Vengeful Heart: Fighting Heart Erotic Bad Boy Romance Series Book 3 (3 page)

After a week of surveillance and high pressure intimidation I finally made it to the weekend, an oasis in the middle of my troubles. By now they had no real reason to watch me. They believed I was broken. Primed by Penny and Brandon the gossips continued to peddle their lies about me, and in every lecture and seminar I felt curious and condemning eyes on me. Life wasn’t easy at college, but it was better than being at Brandon’s house. Brandon received nothing from me but the cold shoulder, but honestly, it was kind of difficult to keep up being so hard and cold- even with Brandon. Ignoring someone you live with at close quarters is incredibly difficult. I guess that’s how Stockholm Syndrome works – eventually you forget this terrible person is your captor. Maybe you forget for a just moment at first, and you talk to them like a friend or a family member and then as your guard drops your captor gets closer still. I was committed to ignoring Brandon, but we had once been lovers and the memory somehow lingered, along with all the resentment I owed him. Every time he approached me I worked hard to close him down. And I kept sleeping on the living room sofa. All week I lived in self-defence and protected my boundaries.  When the weekend finally came, Brandon went on another one of his secret missions. This time he took Luke with him, so I guessed he trusted Amanda enough to be his eyes and ears, but thankfully it turned out that Brandon was badly wrong.  Having spent time near her for weeks by now, I knew Amanda was losing it.

Since I stuck up for her with Brandon I saw she was changing. She was less cold with me. By Thursday night she deigned to eat with me in the front room. On Friday Brandon and Luke went out for the weekend and took bags with them. They were excited and it was all a big hush, like I cared that they were going away to get wasted and pick up girls. All I cared about was that when Brandon was gone I could relax a little. That Friday night Amanda cooked some of her strange vegetarian goo and offered me a plateful. It was the first time I’d ever eaten Quinoa, and I think it’ll be the last. But I ate it anyway because she was in a bad place and I wanted some peace.

After the Quinoa she brought in a bottle of wine and two glasses. I could tell she wanted to talk, and probably offload a zillion Brandon related problems. I wasn’t in the mood but hey, everyone else in the world was ignoring me. Even conversation with a girl who used to hate me qualified as worth having. I took a glass and got my ears ready. It started pretty much as I expected. With tales of woe, but the tone soon changed and the wine made it more bearable.  I tried to watch the TV but in the end I surrendered and switched it off. I turned toward her and paid attention because there was no alternative.

“Brandon changed his story, like always,” said Amanda, already in full flow.  “He claims the reason we live together is just a coincidence, right? Like the past didn’t happen. But I remind him how it happened whenever I can. I met him during A Levels. We lived in the same town, and I knew he liked me but we’d never spoken. He used to look at me across the classroom. I was going out with a guy and he was always dating. All of the girls in our old college wanted him, he just always had those good looks and charisma… but I really didn’t think about dating him until I heard he was going to Smiths College to study English, just like me. I began to think silly thoughts from that point on… maybe we were meant to be. My boyfriend was going to study at Bournemouth. Eventually, I had a coffee with Brandon during a class break and he actually said we should move in together. Bold as brass. Can you believe that? He didn’t even ask me for a date! He just said we’d make great housemates. Unbelievable. But I knew what he really meant, and so did he. He was asking me to be his girlfriend, without saying it – so he didn’t risk rejection, and so my boyfriend wouldn’t feel compromised. He’s a smart little rat, he really is. I ended my relationship with Brett a fortnight after that. Before the summer holidays even started I’d been intimate with Brandon. That summer was great. I was certain we were falling for each other, and then we came here just like we planned. The first few weeks were great… but I soon saw he had a roving eye. Then I saw him with another girl during Fresher’s week. He denied it, but I saw him kissing her, sucking her tonsils out. He disappeared for half a night and we argued like crazy. Not long after that you appeared, and things got really bad. He started chasing you around.”

“But I didn’t know you two were an item, Amanda. If I did, I would have left him well alone.”

“Couldn’t you guess?” she said, sounding a little snarky, but she checked herself. “I suppose not. He was already keeping me at arms-length by then. He was good at that.”

Amanda poured herself another glass and topped mine up. I didn’t complain.

“All I’m saying is that I’m only here in this flat because we were in a relationship. Half the time Brandon still gives me reason to believe that we still are.”

“You were still having sex with him even when I was supposed to be his girlfriend, right?”

Amanda hesitated, then nodded. “But remember, I was supposed to be with him
first
. But he’d done a total job on me by then. He told me I was crazy, and that I had gotten everything all wrong”

“Sounds familiar. It’s messy when a hot guy becomes a bastard, right?”

