Authors: Elisabeth Naughton
“I didn’t expect to see you today,” she said as she approached slowly.
“Yeah, ah, I can see that.” He looked back toward the house, still too stunned to do anything but stare. “The boy…”
“He’s my son.” When Ryan looked her way again, she added, “I’m pretty sure he’s your son, too.”
“My…” he swallowed hard “…
son
?”
She crossed her arms over her middle, looking gorgeous and nervous a thousand other things he couldn’t describe because he was too wigged out to think clearly. “He was almost three years old when I woke up. He was born by cesarean when I was in that coma. He’s four, and he doesn’t know anything about this yet. I haven’t told him about it, about you.” She hesitated. “He thinks his father died in that plane crash.”
Ryan couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the house. “I have a son.”
A son. A four-year-old boy who looked just like him. With his blue eyes and his blond hair and Annie’s silly dimple. His heart felt like it kick-started right there in his chest. A son he hadn’t once let himself dream about over the years because it was too painful to think of one more thing that he’d lost.
But he hadn’t lost him. He was here. He was as alive as Annie. He was…
A son who, after seeing him, he knew couldn’t possibly belong to anyone else. A son he was only just now finding out about. Over a week after she’d come into his life.
The surprise and elation he’d originally felt morphed to confusion. He turned to face her. “You didn’t say anything. All this time, and you didn’t say anything?”
“I didn’t know for sure until yesterday. I still don’t. I didn’t have him tested.”
“You’re pretty sure now.”
“I’ve a strong hunch. It’s not the same.”
“A strong hunch. It doesn’t take a strong hunch to see he looks just like me.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Dammit, all this time and you didn’t tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?”
“Yes, of course. I wasn’t planning on keeping it from you.”
“Well, isn’t that what you’re doing? You obviously didn’t tell me when you found out who you are.”
“Ryan, it’s only been a day.”
Her impassive tone only infuriated him more. “Only a day? A day is like a lifetime to me. I assumed you lost the baby!” He drew in a deep breath, tried to calm his raging temper. It didn’t work. “Son of a bitch, he’s my son? Do you have any idea how much I wanted that baby? My God, I didn’t just lose you. I lost him, too. And now you’re telling me it’s only been one goddamn day?”
He paced away, then back again, not trusting himself. Why couldn’t he control his emotions when he was around her? Why was everything getting worse instead of better? He had a son.
A son
. He should be happy. Thrilled. Instead, all he felt was pain, confusion, and a mountain of misery.
“Don’t do this,” she said. “I’m telling you now.”
“You didn’t tell me. I found out on my own, accidentally!”
“I was going to tell you.”
“When? When it was convenient for you? Did you even think what I’d need? How I’d feel? No, because you can’t remember anything about me. Convenient, isn’t it? To have such a candid excuse for not caring about anyone else’s feelings.”
“Kate?”
They both glanced toward the screen. A middle-aged man with thinning hair stood on the other side of the door. “Is everything okay out here?”
“Who the hell are you?” Ryan asked.
“I’m a friend of Kate’s. Who are you?”
“I’m her goddamn husband. Can’t you feel the love?”
Annie closed her eyes.
The man pushed the screen open, squared his shoulders.
Annie jogged up the steps and pushed him back into the house. “Tom, now’s a really bad time.”
“I came by to make sure you were okay. You skipped out on a meeting today.”
She herded him inside. “I’m fine. I’ll explain it later. Right now, I need to take care of this.”
From the yard, Ryan heard the man say, “Do you want me to stay? That guy looks pissed. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Annie’s voice—shit, Kate’s voice…his Annie would never do this to him—echoed from inside, but Ryan blocked it out. Closing his eyes, he rested his hands on his hips, breathed deep, and tried to find control. In his business dealings, he was all about control, but with her…with her, he’d never had control. She’d wrapped him around her finger from the first moment they’d met, and he’d been under her spell ever since. She’d brought out the deepest emotions in him, from the most intense passion to the most excruciating pain. And that pain was lingering from one freshly inflicted wound to the next, dragging out his anger in ways he didn’t want but needed to contain.
