Vanished (The Saved Series, A Military Romance) (9 page)

The drive home
went by in virtual silence. Eric kept his eyes forward, staring straight ahead, not seeing anything. He sat in a thick haze, filled with such despair that he had to dig deep to keep it together. When Terri parked in front of his house, Eric leaned his arm against the door and turned to her. “I feel like I should apologize for something,” he said.

Terri looked at him with such understanding and sympathy
that he had to look away. Eric pulled the handle of the door, and he noticed Joe step out of his house and head straight toward them. He must have been watching out the window. Terri shut off her engine. “You have nothing to apologize for, nothing at all,” she said.

“So what happens now?”
he asked, feeling as if his chest had been hollowed out.

“The file is closed. I’m sorry
, Eric, but at least you know where she is.” Terri reached out and touched his arm. “I think we also have a pretty good idea that she blacked out. You may want to talk to her doctor about it, but I’ve heard of it happening with PTSD victims. At least your children are okay.”

Eric shut his eyes
, because even though Abby remembered nothing, if she had done that to the living room, what could she have done to the kids? He felt cold and conflicted, and he said, “I’ve lost her, haven’t I?” It was his deepest fear, which he hadn’t been able to admit until now. When he looked over at Terri, she had a grim look on her face. “Don’t answer that,” he added.

“Do you want me to come in
, to explain to your friends?” she asked.

She was being so kind
, and that was the one thing he couldn’t handle right now. He wanted to hit something, for someone to hit him, anything to make this pain real and tangible. Joe was at his door and pulled it open the rest of the way.

Eric stepped out and leaned
back in. “No,” he said. “Terri? Thank you.”

She inclined
her head, and Eric shut the door. He jammed his hands in his coat pockets as he listened to the engine start up. Joe waved as she pulled away, and Eric watched as the exhaust streamed in a hazy mist in the cold.

“How did it go
? Any leads?” Joe asked.

Eric
swallowed. He didn’t have a clue where to start and what to say, and he wondered if Joe had any idea of what he had been through today. Of course not. He’d shared nothing, had never called him, so Joe must have assumed it had been just like any other day. Eric hesitated. His throat had started to tighten again with all the emotions he’d been holding on to for so long.

“Hey
, do you want to go inside and talk? Mary-Margaret is just getting dinner out. I think she’s already set a plate for you.” Joe waited, and maybe he was at a loss what to do. He set his hand on Eric’s shoulder when he didn’t move. “Shit, Eric, one of these days, there’s going to be a lead. She couldn’t have vanished just like that without anyone seeing anything. I don’t know what to say. What about Terri? Does she have anything else, any other ideas? What’s her plan?”

Eric wasn’t really listening
. He turned, gazed right at Joe, and said, “I found her.”

Joe’s expression went from excitement to
shock to worry. “I don’t understand. If you found her, where is she?” At his silence, Joe growled, “Eric…”

Of course he was thinking
about the worst-case scenario. Eric was barely holding it together.

“Did something happen to her? Eric
, come on.” He squeezed Eric’s shoulder, and Eric had to blink and look away before his friend saw all the unshed tears misting his eyes. Today had cracked open his wounds, and he’d spent the hour since walking away from Abby trying to shove it all back in, zip it up, and put it away for good. His children needed him, and, for the life of him, he needed to figure out what to do.

“Hey
, you two, are you coming in?” Mary-Margaret called. She was on the doorstep, holding his son, but she wasn’t his mother. A baby should be in his mother’s arms, feeling safe and protected. Well, at least Charlie wouldn’t remember the hurt and have to deal with the fact that his mother couldn’t hold it together and had walked away from him. Out of nowhere, Eric wondered if he’d ever be able to understand why his own mother had abandoned him.

“My kids, I need to figure out what to do with them
,” he said. He glanced at Joe and saw the tears in his eyes, and he realized then how he’d misunderstood him. He had to clear his throat to talk. “She walked out, Joe. She’s living in some shithole. She’s not coming back.”

Eric couldn’t handle the shocked look on Joe’s face
, so he started walking toward Mary-Margaret, who was now frowning as she glanced from Eric to Joe and then asked, “What’s wrong?” She looked over her shoulder to the kids and the commotion coming from inside the house.

Eric reached for Charlie
, who seemed quietly content in Mary-Margaret’s arms. He couldn’t look at her as he scooped him up. Charlie fussed a bit, but Eric needed him to know that he’d never abandon him. “Where’s Rachel?” he asked.