She laughed. “You’re so up front, Ashley, it makes me laugh. I really didn’t like you at first, I mean I hated you with a passion,” she said. I sipped my wine and didn’t say a word. Until this very week I’d seen nothing but hate from her. I shrugged.

“But, I was wrong, Ashley. You’ve got guts and determination and character. I wish I had half the guts you’ve got. If I did maybe I would have moved out by now.”

I shook my head and gulped my wine. “Amanda, you’re still getting this all wrong. You can leave. You can leave tonight. What’s holding you back? Some piece of shit guy who looks good, who screws you and walks away like he’s just poured himself a glass of water from the tap? You are better than that. Look at you! You’ve got everything going for you! You’ve got a figure to die for, you’re smart, you’re pretty, and you can wear your hair in those crazy styles and get away with it. You’ve got a bright future so long as you don’t let this man ruin your life.”

I waited, biting my lip, wondering if I could share my revenge plans with her or whether she would tell Brandon about our conversation. She seemed to be in total honesty mode, like she was ready to break out from under Brandon’s control, but Amanda had lied to me before. I wasn’t sure so I grabbed my wine and had another sip. Amanda tipped her head back and finished most of a glass with a smile. She was intent on getting sassed. I was worried that she was going to end up a tear filled wreck, a car crash I would have to clean up on my only night off.

“Steady, Amanda.”

“It’s okay. I just want to have some fun while that idiot’s not here, don’t you? I’m always thinking about him when he is here. I don’t want to think about him again tonight.”

“Then stop talking about him,” I said with a smile.

“Thanks for what you said, you know. I mean that,” said Amanda.

“So did I, or else I wouldn’t have said it.”

“Aaahh. That’s nice.”

Oh dear, she was getting drunk and schmaltzy. She put her glass down. “Time to get another bottle,” she said. She swaggered back into the room with another open bottle, but this time she didn’t go to her own sofa. She sat down on the arm of my chair and put the bottle down on the floor. I looked up at her and she was grinning, looking at me intently. I recalled that same look from somewhere else.

“What?” I said. She didn’t answer. She reached across and gently pulled some of my hair into her hand and started to play with it. I was thrown. I was still thrown when she leaned down close, then closer still until her face filled mine. She kissed my lips, and I moved away, pressing back against the sofa. I could taste wine on her lips. I looked into her big eyes and saw something there, and couldn’t place it. Desire? Intent? Fear? She placed her lips on mine again and left them there, now her hand cupping my face. It felt nice to be kissed, even by a girl. No one had shown me any affection in a fortnight, as in none at all. The tenderness brought a swell of emotion in me, and I began to feel the same warmth I got when I kissed a guy. But something was wrong, and not just because a girl was making a pass at me. I just felt something was off. I didn’t kiss her back, and she pulled away.

“Ashley…?” I heard emotional need and frailty in her voice. I felt sorry for her, she was so pretty, but she had sunk so low. She must have seen the pity in my eyes because she misread it and came to kiss me again, but because of my pity this time I didn’t fight. When her lips found mine, she needed to feel something back. I felt her breath on my face I opened my mouth and let her tongue in. She kissed me gently and I let her tongue play with mine… just for a few seconds. We looked into each other’s eyes… and I saw something there. I broke the kiss and shifted away.

“What is it? Didn’t you like it?”

“Just pour yourself a drink, Amanda.”

“Why?” she said, and looked upset.

“We need to talk.” I said.

Amanda waited for me.

“You’re a great girl… beautiful too, but I don’t think you really want to kiss me.”

“I like you Ashley.”

“That may be true, but not in that way you don’t. We’re going to be friends, okay? You don’t want an affair with me and I don’t want an affair with you. I think you want revenge on Brandon, am I right? You want to make him jealous? Amanda, you’ve got to stop trying to win him back.”

“It’s not like that, Ash. I hurt you, honestly, Ashley. I cost you your boyfriend. I just wanted to make amends… to show you that I care and I’m sorry.”

“Then thank you.” I heard her, but I couldn’t help what I saw in her eyes. I’d gone from pity back to being careful. Pity had me relenting to her kiss. But my smarter side said she wanted to engineer something. I had a better plan. “I accept your apology, Amanda. Now pour yourself that drink”

“Jeez, I feel like an idiot now, how embarrassing.”
“Hang on.  I stopped kissing you because I respect you like you should respect yourself.  You are better than that, Amanda. You are better than Brandon too, and the moment you start believing that, you’ll start acting like it.”

