Authors: Pamela Sargent
"How moving," Risa said acidly. Lang pressed the door open; she went inside, followed by Yakov.
Chimene lay on a mat in the center of the common room. She was naked; her head rested on her hands as she stared toward the wall screen. Two young men were reclining on either side of her. The brown-haired one sat up quickly and covered himself with a dark shroud lying near Chimene's feet; the dark skinned man adjusted the loose open robe that was his only garment.
Chimene looked up and smiled at Risa. She had thought her daughter might at least be viewing some transmissions or trying to comfort some of her followers with calls, but the screen held only an image of a green planet with small continents and vast oceans — Venus as it would be.
"Greetings, Mother." Chimene sat up and nodded at Yakov. "I'm so pleased you both decided to come here."
Risa narrowed her eyes. "Are these the two who are supposed to be guarding Boaz?"
Chimene rose gracefully to her feet, then smoothed some of her long dark hair over one breast. The two men stared at her, looking hypnotized. "There's no need to guard Boaz now," she said. "He's repented of what he's done. He's returned to the truth, and perfect happiness is his. Ishtar has forgiven him. I have forgiven him, too."
"Where is he?"
Chimene beckoned with one arm. The two young men sank back against the mat as the Guide led Risa and Yakov toward her room.
Galina Kolek sat in one corner, her arms around Lakshmi Tiris; a strange, rasping sound was coming from the child's throat. Boaz lay on the bed; his face was contorted in a grimace, his eyes wide, his teeth clamped together. His body seemed stiff under his clothing, and his chest was still. Risa moved a little closer, then realized the man was dead.
Lakshmi looked up at Chimene and screamed. The girl's face was red and swollen; tears spilled from her eyes. "Be quiet," Galina murmured. "He's with the Spirit now." Lakshmi tore herself away from the woman and threw herself across the bed, clawing at the body.
"I thought you gave her something," Chimene said calmly. "It doesn't seem to be working very well." She turned toward the bed. "Calm yourself, Lakshmi. This isn't the way a possible future Guide should behave."
"Boaz!" the child shrieked. "Boaz!"
"Get that girl out of here," Risa said. Yakov pulled Lakshmi from the bed; she screamed again as he carried her out of the room. Galina gazed up at Risa. She was twirling her reddish hair with one hand; the other rested against her physician's bag. "What have you done?" Risa managed to ask.
"He loved me," Chimene replied. "He repented — I gave him the chance to repent. Galina helped me — she gave him something that paralyzes the central nervous system while keeping him conscious. It works slowly — the limbs and the ability to speak are affected first, and one can stay alive for some time before the heart and the lungs stop working, but she can explain it to you in more detail. It's something physicians use when a patient has to remain immobile temporarily, but of course he had a much larger dose."
Risa sagged against the wall, unable to look away from the body.
"I spoke to him," Chimene continued. "I told him that I couldn't allow our world to fall into Kaseko's hands and that I knew he was conspiring against me. But I also told him I still loved him in spite of that, and I proved it to him by letting him atone for his deeds. The Spirit especially loves those who overcome great obstacles and errors to serve Her. I gave him the chance to confront his death and to be sorry for what he had done. He accepted that at the end — I know he felt great joy at being led back to the right way."
Risa stared at Boaz's twisted, frozen face. He did not look like a man who had found joy in dying.
"I also made him happy when I told him our child would live. Galina helped me there, too. Our daughter's embryo is already housed in one of the artificial wombs in the infirmary's laboratory. You see, I knew that we would preserve our world, regardless of what he had done, in spite of Eva's treachery in fleeing to the Habbers." Chimene moved near the bed and smiled down at the dead man. "I would have wanted to carry my child inside myself, but there will be much to do in serving the Spirit during the days to come, so I will give up that joy to carry out my duty. In nine months, my daughter will be with me, and someday she'll hear of how much love her parents shared at the end of her father's life. It was my last gift to him — telling him of the child he had always wanted with me."
