Vision of Shadows (34 page)

I shook my head. “I saw you chase my grandmother from that car. I saw you there, laughing when you killed her. You killed Payne’s grandmother as well, didn’t you? Being alone didn’t make you insane. You were insane to begin with.”

“Bristol,” Jay kept begging. “It wasn’t my fault, the shadows…they made me. They’re real.”

“I know they are,” I said
. “But you
chose
to listen to them. Just like Weeder did. He knew killing a little boy was wrong, but he did it. You knew what you were doing, and you enjoyed it.”

“I saved you from Weeder!” Jay
said. “In the end, when he shot himself—I made him do that!”

It might have been true, but it didn’t matter. “You hurt people I love.
I can’t forgive that."

“Varick likes you,” Jay announced, changing tactics. “He’ll listen to you. Have him spare me. I could tell you things
, things about him and the whole McKnight clan. You’ll give your family a great advantage when the final battle begins. It
will
begin. There can be no peace between the two families. While there are two families, both will know anguish and despair. I can be your weapon!” Jay smiled, convinced he had found my weak point. 

“I can help you protect your family,”
he continued. “You’d never forgive yourself if a McKnight were to kill little Zack. He adores you, you know. I could see it in his mind. Let me help you protect him.”

I looked to Varick
, who was waiting on word from me to continue. “Mr. McKnight,” I said and watched how hopeful Jay’s face grew. “He just offered to sell your family out if I try and convince you to spare him. He’ll tell me all of your secrets.” I glanced over to Grandpa, wondering what his reaction would be.

“That should tell you something right there,” Grandpa said. “Finish it
, Varick. For our ladies.”

Varick nodded. “They were the best of us, weren’t they? And Jasper was behind their deaths
and the deaths of our unborn children.”

Jay looked at Varick with hatred. “Yes, I hated them! I hate you
.”

I shook my head in disgust. “He just admitted being behind their deaths. It’s time. I don’t want him to hurt anyone again. Not from either of our families.”

“You think you’re going to end up with Payne?” Jay yelled. “You won’t. A McKnight can never love a Blackburn! Will never trust a Blackburn. He will turn on you.”

I ignored him
. Varick put his finger on the switch. Jay looked panicked, but he had nothing else to say and no venom left to spew. Varick flipped the switch, and all the machines went silent.

“No!” Jay got up and charged at me. He made it two steps. Then he was gone. I never flinched.

After it was over, I walked to Varick. I could tell he was mourning the death of his wife all over again. I leaned in and gave him a hug.

Payne pulled me out of that room. Jay didn’t deserve anymore of my time.

Five Minutes

Journal of Bristol Blackburn

Saturday, May 4
th

It’s been a week since the death of Jay, or Jasper McKnight, or whatever I’m supposed to call him. I wondered if he might return to me in actual ghost form, but he hasn’t. I hope he never does. I wondered if I might feel guilty about how Varick took him off life support, but I don’t.
Not after everything he’d done to me and my family.

I wonder how many other lives he destroyed that I didn’t know about. Could he have been behin
d what had happened to Aunt Eve?

I don’t know,
and I don’t want to think about it now.

Today is Saturday. Payne will be by later. We promised to take Simon and Zack to a movie with us. I invited Hunter and Maggie. After all, I don’t want to be outnumbered by the boys. 

It seems so strange to me, waking up and not having to wonder if that nameless Dream Boy is really going to murder me. I think a part of me always believed it was more likely that whoever he was, he’d want me dead and gone. Instead, Payne clearly wants me by his side for life.

He said those words to me. I love you. He meant them.

And I think I know how I feel about him, but I just can’t get myself to say it.

But now that I know I have a future, I can start to try and picture it with Payne.

* * * *

I heard a knock at my door and called for whomever to come
in. A moment later, Grandpa made his way in and plopped down on my bed. 

“Did I interrupt anything?”
he asked as he put his foot up.

“Nope,” I said.

“I didn’t sit on a ghost, did I?” Grandpa asked. “Or are they standing in the corner?”

I fought the urge to laugh and instead rolled my eyes. “No, we’re alone. Just you, me, and Ricky.”

Grandpa glanced toward Ricky’s tank. Ricky stopped running on his wheel and ran into his soup can.

