Vixen in Vegas (Sinful Novellas) (29 page)

That was when Brenda the Killjoy walked in the room. “Ben, let Sin rest. I’m here to take care of her. You can call back tomorrow.” Then my sister, my twin, the one who shared a womb with me and has known me since we were eggs…well, she hung up on me. I was not impressed.

What did impress me, however, was her devotion. It seemed in my absence, she and Sin had grown closer. They ate meals together. Sin helped out around the winery. Brenda seemed less tense. It had to be my wife working her brand of magic again.

So the weeks passed and I wasn’t supposed to ask. We had agreed that I would find out when she picked me up from the airport. Just like we had agreed that we wouldn’t talk about the success of the treatments until we saw each other in person again. That kind of policy had served us well in the past.

Now, however, it was killing me. Here we were, hours from my flight home. They were proving to be the longest hours of my life. At least she promised to Skype with me one last time before I hopped on the plane and came home to her.

It was time. She should be ready to hear from me. It rang and rang. Just when I thought that she wasn’t going to answer, she did. “God, you are a sight. I can’t wait to see you, gorgeous,” I told her.

“Well, thank goodness you are coming in at night time. Mornings are not good for me lately,” she said, her eyes twinkling.

“Hey! I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about it. Did you just insinuate that you are having morning sickness?” I was on the edge of the bed, trying to peer closer at her. I couldn’t tell. Would I recognize if she was glowing?

“I didn’t say that. It would be way too soon for me to have morning sickness…unless my hormones were all out of whack because I was having twins or triplets…” She let her voice trail off, leaving everything to my imagination.

I knew my eyes were glistening with tears. I knew it. I could feel them filling up. “Happy tears,” I told her when I saw that she was about to question. That was the first time I ever lied to my wife.

We vowed to see each other soon. I told her that I couldn’t wait. That was the truth. I told her I was great. Man, I hated ending the call with another lie. Finally, I told her the biggest truth of all. “Sin, I love you more than anything. I love you and I love our child or children…whatever we are blessed with. I’ll be home soon.”

When I ended our conversation, the therapist came to see me. “How are you feeling about things?” He asked.

“I’m not thrilled. The tests have shown that my success was short lived. He told me that I was still in the same position I had been before I came here. Only…now I’ve lost weeks I should have spent with my wife.” I leaned over and grabbed my head with both hands. My voice came out a whisper. “She’s pregnant with my baby…maybe even babies. And I’m dying. How do I tell her that? How do I leave her?”

The therapist made a really helpful suggestion, like I should continue to see a therapist when I made it home, that we both should. He claimed it would help us deal with the reality of things.

“I don’t want to deal with it. I want a solution. Does this raise me up on the transplant list? Isn’t that my final option? My last chance?” I stared at him intently.

“I’ll let you speak with your specialist,” he said.

So my final act before heading off to the hospital was to speak with the doctor who had been taking care of me here at the clinic. He in turn put me on the phone with my cardiologist back home. And finally, I had some assurances that I was already ranked most critical on the transplant list, already had been deemed a candidate for a new heart. My cell phone was to be kept on at all times. Any minute I could get that call.

“How often do hearts come around?” I asked out of sheer curiosity.

I could hear him shifting in his seat. “Well, it’s hard to say, but we need you to come into the office tomorrow. I’ve made an appointment through your wife. I told her it was a follow up.” He sounded calm. He should. He wasn’t dying.

The flight was long. Once again I was being routed through Philadelphia. When I arrived there, I called Sin. We were only a few hours from being able to hold each other for the first time in nearly a month.

“God, babe,” I said, “I am going to make love to you. I am going to hold you all night. I have missed you so much.”

“No fat jokes. No seeing me naked,” she said with a chuckle. “And no way am I letting you out of my sight ever again. I miss you more than I can ever explain.”

I could hear Brenda in the background. “What’s going on with her?” I asked. “She sounds…high strung for a change.”

“Oh, the usual. She is worried that we’re never going to get done in time. She’s worried we’ll be late to pick you up. Who else would come get you? If we’re a few minutes late, chalk it up to traffic. Soon. We’ll see you soon.” She said, sounding remarkably relaxed.

“You’ve got it,” I said.

Then I boarded the plane. You wouldn’t have recognized me. I was that annoying guy on the plane. My laptop was acting as the worst travel slide show ever. The poor woman next to me had to listen to every detail of our courtship. She had to listen to our history and then my hopes for our future. Yes, I was the Forrest Gump of planes without the box of chocolate. Judging by the look on her face, the chocolate would have helped.

We landed on time. We taxied to our gate. We moved in the orderly fashion the flight attendants commanded. I was one of the first ones off because of my heart condition. I had to have help with my carry on. And, given my restrictions, I had to be pushed through the airport in a wheelchair. I hated it. I really really hated it. As if having my wife require artificial insemination with my frozen sperm wasn’t emasculating enough, now I was being pushed around. I was practically useless…except that I could still hold her. If I made it another eight months, I’d be able to hold our child, too.

