Vows of Deception: Something old, new, borrowed, and BLUE... (21 page)

“And here I was thinking I had the most calming view in the world.” Mark scared Danni half to death.

“Shit. You walk too damn light to be so big.” She held her chest to calm the racing organ. She couldn’t seem to figure out how she didn’t hear the door sliding open. “Now what about the view?”

“I was saying the view in here is much better.” He leaned against the opened door when his small chuckle had subsided.

“Oh.” Danni shyly looked away. “I thought you left or something.”

“Yeah, well.” He didn’t say anything else. The expression on his face was enough to cause Danni to feel for him. The battle with blaming himself for what happened was weighing heavy on him.

“I’m here for you too.” Danni approached Mark timorously. “To talk, listen, or whatever.”

“Thank you Danni.” Mark said with all seriousness.

“I haven’t done anything but I’m here if you need me. You don’t always have to be the one to save everyone. You should have someone to lean on too.” Danni said resting her hands flat on his chest. She was surprised once more when he wrapped his muscular arms around her for a comforting hug.

“I should have known.”

“You can’t blame yourself Mark. It’s not going to help anything.”

“I want to do something so thoughtless right now. I could show the dark side they want to provoke so bad.”

“That wouldn’t solve a thing.”

“I know but it would make me feel better.”

“Then what? Where would that leave Niecee?”

“I just have so much…” He growled even making Danni flinch back some. “My bad. Come here you know I wouldn’t hurt you.” He pulled her back into his hard body kissing her forehead several times. Letting his lips linger there for a bit before he tilted her head back to look down on her. One peck turned to five, and then a full blown kiss that always made her want to melt from the inside out.

Mark’s hands slid down her frame until they rested on her bottom. Deepening the kiss walking her backwards to a dangerous place for them to be. Especially with Niecee in the house. Adding to the fact that they were in her condo meaning that the noise would certainly travel fast. Danni wanted to stop his advances but she couldn’t make herself tear away from this addiction. In one fluid motion she felt the soft bed under her back with the hardness of Mark pressed snugly between her legs. Holding most of his weight off of her, Mark deepened the kiss even further.

“Mark… wait.” Danni finally snapped out of the seductive daze she was in when Mark removed his shirt and hers. His open mouth kisses down her neck was causing heat and moisture to pool between her legs. “We shouldn’t. I mean, can’t.”

“Please baby. This is the best distraction to man.” He continued his assault. ‘A distraction it was,’ Danni thought to herself.

“B-but, Niecee… Niecee might hear.” She tried to convince him this was too dangerous.

“Then you will just have to be very quiet.” He whispered.

“Me?”

“Yeah you.”

“Mark…”

“Baby…” He moaned continuing his pursuit in removing their clothes. Danni didn’t have any more fight left in her when he attacked her nipples. His hand was doing magic priming her for his grand entrance. “That’s right baby, open up for daddy.”

“
Yes daddy
.” She purred softly feeling him stretch her walls nice and slow. Danni loved the way Mark always made her body feel. He was always so damn passionate. No matter how bad she wanted him to change the tempo, she kept her mouth shut. Letting him use her anyway he needed to in order to chase away the demons that were threatening his sanity. “Faster baby.”

“No rush job.” Mark groaned silencing any other argument from Danni as his lips latched onto hers. Their intertwined hands were above her head, his tongue was battling hers for dominance, and his member was gliding deep but slow. The sky even opened up assisting in the mood surrounding them with rumbling thunder and soothing rain drops. The merging of souls was becoming too much to handle. Danni made up in her mind this had to be the last time seriously if they couldn’t leave emotions out. She wasn’t ready. If she would ever be ready. This had to last her for a while.

****

No sooner than they finished their session, Danni was feeling off a bit. Too much in thought while Mark was just silent. Even though a lot had happened in one day, them ended it with sex was probably a bad idea. Niecee could have walked in on them at any given moment and there was nothing either of them could have done about it. They cleaned up silently before throwing their clothes on as if nothing occurred. They decided to order in because neither one of them felt like going out. Cooking was definitely out of the equation. As they waited Danni thought it was a better time than any to address the elephant in the room.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think we should umm… do what we did again?” She blushed feeling like a school girl just now losing her virginity instead of a grown ass woman.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when we were doing
it
. As you put it. Danni, where is this coming from? And where are you going with it?”

