Miss Shrieve,
Helene
—Addison’s coach.
It wasn’t hard to track her down. In fact, I usually avoided the lounge because she was in there, but today I needed something, and she could give it to me.
Jesus
, when did I become such an asshole? Avoiding a woman until I decided to use her? It was so unlike me, but ever since laying eyes on Addison, nothing I’d done made any fucking sense.
I wiped my hands on my pants and took a step into the restricted area. All around me stood my fellow co-workers—some my age, some significantly older. As I walked into our designated “adult” space, I found myself forcing a smile.
This was ridiculous. I’d never lacked confidence or been one to feel uneasy, but now, due to my own reckless actions, I found myself faking it with everyone around me. Lying and hiding behind a careful facade and a nod of my head.
“Hey there, Grayson.”
Rodney Fowler. He was one of the English teachers here. He was about late thirties I’d guess and dressed more like he was in his late fifties. He held his hand out, so I took it in a firm handshake and greeted the man.
“Hey, Rodney. How’s it going?”
“Good, man. Haven’t seen you in here before. How’s your morning so far?”
When he released his grip, I looked around the room and spotted Helene sitting down at one of the tables, her blond hair pulled back in its usual ponytail.
“So far, so good. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
Except for me wanting to fuck one of my students against the stacks in the library. Oh, and that would be the same student I fucked yesterday afternoon at my house.
“Well, that’s great. You let me know if you need anything. Those seniors can be a handful at times, especially for a newbie like yourself.”
Outwardly agreeing, I gestured in the direction of the fridge.
“I’m just going to get my lunch and try to relax a little, you know?”
“Sure, sure. Have a good day.”
Wishing him the same, I made my way past a few more staff members. I waved, nodded, and smiled—all fake, all contrived, as I got closer to my goal—
Helene
.
Stopping behind the empty seat opposite her, I waited until she looked up at me and then gave her a smile. When her eyes twinkled with pleasure, I hated myself for not feeling one damn thing.
“Well, hello. This is a nice surprise.”
I pulled the chair out and sat down, doing my best to make her feel what I wanted her to—
attraction
. Yes, it was official. I was an asshole.
“Is it?” I teased a little.
“Yes,” she said, smiling as she sat back. “You never eat in here with the rest of us.”
“I like my downtime, that’s all.”
“
Ahh
, the quiet before the storm.”
Unable to help myself, I found the smile on my mouth was finally…genuine. “Yes. Something like that.”
“So mysterious, Mr. McKendrick,” she flirted. “What do you do in your downtime that is such a secret you can’t do it with the rest of us?”
The image that came to mind was Addison on her hands and knees in front of my living room mirror—naked and waiting as I moved behind her, inside her, out of control.
“Oh, you know. The usual.”
Helene winked. “Well, normal for some isn’t so normal for others.”
No shit.
“But I’m glad you’re here. For whatever reason it may be.”
“About that…”
“Yes?”
“I’m actually here to pick your brain about one of my students.”
Sitting on the table in front of her was a shiny red apple, and I had to wonder at the symbolism.
“Oh? Okay, let me see if I can help.”
Now...how to ask? How do I ask without sounding like anything other than a concerned teacher? Which was all I was as far as Helene knew.
“It’s about Addison Lancaster.”
Just saying her name had my mind chanting—
guilty, guilty, guilty.
Helene picked up the apple and took a bite. As her teeth sank into the crisp skin, I thought for the millionth time—
What the fuck am I doing?
Was I really willing to throw my whole life away for…
“Addison. She is...
unique
.”
Yes, she was, and right then I had my answer. I
was
willing to do anything to know more about this girl who’d shaken my foundation.
I was changing. I was risking everything, and I needed to know why.
Why was I so—bewitched?
As the flirtation in her eyes disappeared, Helene’s voice lowered and in its place was sympathy. Sympathy and pity.
“Let’s walk,” she suggested and pushed back from the table.
My lunch in the fridge was forgotten as I followed her out into the hall.
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard anything about what happened before now.”
I was trying to act ignorant, but in the back of my mind, all I could see was the cemetery, and all I could hear were Addison’s words—
I killed him
.
I couldn’t erase the way she’d referred to all of
them,
as if I wasn’t a part of whatever happened to her back then.
Is that why she acted the way she did with me? Because I hadn’t been there?
I needed to know what happened.
I noticed Helene had walked us to my classroom, so I pushed open the door and waited as she stepped inside. Following her into the empty room, I naturally moved behind my desk as she made her way to the back of the class. She seemed uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to what she was about to tell me or because I still hadn’t said anything.
“Addy wasn’t always the way she is now.”
Huh
, that was an odd way to start this discussion. I had nothing to say so I waited, curious as to how Helene would continue.
“She used to be a sweet, happy girl. Bright and so very smart, but quiet, almost introverted. She kept to herself.”
I was trying to envision that version of Addison, but all I had to compare her with was the bold temptress that I knew. I couldn’t even begin to imagine it.
“A little over two years ago, Addy’s brother, Daniel, was killed.”
Oh,
fuck
. She hadn’t been lying. What had she done?
“It happened here at the school in front of everyone.”
Needing more information but really not wanting it, I waited. I stood and made my way around the desk and leaned back against it, bracing my hands on the edge.
“What happened?”
Helene let out a deep sigh as she began walking up to the front of the room.
“The final bell of the day had rung. All of the kids ran for the door and out to the bus lines, nothing unusual at all. Addy would walk down, cross the street, and meet her brother on the sidewalk so they could catch the bus home together.”
I sat completely still, unable to find one word to say as Helene continued.