“That’s what I mean. I know you believe that. I love that about you. Even after all the shit I’ve put you through.”

I poured her a glass and gave it to her. I bit my lip. “Now can I be honest with you, without you going and telling Brandon what I have to say?”

“Hell, I just tried to kiss you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but maybe you were going to tell Brandon about that too.”

“Oh, come on!”

I waited until she looked earnest. I believed her.

“Okay sweet lips,” I said, with some sarcasm. “You’d better not tell him. You’ll be the only one who loses out if you do.”

I had a moment to change my mind before I gave her the truth. I could have made up something else on the spur of the moment. Maybe Amanda was telling the truth, but I wasn’t sure if she was going to be trustworthy enough when it came to the crunch. I saw the eagerness in her eyes. Screw it. It was time to gamble.

“I’m still going to get out of here, Amanda. And when I do, I’m going to leave Brandon in pieces. This isn’t just idle talk, Amanda, I mean that I’m going to do it. And you’ve just given me an even better idea. You’re going to leave him too.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I know you want to do this, we’ve talked about it all night. I’ve got a plan. So the question is, do you want in?”

Amanda took a drink. There was a second’s hesitation.

“Yes, I definitely want in.”

“Okay. Then we have a deal.  Brandon won’t know what’s hit him.”

Amanda cheered and leaned in for a celebratory hug. Thankfully she didn’t try for another kiss. I guess Amanda thought sex was the only thing we had in common, maybe she thought it was the only way to reach my heart. Man, the girl really didn’t know me at all.  I still didn’t know if we were going to be friends or whether she’d betray me. But right then and for the rest of that night, I almost felt like I had a friend again.  I wasn’t sure how she would cope with what was going to go down.  And I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with Amanda along for the ride either, but I had to help her away from this evil guy. And besides, it wouldn’t hurt matters if Brandon got torn up in the process.

Looking back, that weekend was a turning point. We didn’t ever mention the kiss again directly, but we’d crossed into a place where intimacy and shared hurts put me and Amanda in the same strange boat.  On Saturday and Sunday she kept me under watch for Brandon, but I was pretty sure she was carrying out her surveillance duty in name only. We went out shopping. We saw a cheesy movie. The barriers were tumbling and through that weekend I saw my old enemy Amanda was getting stronger, recovering some of her pre-Brandon self.  But when Sunday night came, reality crashed back into our lives. Brandon arrived looking sullen and spent, demanding a report on my behaviour from Amanda. I watched Amanda switch from relaxed and easy to cold and distant as Brandon put her on the spot. She described our whole weekend like it had been business-like and boring. At least I had some comfort in hearing her lie to his face, but not much. And after a weekend of some kind of normality, Sunday night nosedived. Luke and Brandon were hungover and moody. I avoided them and read my books in the kitchen.  Right before midnight Brandon came and stood right next to me, his shadow blotting out my reading light. I didn’t look up. I waited and I felt my heart race faster as he continued to loom over me. There was a split second when I thought he might hit me, and then another second where I thought I should have hit him. But I held back, I knew he wanted that. If I hit him then he would have won. He would have engineered the consequences to guarantee it. I had to be smart. I had to wait and play the long game to win.

The next day I got up early and used the shower and ate before everybody else. My stirring had alerted the others, and I heard Luke reluctantly get up. I heard him speaking to Amanda at around seven am, and I guess she accepted to be my supervisor for the day. As yet, those morons didn’t have a clue that Amanda was swapping sides. I was ready well before eight am, and made a final cup of tea when Amanda appeared in the kitchen, looking sleepy but fully dressed, hair immaculate as usual. She yawned as she spoke.

“Did he try anything with you last night?” she whispered

“No. Just the usual mean and moody stuff. You?”

“No. I think he must have been with a girl on his weekend away. There’s no way he can wait a whole three days without getting some action.”

“Yeah. I thought the same. So are you the spy of the day.”

Amanda grinned. “That’s me.”

I chewed over asking the next question, but I decided to shoot and ask anyway.

“Are we still good?”

She looked confused.

“Are we still working together on this situation?” I asked.

Realisation dawned on her face. She nodded and smiled.

“Okay. Get yourself a coffee, then let’s go. I hate this place.”

