“As we’ve already discussed, experience has shown that more than four has a higher risk of resulting in a multiple pregnancy without significantly raising the efficacy of the transfer. The other four embryos we’ll freeze. With this many good eggg, you can have two transfers without having to undergo another hyper stimulation
“Let’s hope this transfer is successful,” Marissa said.
“We’ll all be hoping for the best.”
“I was sorry to hear about the woman who killed herself,” Marissa said. The tragedy had been on her mind all evening. She wondered how many cycles the poor Ziegler woman had endured.
Having identified with the woman, she was already anticipating the psychological effect of yet another failure. Since there had been so many in the past, she had trouble being optimistic.
Would another failure push her beyond her limits?
“It was a terrible tragedy,” Dr. Wingate said. His previously enthusiastic tone became somber.
“We were all crushed. The staff is usually adept at picking up such symptoms of depression. Until her outburst yesterday, we had no indication Rebecca Ziegler was so distraught. Apparently she and her husband had separated.
We’d tried to get them into counseling, but they wouldn’t go.”
“How old was she?” Marissa asked.
“Thirty-three, I believe,” Dr. Wingate said.
“A tragic loss of a young life. And I’m concerned about its effect on other patients.
Infertility is an emotional struggle for everyone involved. I’m sure it didn’t help your state of mind seeing Mrs. Ziegler’s outburst in the waiting room.”
“I identified with her,” Marissa admitted. Especially now, Marissa thought, hearing about the woman’s marital problems. She and Rebecca were even close in age.
“Please don’t say that,” Dr. Wingate said.
“On a happier note, let’s look forward to a successful embryo transfer. It’s important to stay positive.”
“I’ll try,” Marissa said.
After hanging up the phone, Marissa was glad for having brought up the topic of the suicide. Merely having talked about it eased the impact to a degree.
Getting out of bed, Marissa pulled on her robe, and went down the hall to Robert’s study. She found him seated at his computer console. He glanced up as Marissa came into the room.
“They all fertilized,” Marissa said as she sat on a love seat below a wall of built-in bookshelves.
“That’s encouraging,” Robert said. He was looking at her over the top of his half-glasses.
“That’s the first hurdle,” she said.
“Now all they have to do is to get one of the embryos to stick in my uterus.”
“Easier said than done,” Robert said. He was already looking back at his computer screen.
“Can’t you be just a tiny bit supportive?” Marissa asked.
Robert looked back at her.
“I’m starting to think that my being supportive and not telling you what I’m thinking has just encouraged you to keep beating your head against a wall. I’ve still got serious questions about this whole process. If it works this time, fine; but I don’t want to see you setting yourself up for another disappointment.” He turned back to his screen.
For a moment Marissa didn’t say anything. As much as she hated to admit it at the moment, Robert was making sense. She was afraid of getting too hopeful herself.
“Have you thought any more about the idea of counseling?”
Marissa asked.
Robert turned to Marissa a third time.
“No,” he said.
“I told you, I’m not interested in going to a counselor. There has already been too much interference in our lives. Part of the problem for me is that we have lost our private life. I feel like a fish in a fishbowl.”
“Dr. Wingate told me that one of the reasons the woman who killed herself today did so was because she and her husband did not seek counseling.”
“Is this some kind of not-so-veiled threat?” Robert asked.
“Are you telling me you’re thinking of diving off the roof of the Women’s Clinic if I don’t agree to see one of their counselors?”
“No!” Marissa said heatedly.
“I’m just telling you what he told me. The woman and her husband were having difficulties. Counseling was recommended. They didn’t go. Apparently they broke up, which is one of the things that made the woman so upset.”
“And counseling would have solved everything?” Robert asked sarcastically.
“Not necessarily,” Marissa said.
“But I doubt it would have hurt. I’m beginning to think that we should seek counseling whether we continue with the IVF or not.”
K
“What do I have to say to you?” Robert asked.
“I’m not interested in spending time and money on a counselor. I know why I’m upset and unhappy. I don’t need someone else to tell me.”
“And you don’t want to try to work on it?” asked Man*ssa. She hesitated to say “together.”
“I don’t think a counselor is the way to work on it,” Robert said.
