Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (2 page)

His face broke out in the biggest smile I’d ever seen on him. “I wanna ask her to marry me, Jules. I wanna ask her this weekend in Bristol. She went to Tennessee to get your momma. The two of them are meetin’ us there.”

“You’re gonna ask my sister to marry you? That’s fuckin’ great, man!” I was ecstatic for Kyle and Margie, but the ring in my own pocket felt like lead weighing me down. I wanted to marry Anna. At least I thought I did. I wanted to give the ring to my Anna. The beautiful little blond with the harsh southern twang and the gorgeous smile. The sweet little thing that barreled her way into my world when all I cared about before was racing. I wanted to give the ring to her, but she couldn’t even make herself available enough to have dinner with me so I could ask her right. Maybe I was wrong about her. Maybe I was wrong about everything.

We pulled in front of a local restaurant where we could grab a bite to eat and have a few beers. My mind was all over the place, happy for Ky and Marg but annoyed with Anna.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a couple practically fucking on the hood of a car in the parking lot. Once upon a time, Anna and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We would’ve been just like the couple on the car, unable to wait until we got somewhere private. We were so hot and heavy in the beginning of our relationship. But that was so long ago. I knew it was normal for things to cool down between couples, but lately she never seemed to be in the mood. And keeping our hands off each other was no longer a problem, fucking on a car—we haven’t been that free in years. Sometimes I missed our younger days.

Next to me, Ky stiffened. I looked over at him and his face seemed to have gone ghost white. He was frozen in his seat, staring out the window. I followed his line of sight to the couple on the car and familiarity hit me hard. The car was a brand new silver Mercedes with a rag top, custom rims, and a Tennessee vanity plate. Just like the car I bought Anna last Christmas. The blond had her legs wrapped around the guy’s waist. She had on sky-high heels and her skirt was hiked up to just below her ass. When reality hit me, I was physically ill. The weight of the fucking ring in my pocket now mocked me.

“Jules, let’s go. You don’t need this shit,” Kyle said trying to grab my arm, but only grasping air. I was already out the door

I stormed across the parking lot, seeing nothing but my girlfriend being ravaged by another man on the hood of the car
I
fucking bought for her. My vision turned dark and I saw nothing but the asshole when I approached. Without a word, I grabbed the man by the back of his neck and pulled him from her. His shirt strangled him as he struggled to try to get away from me.

“What the fuck!” he barked as I pulled him away.

“What the–” Anna started but stopped when she saw me standing there, hovering over the asshole she was ready to fuck. Kyle held me back, pulling me away from the drunken bastard lying on the ground.

“Let me go, Ky,” I growled. It was as if I had tunnel vision. I couldn’t see anything but the piece of shit cowering on the ground. Nothing around me mattered. Not Ky begging me to walk away, not even Anna’s wailing pleas for forgiveness. I couldn’t think about anything other than beating the shit out of this asshole.

“I swear, man, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. I didn’t know she had you as a boyfriend,” the piece of shit said. Well, nice to know the asshole my bitch girlfriend was ready to fuck knows who the hell I am. What a fuckin’ cocksucker.

“Get the fuck outta here, asshole,” Kyle told him. But I wasn’t ready to let him go. I saw red; I wanted to beat the hell out of him and put his sorry ass into a goddamn hospital. I tried to pull away from Kyle, but he wouldn’t let me go.

“No, Jules. You can’t. You have a race in a couple days. You can’t miss it. You’ll fuck yourself over if you do.”

FUCK! I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to plant my fist into the motherfucker’s face. The hurt and rage boiled up in my gut, I wanted to rip someone apart. I wanted someone to hurt the way I hurt. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest. It might as well have been lying on the ground, bleeding at my feet.

The cocksucker stood up quickly and took off across the parking lot to a piece of shit Honda. He peeled out of the parking lot and never even slowed down to make sure the woman he was ready to fuck would be okay.
What a dickwad
.

Adrenaline pumping, body trembling, I turned to Anna who had finally gotten some of her wits about her. She adjusted her top and her skirt to make herself at least presentable. Her clothes were barely there, revealing a great deal of her tight little figure. She was beautiful, definitely sexy, but totally fake. The sudden and shocking awareness of how phony she was made me ill. I looked at her with a new jaded focus. Her hair was blonder than it should have been and her caked on makeup hid her natural beauty. Her tight clothes clung to her perfect little body but revealed too much. For the first time, I didn’t see someone I loved standing there. Looking at her, I didn’t know what I felt. My stomach churned as bitter anger and anguish washed through me. She didn’t say a word, just stood there stunned as if she couldn’t believe I’d caught her.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” I finally ground out in a tight whisper. I couldn’t stand looking at her.
This
was the woman I thought I wanted to marry. The woman I thought I had a future with, the one I’d loved since we were eighteen. The weight of the ring in my pocket was overwhelming. Any questions I had about marrying her before were now answered. I couldn’t spend my life with someone who didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. How could I not see through her before? How did I not know who she was?