He had to stop letting his emotions lead him. She didn’t remember him. She didn’t care about him. He had to think about Julia and…his son. He had to start thinking of this as a business transaction.
He slipped on his sunglasses, crossed the grass, and dropped into the sand, perching his forearms on his knees as he stared out at the roaring waves and waited.
Long minutes later, he heard the screen door open and sensed more than heard her move up behind him.
“Is he gone?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Who was he?”
“My boss. This is, technically, his house. We’re renting it from him.”
That explained how she was able to afford a place way out here.
“What’s my son’s name?” He knew his tone was harsh, but he didn’t care.
“Reed—” she blew out a breath “—Jacob Alexander.”
“You gave our son his name.” His jaw clenched.
“Ryan, I didn’t name him. I was in a coma when he was born.”
He closed his eyes and was forced himself to remain silent as he tried like hell to lock his emotions deep inside. It just didn’t fucking work. “I want visitation. If you won’t agree to it, I’ll take it to the courts. My lawyers will get it.”
“I’ll agree. I don’t want to keep him from you.”
“Good. You tell him. Tonight. If you don’t, I’ll do it. I’m not going to pretend like he’s not mine. We both know he is. I’ve waited too damn long already.”
“I’ll do it. Ryan—”
“And I want his name changed. I want him to have my name.
Our
name, dammit.” He glared at her over his shoulder. Knew it wasn’t her fault. Knew none of this was directly her doing, but, God, he hurt. And she was the cause. “Keep the fucking middle name if you have to but his last name will be Harrison.”
He stood and brushed the sand off his slacks. “We’ll meet Saturday, ten in the morning, at Golden Gate Park, on the steps outside the Conservatory. Don’t be late, Ms. Alexander.”
Her hand closed around his arm, stopping him. “Hey. This isn’t easy for me. None of this is. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“The right thing? Which one is the right thing? Not telling me about my son or getting married when you were still married to me?”
She let go but didn’t step back. “That’s not fair. I didn’t know I was your wife when I was with Jake. He led me to believe we were married. It wasn’t like we went through a ceremony.”
“How convenient for you.”
He saw the hurt in her eyes, but he also saw the anger. That familiar independent spark that he had once both loved and hated. “You use that word, convenient, a lot. I seem to be a convenient target for you. If you’ve got something to say, Harrison, go ahead and say it.”
“Fine, I will. I don’t like you.”
She let out a sour laugh but didn’t smile. “Then we’re even because right now I think you’re an ass.”
He clenched his jaw to the point of pain, stared hard at her. At the woman who was still his wife.
His
wife, dammit. No one else’s. It didn’t matter that she didn’t remember him. It didn’t even matter that she hadn’t consciously married that rat bastard Alexander. All that mattered was that she’d let the asshole trick her into thinking she had. After everything they’d shared, she should have known in her heart the prick was lying to her. She should have known she belonged with someone else.
He left her standing in the sand. Knew she was right. He was an ass. A grade-A ass. But all he could think about was the fact she was wearing another man’s ring. That and the fact he had a son. A son she’d named after the son of a bitch.
Chapter Nine
A heart attack had to feel better than this. The wretched ache in Kate’s chest was worse than any physical pain she’d endured during or after her time in the hospital. And that was saying a lot considering she’d already died once.
Unable to bear it anymore, she slipped out of her office and made her way over to see Mitch. He seemed to be closer to Ryan than anyone else. Maybe he could tell her what she should do.
He was on the phone when she peeked her head around the doorjamb, standing near the window, tossing a baseball in the air. When he turned her way, she forced a smile she didn’t feel and waved.
Mitch motioned her in and gestured he’d be just a minute.
She checked out his office while he finished his conversation. Shelves were in various states of disarray. Field research lay scattered across his desk. A framed Mariners poster hung on one wall, and a bat leaned against a corner. A wry smile spread across her face when she realized this guy was a baseball freak.