“The act of making love. It could confuse things.”

“The correct term is making love not the act of. And furthermore confuse things for who? I already told you how I feel about you.”

“That you did but I also told you I couldn’t reciprocate those feelings right now. Or if I ever will be able to.”

“I see. So you don’t trust yourself not to fall in love with me. In other words you don’t want to. I got you.”

“Mark it’s not like that.”

“Yes it is. Be real with yourself if no one else.”

“Look I’m just saying if we do continue to… you know. We should leave emotions at the door, is all.”

“In other words we should just fuck?”

“Pretty much since you want to say it like that.”

“If you say so Danni. I’ll get the food.” Mark dismissed Danni when he heard the knock on the door signaling the arrival of their food. That went better than she thought it would. Note the sarcasm. Then again he was a very attractive man, she was sure he didn’t want for any woman. She didn’t feel she was anything special. Having made up her mind to not go on an emotional rollercoaster of love with him was a hard one to do but deep down she knew it was for the best. How come she didn’t feel any better about it?

*****

Since that conversation they hadn’t been intimate anymore. When she thought about it was sort of unfair that she wanted a no strings attached type of setup. She was denying herself the opportunity to enjoy the affection from Mark. In her defense she didn’t give herself time to breathe completely from Lamont’s bullshit to Mark’s compassion. Some argued that a relationship with that type of urgency is a recipe for disaster for at least one of the parties if not both. Danni couldn’t stomach the idea of ever hurting Mark the way she has been hurt in her past. If his feelings were genuine, there was no doubt that she would eventually treat him like shit because of her trust issues. It was bad enough she was already trying to push him away.

Sadly enough even a therapist with the license to force others to see their faults couldn’t admit that she may be going about this all wrong. What kind of therapist can’t solve their own emotional problems? Looking in the mirror with a defeated expression gave her all the answers she needed. Truth of the matter was that Danni was just a big ole chicken shit. Afraid of being hurt by Mark if she allowed a relationship to blossom. Afraid that Niecee would one day grow to hate her for creeping with her daddy or making her daddy unhappy in the long run. Afraid of hurting someone as nice as Mark. His heart was made of pure platinum, worth more than gold. With her deep rooted insecurities, there is no doubt she would be unbearable eventually.

“Girl. Girl. Girl.” Sebastian sighed dreamingly. They were currently having a girls kick back. Well sort of. The only people in attendance were Lena, Regina, Rita, Niecee, and Sebastian was the extra addition.

“What is it Seb?” Danni laughed.

“Thank you for introducing me to Beejay.” Sebastian beamed.

“So you two are really hitting it off? I knew y’all would.”

“He is so… I have no words.” He just sighed with so much extra added. By the way he was acting it was speaking louder volumes than actually using words.

“So dang dramatic.” Regina laughed drinking from her wine glass.

“Hush it missy. You are the same way when it comes to your hubby, I’m sure.”

“We all are.” Lena said. “Isn’t that right Danni?”

“Mama I already told you there is nothing going on there.”

“I heard what you said.”

“I sure wish it was cause I need some more grandbabies.” Rita said lowly so only the people in the room could here after Niecee excused herself to go to the restroom.

“…” Danni gasped so loudly they could have sworn she was slapped by the woman. The others in the room fell out laughing at her shocked face.

“Miss Rita?!”

“Don’t Miss Rita me. Girl everybody within a 100 mile radius can see that you two are meant to be together.”

“Everybody except for her hard headed butt.” Regina added her two cents.

“Would you all hush? Niecee is in the other room. She could hear you.”

“Oh poppy cock, you keep using that child as an excuse to not admit the truth.” Sebastian added making everyone else nod their heads in agreement.