I pulled the box out of my pocket and glared at it as if it had any control over what just happened. This box was supposed to give me a new life, a new hope. This box was supposed to give me the life I wanted. One with a woman I loved, who supposedly loved me in return; but it was all lies.

“Jules, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. He said there was a great party goin’ on down the street. I had no idea he was gonna take advantage of me out here like that. I swear I tried to push him off me when you came. Thank you for savin’ me. Thank you, I don’t know …” Tears streamed down her cheeks and they looked fake. Everything about her looked fake to me now.

“Cut the bullshit, Anna,” I growled at her. “How long?” I had to know. I had to know how long she was fucking around on me. Was this the first time? The tenth? The hundredth?

“How long what?”

“How long have you been fuckin’ around on me?” I scowled at her as the tears flowed from her sad blue eyes and down her red cheeks. Part of me wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. The other part of me wanted to walk away forever. “Tell me, Anna. How fuckin’ long?”

She seemed to think; about what she should say? About what lie she was going to tell? I didn’t know. But the longer she stood there like a deer in headlights, the more pissed I got. She didn’t respond, only looked at me with sorrow-filled eyes, begging my forgiveness. I wanted to forgive her, but I had a feeling this wasn’t a first time affair. I also had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time either. I lifted the box up for her to see. Opening the box, I showed her what was inside. Her eyes widened in realization. “Jules,” she whispered, stepping toward me. I put my hand up to stop her advance. I didn’t want her anywhere near me.

“I was gonna propose to you tonight. That’s why I wanted to go to dinner with you. I wanted you to be my wife. The mother of my children. I wanted the white picket fence and the happily-ever-after bullshit, with you. I was gonna ask you to be my wife.” I took the ring from the box and stared at it in the light of the streetlamps. It flashed, creating rainbows in the perfect cuts in the diamond. I cocked my arm back and threw the ring toward the busy street where it would be carried away forever. She let out a strangled cry as the ring flew into the darkness, never to be seen again. “I guess I won’t need it anymore. Thanks for lettin’ me know how much of a lyin’, cheatin’ tramp you are before I fuckin’ married you.”

The silent tears turned into a torrent of sobs. She trembled as the emotion took over her entire form. She tried to speak, but she couldn’t. She collapsed on the hood of her car and cried harder than I’d ever seen someone cry. I felt nothing for her. No love, no hate, I felt nothing. She had destroyed my heart and my trust and I was sure I would never find trust in another woman, ever again.

I turned from her and set off toward my truck with Kyle close behind.

“Jules,” she called out, her voice a shrill cry in the quiet parking lot. I turned and could only see the woman she’d become. Cars flew past the entrance, the sound of the jukebox thudded just inside of the building, but I felt like it was just the two of us. Nothing but her voice penetrated my silence, nothing but the sight of her found my eyes. “Please, Jules. I love you. You have to forgive me. I promise it’ll never happen again.”

A bitter laugh escaped me, and my world came back into focus. All the sounds and sights surrounding us converged. I realized I didn’t know this woman at all, and I didn’t want to know her anymore. Just a few short moments ago, I was happy as hell for my best friend and my sister. I believed in true love, I believed in all of it. But now, in this moment, I didn’t believe in shit.

“I don’t love you, anymore,” I growled. I was done. I turned away from her, striding toward my truck. I had to get the hell away from her. Tomorrow I would find an apartment until I could get a new house. I wasn’t going back there again.

Behind me, I heard the sound of a car door slam shut, then squealing tires. I turned to see Anna’s car pealing out of the parking lot and onto the busy highway. Moments later, more squealing … a truck horn sounding … metal crunching, glass breaking … and a shrill scream cut through the night.

~oOo~

We sat in the waiting room near the operating room. They rushed Anna into surgery almost immediately after arriving to try to stop the bleeding. All they told me was she was bleeding internally and the only way for her to survive was to have emergency surgery. My mind raced for hours as we waited to hear something. Was there something I could have done differently? Could I have stopped her?

“Maybe if I hadn’t walked away from her …,” I mumbled aloud.