Risa heard voices in the hallway; Yakov entered the room, followed by Lang and a few others. "So much lies ahead," Chimene went on. "I must begin to form a new household, to help me and to prepare for my daughter's birth. Don't you think it's time Dyami returned here? I would be so pleased to have my brother at my side — surely he's ready to accept the Spirit now."
Risa reached for Yakov's arm. Lang gaped at the body on the bed, then went to Galina and pulled her to her feet. Chimene was still smiling when a man went to her clothes rod, pulled off a robe, and draped the garment over her before leading her from the room.
* * *
Chimene lay on her bed, her hands folded over her chest. She had felt so weary during the past days, ever since Boaz's body had been taken away. She knew that she should be preparing a speech for the fellowship and consulting with Yakov, who, now that Oberg's Council was under detention, had temporarily taken on a Councilor's duties. But she was often too tired for the effort of a speech, and Yakov had sent her no messages asking for her advice.
A few people she did not know were staying in her house now. They were always at the door, ready to follow her if she wanted to stroll along the creek or sit in the clearing behind the house. They fetched her meals that she barely touched and she supposed that they were also turning away visitors; it was almost as if she were under a kind of detention. Maybe it was just as well. She would have some time to renew her energies before resuming her obligations as the Guide.
She had overheard a few comments among the men and women here now and had found out that Mukhtar Kaseko was holding discussions with a delegation of Habbers on Anwara. She had even heard one of her new housemates assert that things had been better when the Habbers dwelled among them, and the others had not troubled to protest such a remark. Maybe they believed that she herself had sent Eva to the Habitat, that the Guide had decided that it was possible to reach out to such people. She would have to put a stop to that and keep her people from falling into such error.
Her door opened; a woman stepped inside. "You have two visitors," she said, "your mother and your friend, Lena Kerein. May I show them in?"
Chimene forced herself to sit up. "Of course." The door closed. She reached for the blue robe lying on the bed and got up; she was settling herself on a cushion when Risa and Lena entered.
"Greetings," Risa said; Lena smiled a little uncertainly. "I hope you're up to discussing a few matters with me. I was just over at the Administrative Center."
"Please sit down," Chimene said. The two women seated themselves. "I've been feeling the need for rest lately. It's been kind of people not to make too many demands on me, but I'm sure I'll soon feel renewed."
Risa's face was solemn. Her small, stocky body was still youthful; one had to get close to her to see the small lines around her eyes and mouth and the flecks of gray in her dark hair. "It seems the Habbers may actually win some sort of agreement from the Mukhtar. When and if they do, we'll have to hold new elections here for our Councils, since those Councilors and the Island Administrators will also have something to say about any agreement with Earth. The Habbers say only that they are willing to act on our behalf and won't return here unless we request it."
Chimene shrugged. "We won't ask for that," she said.
"I'm not so sure." Risa shifted on her cushion. "Some are saying that, when they were here, they interfered as little as possible and that their presence kept Earth at a distance. But a decision about that can come after the election."
"I don't think I should run, do you?" Chimene asked. "Being on Oberg's Council might interfere with my duties, and I'd be too preoccupied with matters in this settlement to pay proper attention to my brothers and sisters elsewhere. The Councilors could still consult with me when necessary."
Risa glanced at Lena, who lowered her eyes. "We'll have to have some hearings after the election," Risa said. "Many are demanding that, and yet if we hold hearings for everybody who's committed some offense, there'd be no end to it. We'd never heal our wounds, only deepen them. We'd go from Councilors and patrol leaders guilty of extortion and intimidation down to people who turned a blind eye to what was going on around them, and there are many such people. We'd have neighbor against neighbor and divided households and families. So we'll have to limit ourselves to the ones who committed the greatest wrongs and who led others to go along with them — the leaders — and those creatures in Turing, of course."
Chimene nodded. "Perhaps the patrol there overstepped its bounds, but surely some forgiveness is possible for those who were only trying to bring their charges closer to Ishtar. Perhaps I can visit Turing myself to assure my brother and his friends of my concern and love for them."