Before our lecture I almost felt like a free person again. Amanda walked with me but not as a guard, more like a companion. We didn’t act too friendly in public, as we both knew any fraternity between us would get back to Brandon. The guy was paranoid and still popular. In the lecture we sat apart. The rumour mill about my tryst with Ridgley was still in action and sideward glances were still coming my way. When Cody stepped into the room, most of the attention went over to him. There was a buzz about him lately – how we were going to be a big thing. Maybe Brandon was about to be eclipsed as the darling of the college English department- just one more thing for Brandon to act moody about. Cody looked up and our eyes caught each other’s. There was no escape from such an accidental look. You either have to acknowledge the person or blank them altogether – Cody made a smile and his eyes widened. He nodded at me. I smiled back with difficulty. I was sure there was feeling there in his eyes, in that smile, but I could see he was locking it down. For me there was only hurt and longing. I sighed. Amanda looked across at me like she knew what I was thinking, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it.

The lecture was supposed to be delivered by Professor Nurding, a lady professor whose expertise was in poetry, but to the delight of all the female students present, Mr Ridgley walked into the room brandishing a sheaf of papers along with his case. He looked as good as ever, a white shirt tucked in at his trim waist behind a black leather belt, atop some very dark blue Levis, which clung to his legs, showing hints of definition in the right places. He was good eye candy. Now I looked over at Amanda, and she raised and dipped her eyebrows at me. All the girls in the room just knew that Ridgley was a Diet Coke moment waiting to happen. He launched into the lecture with his hands on both sides of the lectern. With a smile and a joke, we were on our way. I settled in for a nice hour of distraction, watching the scenery.

The lecture finished. There was a break before my seminar with Cantor. Cody was going to be in that seminar too. I couldn’t wait to be in the same room as him, and yet I couldn’t stand the idea either. It was going to be unbearable. I gathered my notes and packed my satchel slowly, as I was in no hurry to leave alongside the rumour squad. I watched Cody’s back as he made his way out into the corridor.

Amanda led the way down the steps to the exit. There were only a few students left in the room when Ridgley looked at me as he sipped from a bottle of water. I smiled, and Ridgley put his water aside.

“Ashley. Can I have a word with you, please?”

I looked around and pointed at myself. “Me?”

“I can’t see any other Ashleys here, can you?”

I turned and looked at Amanda. She smiled knowingly but didn’t say a word. “I’ll be in the canteen. Don’t run off now!”

All of a sudden I was in a state.  I wished I had worn something different, more flattering. I should have washed my hair. I needed to stand up straighter. My heart was pounding. I smiled and I made my way to the front of the lecture theatre, aware that only myself and Ridgley were left in the room.

“Yes, Professor?” I said, trying to keep my voice on the level. He looked at me with shining brown eyes. They were warm and enticing.

“Call me Tom, please. Professor can be too formal sometimes.”

I felt hot. I wondered if my face was blushing.

“Okay…
Tom
.”

“Listen, Ashley… I’ve noticed you looking very down lately. Especially in the last few lectures. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay, I guess.” What the hell did I say that for? The guy had seen me in a mess and was trying to help me. I guess it was my pride and the fact he was so hot that caused me to dress things up. But I knew I was being stupid.

“Are you sure?” he said. There was a concern on his face. Man, he was a nice guy too. This was unbelievable. What if he could help me? I thought about opening up, I thought how good it was to have some guy show consideration for my feelings again. I looked at him, and enjoyed the looking. If I told him some things, it would at least extend the time I could be near him.

“To be honest, Tom, things aren’t great right now.”

“No, I thought not. But you’ve gotten over your initial problems – the fees you owed.”

“Oh, I know that was a big thing back then, but right now that pales by comparison.”

“Can you spare five minutes?” he said, pointing over to the empty chairs at the front of the audience seating. I followed him to the seats.

“Yes, but can you?”

“Yes, yes, no problem,” said Ridgley. We sat down with an empty seat between us. He turned towards me and I turned towards him. Now, where did I start? What bits did I leave out? I hesitated. He leaned forward and laid a hand on my forearm, and proving he could read my mind, he said, “It’s okay. Just tell me what you need to so that I know how to help.”

I smiled at him and looked at his hand. A little zip of electricity passed from him and surged into my body. He withdrew the hand. I wished he hadn’t. So I started to tell him about the gossip, which meant I had to tell him the causes. Sometimes there was no way I could avoid being personal with him… everything that was happening to me was personal. By the time my excitement waned and words started to wind down he looked shocked.

“That is unbelievable, Ashley,” he said.

“But it’s true.”

“I don’t doubt you. I mean, what you have gone through is torture – torture of the mind and soul. I knew Brandon Lynes had a selfish streak in him, but none of us could have guessed that he was so possessive, or so cruel. What you’re telling me is that you are effectively a prisoner in his house… and that Amanda reports on your behaviour to him? That’s insane.”

