Vagabond (24 page)

“I have a few sisters. Some are biological, some are situational, but my favorite is Claire.” Celeste grinned. “We do our own thing though. She’s like the wind, that girl. I can never keep her in my grasps, even when I want her to stick it out with me.”
 

“She could leave you like that?”

She leaned on the wall of the boxcar. “Awe. Honey. You can’t leave someone who’s always with you.”
 

I tried to pretend I understood, but I didn’t. Sometimes I didn’t know if I was giving too much away by asking the questions I did. Was I making it too obvious I wasn’t a Track-girl by asking Celeste to explain the Ways to me in plain English? But she never faulted me for it. She knew I needed to learn, and she was patient about it.
 

“Well, there’s this belief that the people you meet out here are like pieces to a puzzle. If you wrap yourself up in only one person, then you never get to see what the entire puzzle creates. You’re just obsessed with this one piece. It’s healthy to move on and connect with the other pieces. Claire and I are both like that. We want to encounter every piece so we can see it all. That way, when we reconnect, we have stories to trade. We barter each other tale for tale before we bounce off each other again, like beans being shaken up in a jar. But no matter what happens, we both know that the people you love are always with you, even if they are some place else.”
 

“What’s going on?” I asked.
 

“We are drawing out a train. It’ll see our fire, and as intel has it, there’s ammunition on it. It’s supposed to be here around midnight, and according to the physics and projected speed of the train, it’ll come to a full stop just up there where the forest begins.” He pointed to the right. “We have Rebel units in the trees, and we plan to take it out once it stops. Care to join in?”

“No.”
 

The answer surprised him. “Oh. Well…” I couldn’t see his eyes clear enough, but I knew there was a sliver of hurt behind them. That ‘No’ meant more than two letters. It meant I wasn’t planning on staying with him just when he thought he found me again. I didn’t have reasons or words to explain why I couldn’t stay and fight, but then again, I didn’t need them. I wasn’t a fighter, and even if I was, I still wasn’t sure I agreed with the Rebels. Polo tried to explain though. “What they did to Mari and— what they did needs to be stopped, okay?”

“Okay.”
 

“I can’t just drift idly by while they chase us down like dogs.”
 

“I’m not asking you to.”
 
I wanted him to be safe. I wanted him to come with me. But I knew he wouldn’t, so I wouldn’t ask.
 

He pulled me into a hug and nuzzled his nose in my hair just above my ear. For all the times I’d dreamed of having a little brother, I finally discovered what it felt like to be hugged by one. “I don’t know if I like that answer or not. Part of me wants you to beg me to come with you… I’ve thought of you a lot. I’ve asked about you whenever I’d play Roll Call, and nothing. Now that you’re here, I don’t want you to disappear again, but if you have to go, I’m thankful you aren’t asking me to come with you. I’m not sure I could say no to you if you asked,” he whispered.
 

“And that’s why I won’t. It seems like you belong here… with them. But if this is going down, I have to bounce… soon.”
 

“I don’t like that idea, but I get it.” He released me from the hug and stepped back. He kept his hand in mine and continued talking as we walked back towards the fire. “This Flea dude? Do you need help with him?”

I shook my head and looked at the fire. It was a bright dot in the dark, and we still had a little time together. “He’s okay. Just a nuisance. I can deal with him later, but if what you’re planning is about to happen, I should probably get him out of your hair.”

“You sure? Do I need to be worried?”

I shook my head. I was sure. I couldn’t leave a Republic spy in the midst of a Rebel attack, nor could I just turn over Ono’s secret. How I felt about Ono was so complicated. I hated to admit I was relieved when he stepped out of the stalks. I had been so determined to leave him behind earlier that I didn’t think of what I’d do if I changed my mind and had more questions for him. And I had questions. Trillions of them. I just didn’t know if I could handle any more answers…
 

“Okay. You may want to stick to the woods and travel parallel for a few days. I hate to break it to you, but you’ll have trouble hitching a ride to the next yard. What we’re about to do will stop up the tracks like a clogged artery.” He was all business as we neared the fire. He told me where to go, how to get there, and tips for staying out of the way.
 