“She was running late that day. I know this because she’d tracked me down after math class to ask how she could join the hurdle team.”
The look on Helene’s face right then was what I’d been feeling earlier,
guilt
, but unlike me, I knew this lady had no reason to feel it. She looked away, almost as if it were easier to talk when she wasn’t being held accountable.
“She was running late and ran down to cross the street. Daniel must have seen her, I don’t know.” Placing her hands on her hips, Helene stopped, trying to compose herself. “To this day I don’t know why he stepped off the sidewalk. There are so many stories from people who witnessed what happened, but what it all comes down to is Daniel stepped out into the road without checking that everything was clear. A couple of seconds later, he was lying on the ground in front of his sister and the entire school—he never stood a chance.”
I rubbed my fingers against the stubble on my jaw and down to my mouth.
Addison hadn’t done
anything
wrong. She’d been late, that was all.
Why would she ever think anything different?
“Wow…okay. That explains a lot.” I paused and looked at the loud, irritating clock on the wall and then thought about the way Addison always checked her watch or brought it up to her ear. She’d told me it was because she’d been late. “The clocks and the watch?”
“Yeah,” Helene confirmed. “After that, Addy was never the same. Her mother told me the doctors think she suffered a psychotic break from witnessing what we all saw that day. The clocks help her to stay focused, which explains the constant time check. But honestly, Addison’s behavior did a one-eighty. It’s as if she’s a completely different person.”
It was obvious that Helene was upset, so I moved closer to her and reached out. Intending to offer a comforting squeeze to her shoulder, I was shocked when she wrapped her arms around my waist instead.
Shit
, this was not what I wanted.
With my hands hovering in the air, I had no other choice but to pat her gently on the back. As I touched her jacket I heard the door to my classroom open.
Looking behind me, my eyes collided with cobalt blue and the emotions swirling in them gutted me more effectively than the emotional woman in my arms.
Addison’s eyes moved to my lower back and then came back to mine.
Betrayal. Jealousy. Anger.
No words were needed, and no words could be said as Addison turned on her heel and fled.
As I stood in the silence of my classroom with Helene’s arms around me, all I could think about was how to comfort her enough to release me from her emotional burden—so I could go and add to my own.
How fucked up was that?
* * *
I raced down the empty hall and stopped at the end of the lockers, pressing my back against the cool metal. I took several breaths and closed my eyes.
O
ne, two, three. One, two three.
I didn’t want to think about what I’d seen when I walked into the classroom.
Her
with him—the rightness of that moment.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew that she was who he was supposed to be with, not me. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t let her have him; I needed him. He stopped the chaos.
I pulled my fingers through the long strands of my hair and tightened them as I listened to the watch at my wrist keeping time of my torment.
Tick, tick, tock.
“Addison?”
My eyes snapped open at the deep voice calling out my name.
No!
No, I couldn’t let him see me like this.
I was strong, confident. I was—
“Addison?”
Found
.
Grayson stopped in front of me. His face was troubled, and his eyes held something new, something I hadn’t seen before—pity.
What exactly had they been discussing in there?
“It’s not what you think.”
“Move,” I demanded, feeling the need for distance.
Grayson put his hands on his hips as one of his eyebrows rose. “Excuse me?”
“Move out of my way.”
Instead of stepping aside, he remained unmoving, his body large and impenetrable. I may as well have been trying to get past a brick wall. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to.”
At that moment, any anxiety I’d been feeling left and in its place was anger. He’d been talking to
her
about
me
. “Oh, I know exactly who I’m talking to. Do you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Pushing off the locker, I walked forward until my shirt brushed his. He should have moved away but he didn’t.
“Who do
you
see in front of you right now? Your student or the person you were inside of yesterday?”
He swallowed before he answered, and I was mesmerized by the way his throat moved. I wanted to reach out to him.
“I see both,” he admitted. “You’re
all
I see.”
I silently fumed as I concentrated on the mouth that, despite my anger, I wanted on mine.
“But now you see something else. What did
she
tell you?” I asked.
He looked caught off-guard. “What?”
“She said something to you. You’re looking at me like
they
all do.”
“And how is that?”
“Like you feel sorry for me,” I spat out. “I want you to
fuck
me. Not pity me.”
With no warning at all, Grayson seized my shoulders and firmly directed me back against the lockers. He crowded in with no regard to our surroundings as he promised in a voice that sounded distinctly like a threat.
“That’s all you want, is it? A quick fuck? You could have gotten that from Brandon. But you want more from me, just like I want more from you.”
His mouth was close, so close that if I leaned in…
“
Don’t
.”
“No?” I whispered as his breath floated over my lips.
“No. Not here.”
“I need you,” I admitted breathlessly. “I ache for you.”
Grayson moved away so fast it was as if he’d been electrocuted. “After school,” he promised.
“Yes?”
“Follow me…my truck.”
His eyes left a scorching trail down my body as he backed away, and I checked my watch to see how much longer I had to wait. I wasn’t surprised at all that the second hand was
silently
making its way around to twelve.
Once again, he’d silenced the madness.
* * *
Three thirty and the final bell for the day rang. I grabbed my bag and followed the last student out the door, turning the lights off as I exited.
I locked up and made my way out to the parking lot, knowing that what I was about to do was wrong. I had also known it yesterday, but as I made my way to my truck, I spotted Addison leaning back against her car, and I couldn’t find it in me to care.
She was laughing at something Brandon must have said. Her head was tipped back, the sun shone on her face, and the smile on her lips made me want to punch him for putting it there.
Nice
. Now I was jealous of a fucking teenager.
As I stepped onto the road, Brandon saw me and waved.