Authors: Cate Kendall
'Oh damn!' Sera leaned forward and checked her reflection
in the mirror. She wiped away an errant streak of chocolate
icing that ran from her eye across her cheekbone.
Bella was finally going to be in town today and Sera was
determined that everything would be perfect. The children
would be little angels, the picnic would be worthy of a
Donna Hay shoot and she would look every bit as groomed
and gorgeous as her perfect older sister.
Because Joan's erratic schedule couldn't guarantee they
would have any privacy, Sera had made the zany suggestion
of a winter picnic in the Botanic Gardens.
'A picnic?' Bella had said on the phone from the other
side of the world. 'Why?'
'Because it'll be fun and besides the kids will love it,'
Sera had responded.
'Oh, the kids, yes . . . of course,' Bella said with the air
of someone who had the freedom to float across the globe
on a whim. Of course she loved Sera, her brothers and
her many nieces and nephews, but rather than hovering
and become an irritating know-it-all childless aunt, she'd
cut herself free, indulging in brief visits and generous gifts
instead.
The lifestyle she'd chosen afforded her a degree of self-protection,
too. If she was always on the move, she'd never
have to put down roots or make a nest; she'd never risk
making another huge mistake. The world's best hotels were
home enough for her.
The day of the picnic began with Sydney's customary
pale blue sky, which later darkened to a richer blue. The
clouds went to Melbourne, the wind to Adelaide and the
rain spent the day in its favourite place, Hobart.
Sera had been in a styling frenzy all morning. Everything
had to be just right. It had taken her an hour to prepare the
children's outfits alone.
For herself, she'd finally settled on black leggings and
the bright yellow dress she'd bought last week. She spent
ages blow-drying her hair, curling it, then straightening it
again. She applied her full work-day make-up, and finished
with a liberal dusting of bronzer for that natural glow. With
her enormous black Miu Miu bag slung over her arm, she
almost felt good enough.
Downstairs, she finished icing the chocolate cupcakes
and packed put her lime-zest aioli into an old coffee container.
The chook had roasted nicely, she saw to her satisfaction
as she wrapped it in foil, and the coleslaw she'd
picked up from Essential Ingredients looked tempting.
The children were whizzing around the house, beside
themselves with excitement about seeing Aunty Bella. She
always brought the best presents.
*
Bella was already sitting on a park bench under a tree when
they arrived. She looked stunning in her tan canvas pants
and white Abercrombie and Fitch polo top with a pink and
white rugby jumper slung around her shoulders. Her hair
was pulled back into a long blonde ponytail, straightened
with such precision that she must have had it done at a drycleaners.
Even her white Dunlop Volleys looked elegant.
As Sera drew closer she watched her sister methodically
check her watch and mobile three times each, and her hair
twice. She's so perfect, Sera thought to herself. Why can't
she just relax?
'Darling,' Bella stood and gave her sister a warm hug.
'So good to see you. You look wonderful.'
'Thanks, Bella,' replied Sera. She wanted to return the
compliment, but telling Bella she looked good was like
telling Stephen Hawking he's clever.
'Hello, Bella,' the children shyly chorused.
'Hello, Madeline, hello, Harry. I have presents for you.'
The kids squealed in excitement and ripped into the
parcels. The excitement quickly turned into confusion,
and Harry looked up enquiringly from the white jeans to
his aunt. Then his little face broke into a sunny smile of
approval. 'Yay, jeans! They're cool ones. I put on now?'
He struggled out of his perfectly matching Gap navy-and-white
striped trousers and pulled the white Calvins on.
'White jeans for a three-year-old boy, Bella?' Sera asked,
as Harry wandered over to the picnic basket in search of
a snack. Bella's occasional blind spot about child-rearing
never failed to give Sera a smug glow of satisfaction.
'What?' Bella asked. 'He likes them.' She didn't care
that they had a lifespan of two minutes. Her nephew loved
them.
'Uh-oh,' came a little voice. A ripped packet of Twisties
was spilling all over Harry and his snow-white jeans.
He rubbed the orange crumbs into his thighs and ran off
to climb a tree.
'Thanks so much, Aunty Bella,' said Madeline. 'It's
wonderful.' Her Swarovski crystal swan glittered in the
sunlight.
'Oh my God, you'll break it,' Sera said immediately.
'No, I won't,' came the obstinate reply.