“You’ve been through a lot lately
, kid,” Grandpa said. “I know it’s been hard. That’s not an invitation to whine. Life’s rough. But you’ve handled yourself okay, so far.”

“Grandpa,” I said while faking a sniffle
. “That’s so sweet.”

“You’re a bratty one
, too,” Grandpa said. “I admire that, but being a pain in the keister will only get you so far. Trust me, I know. If something happens, you need to know to come to me. I can help. I mean, not with girlie things or anything like that, you know.”

“Right,” I said
. “Just the manly, macho things.”

“Look, I’m going to be straight with you,” Grandpa said
. “That McKnight boy…”

“
Payne,”
I said.

“I know
,” Grandpa responded. “Look, Payne impressed me. He came to me about you when you were in trouble. He put you first. I admire what he did, but that don’t mean the two of you are destined to live happily ever after.”

“Grandpa,” I said
. “We’re not going out to shop for rings.” I thought about Payne saying the L-word and felt a sense of panic. “I mean, he hasn’t said anything to you or Uncle Mark, has he?”

“Kinda old
-fashioned,” Grandpa said. “Asking for your hand first.”

I stopped breathing for a good ten seconds before Grandpa started to laugh.

“Relax,” he said. “Payne hasn’t asked for your hand or any other part of you. Nice to know where you stand.”

“Funny, real funny.”

“I thought so,” Grandpa agreed. “What I was trying to say before you went down the path of wedded paranoia was that we’re all cursed. McKnights and Blackburns. As long as both families exist, neither will find peace. You and Payne aren’t the first since Tristan and Annabelle to get together. You won’t be the last. I just thought you should know that.”

“Thanks.”

“But,” Grandpa added. “I can guess you’re not going to listen. You’re a teenage
girl
. Listening to what’s best for you is medically impossible.”

“Grandpa,” I said
. “You can be so sweet.”

“I know, now shut up and let me finish,” Grandpa responded. “You also remind me of your grandmother. Now she was a wonderful woman. More than I deserved. More than any man deserved. I’m sorry that you never got a chance to meet her. You would have liked her, and she would have gotten a hoot out of you.”

Incredibly touched, I moved over to the bed next to Grandpa and gave him a hug. After all this time, Grandma was still the only woman for him. 

“You know,” I said, “except in my dreams, I’ve never seen Grandma. I don’t know a thing about her.”

Grandpa smiled and reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Flipping it open, he pulled out his wedding picture. Grandpa looked like an old fashioned version of my father. Grandma looked like a more beautiful version of me. She positively glowed, even in the non-color picture.

Grandpa started to tell me about my grandmother. I was amazed by the love and affection in his voice as he told me story after story of someone who was clearly an amazing woman. My grandfather, who was in his late sixties
, sounded like he was my age again. I laughed, I cried, and I was completely moved by the image of the woman he described. She was funny, smart, and didn’t take any nonsense from anyone. Together, they had four sons. It would have been five had Jay not killed her. 

But Grandpa didn’t focus on the bad times. He recalled stories where Grandma had gone camping with a family of men. She had proved herself the most able to handle Mother Nature. Grandpa told me about her giving birth to each of their sons. While he was a wreck, Grandma was calm, in control
, and thrilled to be bringing life into this world. 

When we were done, I felt like I knew Jeanette Blackburn enough to describe her to anyone I met. She was amazing, kind
, and was woman enough to love Grandpa, who told me that no matter how he was feeling, “Five minutes of talking with my Jeanette was enough to set my head on straight again.”

I thought about her as I took a walk later. I decided I needed a moment alone before Payne
arrived. I wanted to mourn for a woman I’d never met, who clearly was a part of me. 

“Hello Bristol,” the ghost of Grandma Jeanette said to me
. “I’ve been waiting for a chance to meet you.”

S
tanding under the tree in the backyard, she looked so much like me, only so much more beautiful. She was in a blue dress, and her hair was longer than mine, with a matching blue headband.

I couldn’t believe she was here for me.

“Hi Grandma,” I said. “I so wish I could hug you right now. I feel like I know you after everything Grandpa just told me about you.”

