Veracity (55 page)

"Once we reached land it took us quite a while to recover, and we were lucky to find a ruined community nearby, which had everything we needed in it, including some crop food growing on its borders. We stayed there on the coast for a couple weeks, fishing and gathering other foods.

"I spent a lot of my time thinking about Onni, and I'm sure that I seemed quite miserable. But I wasn't alone. Everyone was miserable. And I guess that's where it all started, out of a need for something to focus on, something to help sidetrack their minds. Because the more free time they had in this state, the angrier they became; and obviously, every bit of anger they had was directed at you. And within a month, everything imaginable had become your fault: their almost drowning, Onni's death, the reason they were on the ship in the first place, Solmund, even Peik - it was only a matter of naming the hardship, and instantly, you would turn into the cause.

"I knew how ugly it was, how adolescent and pitiful. And for a while, I really thought about putting a stop to it, but it had quickly grown into something that seemed essential to them, something they needed. I remembered poor Solmund, and I thought that, if there was always going to be a scapegoat anyway, then I should be happy it was someone who was removed and out of harm's way, someone who could never be injured, simply because he was already dead. And that's what you have to understand, Joshua, that I believed, without a doubt, that you were dead. I was positive of it.

"After you'd escaped, I studied the maps, the wind direction, the relief of the peninsula that you were supposedly drifting toward, and I could see that, even if every single factor was in your favour, you would still be killed. From what I could make out, the main current was pounding into a steep cliff. To me, the chances of your surviving were almost nil."

"You were right," I say, feeling like I'm interrupting. He turns to look at me, nodding, glad that I've verified this long held suspicion of his. "I only made it by the skin of my teeth. It was just blind luck."

"I
knew
it," he says, sounding frustrated that such blind luck should exist in the world, and looks back into the trees. He carries on speaking after my words seem to have sunk in.

"So, anyway... we started looking for you. And I thought of it as a blessing, as a simple way for the crew to use their frustrated energy on something productive. And in the meantime, we were getting to know a bit about the landscape, developing some useful skills, and even discovering a few things about our ancestors - all of them, beneficial things. And that wasn't all; because for some reason, all of this combing the ground for clues and spending the evenings looking over the few maps we'd managed to find or had salvaged from the swim, and having these ordered discussions about where you might be, really managed to pull them together again. They had a mutual goal they were working toward, and that was enough for me. So I stopped worrying about it and just let them have their imaginary chase, knowing that eventually their enthusiasm would dwindle. I was sure that, once they'd spent more energy than it was worth, they would have to let their ideas of revenge go. Then, about a week ago, we came across one of your footprints.

"And I just... I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my eyes! I was wrong the whole time. You were alive. You'd actually made it. And man! I wish I would've known that, because everything would have been different. I would have found something else, some
way
to point their energy in another direction.

"And do you know what's crazy? In the last weeks leading up to that day, the crew were even beginning to settle down a bit, slowly becoming disinterested, distracted by other things. But when we found your tracks, everything changed. They'd become unreasonable, fixated on catching you. At first, they were just screaming and yelling, running around, jumping up and down, praising themselves; but they soon became serious, making spears, analyzing the maps, planning. The only thing they could talk about was you. You, and what they were going to do when they caught you.

"I was quiet the night we found your footprint. In fact, I don't think I said anything. I could only think about what was going to happen, and if there was anything I could do to stop it. I went to sleep early and heard Knut begin one of his little whispering frenzies, and already by the morning, the group dynamics had changed. Everyone was watching me, just waiting for me to say something that would prove Knut's suspicions to be true. They were ready to pounce, Joshua. And only then did I realize that this 'harmless' thing that I'd let build and build, had grown into something completely explosive, something that could have been turned around on anyone, at anytime - even me.

"So the only thing left to do was to surprise them by snatching a map and suggesting a few things that would improve the chances of finding you. I knew that any influence I had was slippery. I mean - I was still their leader, but Knut had managed to seriously undermine me with only a night of talking, and any open confrontation with him would've ended with them justifying what they'd already begun to think: that I really wanted to protect you, to stick up for you, just as I had done before.

"No, there couldn't be a confrontation. So the only option left was to follow along and keep an eye on things from a distance. Which is what I've been doing for the past week, standing in the background, waiting for a chance to take control again. And obviously, with all of these new factors involved, and everything that we'd thought and planned changing into something new, today is the perfect opportunity to set things right.

"I mean - this is
the
turning point of everything! It must be the most unique opportunity that anyone has ever had throughout history. Imagine it! Imagine the possibility of having a fresh start, to begin every single thing on the right foot. It's here, now, right in front of us. The crew are combing the valley as we speak. They're spread out, travelling alone, and they should only meet up for the first time just before they arrive here, which was my intention - to give them as little time to whisper as possible. And while they're gathering as much information as they can, I've made sure that they're unarmed. That way, if any of these people should see them, they won't appear to be much of a threat or a..."

"What people?" I interrupt. But I already know it's useless. Apparently, Mikkel and the crew
had
backtracked after I was knocked unconscious. Which only made sense. They were far too thorough to let my self-defeating tactic of running toward them go uninvestigated.

"The people in the next valley," he says, sounding a little confused, as if this was information that we'd already established earlier in the conversation, and he was wondering why I'd forgotten it. "The people who made the firepit that your tracks pass by and come back to - the ones who made the hunting camp you found." He raises his eyebrows waiting for a response. I don't give him one. "Well, the crew are gathering information about
them
." Mikkel stops, still watching me curiously. I feel like a child who's just been caught doing something he shouldn't, and when he begins to shake his head at me, in what seems like utter amazement, I look away.