“Actually, Mr Ridgley...”

“Tom.”

“Okay, Tom... I think Amanda’s in the same boat. We talked at the weekend. She doesn’t want to spy on me, she just has to. She needs to get free from him as well.”

Tom Ridgley’s eyes glazed with thought and he nodded. Then he looked at me again, his face serious, but full of compassion. The look in his beautiful brown eyes had me swooning inside. He shifted in his seat, and I couldn’t help notice he’d moved nearer to me. His knee gently grazed mine. I could smell his cologne - lemons and bergamot - and see the firm line of his jaw and the muscles in his neck.

“I can’t believe what you’ve been through. I really can’t. Not here at this college. Not with what we stand for. I just can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.”

He shifted again. I noticed he was struggling, hesitating, grappling with a dilemma inside. I wondered if I knew what it was. I hoped that I did.

“It’s just so good to hear someone being nice to me. If I hadn’t been able to talk to someone like you, I just don’t know…”

He laid his hand on my shoulder. Five minutes had turned into ten, and they were creeping towards fifteen. I hoped Amanda would never come back. I let my eyes linger on his and smiled, not refusing his hand on me but still careful not to welcome it. He squeezed my shoulder softly.

“Here, please,” he finally broke his taboo and leaned across and squeezed me in a hug.

“No one should go through that, Ashley. No one.” I let him hug me and I eagerly pressed myself against him, pushing my breasts upon his chest. I wondered if he could feel my heart racing, and if he enjoyed the sensation of my bosom against his firm chest. His hands were tense, his arms not all embracing. Finally he relented, and his arms slid all the way around my back, and I felt them run up and down my spine, and over my bra strap. I couldn’t help but emit the slightest sigh as he stroked my back. A moment later and he seemed to remember himself. He pulled away, quickly and politely. He looked at me and scratched his head, his voice suddenly different. “I’m sorry, Ashley. I just feel you have been through something terrible… I didn’t mean to…”

“Mr Ridgley. I haven’t been hugged like that in a long time. Thanks for showing me some concern.”

He smiled and I saw him blush. “Of course I’ll do whatever I can to help you. In fact, I won’t be happy until your situation has been resolved.”

I was pirouetting inside. I was dancing, my body tingling from the joy of unexpected bliss. I had feelings for Cody, but they had been rejected. Here another amazing man had shown me a glimpse of his deeper feelings.

“I need to meet with you, Ashley. I think we should discuss this properly and plan how to deal with it.”

He wanted to meet me again. The rest didn’t matter. My internal thermometer was climbing sky high. I felt myself getting carried away, and I hope Ridgley might do the carrying.

“Yes, that would be great. If I can, that is…”

Ridgley caught my meaning. “Oh, I’ll see to the details. Don’t you worry. And how are you dealing with Cody Barnes situation?”

Cody Barnes situation? To me Cody had always been a person, not a situation. I’d shared a little about our love affair, but not in depth as I didn’t know what he meant.

“Sorry, what situation?”

“I heard Cody is going to get married.”

My mouth tried to find words, but my lips just made empty shapes. I saw Joanna Laws face in my mind. It felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut. I was spinning. Ridgley didn’t get an answer.

The lecture theatre door slammed against the wall. I saw Ridgley’s body launch into the air, he shifted the other way. But when he landed his knee was still against mine and on balance, he looked guilty as hell. We both looked at the door. Amanda stood there, with her mouth open, blushing, clearly sensing the dynamic between us. After three seconds she spoke. “It’s Brandon. He’s coming right now.”

“Oh…” I said. Ridgley stood too and looked tense.

“This can’t go on,” said Ridgley.

“Amanda. Professor Ridgley wants to have a meeting with me to help with some stuff…”

Amanda looked at Ridgley and I felt him squirm under her gaze. I saw the girl stifle a smile under some mock seriousness. “Of course.”

“Can you help cover that for me?” I asked.

“Yes, yes, but come on. I’m supposed to be watching you.”

“Okay, I’m coming.” I stumbled up and walked away, reeling. Cody getting married? That wasn’t in the script... I looked back at Ridgley. He smiled. I don’t think he knew what he’d said about Cody had such significance for me. But at least now I knew… There was nothing to hold back for… If Professor Ridgley wanted me, I would give myself to him. Before I would have hesitated, but Cody had already moved on. I had lost the man I thought I loved. Now I was free and I was hurting. I hoped that meant I was dangerous. With Ridgley’s help, Brandon Lynes wouldn’t know what hit him. I hoped it hit him as hard as what had just hit me.