Risa let out her breath. "They'd probably kill you if you did." Chimene flinched, shocked at the harshness in her mother's voice. "You don't seem to understand. I guessed you wouldn't, but I hoped you might have some sanity left. Do you think you'll escape a hearing now? Do you think we can hold them for others and not for the Guide herself? Those people were acting for you."
"The fellowship knows that I was deceived and misled." Chimene's voice trembled a little; she steadied herself. "They know that it was my love for those closest to me that kept me from seeing what I might otherwise have seen, but surely it's no sin for a Guide to love. I did act against those who tried to betray us when my eyes were opened — surely that counts in my favor."
"Oh, yes." Risa's voice rose a little.
"My sisters and brothers love me. They would never allow me to be dragged before a hearing."
"You're wrong," Risa said violently. "You're always saying that the Guide has nothing to fear from the truth. Your followers will allow a hearing if only because a lot of them persist in believing that you can offer a defense. The rest of us will insist on one because there must be a public accounting."
Lena gripped Risa's shoulder. "Please," the brown-haired woman said.
"I don't know what kind of judgment will be made," her mother continued more calmly, "or what kind of sentences we can pass. Some might be detained for many years, and reparations will have to be made, although I don't know how some can be repaid for the pain and suffering they endured. The disgrace will be enough punishment for some, and the knowledge that they must live among people who may never forgive their deeds. There's a possibility we may be able to negotiate with Earth to take some of the worst ones off our hands, the ones who don't deserve mercy, the ones who would have made Venus a prison. They can contemplate their deeds in the prisons of that world."
"You can't hold a hearing for me," Chimene whispered. "If the Guide is disgraced — why, it could tear Ishtar apart."
"Maybe your followers will come to their senses when they see just how deluded you are. Maybe they'll demand another Guide in your place, especially when your fellow defendants start pointing their fingers at you and speak of how they were only doing your bidding." Risa sighed. "If you say you knew nothing of many of their deeds, you'll be seen as a fool or a liar. If you admit that you did, you'll have to share their punishment. Either way hardly seems a sound position for you."
Chimene lowered her eyes. Disgrace, detention, possible exile — she could not accept such possibilities. Those who loved her could not allow this to happen. She lifted her head. Risa's face had the same severe expression she had seen years before, when she was a child and her mother a Councilor.
She realized then that she had always known Risa would eventually come to judge her. She had known it ever since that night long ago, when she had watched Risa deliver her judgment against three murderers. The future had cast its shadow into the past, and she had glimpsed a time when her mother would condemn her. What could this mean? What was the Spirit trying to reveal to her now?
"I can't —" She clutched at the neckline of her robe. "What about my child? How can I raise her if I —"
"The embryo can be frozen until your fate is clear. There's no reason it can't be allowed to gestate later. In fact, that's what I'd advise, unless you think you can wring out a little more sympathy for yourself by playing the role of an expectant mother. Of course, any judgment against you could also deprive you of the child's custody, but some devoted follower might be willing to adopt her."
"No." These words were not being said to her.
"Would it really matter?" Risa's lip curled. "You talk about sharing and loving all of Ishtar's children equally."
"If my child was taken from me in a hearing —"
"That's all you care about, isn't it — the disgrace, not the child."
"She's part of your line, too."
"May I be cursed for that," Risa muttered. "She's also the child of the man you killed. Lakshmi Tiris will have a tale to tell at your hearing about recent events in this house, and many will wonder about a woman who could expose a young girl to that. When I was on the Council, I was often struck by how a child's testimony could move people."
Risa slowly got to her feet. "I thought you should know exactly what your situation is so that you have a chance to prepare yourself. I must leave you now. I have a darktime shift later — we must get on with our tasks." She paused. "You might get lucky, Chimene. Maybe a physician will find that some sort of physical problem contributed to your derangement. That would destroy much of your credibility as a Guide but might prevent a harsher judgment."
She left the room; Lena remained behind. "Well," Chimene said softly, "have you come to condemn me, too?"