'Let me mind it,' Sera said.
'No!' Maddy insisted.
Sera shook her head and looked at Bella. 'Crystal,
Bella?'
'What?' Bella repeated, smiling at her niece's obvious
enjoyment.
'They're wonderful presents, thanks for thinking of
them,' Sera said, not wanting to sound ungrateful. She was
a tad disappointed, however, that there was no expensive
overseas gift for her. 'So how's jet-setting all over the
globe? Still fun?'
'Lifestyles of the rich and famous, that's me all right,'
Bella replied sarcastically. 'You've been there, you know
it's not what it's cracked up to be.'
'I only did it for a year. The Hobart–Melbourne leg was
not what I would call exotic. I love your world: lingerie in
Milan, hairstylist in LA, perfumery in New York.'
'It's not really your one-stop shop, is it? Sometimes I
would just like to go to Bondi Westfield like you and get
it all at once.'
'Yeah! Good one, swap all that for Westfield.' Sera was
painfully aware that evil green fingers were snaking around
her throat. She changed her tone. 'I guess you're right.
Having kids might put the brakes on your career but we
have so much fun together. I'm really enjoying them at the
moment. They really complete me.'
Sera knew she was being bitchy, she knew it was completely
unfair to throw Bella's childlessness into her face,
but she desperately wanted to have something – anything
– that her perfect sister didn't.
Her smug smile faded as a squeal shattered the calm of
the gardens. 'Muuum,' Harry shrieked. 'Maddy's hurting
me, she pushed me over,'
'He started it,' came Maddy's swift defence. 'He wrecked
my crystal swan's fairy garden.'
'Did not!'
'He flicked a dead bird into it.'
'She's a liar!'
'Mum, did you hear that?'
Sera smiled at Bella. 'You get used to it,' she said, in
what she hoped was a serene manner. 'I've just learned
to ignore it.' Another piercing cry sent the ducks flapping
away from their peaceful float. 'Actually, they're
never like this. I don't know what's gotten into them,'
Sera said, while her left eyebrow began to twitch. 'Just
ignore it.'
'Oh, I'm ignoring it,' Bella said and plucked a grape
from a Tupperware container.
'Have you spoken to Mum lately?' Sera asked. The
lapsed communication with her Tassie family left Sera with
a sense of guilty relief. She was glad she hadn't had to deal
with her mother's whiny neediness lately but still felt bad
for not being in contact.
'Yes, she rang last week when I was in Rome,' Bella
said with a groan.
She didn't ring me, Sera thought, then instantly chastised
herself for being so foolish. Silence from her mother
was what she wanted.
'Oh, yes, what did she want?' she asked.
'She wanted me to go online and top up her TAB
account because she was on a "sure thing" in Dapto.'
'You can't be serious,' Sera exclaimed. 'I hope you
didn't do it!'
'What could I do? I tried turning her down but she ran
the whole "You never come and visit" guilt trip on me and
fifty bucks seemed like a cheap way to get off the phone.'
'I'm glad she didn't call me, I would have ended up in
a fight with her.'
'That's probably why she didn't call you,' Bella said.
'Yeah, and also I never returned her call from a month
ago. How's Dad, has he found work yet?'
'No, apparently his back's gone out again. He didn't
sound too perturbed about it.'
Suddenly their conversation was interrupted by an an
ear-splitting scream from Maddy.
'RIGHT! That's it!' Sera leapt up and screeched in her
best fishwife voice, 'I can't believe you two! Wait till I tell
your father.' She marched behind the picnic and off across
the grass. 'I've had it up to here with this behaviour! The
one time I ask you both to behave –' Her voice reached a
strangled squawk as she rounded the tree and found the two
children in a garden bed, mid-wrestle.
'I don't care who started it; you're both old enough
to know better. Harry, look at those new jeans! Ruined!'
She looked at the two mucky children in exasperation and
pointed a finger. 'This is your last warning. I swear to God
I am going to kill you both with my bare hands if you don't
stop wrestling each other.'
Sera returned to Bella, shaking her head in disappointment
at her own behaviour. Her happy-family veneer had
slipped and shown the ugly chipboard beneath.
'Kids will be kids, don't worry about it,' Bella said,
trying to reassure her sister. 'White King will get the dirt
stains out of the jeans.'
