Authors: James Alan Gardner
Didn't solve the problem.
Faye Smallwood, who once thought she was too strong to be damaged by the world. A glossy girl who suddenly hated shine.
I survived those years mostly because of Sallysweet River itself—tough mining town, yes, but not nearly as rotted-up with focused violence as your average city. We had brawls and drunkards, not gang wars and cold-kill hoodlums.
And I had my protectors: other petty delinquents and rebels, kids like me who'd seen too many corpses. My own bad crowd, eight of us, all convinced that the overabundance of death
disproved
something about the universe, and the only decent response was to mistrust the whole polite world. To defy. To mutiny against complacent niceness because it had unforgivably let us down.
Idealistic buggers that we were. At age nineteen, we got married—all eight of us.
Quick background data: the humans on Demoth originally hailed from Come-By-Chance, a planet that got settled in the twenty-second century by a small religious sect called the MaryMarch Covenant. The early MaryMarchers believed in a particular type of group marriage—forming your own clan, a commune, a kibbutz, a "life team"...
A family. And at age nineteen, with nothing but ice between Mother and me, some part of my soul longed for any kind of connection.
MaryMarch marriages had fallen out of fashion over the past two hundred years, worn down by contact with more conventional attitudes from mainstream Technocracy society; but they were still legal, here on Demoth as well as our old home on Come-By-Chance. So why shouldn't a bunch of eight kids from Sallysweet River tie the knot? Such a sweet old-fashioned notion... marrying the boys and girls next door.
Me and Lynn: we were the instigators. Things always worked that way. Lynn had long been in flaming staunch-hearted love with me—the only smudge of lunacy in her character because otherwise she had brains and cool and common sense. (God, if I could be as serene as Lynn for a single day! I envied everything about her... except her dotage on a flake like me. Of course, she envied me back: "For being insane," she said, "for letting yourself
be
insane... and for those gorgeous Amazonian shoulders that I just want to sink my teeth into. Meow.")
I made up a list of the family I envisioned, and Lynn made it happen. Our typical working arrangement, "Lynn, I want this."
"Then, dear one, that's what you shall have."
My chosen spouses (besides Lynn):
Angie Tobin, because she was mouthwatering gorgeous and sexually congenial. The sort who giggled comfortably in bed. With Angie baiting our marital hook, Lynn and I could reel in blessed near any man in town. And half the women.
Barrett Arsenault, because he was just as gorgeous as Angie, and wild as squidge-weed. Never turned down a dare, no matter how crazed... and on nothing-to-do Saturday nights, Barrett always came up with something to make the weekend memorable.
Peter Kaluit, because he was funny. By Christ and all the saints, he was funny. Wicked but not snake-mean. He played keyboards too, and wrote songs that would have you laughing yourself wet. To my teenage mind, it didn't hurt either that he was hung like a bear.
Winston Mooney, because he knew how to get things done. He knew the angles. More than once, when I'd got myself in trouble with the law or harsh company, Winston would squeak me free from the jaws of disaster. He was mad-jack in love with me too, and it would be a slap in his face if I didn't invite him into the scrum.
Darlene Carew, because she was timid and lonely. Not whiny or pathetic, but sad. A bony-thin girl as pretty as porcelain, but who never got asked out; who never dreamed of doing the asking herself; who wrote poetry and listened with shiny eyes whenever I recounted my latest slap-and-tickle adventures. I figured Darlene could be my personal project—cut her in on a piece of Barrett, Peter, and the rest, give her some new experiences to put in her poems.
Finally, Egerton Crosbie (Sharr's brother), because he was good-natured and built like a streetcar. Without him, I'd be the brawniest one in the household... and I sure as hell didn't want to get stuck with the heavy lifting my whole life.
There: my husbands and wives. Cajoled, enticed, teased, negotiated into a grand old MaryMarch union.
The idea shocked the people we wanted to shock—my mother, for example. She wasn't even of Covenant descent (Dads met her at medical college on New Earth), so our announcement struck her as flat-out perverse. Longtime MaryMarchers had a milder reaction, but still considered the marriage in bad taste: using a respected-if-not-respectable religious institution just to annoy our elders. Which was bang-on-the-head true.