“Stop right there,” Margie insisted. “You didn’t do anything to cause this.” As soon as Kyle called her and told her what happened, she made the drive to Mooresville. Margie wrapped her arms around me tightly and pulled me to lean into her. I dropped my head on her shoulder and sighed. “This isn’t your fault, Jules.”

“She’s right, man. There was nothin’ you coulda done.”

I heard what they were saying, but I didn’t know if I would ever believe I wasn’t at fault. The doctor walked into the room, a solemn look in his eyes as he met mine. She was gone. She was fucking gone.

“Mr. Fuller?” he asked, looking between Kyle and myself.

“I’m Julius Fuller.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Fuller. There was nothing we could do. Her injuries were too extensive.” His sad eyes full of the enormity of what happened. Anna was gone.

I stared at him in shock. I couldn’t breathe. I dropped my head into my hands and closed my eyes. Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could will this all away. Maybe I’d wake to find it all was a dream.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, Mr. Fuller. Anna was pregnant. About twelve weeks along. Part of the extensive blood loss was due to the miscarriage she experienced during the accident.” He paused, giving me a moment to process what he was telling me.

“She was pregnant?” I whispered, shocked. I heard a slight gasp come from Margie, but I could barely acknowledge it.

“Yes Mr. Fuller, I’m sorry for your loss. Would you like to see her?”

Shaking my head, I turned and looked at my best friend and my sister. Kyle looked to be in shock and Margie had tears streaming from her eyes. By their reaction, I knew I heard the doctor correctly, even though I couldn’t believe what he told me. Not only had I lost Anna, I lost a child also. They were gone and I would never truly know why this happened or if the child was even mine.

Chapter One

Toni—the past

“Todd, we need to talk. I don’t think …”

“We have lots to talk about.” His fake smile was almost sinister. His eyes glazed over, as if he were high or drunk. It was entirely possible that he started drinking this morning. It was a common pastime for him lately. He stood in front of me holding my hands and looking at me with a menacing sneer on his face. His blue eyes seemed almost black and unfocused.

“Todd seriously, we need to talk,” I insisted trying to pull my hands from his grasp. My hands shook. I hated when he drank. I knew needed to break this off, no matter what. “This isn’t working … I just don’t think I want to be with … Dammit,” I heaved a sigh. I couldn’t spit it out. He scared the hell out of me and I just couldn’t get out what I wanted to say with him so close. His grip on my hands tightened with each word I spoke.

He placed his finger on my lips, silencing my stuttering plea for freedom. His fingers were covered with the smell of cigarettes, booze, and a night of partying. Maybe he was still drunk. Maybe he never stopped drinking. For some, the quieting gesture could’ve been a gentle and comforting act, but it just wasn’t when it came from Todd. He wasn’t being sweet; he was asserting dominance over me, trying to control me; my thoughts, and actions.

“Shut-up,” he growled. “You ain’t goin’ nowhere. You’re gonna give me what you’ve been denyin’ me for months.”

Terror rushed through me when his meaning became clear. “I-I don’t want …” I shook my head. “Todd, this isn’t … I can’t … I don’t wanna do this.”

“You want me to beg, Antonia? I ain’t beggin’ for shit. You owe me,” he growled. His grip on my arm tightened like a vice. I could feel his fingers digging into my flesh, welts forming under his grasp. He didn’t respond to my pleas. He glared at me, his eyes dark with anger and something else, something I didn’t want to acknowledge. He wasn’t going to do this to me. He wasn’t going to force me, was he?

He shoved me to the bed, his body hovered over mine, holding my arms down at the sides of my head. I strained against him, but was powerless. He lowered his face so all I could see were his cold, dead eyes. His sour breath moved across my face in shallow bursts, making my stomach turn. “You stuck up little bitch. You’re lucky to have me, you ugly, worthless, cow.”

“Todd, stop. Stop. Get off me!” I begged as I tried to wriggle out from under him. I barely held in my fear. His glare terrified me as his eyes bore into mine. He adjusted himself so he could hold my hands with his one while his other hand began moving down my body over my clothes. His glare intensified, but there was a hunger behind his stare, and it terrified me.

“You’re mine now, bitch. I’m gonna take this body however I want,” his snarl intensified with each word.

“Todd, I don’t–”

Is that why he was doing this to me? Did he try to have sex with someone else and she turned him down? I didn’t even care. I just wanted away from him.

I tried to squirm away, to turn my head away from him, but his weight and strength were too much. His hand held both of mine above my head while the other hand explored my body in places no man had ever touched before. Tears built in my eyes and pooled around their rims before spilling over. I never imagined he would be like this with me.