“I do not. We are only friends. Nothing more. It would never work anyway. We have nothing in common. With everything I have been through we would be better off as friends nothing more. To keep everybody’s feelings safe.” Danni finished just as Niecee reemerged. “More wine?”

“Me!” Everyone held their glasses up.

“I hate what he did to you baby. I want to do something so illegal to him, you just don’t understand.” Lena was silently fuming again. Every time they start on her personal problems she got mad all over again.

“I know.” Regina, Sebastian, and even Rita chimed in. At that admission everyone started to giggle again. They were getting a bit tipsy but it was all in fun.

“Baby girl you want some more cider?” Danni asked Niecee.

“No ma’am. I’m okay.” Niecee said. “Who is next to get their nails painted?” Niecee had offered to paint the ladies nails as they sat around Danni’s condo gossiping. The guys had gone out to play basketball and then to a sports bar to watch some game. This was another notch on her getting her life together list. Now she had good friends to add to her top things to be blessed for. 

Later that night after everyone left her condo, she started to get that lonely feeling creeping up in her. All the ladies and gentleman would be snuggled up to their companions while she was left with only her thoughts. Why did liquor make the hormones so unstable? It was getting late and she hadn’t heard a peep from Mark. She just knew after everyone spanned out to be with their significant others that he would come to her. Or at least call to see what she was up to. Lena insisted on Niecee coming to spend the night at her house when her dad came to pick them up. He was the designated driver considering that they were all two sheets to the wind. Deciding to hell with the dumb stuff she called him to see what he was doing. Why did he have to be the one to call for the booty call? Women can make the call as well.

“Yeah?” Mark answered his cell after the third ring.

“Hey.” Danni felt stupid for sounding so innocent.

“What’s up Danni?” He asked casually. She just noticed there was a lot of ruckus in the background. She briefly wondered where he was and then decided it wasn’t her business. Music, lots of voices, and other activity was heard clearly.

“Nothing just checking on you.”

“I’m cool.”

“I didn’t think you were going to answer at first.”

“I was a little preoccupied.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah so…that the only reason why you called?” She could now hear him excuse himself from whomever he was with.

“Umm yeah.” She cleared her throat.

“Quit bullshitting, what’s really going on?”

“I was just sitting here after everyone left and you crossed my mind. That’s all.”

“How was your little girl time?”

“It was nice.” Danni could still faintly hear music in the background.

“That’s good.”

“Are you at the club or something?” She asked before she could stop herself. 

“Yeah. Hold on.” She could hear a woman asking if he wanted anything else to drink. “Danni. Listen I have to get back…” He started but Danni chose that moment to cut him off. It was stupid of her to call him.

“I’m sorry to have interrupted your night. I just…”

“Just what?”

“I guess I just wanted to… I mean see…if you wanted to swing by later. It’s no big deal.”

“Swing by huh?” Mark chuckled in his mysterious way. “That’s cool. I’ll see you later Danni.”

“Ok.” Danni hung up with butterflies floating around in her stomach. Groaning, she threw herself against the bed for sounding like a dunce. Why did he make her feel so dang shy all of the time? It’s like she couldn’t think clearly when it came to him. Her brain was foggy. Words were jumbled up. And not to mention the lust factor was through the roof. Mark had officially spoiled her. Even the liquid courage couldn’t force her to be fearless for long.

Danni decided to jump in the shower to clean her body and calm her nerves. The heat mixed with her horniness was enough to make her extremely anxious. Sensual scented lotion was applied to her body along with a sexy wine colored satin gown. The thin straps were just enough to keep the material from falling off. It was so short that if she bent over all of her assets would fall out. Her silky smooth legs and all between was eager to be stroked by Mr. Jones. The song ‘Me and Mrs. Jones’ came to her mind so she played it just for kicks. The fact that she and Mr. Jones did have a thing going on brought a smile to her face.

Minutes turned into hours and before long she found herself fast asleep on top of the covers with only a throw over her body. The last thing she remembered was lying across the bed to rest her eyes. Faintly she remembered trying to stay alert just enough to hear the door or her phone. Checking her phone for any missed calls or texts, she was sadly disappointed there was nothing. Quite certain if he came and she didn’t answer the door that he would have called. No one would drive all the way to someone’s house surely and not call if they didn’t get an answer at the door.

