Vein Fire (6 page)

“I—I don’t know.”

“Aw, c’mon. My ride left without me. I could really use a lift downtown.”

“Your ride left you?”

“Yeah, he was drunk though, so I think he forgot about me. I’ve been looking for someone to take me home for the past hour. I promise—you have nothing to be afraid of.”

Hannah hesitated, “Okay.”

“Cool. Really?” Matt smiled and looked happy.

“Yeah. As soon as you’re ready, I’m about to pass out.”

“Okay, my jacket’s over on that chair, I’ll be right back.” Matt trotted off, and Hannah dug deep into her little red purse for a bottle of pills. She opened them, dumped six into her palm, and swallowed them with her beer. Xanax and alcohol shouldn’t be mixed—and Hannah knew this, but it stopped her from having a panic attack.

Matt came back and smiled at her. After they said goodbye to Donna and Bob, they walked to Hannah’s car. Hannah was still sipping from her bottle of beer when the car turned onto the highway. She finished it and tossed it out the car window, briefly sticking her head out so she could feel the wind on her face. As soon as she plopped back into her seat, she passed out.

Matt couldn’t wake her as he entered the city. He knew he could check her purse for her driver’s license to find her address, but then he’d have to find a ride home from her house or walk. He pulled behind his house and parked the car. He got out, unlocked his back door, and returned for Hannah. For a minute, he considered leaving her in the car to sleep, but sighed as he slung her over his shoulder and carried her inside.

CHAPTER
  6

Emulsion

“Will you show me your scars?” Matt asked as he tugged her pants off.

Hannah didn’t answer him. He ran a greedy finger along the splintered paths of her healed wounds. His crooked finger tugged the crotch of her underwear to the side.

“Did you shave for me?”

Hannah didn’t hear him. He knew she hadn’t shaved for him—
the slut kept herself bare for a devil called opportunity. My, how she’d grown.
Matt rubbed the outside of his jeans. This was easy for him.

He leaned into her until his face was inches from hers and blew on a chunk of hair caught in her eyelashes. She didn’t move. He took her panties off. This was Hannah, the girl who ruined his life. The doctors could reason how it was actually his fault, but in the end, they ran on a circular track in his head, and all roads led back to Hannah.

In the room only lit by a television, her skin was a creamy blue color. The lines of scars on the inside of her arm were a lighter color, and they looked like army soldiers lined up, locked and loaded. It was time.

Matt pushed Hannah’s legs up until they framed the sides of her face. He spit on her cunt, twice, and watched as she inhaled when he penetrated her. Still, she slept.

“You’re going to let me do this to you every day, aren’t you?”

Hannah didn’t answer; she was hidden away behind closed eyelids, lost in a dream that smelled like candles burning in a cathedral at Easter.

“Sshh, now,” he said, even though she was quiet. His hands slid down from her ankle as he lowered her leg and kissed it. He sunk himself in deep, but she was bottomless, like him.

*

Hannah slept on the couch that smelled like dog, only half aware of shapes in red light that moved and whispered.

When she woke up, she didn’t know what happened, only that something
had
happened. The sun illuminated the silence in the room and she immediately sat upright on the couch and realized it was morning. She was dressed, but wondered if she had been naked at some point because her shirt was on backwards, and her pants were crooked. Matt was asleep at the other end of the couch and his head rested on his folded arms. Hannah realized she pissed her pants, but it must have been hours earlier because the piss was nearly dried. As she carefully rose from the couch, she touched where she had been sitting. It was damp, but just barely. Her hear raced and she hoped it would dry before Matt noticed. Hannah took broad, soft steps as she tip-toed around the house until she found the kitchen and saw her shoes next to the door. Easing her feet into them slowly, she slipped out of the house without waking Matt. After she took two steps off of the porch, she bolted across the yard, only to fall forward into the grass. Standing up in a panic, she ran the rest of the way to her car. She was cold and she felt sick—like she could vomit. Whatever happened, she knew it was her fault.

When she got home, she shed her clothes and showered. Each bead of water pounded their tiny fists into her skin, screaming at her to remember. She didn’t hear them. Hot soap and water steamed away any doubt she had, and erased the prior night’s smells: cock, smoke, and beer. There was nothing to think about; it was all gone after the shower. When she stepped out of the shower and wiped the fog from the mirror, the questions came back. She had a purplish hickey on the side of her neck. Her muscles were sore. She thought she knew, but wasn’t sure. She fought through her memory of blurry red images, but they quickly dissolved and then there was nothing. In her head, it was settled—she would ask Matt.