Still, we had the aroma of legitimacy on our side: like someone who fasts on Fridays or wears a crown of real thorns to the Atonement service. People moan, "We don't
do
that anymore!" but they won't go so far as to stop you. Deep down, there's always a knot of guilt that they've abandoned the old ways. That they've settled their butts in a padded pew and made themselves
comfortable.
So the eight of us married. Started our own family compound: eight small domes ringed around a bigger central one. For a while, of course, it was sex, sex, sex—what do you expect from nineteen-year-olds? We had no other ideas about what marriage
was.
I took all seven of the others into my bed, individually, or in threesomes, foursomes, more-somes...
Faye being bad. Playing musical beds, not for any healthy reason like love or pure wet lust, but mostly just to be wicked. To get revenge on my mother for all the things she'd once imagined about me. To shock the rest of the community. To trivialize myself.
But the free-for-all burned itself out after a few months. Egerton and Darlene began pairing off together almost every night. Then Angie and Barrett. The other four of us stayed more loose and lubricious, occasionally showing up at each other's door on nights we wanted comfort, but sleeping more and more on our own as time went on.
When Lynn got pregnant, both Peter and Winston claimed to be the father. Not fighting over it; just both of them volunteering, eager to be dads. Which put Lynn, Peter, and Winston together, didn't it, even if Lynn occasionally planted me a fierce kiss as she padded past—the three of them cheerful parents-to-be, then overjoyed parents of Matthew and Eva. Naturally, the story went that Peter fathered one of the twins, while Winston fathered the other... but no one really knew who begat whom, and of course, they refused gene-testing to find out the truth. That would only spoil the solidarity.
So Darlene/Egerton, Angie/Barrett, Lynn/Peter/Winston—all of them sorted out. I was happy for them, truly. And I wasn't so cruelly cut off on my own. As the months and years trickled by, from time to time any one of the seven might show up at my dome near bedtime, saying, "Faye, you looked so lonely at dinner..."
Sometimes we talked, then I sent them away. Sometimes they stayed the warm-flesh night. My husbands, my wives, my lovers, my friends, my teammates, my safety lines to the world.
It wasn't so bad being the odd woman out. You can learn to live with anything when you've developed the notion you don't deserve more.
Meanwhile in those years after the plague, Demoth was going through a merry old flap-up of reshuffling. With only a sliver of its former population, the planet didn't have nearly the same mineral needs as before. All but one of the mines around Sallysweet River closed, but that was no hardship—so many Ooloms had died, there was work to be found all over Great St. Caspian. The government spent prodigious amounts on retraining; my spouses all got good educations, then good jobs.
For a while, it still looked like Demoth might need a splurge of immigration, just to keep things running. Add it up, and we only had six million inhabitants on the entire planet—blessed near empty, even by the sparse standards of Fringe Worlds and colonies. But the humans and Ooloms who'd come through the plague didn't want newcomers barging in: people who'd act sympathetic about the die-off but wouldn't
know.
So we buckled down hard and pulled things together on our own.
Our eight-in-hand family eventually moved from Sallysweet River to the poky urban sprawl of Bonaventure... still on Great St. Caspian Island, but out on the ocean coast. Less moss, more bare ice-scraped rock. By mainstream Technocracy standards, the city was a fiddly-dick clump-hole, population only 50,000. But with Demoth severely depeopled by the plague, Bonaventure was the twelfth largest metropolis on the planet. A major hub and port town: where supertankers dropped off raw organics harvested from the Pok Sea algae flats; where the spunky Island Bullet loaded and unloaded its railcars after running its circuit of the mining towns in-country. Bonaventure also had an up-sleeve to the North Orbital Terminus... mostly for distributing the metals mined inland, but also for business travelers and tourists who wanted fast transport to anywhere else on Demoth—up the sleeve in zero time to the terminus, over a cross-sleeve to an equatorial orbiter, then down another sleeve to any population center on the planet.
One of the great charms of Bonaventure—you could leave the place so quickly.