Moving by his desk, she noticed the framed photo next to his computer. It was of her, Ryan and Mitch. She was standing in the middle, wearing a cap and gown, grinning from ear to ear. Mitch had his arm around her neck, sporting the same goofy smile, and Ryan was on her other side, his arm around her waist, a smirk across his handsome face.
She picked up the photo, ran her finger along the faces. Was it really her? It was like looking at someone else’s life. She didn’t remember the day. Couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out why they were all smiling.
“College graduation,” Mitch said softly.
“I see that.” She hadn’t even heard him end his conversation. “I guess it never occurred to me you’d have pictures. From before, I mean.”
“We have lots of pictures. I can get you some if you want. You can look through them, see if it helps.”
“I think I’d like that.” She set the frame down and drew in a deep breath. “I was hoping we could talk. If this is a bad time, I can come back.”
“No, this is a good time.” He glanced out the door. Kate didn’t miss the way his secretary was staring at them with suspicion. “Are you up for a walk?”
“Yeah.”
Mitch led her down to the lobby, slipped on his sunglasses. They headed toward the waterfront.
“I’m assuming you heard about what happened yesterday?”
Mitch slid his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I did. Are you okay? You don’t look very good.”
Her brow quirked. “No, huh? Well, I don’t feel very good. Nothing like having everything hit all at once. Ryan was a little ticked when he left.”
“Ryan has a temper,” he said as they walked into the park. “He doesn’t handle it well sometimes.”
“Well, that’s a surprise,” she tossed back sarcastically. “He wouldn’t even let me talk.”
“You’ve got to understand, this is really hard for him. He changed after you disappeared, shut down in a lot of ways.”
“Just what is your relationship?”
“He’s my best friend. He was before you two were even an item. But,” he added, “that doesn’t mean I won’t kick his ass when he’s being a jerk. Especially when it involves you.”
The determination in his voice made her smile. “Why is it so much easier for me to talk to you than it is to talk to him?”
“Because I’m your brother.”
Warmth closed around her heart. She’d never thought she had a brother.
“And I don’t want anything from you,” he went on. “Except to get to know you again, to be your friend. Ryan wants his wife back.”
She dropped onto a bench, a deep sigh escaping her lips. “I’m not his wife. I may have her body and her face and her voice, but I’m not her. Not inside.”
“Yeah, you are.” He sat beside her. “You just can’t see it because you don’t remember it. But you’re still her. Things you say, things you do, the way you carry yourself. You’re still ready to bite my head off when I disagree with you about geology.” She looked down at her hands and smiled. “And you have the same gentle spirit she did.”
“But I’m different.”
“Yeah, you’re that too. But it doesn’t mean you aren’t who you are now because of who you were then. People change all the time. If this whole situation didn’t change a person, they wouldn’t be human. Ryan’s different. I’m different. It makes sense that you, of all people, would be different.”
“He’s so cold. I can’t believe he was ever the sort of man you all describe. You and Simone, you make him sound so warm and friendly, but everything I’ve seen of him in the last week makes him look exactly like the cold-hearted, arrogant, ruthless tyrant the media makes him out to be. I can’t read him. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to.”
Mitch smiled. “That’s Ryan. He keeps his emotions closely guarded. But he wasn’t always like that.”
“What changed him?”
“Losing you changed him.” He shook his head when she looked away. “Ryan closed in on himself after we lost you. He exists for two reasons these days—to work and to take care of Julia. Nothing else in his life matters—not the money or the fame or the power. He only works as hard as he does because it’s a distraction from having to feel anything. It’s the game that keeps him going. If he lost it all tomorrow, he wouldn’t care as long as he had Julia. He’d just start all over. You have to understand that although he wants you to get to know Julia, the thought of losing her at all is terrifying to him.”
“I’m not trying to take her from him.”
“I know that,” he said softly.
“I feel like my life is split into two parts, the person I was before, and the person I am now. I don’t know how to blend them.”
“You’re trying too hard. It’ll happen when it happens. I know it’s hard. I know you think about her and you see Annie, and you think about yourself and you see Kate—two different people, two different lives—but deep down, they’re the same. You just need some time to figure it out.”
“And in the meantime, I’m just making a mess out of everything.”