Hannah was happy to stretch out on her own bed. She wondered if her muscles were sore from sleeping on the couch. Her bed felt good, and she fell asleep trying to piece the events of the previous night into a firm memory, but it was like flan.

*

Matt and Hannah were an emulsion; they’d never combine together in their fluid existence, yet they surrounded each other. Even when they occupied one another in the same moment in time, they remained two distinct immiscible entities—not able to be fully blended. Their overlapping could be volatile or it could be verdant, however, they rarely had the same take on the flickering procession of film clips which had become their lives. The mixture was remarkable as Matt and Hannah never held the same perspective on their encounters.

*

Hannah woke up and looked at the clock—she had slept for hours. She began searching for her purse, but couldn’t find it. Hannah went out to her car, but didn’t find it there either. After hesitating, she called Donna, who said Bob had already picked up the garbage and didn’t find a purse. The only thing left to do was to call Matt. Bob gave her Matt’s phone number and she wrote it on a corner of an old newspaper.

She nervously held the scrap of paper in her palm, but was angry as she dialed. When he answered, her mood smoothed.

“Hey, it’s me—Hannah.”

“Hi, Hannah, what’s up?” His voice was scratchy, as if he just woke up.

“I was wondering if I left my purse there last night?”

“Um, red thing, small, long strap?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”
Great, Hannah—of all fucking places to leave your purse.

“Would it be alright if I came over to pick it up? I really need it.”

“Yeah. Remember where I live?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. How about in an hour or so?”

“Okay. Um, maybe we could talk about last night as well?”

Matt paused, “Sure. Sure, whatever. I’ll see you in an hour. I gotta go jump in the shower now.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Later.”

Hannah was frantic to get ready. She didn’t know what to wear, and she still had to fix her hair. Matt only lived a few blocks from her, so she had almost the full hour to get ready. Before she left, she wrote a note saying she was going to his house and stuck it in her freezer. If something did happen to her while she was there, at least they’d find the note after she turned up missing. The freezer was the perfect place—if Matt
did
do something and came back to her apartment, he’d never look there, but eventually someone else would.

CHAPTER  7

A  Souvenir

Jared stood on Matt’s porch, a backpack slung around his shoulder, and a chocolate bar in the opposite hand.

“What up?” Jared said, but Matt stared back at him dumbly. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“Err…how did you know where I lived?”

“Doug Dubaey—from transitional living—the group home…remember him? I’m out now man, they stuck me in there and when I said I was from Oakmont, Doug asked me if I had known you. What? Are you that surprised to see me?”

“No, no…listen, come on in. Sorry about that. I was, um, expecting someone to come over and I thought you were them.”

Jared didn’t sit; he took himself on a tour of Matt’s downstairs, peeking into rooms and picking up random things, examining them.

“So, how long have you lived here?”

“About four months or so. They put me into the group home when I first came out too. It sucked, so I got out as fast as I could.”

“Yeah, bunch of fat bitches telling me what to do isn’t my idea of fun either. I’ll be looking to get out ASAP as well.”

“I didn’t expect they’d let you out of Oakmont so soon.”

“Huh?” he said, scanning the titles of Matt’s VCR tapes. “Yeah, my mom got her lawyer on it. Plus, being a juvey helped. They can’t hold shit against you for too long. But then again, you know that.” He smiled sadistically at Matt.

A knocking sound caused them both to look at the door. Matt exhaled and hung his head.
Perfect fucking timing.
He opened the door and Hanna stood there, cautiously peeking around him at Jared.

“Is this a bad time? Do you want me to come back?”

“Uhhh…” Matt stalled to answer her while Jared stepped forward.

“You aren’t interrupting anything, please…don’t go away on my behalf.”

Matt opened the door and Hannah walked in. “Jared, this is Hannah. Hannah—Jared.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said with a shy smile and a slight wave.

They all walked into the living room.

“So, Hannah, how do you know Matt?”

“We grew up by each other—you know, a long time ago.”

“Oh, neighbors. How nice. Do you live around here now?”

“Yeah—just over on Linton Street, in the condo apartments. Do you know where that’s at?”

Stupid girl.
Matt couldn’t believe she told Jared where she lived.
Doesn’t she have any fucking idea that she shouldn’t tell people where she lives?

“I think I do. I might have passed them on the way over here. Are they the ones in a group of four?”

“No, they’re in a group of six, but I live in the first one, so the noise isn’t so bad.”

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

“Do you live by yourself?”

