Venture Forward (18 page)

Paul chewed another Twizzler and glowered at the television. It may not have been fair, but it was necessary.

“Listen, I get it.” Evan’s voice softened. “I know why you’re closed off, but unless you’re ready to face those reasons yourself, you’ll never fill the void.”

“What makes you think I want to fill it? I’m fine with things the way they are. I like dating a lot of girls, not having to deal with all the bullshit that comes along with a relationship. No demands, no questions, no strings. I don’t have time for that. I like my freedom.”

“You’re afraid, and you’ll never be happy unless you face those fears.”

“I have everything I could ever want. What makes you think I’m not happy?”

“Because you got dealt a shitty hand, and you’ve never been able to face it. You bury the past but never resolve the issues. Don’t you think I remember how bad things were before we left Connecticut? But I refused to let it rule my life. I don’t want to let all that anger hold me back from being happy with someone. I want a wife and a family — and everything else we missed out on.”

“We didn’t have the same experience.”

“I know. You always protected me and Mom.”

“
Not
always.”

“You have to stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have known he would come back.” Paul covered his face with his hands and groaned. “Christ, Evan, is there any reason you feel the need to torture me right now and resurrect that shit?
Again?
”

“Yeah dumbass, because I’m concerned. I’ve never seen you react this way to a girl. You’re lying to yourself if you think you can just walk away.”

“I can’t do it. It’s better if—”

“That’s bullshit. You need to get closure and move on with your life. If you feel something for this girl, why would you be so quick to blow it off?”

“Because I’m afraid I’ll end up like him! It’s better for me to be alone than to worry about how I might fuck up a family of my own. I can’t be responsible for hurting anyone the way he hurt us.”

“You’ll never know it unless you give things a shot.”

He gritted his teeth, knowing the one thing he feared more than hurting Avery was losing her forever. “I’m not willing to take that risk.”

ABSOLUTELY PICTURE PERFECT. THAT
was the best way to describe the ceremony. Mia and Chris, exchanging “I dos” in one of the most picturesque locations along the West Coast, on a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, bright, orange sky illuminated by the sun setting over the horizon. They were completely enamored with one another and unable to stop the ear-to-ear grins from lighting up their faces. It was the beginning of their own fairy-tale, a life chock-full of love, bliss and mind-altering sex.

Where the heck was her happily ever after? And when did she decide she even wanted one? Too bad it was still beyond her reach, a glaring fact highlighted by Paul’s evident disinterest. It still stung, even after she’d consumed several glasses of bubbly to cushion the blow.

Avery drummed her fingernails on the marble covered bar. Throngs of people circulated around the elegant dining room but Paul wasn’t the type of guy that mixed, even at the center of a crowd. His aura alone set him apart. Luckily, there were plenty of stone podiums topped with overflowing floral arrangements lining the room. Easy to hide. Easier to spy.

“How does the most beautiful woman in the room end up standing alone at the bar without anyone to talk to?”

Avery turned in the direction of the teasing voice and flashed a smile. Mmm, definitely hot and a much-needed distraction from the fact that Paul had barely acknowledged her presence since he’d arrived. Saying the guy ran hot and cold was a gross understatement. “Did the thought ever occur to you that I’m waiting for someone?”

The handsome young man nodded. “It did. But after a few minutes passed, I decided if someone kept you waiting like that, he didn’t deserve your attention.”

“I see. So you figured…”

“I figured, what’s the harm in saying hello?” He grinned. “I’m Matt.”

“Avery.” How nice to actually feel wanted. Her eyes inadvertently slid in Paul’s direction. Why couldn’t he look up to witness this adorable guy trying to pick her up? Not that it mattered. He wouldn’t care anyway. They were, after all, only
friends
.

“Was I right? Is the most beautiful woman in the room without a plus one?”

“That’s a trick question.”

“How so?”

“If I say yes, I’ll be accepting your compliment that I am the most beautiful woman in the room. However, since everyone knows at a wedding, the most beautiful woman in the room is, without question, the
bride
, my answer would be… no.”

“Stunning
and
clever.”

Avery tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and absently glanced across the bar, willing Paul to turn his head just the slightest bit. Her breath caught as their eyes met. A look flashed across his face before he averted his eyes. Was it disappointment? Anger? Jealousy? All of the above? What was going on in his head? Argh! All this obsessing was borderline pathetic.
More champagne, please
.
“That’s very sweet. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I had nothing to do with it.”

Slender fingers grasped her forearm, and she was suddenly being dragged away from her eager suitor.

“Matt,” Mia cooed. “Can I just steal her away for a minute? Bridal business, you know how it is.”

Matt nodded, a look of disappointment flitting across his chiseled features. “Sure. Avery, it was nice to meet you.”

Mia shoved Avery behind a tall marble column as soon as they were out of Matt’s earshot. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What are you talking about? I was just—”

“Sweetie, you’re not paying attention at all, are you?”

Avery dangled her champagne glass. “I’m certainly paying attention to this.”

“You need to stop drinking and start opening your eyes.”

“I feel like you’re speaking in code right now.” She tried to focus. Was it the champagne, or was Mia just making absolutely no sense?

“Paul hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night. I mean, I love Matt to pieces, but he’s kind of out of his league here. Tell me you’re really not that oblivious.”

“He’s been avoiding me like I have the freaking bubonic plague. You’re on crack.” She snickered and sipped her champagne. “Love crack.”

“He’s been watching you. Trust me. It’s blatantly obvious.”

“Are you really taking a break from your delicious husband to play matchmaker? At your
wedding
?”

“Yes, and speaking of my delicious husband, even he noticed how Paul’s been eye-fucking you. He sees it, I see it, and I suspect a whole lot of other people do as well. Except poor Matt.”