So, I waited at the pick up area. I waited to see the woman I love and my sister. I loved Brenda, too. I couldn’t wait to tell her how much I appreciated her helping Sin, being there for her, going above and beyond to keep her busy and comfortable when I couldn’t. I was going to tell her all that and more. Finally, I had my shot at being a real family, if only for a little while. Nothing was going to mess that up or take it away from me.

After a while I checked my phone. They were half an hour late. That wasn’t like Sin. Then they were an hour late and I was starting to worry. I kept checking my phone. I hadn’t missed any calls from her. So, I would call her. Time and again I called. It went directly to voicemail. The same would happen with Brenda’s phone.

Every time it happened, there was this lump in my throat that made it difficult for me to breathe. My chest kept tightening. I was using every technique I had ever been taught to try and stay relaxed. Let’s face it; I couldn’t afford to tax my heart. The only thing that had kept me strong this long was Sin. I had to see her.

After a few more minutes, my phone rang. It was the hospital. They had a heart for me. Yes! A heart. Only…where was Sin. I couldn’t go through this without her. I told the hospital that. I told them I would get there as soon as my wife picked me up. They were adamant that the heart had an expiration time. I had to get there immediately. Instead of waiting, they suggested I take a cab.

“Fine, I’ll take that cab,” I said. “Please, just help me get in touch with my wife.” I gave them the numbers. They assured me that they would call. So, I dragged my luggage and myself to the exit, to the nearest waiting cab, and gave the address of the hospital.

It wasn’t a long drive…maybe all of twenty minutes. While we drove, I sent text messages to Sin. Then when I received no response, I sent similar messages to Brenda. There was a team that met me when we pulled up at the hospital.

They brought me to a room and left the door ajar while I changed for surgery. I was instructed to pee in the cup. The nurse would be in to check my vitals in a moment. Then what little chest hair I had would be removed. Once again I realized how wise Sin was. Even though I was about to have a scar down my chest, the most eye catching part of my front was going to be that tattoo. Sin forever.

They hooked me up to an IV. I questioned it, since I expected that would happen in the ER. Once again, I asked about my wife.

“He’s going to need some Valium. Let’s keep him calm. We don’t need elevated pressures before surgery,” one of the nurses said.

Then I heard them talking out in the hall. My eyes were closed. They probably thought I was asleep, but really, I was just trying to hold it together until I could see Sin.

“So this is our transplant patient? We’re sure he’s a match for that accident victim?”

A new voice spoke. “Not entirely. Now, we’re talking about the same accident here right, the one with the two women on the way to the airport?”

“Yep. Same one. One of the women died at the scene. The other one is hanging in there. I heard one was pregnant. I’m not sure which one.”

My alarms started going off then. I could feel myself falling. I was falling into this dark hole and I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out of it. It had to be Sin and Brenda. One was dead. One was hanging by a thread. I never wanted to open my eyes again.

“He’s crashing! Code blue!” I heard the shouting, but it was as if they were talking about someone else. I didn’t want a heart, if it meant losing someone I loved.

“Do you hear that, Alysin?” The nurse asked me. “It’s the heart. Strong.”

The Doppler was moved downward on my burgeoning belly. More whooshing sounds burst from the machine. “And that’s the other one. Another strong heart. You are doing great. Halfway! Just twenty weeks to go, but the doctor will be happy with sixteen with twins.”

The nurse cleaned up my belly then paused before she left the room. “The doctor will be in shortly.”

I nodded. Pulling my shirt down over my belly, I closed my eyes and savored the feel of the babies moving around within me. Soon a hand laced through mine and the smile on my face broadened.

“We’re going to have to pick names soon,” I said.

“I know,” Ben agreed.

“We should pick names based on how easy it is to say them when they are in trouble. These kids are half mine. There’s a good chance that one or the other will be in trouble often,” I joked.

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” he said, but his voice sounded hollow.

This hadn’t been the pregnancy I imagined. We weren’t having the life I envisioned. I knew mourning took time, but I needed him happy and on board now…yesterday even. For me. For his babies.

“This is survivor’s guilt, babe. Let it go. Brenda would want you to be happy,” I reminded him. “She gave you the best gift ever. You get to be here to watch your children grow up. They will know all her stories. We’ll tell them.” I squeezed his hand. “I promise. Don’t squander that gift.”

He sat up for a moment and I knew why. One of our little ones had just given one heck of a kick. I didn’t want to think about what it would be like in a few months. Already I was wincing imagining it.

The doctor came in and asked how we were doing. She wanted to know about any changes. Alas, everything was the same. My husband was out of the woods physically, but barely coasting mentally and we didn’t speak of it. Somehow the doctor sensed that we weren’t the cheery duo we made out to be.

“Today is your ultrasound. Let’s see if that cheers you up. We might be able to find out the sex if they cooperate.” She smiled.

So, we walked down the hall and were lead into a darkened ultrasound room. Ben helped me lay back on the table. I smiled at him hoping he could feel how much I loved him with his new perfect yet broken heart.

The warm gel was squeezed onto my belly and soon the wand was pressed against my skin. When she was over my bladder, I moved uncomfortably. It was unbelievable to me that I had to pee as frequently as I did.

The tech took her measurements, watched the blood flow, measured the amount of fluid, checked the positioning of the placentas and finally asked that question that I had been desperate to discover the answer to.