He didn’t say a word, he just sneered, an evil and crazy look danced in his eyes. He pulled his belt from somewhere near him, the end laced through the buckle like a snare. He fastened the loop around my constrained hands and pulled it tight around my wrists. Now with both hands free, he tied the end of the belt around his headboard and yanked my hands hard over my head, shackling me to the unyielding frame. He sat up and looked at me, hatred and disgust clouded his dark blue eyes. His gaze moved over me, following the track of his hands over my clothes. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. He said I disgusted him, yet there was hunger in his glare. “Stop fuckin’ movin’, bitch,” he growled as I tried to get away. “You’re gonna love this.” In a flash a blow hit me so hard I was dazed. The side of my head exploded with pain when the heel of his hand landed just above my ear.

Stars lit up in my sight and before I could focus, he ripped my pants from me and shoved my shirt and bra up to my neck. Completely exposed, I could feel his hungry gaze taking in every inch of me. He commenced running his hands up and down my form, harshly touching my sensitive skin. I strained against the belt holding my hands above my head. It cut into my wrists with a painful bite. Every touch felt like acid on my flesh. I tried to move away from his touch, but he pinned me to the bed with his weight. He explored every inch of my exposed flesh.

I cried out, tears streamed from my eyes as I begged him to stop, “Don’t do this. Please stop, please.” I sobbed, begging him to let me go.

I saw the movement of his hand just as another blow landed on the side of my head. It sent an explosion of pain through me. My dizzy head floated disoriented, almost content in the fleeting moment of oblivion. I couldn’t blackout. I had to keep fighting.

“Damn, your body is gorgeous,” he growled in my ear. “You are mine, and this is what you need to do for me.”

“Please, Todd. Please don’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Not like this, I’m not ready.” Panic seized my breathing. My whole body quaked with every touch. I begged him not to touch me, I pleaded with him to stop his assault. “Todd, please untie me. I don’t want to do this. Your parents will hear …” He clamped his hand over my mouth and pressed himself into my stomach. His eyes crazed; he looked exhilarated. For the first time I could see how much he liked controlling me. His excitement was amplified by his dominance over me. He enjoyed hurting me.

“You’re gonna love this, babe. You know you love it when I take control.” He slid his pants from his body and lifted my legs so he could do what he wanted to me. I tried everything I could to stop him, but his weight was too much for me.

I shrieked as pain ripped through me when Todd finally took what he wanted. Todd’s laugh was the only thing I could hear above my cries. Tears spilled from my eyes and streamed down the sides of my face. The pain that speared through me was excruciating. There was no caressing, no love, nothing gentle about what he did. He tore into me with no love and no affection. I felt like I was splitting apart.

“Please stop, please. Todd …” My hiccupping pleas for him to stop did nothing but make him continue. He leaned into me and lowered his face to mine. He didn’t say anything, and his heinous smirk was the only indication that the pain I felt was just the beginning. My stomach roiled as bile rose in my throat. What would he do if I puked on him?

I tried to separate myself from what was happening. I closed my eyes tight, trying to block out his cold dark eyes and his heinous sneer. I tried to pretend I was somewhere else, safe instead of having my body torn apart.

When he finally untied me from the headboard, I immediately leapt from the bed and raced to the garbage as bile exploded from my gut. My entire body ached as it heaved and shook. I was hoarse from crying out, my face ached from the tears, my head hurt from being beaten, and my entire being throbbed from his assault. I should have left, I should have gone running from his house, but I didn’t. I fell back his bed, curled into a ball and continued to cry silently. I couldn’t go home, what would my dad think?

“Next time you won’t fight me, understand? You’ll do exactly why I tell you. You can never give this to another man, it’s mine.”

Toni—almost four years later

I ran out into the bitter cold mid-January morning to warm my truck and get ready for the day. The welcoming burst of frigid air stole my breath and cleared the last vestiges of last night’s nightmare. I was already on edge when sleep finally took me and that horrible nightmarish memory didn’t help my current mood. Lack of sleep and nervous energy filled my insides, making my blood run cold. I hated remembering what he did to me. I wished I could make the nightmares go away, for good.

Today was a big day for me. Today would set the rest of my life and my career in motion, or bring it all crashing down around me. The nightmare I had took my excited, anxious energy and turned me into nervous wreck. My hands trembled and my mind turned over and over in the aftermath of my frightening visions. Through the years, the nightmares of my time with Todd had dwindled and were almost manageable. But last night’s was one of the worst. I hated reliving what he did to me. I hated remembering how weak I was, and how I was so naïve that I didn’t get help when I should have. My father has never forgiven himself for not seeing what Todd was doing to me. He still blames himself when in reality it was me. I let it happen; I didn’t ask for help, I didn’t let anyone know how Todd hurt me.