Mary-Margaret appeared worried
. Smart lady, she knew something was wrong. She looked to her husband, who said something in a low voice as Eric stepped into the house. He couldn’t make it out and didn’t want to make it out. He was done for now. He wanted to go home, hide out with his kids, but when he glimpsed Rachel in the kitchen, being carried around by Taylor, chewing on a carrot, he knew she needed to stay and eat. He hadn’t gone to the store, he had a house that was a mess, and his child needed to eat.

However, t
he last thing Eric wanted to do was sit around a table, making polite conversation or small talk. He needed to mope and brood, to lick his wounds in private with no one around to watch him and no one to ask him questions he didn’t have answers for himself.

Going home
after dinner was exactly what didn’t happen. Mary-Margaret wouldn’t even hear him when he said they were leaving and he was taking the kids home. In fact, she had her kids take Rachel and Charlie and clean them up, and afterward, she fed Charlie his bottle and tucked him in her bedroom in a playpen she’d set up in the corner.

“Look
, I appreciate all you’ve done, but we need to go,” Eric said again as Mary-Margaret clapped her hands and shooed the kids running down the hall back to their bedrooms. She followed them, and Eric could hear her taking charge, getting them settled.

“Eric
, we want to know everything that happened. Just stay for a bit, please,” Joe said as Mary-Margaret strode in and sat on the sofa beside him. He set his arm around her, pulling her closer, and that movement sent a wave of longing through Eric as he remembered all the times he’d pulled Abby to him, loved her, and held her.

He sighed as he sank into the blue easy chair across from them. Their eyes were glued to him as he rubbed his chin, thinking and not having
a clue where to start. Why couldn’t they leave him alone?

“Eric, Joe said you found Abby
,” Mary-Margaret said, lowering her voice so the kids couldn’t hear.

Eric rubbed his head roughly
, feeling the way his hair was a little too long. Tomorrow, he’d pull out his clippers. “Yeah, we found her. She’s in South Norfolk and has a place, a job as a waitress.” He hoped that was all he would have to say, but the shocked expressions on his friends’ faces and the way Joe was struggling to find answers as he worked his mouth had Eric wanting to get up and storm out the door. Mary-Margaret gasped and slid her hand over her mouth as she glanced over at Joe.

“I don’t understand
, Eric. What happened? The living room, the mess it was in, what did she do, just walk out?” Joe said.

Eric
let out a sound of irritation, or maybe it was frustration, but it didn’t help at all. He clasped his hands between his knees and squeezed, hoping the pressure would help focus his thoughts. He glanced toward the door, wishing he could leave without saying another word.

Mary-Margaret
, for the first time ever, was quiet and watching him.

“She walked out
,” Eric said. “She says she was having nightmares, thought she saw Hossein. She doesn’t remember everything that happened and was just walking. She said someone helped her. I spoke with a nun who found her and set her up in a women’s shelter. She’s seen some shrink, and they’re saying she has PTSD. I think they blame me for not seeing it. Hell, I blame me. I should have known something was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me.”

“Why didn’t she call you, tell
someone?” Joe barked. Mary-Margaret was still watching him. She firmed her lips and then pulled away from Joe, getting up to go into the kitchen. He could hear her opening cupboards and then the fridge, then running water in the sink.

Joe glanced toward the kitchen
, appearing confused. He shook his head as if dealing with Mary-Margaret was something he wasn’t up to doing right now.

“I asked her, I demanded. She just cried.
” Eric gestured helplessly with his hands. “I don’t understand her.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. What I do know is I have two kids who need me, and Abby isn’t prepared to be a mother.”

“PTSD
? I never saw it, Eric. Is she getting help?” Joe asked.

“She’s seeing some doctor who volunteered at the shelter
, and… I don’t know, Joe. I left when she refused to come home. I may feel differently tomorrow or the next day, but right now, I need to look after my kids, figure out what to do with them.” Eric wiped his hands over his eyes and stood up.

“
Eric, you may not want to hear this, but maybe it’s best she stays away. She needs to get herself together. You can’t take a chance on something happening while you’re gone. We can only do so much from next door.” He slid another glance toward the kitchen and then lowered his voice. “Mary-Margaret blames herself for the night Abby disappeared. She thinks she should have done more to be there, to stay the night, but our kids needed their mom, and Abby, she insisted. Mary-Margaret says she ignored her instincts that something was wrong, that Abby was holding back almost to get her out of there. I knew there were hurt feelings, but that couldn’t be helped.”