“Actually, we should be able to cut south right here. We are going to the lake by the 88
^th
anyways.”
 

“Oh.”
 

“I wanted to say goodbye to you,” I looked at the ground and toed up some dirt.

“Well that’s just rich, huh?”
 

“From dead to safe and sound.”
 

“Safe is a relative word,” Polo replied. “Say a little goodbye to Mari for me?”
 

“Of course,” I promised as we neared the fire.
 

Gilbert heard the end of our conversation as we neared and moaned audibly. “Awe. Don’t tell me you scared her off already! Give him a chance, love. Was he really that bad of a kisser?”
 

“Shut it Red!“ Mal and Garret said in unison, mocking Polo’s quick speech.
 

In that moment, I could see Polo was in good hands. He had lost so much, but he found a new family in these guys. Something bigger and stronger tied them together, and even if Polo had wanted to come with me, he never would have been able to do it with a clear conscious. This was his family now.
 

“Yea, it was pretty sloppy,” I said. “In all fairness, he said Grizzle gave him pointers. For future reference dude, the mouth is here… not here.” I pointed to my mouth then my eyeball. The joke was clear and bright and right, and only made the three of them howl louder.
 

“Polo’s been staring at you,” Mari whispered. She rubbed her shirt against the stones, scrubbed out the dirt, beat it against the rocks, and twisted the water out.
 

“No he’s not.”
 

She laughed. “I know my baby brother. He doesn’t stare at many girls. He’s staring at you, but keep telling yourself he isn’t.”
 

“Is he always so… so—“

“Intense?”

“Ha. Yes. Intense?”
 

“Only when it comes to things he cares about. That’s his problem. He cares too much, and too much loyalty only gets him into trouble. He wants to fix the world. Wants to fall in love. Wants to settle down and never run again.”
 

“Why doesn’t he become a Stationary?”

Mari frowned. “You know they don’t exist, right? After everything you’ve seen, have you ever come across a Stationary? I mean, the only way to survive this type of life is to always be moving. Moving on from places. From people. From everything. There is only here and now.”
 

“I was a Stationary.” I held onto the lie like a life vest. In a way, it was close to the truth. I grew up in the same house on the same street in the same Colony. I’d never left its boundaries, not even on field-trips, until the soldiers came and took it all from me.
 

“Awe, hon. Hold onto those lies and share them with others if you must. You and I both know where you’re truly from.”
 

“Hand it over,” Polo demanded. Gilbert grumbled and released the jerky.
 

“Come on, M.P. Not the jerky.”
 

I tried to intervene. “You’ve given too much already. Let him keep it.”
 

Polo shook his head. “We’re getting more, okay. We can spare you what we can. It’s the least we can do.”
 

Polo explained to the others that I could not partake in the “festivities,” and since they were leaving me up a creek without a paddle, they should hand over some food for my extended journey. Although he said it all in code so that even I was unsure of the orders he gave. It was like he was speaking English, but not. It didn’t amaze me that the others listened to him so readily, like he was in a position of authority. He couldn’t help it. People loved Polo’s charisma, and out of this love, they naturally followed his lead.
 

 
The food pocket on my pack was full. They even shared with Ono, who hadn’t said much since I’d returned. I couldn’t read his face, and I didn’t know if I wanted to.
 

“I’m sorry I can’t stay. You guys seem like a real party.” I laughed. It was strange how fast laughter came after tears. My face even felt less puffy than the hour before. In just the span of sixty minutes, Polo and his crew managed to lighten the dark. The fact that he was alive was enough to lift even the droopiest of spirits. He was my very own god in the machine, and I smiled a sad smile as I remembered Randolf.
 