Sucking in breath after breath, I tried to steel myself for the day to come. I had to have all of my wits in order to make it through the day. I hated going to class after a nightmare. The guys in my class could always tell when I was off. They would try to talk to me about it, but I always shot them down. Their concern was sweet, but unnecessary and unwelcome. I didn’t want them to see how weak I truly was. I didn’t want them to know about the trauma of my past. They would pity me, and pity was something I wasn’t willing to accept.

I drove quickly through town, knowing if I screwed around too much I would be late. Traffic through Mooresville sucked sometimes, but it was worth it, especially on a day like today. The extra time in the car would allow me to settle my nerves. Today was the first day of classes for my final semester in school and the most important semester of my entire educational career. Today I would find out where my semester internship with an actual race team would place me. Todd destroyed my life once, I wasn’t about to give him power over me again. I had to be ready for whatever they threw at me today. I had the potential to learn from some of the best mechanics in the business and hopefully I’d have the ability to get into an actual pit on race day and see how it all worked first hand. I couldn’t let my past screw up this chance. I had to get a grip.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe I was finally free to do what I wanted with my life. Thinking back a few years, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be living my life the way I desired. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be this close to my dream. For a while, I thought my dreams would be lost to the black void of my worst nightmares. But as I got closer to Pit Crew Tech, I finally felt like that part of my life was gone. The darkness swallowed up by my bright future. It was a great feeling. It had taken almost four years, but I was finally finding my way.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of NPCT and took in the huge building. I had been so overwhelmed by this building and everything on the campus when I first came here. Now it seemed so familiar it felt like home. This was the place where I began remembering who I was. Todd’s venomous voice didn’t echo in my head nearly as much as it had only a couple of years ago. With the help of my dad, Uncle Bobby, my friends Cade and Jake, the new friends I made at school, and my therapist I was able to start to find myself again. Dr. Mathews was proud of my progress. She reminded me of how strong I was at every appointment. She, more than anyone else in my life, seemed truly to understand what I went through and how traumatic it was. I still had a long way to go, but I was healing.

I slid my four-wheel drive step-side truck into one of the spots closest to the doors. Grabbing my things, I ran into the building, straight into the theory room. This was where my life would change, hopefully forever. This was where I would be given my placement and all of the instructions for my upcoming internship. This entire semester would be in the field, with theory days once every two weeks at the school. Only one intern would be placed per team, so we were on our own. No more challenges, no more tests, no more competitions, and no more having the back up of our teams and friends. We now had to prove our worth. We had to prove we belonged out there. I was terrified, but excited at the same time.

I pulled my warm winter coat from my shoulders and slipped into my seat. I waited impatiently as the room filled around me with chattering, excited men. There were only twenty of us in the program in my year, twenty people for twenty teams. The season didn’t start for about a month, which would give us time to become acquainted with the teams and drivers. It would also give us time to be a part of testing the cars at different tracks and to be involved in fixing problems as they arose. I felt ready for this next challenge, I’d worked hard and I excelled. Even though I did well, I was scared. The thought of proving myself once again concerned me. But it was the same feeling I got every time I stepped into a new situation. I wanted more than anything to be an engineer, and my dream was finally coming true. I thought back to that first day of shop in high school, how I had been just as nervous then as I was on my first day at NPCT. Tomorrow would be just another step to reaching my goal.

My classmates and I sat and talked about where we might be going and what teams we could be working for. The hum of excited deep voices echoed through the cement block room. The resonance made me flinch a little, still affected from my bad dream. As much as I loved this group of guys, some of their voices reminded me of Todd’s; especially the higher pitched ones. Days like today were hard for me to handle.

“You alright, Toni?” Steve asked. Steve was a nice guy and a damn good mechanic. He was on my team for the last challenge and we had worked well together. Sweet and down to earth, but he had a voice that sent chills down my spine. He just sounded too much like Todd; it was hard for me to discern the difference sometimes. Other than his voice, Steve was quite different. He was kind and easygoing, I had no doubt he would treat any woman he loved with respect. He’d made it abundantly clear he was attracted to me over the past year, but he respected my no dating rule. We talked at length about it one night when he came to visit me at the bar while I worked. I shared a little of my past with him, so he understood why I would shy away sometimes.