“You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know what is wrong. Anyone would feel stressed out by what we’ve been through in the past few months. Some things in life you have to deal with. Others you don’t. And we don’t have to deal with this infertility therapy anymore, if we so choose. At this point, I’d prefer to put it out of our lives.”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Marissa said with disgust. She got up from the love seat and left Robert to his beloved computer and spreadsheets. She wasn’t up to having another argument.
Marissa stomped down the hall and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. It seemed that instead of getting better, everything was getting a whole lot worse.
March 20,1990
8:45 AM.
Highly reactive ions called hydroniurn ions, which were nothing but hydrated protons, knifed through the delicate cell membranes of four of Marissa’s developing embryos. The hydronium ions came in a sudden wave, catching the dividing cells off-guard Buffer systems were mobilized to neutralize some of the initial reactive particles, but there were too many to combat. Slowly at first, then more rapidly, the pH of the cells began to fall. They were becoming acidic. Hydronium ions inevitably resulted wherever acid was added to an aqueous medium.
Within the very depths of the embryos, molecules of DNA were in the process of replicating themselves in preparation for another division. As weak acids themselves, they were terribly susceptible to the hydronium ions that swarmed in their midst. Their replication process continued, but with some difficulty: the enzymes responsible for the, chemical reactions were also sensitive to acid. Soon replication mistakes started to occur. Affirst there were only afew errors, none that would have mattered in the long run given the redundance of genes. But as more and more of the acid particles intervened, entire gene pools found themselves replicating sheer gibberish. The cells were still dividing, but it was only a matter of time. The mistakes had become lethal.
“It’s beautiful!” Marissa cried. It was hard for her to comprehend that she was looking at the barest beginning of one of her children. The embryo, now at a two-cell stage, appeared transparent in the crystal-clear culture medium. Unfortunately, Marissa could not see the chaos that was occurring on a molecular level at the very moment she was admiring the cell’s microscopic appearance. She thought she was seeing the beginnings of a new human life. What she was witnessing was the first steps of its death.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Dr. Wingate said. He was standing next to Marissa. She had come in unexpectedly that morning, asking if she could see one of her embryos. At first he had questioned the wisdom of granting such a request, but, remembering she was a doctor, he realized that it would be difficult to refuse, even though at this stage he didn’t like anyone handling the embryos.
“I just cannot believe that little speck could become an entire person,” Marissa said. She’d never seen a live two-celled embryo before, much less her own.
“I think we’d better get the little devil back into the incubator,”
Dr. Wingate said. He carefully carried the organ-culture dish to the incubator and slid it onto the appropriate shelf. Marissa followed him, still awed. She saw that the dish had joined three others.
“Where are the other four?” she questioned.
“Over there,” Dr. Wingate pointed.
“In the liquid-nitrogen storage facility.”
“They’ve already been frozen?” Marissa asked.
“I did it this morning,” Dr. Wingate said.
“Our experience has been that two-celled embryos do better than larger ones. I selected the four that I thought would tolerate the freezing and thawing the best. We’ll keep them in reserve, just in case.”
Marissa walked over to the liquid-nitrogen storage unit and touched its lid. The idea that four potential children were inside, frozen in a kind of suspended animation, gave her an eerie feeling.
Such high-tech intrusion reminded her a little too much of Brave New World.
“Want to see inside?” Dr. Wingate asked.
Marissa shook her head.
“I’ve taken too much of your time already,” she said.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” Dr. Wingate said.
Marissa hurried from the lab. She went to the elevators and pushed the Up button: What had brought her to the clinic that morning was an appointment to see Linda Moore, a psychologist.
Between the final talk with Robert the night before and his decision to sleep in the guest room, Marissa had decided to call about counseling first thing in the morning. Whether Robert went or not, Marissa. decided she needed to talk to a professional about the emotional stresses of IVF.
When she’d made the call, she thought she’d have to wait for an appointment, but Mrs. Hargrave had warned the staff psychologist that if Marissa called, she should be seen quickly.
Linda Moore’s office was on the sixth floor, the very floor from which Rebecca Ziegler had jumped. The coincidence made Marissa a bit uncomfortable. As she walked down the hall, she morbidly tried to guess which window Rebecca had leaped from.