Worry started to settle in. What if something happened to him? He was at the club the night before. What if a fight broke out? Or worst what if he was driving under the influence? In the short time she has known Mark, she knew he didn’t drink hard unless he was home. Somebody could have slipped him something. Women are just as sneaky now a days. NO… She shook her head dismissing that fact but what if he was in an accident all the same. She would be devastated. Deciding to get it over with she dialed his number. Holding her breath the entire time.

“Hello?” Mark’s deep voice answered.

“Mark, oh thank god.”

“Is something wrong?” She could hear him ask with a twinge of worry.

“No. I mean yes.” Danni took a deep breath to calm herself down. “What happened? I waited up for you. I thought something happened to you.”

“Marcus is everything alright?”
The steam coming out of Danni’s ears right now was similar to the cartoon characters in the movies. Here she was worried sick about him and he was with another broad. Well shows how much love he really had for her.

“Everything is fine, thanks. If you will excuse me for a minute.”

“Sure thing. Take your time.”
They had an entire conversation while she sat there listening. A smart person would have just hung up but no she felt the need to hear this out.

“Danni, you there?” Mark asked snapping her out of her rebellious thoughts.

“Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt yet again.” Danni rushed out feeling dumb to the twentieth power. “I will talk to you later Mark.”

“Alright.” He answered back. It was then that she felt him disconnecting from her. Who could she blame but herself?

~

Monday rolled around like clockwork and instead of moving around with some pep in her step she was dragging. Once again she was miserable but unlike it being her no-good ex, it was all her fault this go around. She should have never let things get out of hand with Mark. He expressed his feelings for her and she let it be known that she wasn’t ready. For him to have agreed to the terms of their dealings , she thought they were on the same page. It was high time she saw someone for her problems and she knew just who that person would be. If she could just get over the addiction she has to Mark, she would be alright. She just had to. There was no way she had come this far just to give up.

“Hey, hey now.” Beejay greeted.

“Hey.”

“Aww. Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Beejay, I need to set up an appointment.”

“An appointment?”

“I am all over the place.”

“Marcus…Darling…”

“Right.”

“Well I don’t have anyone until the afternoon. How is your schedule?”

“Same here.”

“Well alright girly, let me tell our secretary we need the do not disturb sign up. Meet me in my office?” Danni only nodded leaving all of her personal belongings in her office and trudging to his. There was so much going on in her head that she doesn’t know where to begin. “Tell me big daddy Bee what’s the matter.” He said taking a seat in his chair while Danni sat on the couch.

“Mark has expressed his feelings for me on a deeper level.”

“That’s great, right?”

“No. Yes. I mean it would have been if it was before all of the mess I am going through now.”

“Hold up. You are letting…” Beejay started and then stopped. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed he took several deep breaths before continuing. “I apologize for my unprofessionalism. Since I have mastered having multiple personalities, I would like to first give you my therapist. When you are finished with our session, I will switch over to your friend. Basically, to smack some sense into your stubborn tail. Let us begin with how things are going pertaining to the divorce. How are you really feeling about it all?”

“Do you think I am making a mistake by not acknowledging Mark’s feeling’s for me?”

“Therapist here, I don’t have a definite answer. Let’s go to the beginning again shall we?”

“Fine, I have so many hateful feelings towards Lamont, towards Natalie and even towards the baby. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t want to do something down right destructive. My heart is broken in more ways than one. I feel hopeless sometimes. Like what’s the point in continuing this losing battle of self-worth.” Danni said. “When I first met Lamont he was so arrogant and sure of himself. He just knew he had every chick on campus right where he wanted them until he met me. I let it be known right then and there he wasn’t getting nothing from me outside of a little tutoring. That didn’t stop him one bit. His persistence is what won me over. That and the fact that he basically blew every other girl off that was on his jock to prove to me that he only had eyes for me.”