“Yeah, I do. How about you? Do you live around here?”

More fucking stupidity. Does she really think everyone is safe?

“Yeah, in the neighborhood,” he said, smiled, and locked on her eyes until she gave a nervous laugh. He mirrored her laugh.

“You’ve got pretty eyes.”

Oh God.

“What? Um…thanks.” Hannah looked down; her cheeks flared.

“Yes, you’re a very pretty girl.” Jared spoke as though he could devour her. “Are you two…?” he said, waving his finger between Matt and Hannah.

“No, not at all,” Hannah and Matt said in an awkward unison.

“Really? Just friends then?”

“Yeah, just friends. But, listen, Jared, I have the number of the group home, so I can give you a call sometime, but right now I promised I’d talk to Hannah about something important, so we, um…we gotta talk alone.”

“Oh! No! Please, don’t make him leave on my account. I can talk to you some other time. I’d feel terrible if he left because of me.” Hannah’s words came out so quickly that Matt could tell she was nervous and wondered if she was glad Jared was there so she wasn’t alone with him.

“That’s so sweet of you, Hannah.” Jared said as he looked at her and smiled, his head tilted to the side. She smiled back and lowered her eyes again.

JesusFuckingChrist. Does this girl HAVE to be so fucking nice to everyone? Can’t she smell the steaming fucking predator in the room?

“I came over to see if Matt wanted to watch a movie. How about we all watch one together?” Jared directed his question at Hannah.

“Sure, I’d watch a movie with you guys.”

Jared seemed to be imitating the faces Hannah was making without noticing it himself. He smiled and nodded her head, just as she did.

Really? These two are gonna be stuck together in the same fucking room together for two hours? Stupid. Fucking. Hannah.

Jared dropped onto Matt’s couch, directly in the middle. “Let’s all get cozy. You pick something, Matt. I’m not up on what’s good.” Jared winked at Matt.

Hannah took her jacket off and draped it over the radiator. Jared patted the cushion next to him and she sat down.

“Hey,” he said, smiling with a half-crazed look on his face, leaning into her.

“Hey.” She laughed nervously, as she sensed something was off about him, and she positioned herself as far away from him as she could.

That’s right, Hannah. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head.

Matt’s phone rang and he took the call in the other room where they couldn’t hear him. Jared picked up a section of Hannah’s hair and rubbed it between his fingers. He pulled the hair up to his face and smelled it. Hannah squirmed and tried to move away from him even more without making it seem obvious. Jared wasn’t smiling anymore. Matt reentered the room and witnessed the silent exchange. Panic A-bombed through his skull.

“Hannah, that was my mom. Her car broke down at the Dairy-Dale. Can you give me a ride to go and get her? She’s with my little brothers, so I’d like to leave now.”

“Can I come with?” Jared asked.

“Sorry, man, her car’s small and we wouldn’t all fit. But, hey, it’s good you’re in town, so I’ll give you a call this week and maybe we can hang out.”

Hannah jumped up from the couch without even answering Matt.
Of course she’d do it, she never said no to anything. Good girl.

Jared looked angry. He froze, looked at Matt, and stared him down like he was trying to figure out if he was lying or not.

“Sure, Matt, I’ll give you a call. Maybe I’ll drop by sometime when I’m not too busy. How does that sound?”

“Cool. Just, um, give me a call or something when you’re free; we can watch that movie.”

“Yeah,” he paused, “Hey, Hannah, you wanna watch a movie sometime?”

“Um, sure.” Hannah looked anxious to leave the house, trying to occupy herself with re-buttoning her already buttoned jacket.

“Why don’t I stop by your place sometime? Is that cool with you?”

Hannah froze. She couldn’t look more like a helpless prey about to be pounced upon. “Yes?” she answered with an upturn, so it sounded like a question.

“Great. Apartment one, right?”

Matt could see that Hannah finally realized she had made a mistake in telling Jared where she lived. “Yes, apartment one,” she said in a small voice.

“Okay, well, we gotta go. My mom is waiting.”

The three of them left together and Matt made sure he locked his door.

“It was nice meeting you, Hannah,” Jared said as he paused to take her hand and raise it to his mouth, kissing it.”

Hannah giggled. The situation was uncomfortable and she wasn’t handling it very well. She hurried to her car and unlocked the doors. Matt didn’t say goodbye to Jared, he just jumped into the car and said, “Drive.”

Matt was furious. The tendons in his neck twitched. Hannah didn’t make a sound. Matt, after all, suspected that he still scared her.