Avery snorted. “And
me
. You guys are insane.”

“Why do you ladies look so conspiratorial?” Chris walked over and wrapped his arms around Mia’s waist. “What did I miss, wife?”

“Just the fact that Avery is completely blind to the fact that Paul has been undressing her with his eyes all night.”

“Oh
yeah.
” He flashed a knowing glance at Mia. “Maybe she needs to lay off the juice. If she sobered up a little, maybe she’d see it too.”

“That’s exactly what
I
told her!”

“Great minds…” Chris nuzzled her ear.

“Excuse me, but if you guys can’t restrain yourselves any longer, I suggest you leave me here and take that business to your own
private
honeymoon suite, you know what I’m saying?” She slapped a hand against the marble to steady herself on her Jimmy Choos. Damn heels were so skinny. The last thing she wanted was another replay of the Berkeley air vent scenario.

“Looks like they may need to make a pit stop along the way. I hope the bridal room is nice and close.” Paul laid a steadying hand on Avery’s shoulder, sending chills shooting to her fingertips. “Come on, let’s leave them to their newlywed business and go for a walk. I can use some air.” He cast a beguiled glance at her near-empty glass. “You probably could too.”

Amusement immediately morphed into something much more carnal. The heat of his appraising gaze flooded her core with warmth. Her skin tingled at his nearness, the scent of his cologne heightening her alcohol-induced senses.

A smile played at her lips, and she swallowed the giggle in her throat.
Holy shit.
If Paul had seen Chris give her the victory signal behind his back just then… she’d have drop-kicked him for sure, wedding night or no wedding night.

He grasped her hand, the resulting spark crackling her insides. If she didn’t need air before, it had certainly become a necessity in that moment. Why the sudden interest? Was it because she’d been talking to Matt? Had he been watching after all?

She caught a glimpse of Matt’s deflated expression as they left the banquet hall. He deserved someone who wasn’t infatuated with another guy. Paul’s fingers tightened around hers. They were so strong, commanding. And they’d feel like pure magic dancing over her bare skin. No, not before she told him the truth. This was the perfect opportunity. Her breath escaped in short, quiet gasps. But what if he really did have feelings for her? Shouldn’t she find that out first before putting any possibility of a future on the chopping block?

“It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn’t it? They’re so happy together.” Avery sipped the champagne, carefully navigating the path outside the resort. The cobblestones were weathered, and the cracks were large enough for her to do some serious damage to her heels… and her neck.
Please don’t fall, please don’t fall.

“Yeah.” Paul’s voice drifted off, his eyes resting on hers, making every ounce of resolve falter. What if they were
right
?

The sky was a vibrant mix of orange, purple, and red, the bright colors dancing on the surf below. A chill in the air swept through the silk organza fabric of the dress, whispering against her bare skin.
Say something, dammit!
But the lump in her throat grew larger by the second, making it almost impossible to utter a single word. He needed to know the truth, but the million-dollar question was which of the
truths
should she divulge?

“Paul, I—” She inched toward him, her heel catching the hem of the floor-length gown. The sound of the delicate silk tearing made her cringe as she stumbled. How quickly she’d destroyed something so beautiful because of her drunkenness. If that wasn’t a freaking huge, flashing red sign to slap her big mouth shut once and for all… she didn’t know what was.

Paul caught her by the elbow, the crystal flute still firmly secured in hand, before she face planted on the jagged rocks. “Glad to see you saved the glass. It would have been a real shame to let it go to waste.”

Waves crashed against the cliff, the melodic sounds drowning out her thoughts, fragrant ocean air making her dizzy with anticipation. This wasn’t a friendship, at least not like any she’d ever had before with a guy. The alcohol only deepened her desire, stirring up so many conflicting emotions in the process. Everyone was convinced there was more on his side. If that was true, if he did want to be with her… she needed to know.

“I, uh, just wondered why you came alone.” It was a halfway-decent save. She cocked her head to the side, trying desperately to ignore the butterflies flitting around in the pit of her belly.

“You’re by yourself too. Although you seem to have captured a good amount of attention back there.”

“Mmm-hmm. Very observant.”
So he did notice. Good
. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Paul shrugged and looked away.

“Not in the mood for headaches?”

His face relaxed into a smile. “Definitely not. Which is exactly the opposite of what you’re going to experience tomorrow morning if you don’t cut yourself off.”

She gathered what was left of her skirt and sidled closer. His heady scent swirled around her. Suddenly, they were back on Pietro Point, snuggled together in the crisp early morning breeze. She’d felt safe, protected, and at the same time, so unbelievably aroused, just as she did at that moment. “Oh yeah? Are you going to stop me if I can’t control myself?” It was too late to clap a hand over her motor-mouth. The words tumbled out before she could choke them back.

His deep-set eyes bore into her soul. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“What if I asked nicely? Maybe then you’d reconsider?” Her heart thrummed. Goosebumps shot up her arms and down her legs. Only a few inches separated them. She could almost taste his lips on hers. Her mouth parted, waiting, hoping, praying he’d lean closer and — then what? What was her brilliant plan? Sex would only make things worse. She’d already messed everything up. He just didn’t know it yet.

His eyes dropped as he turned away. “I-I can’t give you what you need, Avery.”

A sharp gasp escaped her lips, and she staggered backward as if she’d taken a swift kick to the gut.
“Y-you can’t—” Icicles sliced through her insides, coldness seeping into her veins and chilling her to the core. So that was what it felt like to have your heart torn from your chest, mutilated, and shoved back inside. With a hand to her forehead, her gaze darted in every direction, except his. “Um, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean anything. We’re friends and I just, um…”