to be deep in thought. “Is that really what you want?”
“I think it’s the best thing for me right now.” He paced the room a moment before facing me again. “If that’s what you want, I’ll give him permission to claim you. But you’ll have to move. These quarters are reserved for my slave, and you won’t be that woman any longer.” I blanched at the thought that he could replace me so easily, but nodded. There was no turning back now. I’d made my decision and I would have to live with it.
Maybe Rheul would at least wait a while to get married, and he’d already promised to wait until I was ready before he was intimate with me. I couldn’t ask for more than that.