“My mom’s not at the Dairy Dale. It was a lie to get us out of there.”

Hannah swallowed, “Jared—there’s something wrong with him, isn’t there?”

“BINGO! DING DONG! Now you get it. Not everyone is fucking nice, Hannah. There are people out there that are fucking crazy and you DON’T want them to know where you live—and Jared? Jared’s one of them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why do you always apologize? Just get smart—and quick. If you’re on Jared’s radar, you should be shitting yourself.”

“How do I know if I’m on his radar?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Didn’t you see the way he was looking at you? Wasn’t him smelling your hair enough of a clue? Jesus. You’re fucking ridiculous. Pull over, I need to think.”

By this time, Hannah was at the Dairy Dale, so she pulled into its parking lot.

“Do you have anyone that could stay with you for a week or so?”

“I—I don’t know. Maybe. I’d have to call a few people.”

“Okay, let’s go back to your apartment and figure this out.”

Hannah started the car and crossed town, back to her apartment. “Is he really that evil? I mean, he’s back in society, so he can’t be that bad.”

“Hannah, for God’s sake. Some of the craziest fucks aren’t locked up; they’re out shopping at the fucking Dairy Dale, or walking their dogs down your fucking street. You don’t know for sure. You just have to trust me. Jared’s one crazy motherfucker.”

“But people change. Maybe he changed.”

“No, Hannah. He was born wrong. Stop trying to make this shit okay in your head. It’s not okay.”

Hannah was quiet. When they got to her apartment, Matt jumped out of the car and looked up and down the streets. Satisfied, he followed Hannah to her front door. Once inside, he didn’t notice the mess, but Hannah scurried about, first picking up the laundry off of the couch, which he didn’t complain about because they
did
need somewhere to sit, but after she kept cleaning, he yelled at her.

“Fuck that shit, Hannah. We need to figure stuff out. Don’t worry about cleaning now.”

Hannah sat on the couch. Matt held his head in his hands. He knew he’d have to play this one carefully. He didn’t want to piss Jared off because he’d not snitched on him regarding Danny, but he certainly didn’t want to be his fucking friend, or see Hannah take a sky dive off of some balcony.

“Do you got any of those zani’s left?”

“Um, yeah, they’re in my purse.” Hannah stood up and grabbed her purse, dug the bottle out, and handed it to Matt. “Wait…how did you know I had zani’s?”

“I was looking for your address on your driver’s license in your purse when I went to take you home last night. I wasn’t trying to snoop…just relax. I only looked for a second before I decided to take you to my house instead.”

“It’s okay. I understand. I don’t mind that you looked in my purse and saw my Xanax.”

“Cool. Care if I?”

“No, help yourself. I have plenty.”

Matt pulled the cellophane wrapper off of his cigarette pack and set it on the coffee table. He dumped a few of the tablets out of the bottle, onto the table, placed the cellophane over them, and crushed them up with the butt end of his cigarette lighter.

“Can I see your driver’s license?”

“Um, sure.” Hannah’s head lowered as she searched in her purse again until she pulled her wallet out and handed her license to Matt. He used it to separate the crushed pills into neat lines.

“Dollar bill?”

“Oh.” Hannah hesitated for a second and went back into her purse, searching for the money. “Will a twenty do?”

Matt made a face and cocked his head to the side. He raised his one eyebrow and put his hand out. Hannah handed him the twenty and he began rolling it up tightly.

“What are you doing? Are you going to snort that?”

“No,
we’re
going to.”

“We are? But I’ve never snorted anything before.”

“It’s cool. I’ll show you how.” Matt lowered his head onto the table, inserted the twenty up his nose, and snorted the line. When he was done, he tossed his head back and coughed. “Your turn. C’mere. Use whatever nostril is clearer, and hold the other one closed. Put the bill up your nose, exhale everything out of your lungs, and then snort it up steadily.”

Hannah was nervous. She was clumsy with following his instructions, but she started snorting.

“That’s it. Keep it going. Snort the whole line.”

Hannah finished the entire line, and then tossed her head back slightly, like Matt had done. “That feels good. I’m all tingly.”

“Yeah, it’s better than swallowing them.”

Hannah giggled. “I like it.”

“Yeah, wanna do another bump in a little bit?”

“Sure.”

“What do you have to drink?”

“Um…iced tea, milk, grape juice…”

“Any liquor? Beer?”

“Yeah, I have some Jäger.”

Hannah went into the kitchen and got the green bottle out of the cupboard and started looking for a shot glass.