“I
do
know you,” Grandma said. “Just because I haven’t appeared to you until now doesn’t mean I haven’t been with you. There’s always a part of me with you. You should know that.”

I shrugged. “It’s not the same as you being here. I wish I had met you for real. I wish you were a part of my life.”

“I am,” Grandma said. “More so than most people understand. So don’t get whiney. After all, we don’t have a lot of time.”

“Let me guess,” I said
. “Five minutes?”

“More or less,” Grandma said. “I understand your grandfather warned you about your relationship with that young man of yours. It’s got you worried, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

I sighed. “I don’t know what to do with Payne. He loves me. Look what he did. But really? Someone like
him
with
me
? Why? What could Payne possibly see in me? I mean, have you seen him?”

Grandma nodded. “I have. He’s stunning.”

“I
know
,” I said. “And while he can be sweet, and funny, and heroic, he can also be pig-headed as heck. But I can deal with that. I can be more pig-headed. But Grandma, how can he ever be happy with me? I’m plain. I’m boring. Okay, so maybe the fact that I can talk to ghosts isn’t that freaky to him, but that’s just because he can be set on fire and be just dandy. Isn’t he going to get tired of me having conversations with people he can’t see? Or hearing about dreams that may come true?”

“Why would he?” Grandma asked. “Sounds like it would just keep things from getting boring.”

I rolled my eyes. “Look, it’s not just that. It’s everything else. Grandpa was right. Look at what we have against us. Sure, the two families came together for a bit, but that was because Jay was trying to kill me and had already killed people on both sides.” 

“Yes,” Grandma said
. “I’m well aware of what he did.”

“Oops,” I murmured
. “Sorry.”

“Seems to me,” she said in that no nonsense tone that I imag
ined she used on Grandpa, “your real problem is you think no one can or should love you. You’re shocked by the fact that my son loves you as if you were his own. He’s already dreading the fact that the time will come when he’ll have to give you away. You’re amazed that my grandchildren love you so much. Zack is already telling his friends that you’re not just a cousin but a sister. Simon spends time worrying about the family curse because he knows you were in danger from it, and he wants to figure it out and protect you. With everything you grew up with, it’s only natural that you’re not able to understand why Payne loves you, but he does. Just let that be enough.”

I thought about what she said. I wanted it to be that simple, but it couldn’t, could it?

“My parents didn’t love me,” I said. “I don’t think they ever did.”

Grandma moved
closer to me. She clearly wanted to take me in her arms. I wished she could. “I think they loved you far more than you think. Someday, I hope you know how much. For now, you need to forgive them for not being able to show you. So
you
can move on.”

“How do I do that?”

“Time,” she answered. “It takes time. Which I’m afraid we are both out of for now. I have to go, but I hope to be back. And your young man is here.”

I turned and saw Payne approach
ing. Dressed in jeans and a black shirt, he looked like a hero come to my rescue and just a bit dangerous at the same time. My heart melted when I saw him. When our eyes met, I felt a flutter in my belly. I couldn’t understand why, but he loved me.

“He does take your breath away,” Grandma said. “Or
, in my case, he would if I still had any breath.”

“Grandma.”

She laughed. “Go to him. That boy is in love with you. Enjoy it.”

With a nod, I ran to Payne. He gave me a slow, tender kiss. When we pulled back, he reached up and played with my hair like he like
d to do. 

“Hunter and Maggie are inside,” Payne said. “
I get the impression I may have interrupted something.”

“Not really,” I answered
. “She had to go anyway.”

“Anyone I know?” he asked.

How strange of a conversation was this? Payne knew I was just talking to someone who fit into the dearly departed department, but what was even more amazing was that it was normal to him. He didn’t look at me like I was a freak, and I didn’t feel like one talking about it. 

“No,” I said
. “Actually, it was my grandmother. I just got to meet her for the first time. She was…
amazing
.”

He
smiled as he put his arm around me. “We have an hour before we have to leave for the movie. Tell me about her.”

I realized
Payne really was in love with me. I still didn’t get it. But maybe I was starting to believe it.

The most important thing was that it took me one step closer to the point where I
accepted being loved. I hadn’t gotten there yet, but I could almost believe that someday soon I’d get the courage to look at Payne and say, “I love you, too.”