“You can always join the—“

“Shut it, Red,” Polo ordered.
 

Ono looked back and forth between every word and shouldered his pack.
 

“You can still stay, though. He’s right.” Polo grinned.
 

I shook my head. “Why trade one pair of chains for another? I’m already free.”
 

“People think they’re so clever when they speak of their freedom, but they wear their chains just like the rest of us,” Garret said. I tried to ignore his jab. He didn’t know me, and he didn’t have a right to judge.
 

Polo reached into his bag and pulled out one more thing. He placed it in my hands and grinned. “The headlamp!”
 

We didn’t know the others well enough to leave our packs unattended. “It’s the fastest way to lose your pack with new acquaintances,” Xavi whispered. “Either everyone goes, or at least one person from each party stays behind and guards the packs.” He looked at Goldie and Oldie and Mari, who were sending Polo in to gather food for them.
 

“I’m not strong enough to take them on,” I reminded him. If I stayed behind, it’d be three on one. “I’ll go into the Colony with Polo.”

“Niko, I don’t like it.”
 

“You don’t have to. I can do this. Trust me.”
 

But he didn’t. I could see it in his eyes.
 

I left him steeping. He was deciding between loosing me or the packs. I walked away before he could make the wrong decision, and Polo made up some easy conversation to fill in our walk. I’d forgotten what it felt like to laugh until my sides split open, and I had to ask him to stop so that the cramp in my gut could die down.
 

Then he asked,“Want a challenge?”
 

“A challenge?”
 

“I need a headlamp. Want to help me steal one?”
 

 
The Republic was good about locking up certain items that had to do with survival in the wild since Vagabonds so desperately needed them. It was risky to steal one, but Polo promised he had a plan. He explained it so perfectly that I could actually see it happen in my head. “I’m in,” I said.
 

We split up before we got to the Colony, and I went straight to the Outdoor Supply store. I moseyed along until I stumbled on the headlamp counter where an old clerk peered at me through his bushy brows and smiled. “We’re running a ten percent off special. Are you interested in camping?”

“My brother and I are going on our first backpacking trip!”

“Oh. Exciting! I just love that the Republic makes it so easy for people to get out and enjoy nature.” He beamed and showed his square teeth that lined his lips. “What a great initiative to get youngsters to appreciate what they have in the world.
 
You’ll like what we have in store…” He pointed to several makes and models, as if I cared about this feature or that feature. He pulled each one out and set them on the counter as he spoke.
 

“Can I see that one?”
 

The clerk grinned, pulled out the headlamp I’d pointed to, and laid it on the counter with all the others. I wished I could scoop them all up. I missed light. I missed being able to control it. The clerk pointed to the newest addition. “I like this one best. Notice the streamlined design. The smaller bulb display. It’s less bulky if you plan on an approved backpacking trip.”
 

I smiled. Approved. If the old man only knew.
 

I picked it up and turned it around in my hands as if to examine it closely. “Hmmm,” I mumbled and set it down near the edge of the counter. “And that one?” I pointed to another. As the clerk bent down to pull it out, Polo crashed into me.
 

“I’m so sorry,” he gasped. As he bounced back off me, his hand reached in and swiped one of the lamps.
 

“Do you not have eyes!” I yelled. “There’s, like, NO one else in this aisle.”
 

“Ma’am,” the clerk cautioned at my tone, and his gray eyebrows narrowed over green eyes. “The gentleman obviously didn’t mean to—“

“Stomp on my feet? Do I have a target painted on my back?”
 

Polo put his hands up and gave the clerk a knowing nod. “I’m really sorry. I hope you have a better day,” he said before backing away.
 

“You saw that, right? You saw that?” I pleaded with the clerk.
 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”
 

I frowned and huffed, annoyed that the man wouldn’t take my side on the issue. “I’m going to go home and ask Mama a bit more about these. I’ll explain the features and pricing, and I might be back in a day or so to buy one.”