"Bonaventure" was a human word, of course. Pre-plague, the city had an Oolom name, but that got changed when humans took over. The Ooloms wanted it that way. They still outnumbered
Homo saps
overall on Demoth—roughly five million of them to one million of us—but most surviving Ooloms could afford upscale residences in the Thin Interior, playground communities nestled in the skyscraper trees of ancient forests and jungle. They had an unshakable passion for the deep woods; so they hired us humans to work in Oolom-owned offices and factories, while they retired to soar through the canopy in genteel indolence. Even not-so-flush Ooloms headed treeward, if only to work as servants/accountants/dogsbodies to the truly well heeled. For them, any job in the Big Green was better than facing the urban gray.
For twenty years after the plague, then, Demoth sorted itself out... Ooloms settling down in their posh isolated villages, while
Homo saps
found their own places on islands and coastal plains—anywhere close to sea level, where the air was thick enough for human lungs to bite into.
And for twenty years after the plague, I sorted myself out too... until finally, at the age of thirty-five, I walked into Bonaventure's office of the College Vigilant to ask how I could join.
I'd had jobs before. "Warm-body" jobs like keeping an eye on nanotech-performance monitors, or hauling drums of proto-nute to houses whose food synthesizers weren't hooked up to the mains. I'd also had "Faye" jobs like prancing the puss in stripperamas, or nude modeling for local artists. (A lot of sculptors loved the button scars on my arms, where I used to have freckles.)
But mostly I bared the butt for Ooloms. Oolom men found human women outrageously, capaciously sexy because we were so
big.
Torso big, I mean—they couldn't care less about cleavage or crotch, but they turned goggle-eyed at the expanse of a human back. Their own Oolom females were so much thinner... and some quirk of the Oolom male psyche had a gut reaction, thickness = arousal. "You're so
wide!"
one admirer crooned to me.
Gives a whole new meaning to calling women "broads."
Some of the other strippers, the ones who flicked tricks on the side, told me their customers often took a woman's shoulder measurements so they could brag to the boys back home. Considering my own mesomorph build, I could have been the choice rumpus room of the back streets... but I never sank quite that far. I'd take off my clothes for money—where was the crime in treating myself like meat?—but selling my swish was just too disloyal to my spouses.
They were my family. I could devalue myself, but not them.
Which meant that as years went on, as Darlene and Angie and Lynn all had children, I gradually spent more time home helping with the kids than playing Miss Udder around town. The children called me "Mom-Faye"... not the same tug on the heart as plain old "Mom," but I was too much the coward to have babies of my own: afraid it would change me, afraid that it wouldn't.
Even just being Mom-Faye changed me in time. You know how it goes: after a full day of feeding/bathing/diapering, you're too tired to spark out for a night strutting bare-ass, and doing squats with a barbell, naked. You say, "I'll cheapen myself tomorrow"... and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace till you wake one day, look in the mirror, and don't straight off feel disgust. Such a shock. That your soul may not be an irredeemable cesspool.
Then quick, while you're still brave, ask yourself what you'd want to do with your mortal existence if the universe weren't a total dog's vomit.
What do you want? To live in the real. To name the lies.
Wa supesh i rabi ganosh.
An aspiration you haven't let yourself think about for twenty years... but when you ask, it's right on top of your mind, like the perfume of roses coming from a locked cupboard.
"This is the only thing in my head that approaches an honest dream. So why in the name of Mary and all her saints don't I get off my cowardly butt and make this happen?"
The Vigil accepted my application on the spot. They accepted everyone's application on the spot. If you weren't proctor material, they had seven years of brutal training to weed you out.
A student of the College Vigilant. Just like that.
My family treated it as a lark. "I always like when you get an enthusiasm," Lynn told me. "You're such less trouble for a while... till someone pisses you off, and you chuck everything with loose ends dangling." She said the same when I took up piano, and when I bought all those awful chairs to learn reupholstering. The younger kids giggled about Mom-Faye getting into politics, the older kids did impersonations of me losing my temper at a bureaucrat ("Oh you think you're a clever little man, do you?"), and all four of my husbands asked, "How much will this cost?"
The unsupportive sods.
I studied. Classes, sims, direct info braingrabs. Most of the work I did over the world-net; but when I needed face-to-face, I turned to the proctors in town, the ones who scrutinized Bonaventure City Council—a dozen sharp-witted people, generously serving as teachers and mentors during my seven years as student. Three were human; the rest were Oolom, living among
Homo saps
for the good of the Vigil.