“It wasn’t her fault
, Joe.” Eric was about to say it was his when he heard Mary-Margaret walk behind him. He turned and took in her sadness.

“It wasn’t your fault
, either, Eric,” she said. “Even if we keep telling ourselves so over and over, making ourselves believe it isn’t our fault, it’s just not that easy. I blame myself for not seeing it. You knew something was wrong. After all, remember when you talked to me after she had the baby, and I brushed it off? I’ve always dealt with things, so I didn’t really understand, and I was furious with Abby. What she went through… I don’t know everything. She never talked about it, and Joe never shared details if he knew them. I probably need a day or two to absorb this. She should have said something, you’re right, but I don’t know what went through her head. I’m at a loss, and at the same time I’m so furious and scared for Abby, and I’m terrified for those children. Abby needs help, but your children need to be safe.” She took a deep, shaky breath, and then she hugged Eric. When she pulled away, she was wiping her eyes. “Are you taking your kids now, or are you leaving them for the night?” she asked.

Eric studied his
friend’s wife for a moment. She seemed to understand so clearly how he was struggling, as if she shared the same conflicted thoughts. “I’m taking my children home,” he said.

Eric had just set Charlie in his baby swing and wound it up,
and Rachel had pulled out all her dolls and blankets and was busy arranging a tea party for them. Eric was dressed, showered, shaved, and determined to achieve some order and direction in his life. He’d had an early meeting with the admiral, and it was decided he wouldn’t be going back to the aircraft carrier. Actually, the admiral had informed him at seven this morning, his children had to come first. Commander Haycock had taken the posting, but in sixty-three days, after Christmas, Eric was to report back to his post on the Larsen, and he needed to have his children looked after before he left. This was another warning from the admiral.

He
was reaching for the phone when there was a knock at the door. With a glance to his children, he opened it and was surprised to see Terri, standing on the stoop in a purple coat, her long, dark hair brushed back.

“Hi, what are you doing here
?” Eric asked. He stepped back, gesturing. “Come on in. It’s cold out there.”

“Thank you,”
she said as she stepped inside and smiled brightly at his children. “Hey there, Miss Rachel. What are you doing?”

Rachel chirped back in baby babble about her dolly and held up a plastic cup.

“Ah, very pretty dolly,” Terri said. She glanced up at Eric, and he couldn’t help noticing how her face lit up when she smiled. She ran her hand down Rachel’s back. “I wanted to stop in and see how you are. I hope you don’t mind that I showed up without calling?”

“No
, not at all. I’d offer you some coffee, but I ran out this morning.”

Terri sat on the sofa and let Rachel set her
dolls in her lap. She was so good with his daughter. “No, it’s a little late in the day for coffee, so…” She started and then stopped, offering an awkward smile.

He crossed his arms and watched
, glancing over at his son, whose eyes fluttered as the swing rocked back and forth. “I’m getting organized, making plans,” he said. “I have to deploy soon.”

Rachel looked up at him when he said it
, and he was sure she understood everything. Maybe Terri saw, too, as she picked up Rachel and cuddled her in her lap. “So what are you going to do?” She glanced over at the baby and down at Rachel. The woman was sharp as a tack, he had to give her that.

“Do want to stay for dinner?”
he asked.

“Are you cooking?”
She smiled.

“
Actually, I meant to go to the store earlier and ran out of time. How about takeout?”

Terri
cuddled Rachel in her lap, and it was the first time he’d seen his daughter really smile since Abby disappeared. “How about you go to the store, and I’ll stay here with the kids?” She slid off her coat while keeping Rachel on her lap.

“You sure?”
he asked, seeing how comfortable she was with them.

“You have great kids. Besides
, I’m getting hungry.” She tickled Rachel, who giggled, showing off her white baby teeth.

“Okay
, thanks. I hate having to bother Mary-Margaret all the time.” Eric slipped on his dark coat, grabbed his keys, and took in that Charlie was now sleeping. Terri’s eyes went right to him, and she got up and set Rachel down on the sofa.

“I got him
,” she said. As she did, she lifted him out of the swing like a woman comfortable with babies.

“Won’t be long
. Steak work for you?” he asked, his hand on the knob.

“Steak is great.”

Then he left, stopping at the dark green Explorer in his driveway. He looked back through the living room window, where he watched Terri sit in the easy chair with his son. Rachel crawled into her lap, and this time Terri hugged her.