Sera munched on a sandwich and stared out sulkily into
the distance. A couple walked past hand in hand, giggling
inanely at each other's every word. She wore a mini-skirt.
He thought she was beautiful.
'God, I hate it sometimes,' Sera said.
'Hate what?' Bella asked.
'Everything.'
'Oh, don't be like that, Sera, you've got a wonderful
life.'
'If it's so wonderful, why do I feel so miserable?'
'Well, tell me about it,' Bella offered.
'Bloody Joan's driving me up the wall,' Sera began.
'Yes, I could see the writing on the wall there,' admitted
Bella. 'It was always risky moving in with the monster-in-law,
especially one so fiercely devoted to her precious only
child. What's she done now?'
'Oh, it'll sound pathetic but it's the doona covers . . .'
And Sera launched into the sad and sorry tale of textiles and
fabric swatches; poly-blend and Best and Less. 'I just wish I
could be you sometimes, Bella,' Sera blurted out when she
was finished. 'Just floating around the world from city to
city, cocktail bars and rockstar parties, duty-free, carefree,
fat-free – you've just got it made and here I am, trapped.
Trapped in the drudgery of which freaking dishwashing
liquid to buy. Drop kids off, pick kids up, go to work,
come home from work, supermarket, farmers' market . . .
it's so bloody boring I could scream but I have to do it
because I'm trapped.' She stopped for a breath. Her self-pity
threatened to overwhelm her.
When Bella didn't leap to her aid with a hug like she
usually did, Sera looked up. Bella was glowering at her.
'How dare you?!' she said.
Sera's eyes widened: this wasn't the tea and sympathy
she had been expecting.
'How bloody dare you?! You wouldn't have a clue
about my life, not a single clue.'
'Well, I sort of do, don't I?' Sera said in a little voice. 'I
mean you do travel to lovely places quite a bit.'
'My God, Sera, you have got it all. You have a wonderful
husband, a house most people would kill for, a great job
in an industry you've always claimed to love and you've
got two healthy, amazing children. How can you sit there
and complain?'
'Well, it's not all beer and skittles,' Sera said, her bottom
lip trembling, 'not like your job.'
'Sera, my job is bloody hard work. You try dealing with
spoilt brats day in and day out, putting them to bed, feeding
them, helping them get over their every tantrum. And I'm
talking about grown-ups. I'll tell you right now, your two
kids have got nothing on fourteen first-class passengers – all
of whom make sure I know I'm well beneath them.'
'Well, yes, I guess that's a bit annoying –'
'Thanks to a decade-and-a-half of international travel
my periods are completely shot and I have constant jet lag.
No matter how hard I try I cannot keep the fluids up to
stop the dehydration and have to constantly take fibre to
stop my body from bloating till it explodes like a dead seal
in the sun.'
'Oh,' said Sera. 'I hadn't thought of that.'
'I don't have a true home or family thanks to having
equal time in almost every time zone in the world; the
closest relationships I have are with the crew I happen to be
working with and even that changes every flight.'
'What about Curtis, surely you see him a lot?'
'Curtis left me three months ago, Sera.'
'Bella! Why didn't you tell me?' Sera was shocked.
'Because, quite frankly, every time I call you have so
many concerns of your own I don't like to bother you.'
'Oh darling Bella, I'm so sorry, I am so very sorry.'
Sera reached out to put her hand on Bella's shoulder but
it was immediately shrugged off. She should have known
– it was fairly obvious, the slime-ball had even hit on her
once. Perhaps she should have told Bella after all. 'What
happened?'
'Oh, he had an affair. Well, he had several, if truth be
told. I was just too stupid to see them.'
'Bloody hell, Bella! You poor thing.' Sera stared at her
sister in disbelief. The poor woman, and all this time she'd
been bottling it up inside. 'You're not stupid, you're just
loyal. You just wanted to believe in true love.'
'I was stupid. I married too young. I really jumped from
the frying pan into the fire, didn't I?'
Sera reached out for her sister's hand as thoughts of
their home life came flooding into her mind like a cloud
descending on the sunny day. She remembered the yelling;
the boys wrestling and punching, their parents fighting,
her mother whingeing and moaning, never happy with
any thing. She remembered the overpowering smell of
cigarette smoke. It was all so depressing; the shredded curtains,
broken furniture . . . and the noise, so much noise all
the time. Noise. She snapped back to the present. Noise.
Where's the noise? She stood.