“We dated and he was always the perfect gentlemen. Besides some heavy make out sessions he wasn’t pressuring me to do anything else. I loved that he would wait for me. It melted away the hard exterior giving me the green light that he was the one. The night he proposed is the night I gave him my innocence. What a gift for a gift right? Why make him wait any longer? It wasn’t fair that he had to go without just because I was afraid to put out.”

“Things were good in the beginning. Anniversaries were something straight out of a romance novel. He doted on me, loved me, cherished me, and for it to all come crashing down as a big fat lie was devastating. How could someone play the part of such a wonderful man and then emerge as the villain all along? None of it was ever real. I see that now. The crazy part is that he has tainted my view on a lot. Lamont is the type of man I chose basically because he did everything I always dreamed of having in a mate, a husband. He put on an award-winning performance just to get me. How can I tell the actors from the real deal ever again?”

“Mark pops up out of nowhere. Being everything to me just like that. At the snap of my fingers he was my savior. He picked me up when I was pushed down so hard. All I wanted to do was fight but I didn’t know how. With the flick of the wrist he made all my bad dreams run away.” Danni faintly smiled thinking about her black knight. “It’s like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. He can’t be this perfect. Why would he be? Lamont wasn’t. He claimed he was but he never really was. If I would have stopped to pay attention instead of trying to force my image of my perfect life, I possibly would have saw his lies.”

“You are aware that you are discussing two different people. Why do you think you are trying to put them into one category?”

“I have only been with the one for so many years that I have nothing to go off of.”

“What about your father?”

“Mark is a lot like my father come to think of it. He is a protector by nature. His natural instinct to protect those around him is what I admire most about him.”

“Why is it so hard to believe that Mark is different from Lamont?”

“Mark is different from Lamont but for how long?”

“I don’t understand.”

“A lot of things happen for the most part for reason and purpose. Basically it was a learning experience. If I am honest with myself, I could tell when things changed with Lamont. He was faithful in the beginning and then he turned. Things changed. He was more power hungry. Material things became of importance to him. My feelings not so much when he changed.”

“What if Mark is only a rebound? What I needed to get myself together? He was my boost to stop wallowing in my self-pity. Everyone comes into one’s life for a reason, season, purpose, period, and if the one is lucky, a lifetime. I don’t know if I could survive if Mark turned away from me the way Lamont has. I was more pissed than hurt now that I can be honest at myself. He cheated. Nasty bastard. With my so called family. Silly trick. Got her pregnant. Ugh…” Danni was rambling but it actually felt good leaving her lips and not sticking in her head. “I wanted a little person to call my own so bad. Now I knew it wasn’t meant to be because a higher power knew what was to come. Knew that he was not what I needed.”

“You speak as if you don’t believe in second chances.”

“I thought I was pregnant last week. I ran to the drug store and bought seven tests. Although Mark and I aren’t in a relationship, for that moment I contemplated on imagining being in one. A baby? That would be our baby. Mark, Niecee, and I would be this little happy family.” Instead of a vibrant smile it was a sad one. “The tests were negative. My cycle started last night. It had been missing for bit. Speaking with my doctor confirmed it was all stress.”

“If for that moment you pictured a happily ever after scenario, what makes you think that it won’t come at a later date? Less stressful situations.”

“I can’t be with Mark or anyone right now. I am damaged goods. I’m too afraid of love at this point. Love hurts. I don’t think I am capable at this point to decipher which love is good and which is bad. Maybe one day I will be confident in allowing myself to open up to the possibilities but what if it’s too late for the love I want.”

“If you don’t let go of the previous hurt, you won’t be able to recognize it when it arrives. Your subconscious will always search for the wrong instead of embracing what is right.” Beejay took a moment to let what he said sink in. “As your friend, I have to admit you are risking a lot by pushing Mark away. In a way I understand what you are trying to do by putting distance between the two of you to test the theory of ‘if it’s real it will return.’ On the other hand I don’t want your reluctance to cause you to miss out on a wonderful man. God fearing man, who in madly in love with you. Ultimately it’s your choice and I don’t want to see either of you hurt. So handle it however just so long as you remember with a gamble there are risks. I got your back regardless.”