"I can't believe you," he says, sounding as amazed as he looked.

"What can't you believe?" I mumble, defeated.

"I can't believe that you spent all that time alone, and that you're still exactly like them, that you're still indoctrinated, still brainwashed with all that shit. I can't believe that you haven't figured out a single thing on your own."

"As a matter of fact, you're wrong," I say, perking up a bit to defend myself. "You're
completely
wrong. I've learned a lot of things on my own. You'd be surprised."

"Like what - that the Elders were right after all? Wow. Some epiphany."

"No. And that's one of the things I've figured out; that the Elders weren't right. They were guilty of oversimplifying things - like we all do."

"So... you've figured out that the Elders were wrong, yet, for some reason, you were hoping that we wouldn't find out about the people in the next valley? In fact, judging by your reaction right now, I wonder if you were
trying
to keep us from finding out. Which would explain why you were running in the wrong direction to start with. You were trying to lure us from the firepit."

"I was."

"Why?"

"Because... well, first of all, you're putting words into my mouth. I don't think the Elders were wrong; actually, I think they were mostly right. They were wrong in the way that you and I are wrong, because they only saw one side of the story, and it was only that side we were shown. And that's the whole point: even the Elders - people who were dedicated to the truth - could still only see one side of it. Can you grasp how important that is? All of us as human beings, certainly myself included, are
only
capable of seeing one side of a story. It's like the crew with me, or you with the Elders, or one of the historical cultures with their 'enemies'. We don't see the world, Mikkel; we see a rendition of it that suits us.

"And you know, I think when we look at animals we consider them to be fairly simple creatures, maybe even shake our heads at how primal they seem. They eat, sleep, reproduce, and live according to their instincts. And because we build roads and towers, we're confident that we're superior to them, better somehow. But what I've realized is that we aren't; we are exactly like them. In fact, we
are
those animals. The only difference between us is that they are living according to their instincts, and we are living according to our own individual illusions, which happen to conveniently hold that our instincts are always right. No, stop smiling and really think about it: the only difference between the 'foolish' animal world and us, is that we have the capacity to fool ourselves."

"You know something? I was smiling because I don't think you heard what you just said. I mean - I couldn't have thrown away the Elders' argument better myself. You said that we were exactly like the other animals, and that, even though we
think
we're better, we're not. And I agree. But to me, the fact that we are the same makes us just as much a part of nature as they are. If what you say is true, then we have as much a right to live as any animal does. Nature, which we are a part of, automatically finds a balance between the things living inside it. So we should just let it find that balance, no?"

"That
sounds
logical, but it isn't - only because we can't trust ourselves to see what is balanced. We will inevitably step recklessly outside of that 'natural harmony' that you speak of, and suddenly, miraculously,
see
it as balanced."

"Oh, come on, Joshua! It's still the same old shit that the Elders fed you, you're only putting a few twists of your own on it," Mikkel blurts out, throwing his hands into the air to help emphasize his words. He squares his shoulders with me before he continues.

"So, if I understand you correctly here... you think our instincts are simply wrong, and that we, the most intelligent beings that have ever lived on this planet, just don't have the mental capacity to see it that way. And... you wanted to keep us from finding out about the people in the next valley, only because their instincts and the illusions they hold of themselves, like every human being's, are just plain wrong?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Then let me ask you an obvious question: how do
you
know what's 'wrong'?"

"I don't really. But I find it impossible to think that causing something to suffer could ever be 'right'."

"What do you mean by 'causing something to suffer'? You mean the animals they killed?" Mikkel asks, his voice losing its aggressive tone.

"No. I mean the animals they tortured."

"Joshua, I happen to doubt very much that they tortured any of those animals. They killed them and took away the meat, and only because they needed to survive. They did what they did out of necessity, and that's all."

"No. Again, you're wrong. Though I honestly wish you weren't. But you don't have to take my word for it, you can see for yourself if you know where their camp is; which is something I would recommend doing before standing firm behind your 'necessity' theory. Take a good look at the carcass that has no hands - at the one animal in that disgusting carnage that would have walked upright."

It takes a moment for Mikkel to absorb something I've said. "What do you mean 'would have walked upright'? Like a monkey, or like us?"

"I guess a little more like us. And they're about our size, too, though maybe a bit smaller."

"Really?" Mikkel says, sounding concerned. "Are they dangerous? I mean... are they aggressive, or... or are there a lot of them?"

"No... hold on. Listen, it's important for you to understand that in no way are these creatures dangerous. They are simply an intelligent animal, which is
easily
capable of coexisting with us."

Mikkel twists his head to the side. He seems doubtful. "What do you mean by intelligent?"

I open my mouth to speak, but can't. And I know that as I'm pausing to carefully choose my words, every microsecond of silence is being counted against their credibility. "I said
fairly
intelligent."

"Really? I thought you said something else."

"Look, it doesn't matter! The point is: they're not dangerous, and there's no reason to fear them. It is that simple. Can you understand that?"

"Okay, okay... don't get excited." Mikkel shows me his palms and takes a few steps backward before he turns around. He pauses, thinking. I'm hoping with all of my being that he doesn't ask any more questions about the Creatures. I know that I haven't done them justice, and I certainly haven't protected them from any kind of cruelty. It wasn't as if Mikkel was going to be dissuading people in the next valley from hunting them any time soon, not after the description I've given of them. He probably thinks there was a good reason for those hunters to do what they did. I shake my head at myself.